Pai moaned low in the back of her throat. “You and Doretta are it. I've met no one else since our transfer except Erica and a couple of other Korean girls in my building.” She gripped harder on Teagan's hand. “I'm scared.”
“You're just having your baby.” Teagan glared at the hallway. Where was the nurse with the wheelchair?
Pai’s nails dug into Teagan’s palms. “Listen to me. It wasn’t just that man scaring me. I feel like there’s something watching, looking in my window.”
“What? Looking from where?”
“Will you hear me? I feel eyes. My place is filled with them. Someone is watching. It started a month ago. If anything happens, take my baby and make sure Duffy knows?”
Pai’s agitation frightened Teagan. “You’re acting completely paranoid. That can’t be good for the baby.”
Tears filled the almond eyes. “You won’t protect my baby? Why?”
The question hung between them, and Teagan didn’t know what to do about the sullied air. “You’ll be just fine. So will the baby, if you just calm down.”
Pai grimaced from pain. “You have to look after my baby. Promise me.”
“You know I will.” What else could Teagan say? Even though she was overwhelmed by the thought of caring for one baby, and then adding another baby seemed impossible, she would do everything in her power to guard Pai’s son.
A glimmer of hope reflected in the tortured eyes. “I have to trust you. Can I?”
“I don’t break promises. Never have, never will.”
“I know that.” Pai's nails released Teagan's flesh. “I'll tell the doctor. Sign something.” Her pallid face glistened as another labor pain seized her. “Evil is watching. Be careful.”
Quickly, Teagan scanned the room, looking for some horned madman. The only thing out of place was the other patients stealing glances, concern written on their faces.
Finally, the nurse rushed into the lobby with a wheelchair. They lifted Pai onto her feet and helped her into the chair.
“Remember, you vowed.” Pai glared back at Teagan as if expecting the promise to be repeated over and over until she was wheeled into the mouth of the hallway.
As soon as Pai disappeared, Teagan collapsed in a chair, glad to have Pai in the hands of people who would help her. In fact, she delved into the solitude.
Even after Pai teetered inside the OB-GYN clinic, Erica Thorburn continued to sit in her Chevy Blazer. Her appointment time came and went. She simply couldn’t make herself face another checkup. Everything was fine. No sense in the doctor poking around more than necessary. Besides, she felt too hyped to endure the exam room. She needed a hard run uphill.
On the seat beside Erica lay a neatly folded pile of Seattle Police Department uniforms. She brushed away a slight wrinkle in the sturdy, familiar fabric. They needed to be fresh and clean, ready for her return to duty. Wearing civvies, especially maternity ones, made her uneasy. The body armor, uniform, and badge provided security. She missed the Glock riding her hip even more. In fact, she felt stark naked without it. She also felt broad and pregnant. She cursed. Paunchy or wide-hipped officers were a blemish on the department. For eighteen years, she worked hard in the gym to keep her five-foot, nine-inch frame sharp. Mere pregnancy wouldn’t be allowed to change it. During the first trimester she’d added tortuous cross-country miles, but even with that, her body spread. A light workout at the gym before heading to the cleaners sounded better than pruning the marigolds along the back fence. A frown tightened between her eyes. The blossoms were too tall again; one reached all the way up to the fourth slat.
Erica rubbed her forehead. What’s the hurry? You have all day; that’s plenty of time to do both.
A tremor fluttered below her right rib, and she placed her hand over it. “Are you awake, Derek?” She pressed her palm against the bulge of the baby and waited for an answering thump, but none came. “Derek,” she repeated, enