The Hired Wife

by Cari Hislop

  “I don’t pay you to polish your teeth. Put them on the table and go do something useful.” Marshall’s attention swung back to his wife, “I bought you some ceramics. Come tell me what you think.” A lump of paper was unwrapped to reveal a white glazed Staffordshire pew group of Adam and Eve. Marshall set it carefully on the table and smiled at his wife’s wide eyes. “It took me several minutes to figure out which one was Eve; the short one with flat breasts or the tall one with large breasts. There’s no need to blush Wife, they’re perfectly respectable. My grandmother used to have something similar on her desk. She was so respectable no one dared even whisper about her young lover.” Mary rose from her chair and walked around the table conscious of admiring eyes and picked up the glazed couple. “Do you like them?”

  “They’re perfect. You’re right; Eve does appear rather large for poor Adam.”

  “He would have thought woman was supposed to tower over man.” Mary’s eyes hovered near his shoulder held captive by living sapphires. “At least I got to choose my wife whose looking much revived after her sleepless night pondering my kisses.” Mary bit her lip, but her red cheeks silently admitted again that she had. “Wait till you see the plate.” The round wad of paper fell away to reveal delftware crudely painted with Adam and Eve au natural. “I’d like to know what they ate to make them so fat. I assure you I look nothing like that naked. You on the other hand may well be fat after a few squalling Godfrey brats…if you stay.” With a light finger Marshall tipped Mary’s head back, “Though I probably won’t live long if you do. I fear you’re hazardous to my health. Due to uncontrollable reminiscence of your kisses I was nearly run over by three galloping horses, a flock of sheep and an old woman with a stuffed pigeon on her hat. “I like it when I make you smile; it does something to me…like when I kiss you.” Marshall’s light salute was returned. “I’m sure your lips are enchanted. What else can explain the fact I bought you a matching pair of shepherds dressed in pink and six sets of pink and gold candlesticks two of which are encrusted with sickly cupids?”

  “You’re a secret romantic?”

  “If I’m one then so are you…” Marshall took possession of Mary’s hand and kissed it before holding it up, “Shall we dance for joy Mrs Godfrey?”

  “I would be my pleasure Mr Godfrey.”

  “I propose we celebrate each joyous loop around the table with a kiss.”

  Mary’s bashful eyes fell to his waistcoat, “Yes, a short rest after such exertion would be beneficial my Lord.”

  “Merry wife, you’ll be my undoing and I look forward to it.” Mary curtseyed to his formal bow and allowed herself to be twirled around the room in a makeshift dance between kisses that started at her fingertips and ended up warming her lips.

  …

  Hearing their brother singing his own rendition of a waltz the twins looked at each other in amusement and tiptoed to the door of the dining room followed by Buckingham and the Marquis of Morley who lifted his eyeglass, “Good Gad…Marshall’s been enchanted by some vile ceramics.” Mary jerked to a stop, her smile fading at the sight of the sneering Morley, ending the dance around the table.

  Marshall scowled at the small audience, “Oh, you’re back…”

  Alyce Godfrey whispered into Morley’s ear, “I’ll wager you a guinea he was hoping to kiss her a few more times before we came home.”

  Morley dropped his voice, “And I’ll wager you a hundred guineas he was hoping to make her so dizzy she’d have to rest on the table so he could have his evil way.”

  Alyce snickered, “Wicked man…you shouldn’t say such things to me; Marshall would pummel you.”

  “Only if he knew, but he’s a trifle distracted. You’ll have to do the honour…” He held out his hand to be tapped with her fan as he ogled her charms.

  Emily ignored her laughing sister and dragged Buckingham by the arm to her brother, “Bucky has invited us to the country for a house party and I’ll die if you won’t let us go…Aunt Bea agreed to chaperone, but you may come if you wish. Morley’s going to be there. Bucky wants to show me his world. Say we can go?”

  Buckingham twitched his lips over his front teeth and sighed loudly as he returned Emily’s gaze, “I want to show her where my parents had tea parties with the fairies and the stone circle where my father taught me about the stars and you won’t have seen anything as romantic as the castle ruins on the island in the lake where King Arthur married Guinevere. You might even meet the lady in the lake.”

  Marshall coughed over his amusement, “I suppose the lady in the lake is a relative?”

  “No of course not, she was there when an ancestor was granted the lake and surrounding land by King John. The Lady is quite pleasant company, but she can’t bear people crying into her lake. The only way to disperse the grief is to grant the weeper a wish. She must have been beautiful when she was young, almost as beautiful as Lady Emily.”

  “Oh Bucky, there are thousands of women more beautiful than me…”

  “You’re the most beautiful woman in the whole world and if you don’t marry me I’ll cry buckets of tears into the lake until its Lady turns me into a pair of glass slippers that fit only you. If I have my way you shall wear me for eternity.”

  Buckingham kissed Emily’s hand while Marshall pursed his lips, “It’s a little soon to speak of marriage. You’ve only met three times, what if you find you get up each other’s noses?”

  Buckingham’s nose twitched in visible agony at the thought of waiting six months to claim his bride as Emily arched an eyebrow at her scowling brother. “How long did you know Mary, three minutes?”

  “That was different.”

  “I know Bucky a thousand times better than you knew Mary and you both seem perfectly happy.”

  Marshall sighed as the two lovers ogled each other with blind adoration, “We’ll all go to Bucky’s house, but only if you promise to spend every moment outside your bedchambers together. If you still wish to marry at the end of it you may run away with my blessing and take Alyce with you.”

  Buckingham made an elegant bow, “I accept your challenge.”

  “Oh Marshall, you’re the best brother…come Bucky let’s go out in the garden and practice spending time together. I want to hear more stories about the lake.”

  “My heart is spinning with delight…may I tell you…feel such delight…this day…honour to be…my heart’s…”

  Mary unconsciously stepped behind her husband as the Marquis of Morley laughed at the enraptured lovers on their way out the room and leaned towards Marshall’s ear, “That was an ingenious ploy old man. Poor Emily will be half mad by the end of Bucktooth’s house party. If she still finds his money attractive after two weeks, allowing the match will be kinder than locking her in the attic.”

  Marshall folded his arms and eyed his old friend with distaste, “You’re too cynical Henry. If Emily finds Buckingham amusing and enjoys looking at those teeth then it proves her heart sees something we do not. Beauty isn’t a required condition for love.”

  “So it would seem…” Morley cast a glance at the plain woman hiding behind Marshall’s sleeve. “…Alyce is feeling slighted at losing Bucktooth’s fortune. I shall call at four and take her driving in the park tomorrow and point out the wealthy sons.” The man kissed Alyce’s hand and whispered something that made her laugh before taking his leave and carrying away his poisonous tongue.

  Marshall eyed his sister with concern. “Alyce, I don’t want you spending time alone with Henry. His reputation as a rakehell is well documented by a river of tears shed by gullible young ladies who thought he meant to put a ring on their finger. He isn’t husband material, do I make myself clear?”

  “As clear as holy water…may I go to my room or do you wish to lecture me on the moral fibre of your friends?”

  “Don’t be impertinent.”

  Alyce skipped up to her brother and kissed him on the cheek, her eyes glimmering with mischief, “I wouldn’t be so stupid as to share Morley’s
bed without a ring on my finger.”

  “You don’t want to share his bed. The man must have every social disease ever named. He’s lucky his nose hasn’t fallen off. I want you to tell me if he tries to kiss you.”

  “Oh really Marshall…as if I’d tell you if a man tried to kiss me; I’d die of embarrassment.”

  “Better to die of embarrassment than the pox!”

  “Don’t you think this lecture might do more good for Emily and Bucky? They look like they might fall into each other’s arms any moment to create baby bunnies.”

  “That is a rude and unladylike thing to say. You will not repeat it.”

  “Then I shall go to my room and think it without censorship.” The pretty young woman tossed her brown curls and swished from the room in a dramatised sulk.

  Chapter 7

  Three weeks later four carriages weighted down with trunks and cheerful passengers bounced and creaked up a long gravelled avenue that disappeared over the edge of a hill and sloped down around Buckingham’s house offering an opportunity to marvel at the contrasting view. The Classical structure protruded from the earth in a red stone rectangle; three hundred windows reflecting blue skies in perfect symmetry. Every inch of the sprawling work of art rebuffed nature and conformed to man’s idea of beauty.

  As the carriages slowed to a stop, most of the party stared in awe at the view below the house. The tamed hillside undulated down to the edge of the infamous lake where several hundred yards from shore sat the island preening like a swan. The crumbling castle stretched into the lake as reflected red stones rippled over grey living water. Mary’s mouth hung open as her mind tried to comprehend that such beauty could be real. The hair stood up on the back of her neck as she shivered in the stuffy carriage. There was something in the air. She could almost believe that Buckingham had whisked them to the land of make-believe where anything could happen. She glanced at her husband and smiled as he caught her eye and winked, “I was hoping you’d be asleep when we arrived so I could wake you with a kiss.” The loud words made her blush as the three smirking maids squeezed into the opposite seat snickered in amusement.

  “Is it funny that I enjoy kissing my wife?” The carriage steps were pulled down and the door opened by a handsome footman in dark blue livery. The maids shrunk back in their seats as Marshall leaned forward to emphasise his point, “Wouldn’t you feel insulted if this footman declared he wanted to kiss you and I laughed? What are you crying for? Servants! Why couldn’t we send them on ahead with Henry’s sneering valet and Buckingham’s mincing man milliner?” Marshall helped his wife from the carriage and possessively tucked her hand around his elbow.

  “The ladies were unable to rise that early.”

  “You were up.”

  “I had to get in line for hot water. You didn’t want to slit your throat shaving with freezing pump water again.”

  “It was a passing remark, not a demand that you rise at five. I wasn’t going to beat you if the maid brought me cold shaving water.”

  Mary squeezed his arm, “I had fresh bread and butter while I waited.”

  “Ah, the truth is out, you were eating. And I was beginning to think you’d fallen for my manly charms. I can see you’re laughing Woman. I’ll pretend you’re laughing at Aunt Bea. Where did she find that hideous hat? Why do we have to share this two week nightmare with Aunt Bea, Lady Morley and Henry? They hate the country. We won’t have a moment’s peace with Aunt Bea complaining about flies and blood sucking midges.”

  “Alyce wanted them to come. Buckingham relented when Alyce pointed out that if she didn’t get her way she’d be spending every waking minute with the two lovers.”

  “Alyce becomes more beastly by the hour. I hope she doesn’t marry someone kind, she’ll break his heart after emptying his purse.” Marshall’s eyes narrowed as five beautiful young men tumbled from their coach laughing and slapping each other with affection. “I pity the woman who gave birth to five Smirkes.”

  “I think they’re charming. They said their mother was a…”

  “Don’t believe anything a Smirke says. Their Uncle John could make Satan blush and their father; Lord Adderbury is a conceited bore. He didn’t once speak to me in three years at school. I’d shout at him to talk in my ear, but he’d write, ‘It’s easier to write it!’ on a piece of paper. The prig couldn’t be bothered to talk to me. Henry was my ears. He’d tell me all of Adderbury’s rude hateful jokes and comments at my expense. Of course the prig would deny everything in writing and then I’d pummel him until he cried like a baby. Why are you looking at me like that? He deserved it.”

  “Lady Morley was gossiping about the Smirke family last evening, before you men left the table; she was laughing at Lord Adderbury’s stammer.”

  “What’s a stammer?”

  “People who stammer can’t speak easily, especially when they’re nervous or afraid. The tongue catches on a letter and repeats it. Doubtless faced with being pummelled Lord Adderbury probably wasn’t able to speak at all.”

  “Henry would have told me if Adderbury had a stammer.”

  “I doubt it.”

  “What did you say?”

  “If Adderbury is so proud, why did he marry his housekeeper’s daughter?”

  “He did what?”

  “Morley must have forgotten to mention it.”

  “I know you don’t like Henry, but he’s my only friend. He’s treated me like a brother since the day we met. I expect you to treat him with respect. That’s an order!”

  “Yes my Lord.”

  “Address me like a God and you’ll feel my wrath! I’m in no mood for impudence.”

  Mary’s heart collapsed as the sharp words inflicted pain. “As you wish Mr Godfrey.”

  “What’s wrong with you? Have you forgotten my name? Are you sulking?”

  “No Marshall.” She bit her lip as she was steered into the house.

  “Don’t sulk; I can’t stand people who sulk. I’ve asked you to be polite and I expect to be obeyed.” If he’d wanted to remind her she’d been hired to do a job, he’d succeeded. She felt sick with hunger and a strange ache in her chest that made her long for privacy.

  …

  Marshall’s loud rebuke drew four pairs of concerned black eyes. The shy twenty year old Charles Smirke turned to his eldest brother and whispered, “Am I losing my mind or is there something…magical about Lady Raynham?”

  Cecil Smirke watched the thin woman disappear into the house from the advantage of his twenty-two years, “If you wish to fall in love with a pauper you’d best pay a visit to Cousin William, the one dying of the pox who thinks his diamonds are crystallised thoughts. He hasn’t made a will yet.”

  “Yes he has, he’s leaving all his ‘thoughts’ to his favourite nephew.”

  “Not Cosmo again?”

  “Yes…Cosmo the greedy mesmerizing pig!

  “I’m a charming pig.”

  Twenty-one year old George Smirke snorted, “They only leave you their money so they’ll be spared your sewer jokes in the afterlife. If I was a wealthy old dame I’d leave my money to me. I’m an extremely pleasant fellow and unlike you, I don’t flatter people to death with blatant lies. I can’t believe great Aunt Tilly left you all her money when I was the one who carried her up and down the stairs every day her last three months. All you did was spoon-feed her tall tales about her non-existent beauty. You’re nineteen; what do you need six estates for?”

  Cosmo’s voice took on a tone of smug satisfaction, “Perhaps if you used a little flattery instead of muscle, you’d inherit something before Uncle John dies again and leaves you his widow to feed.”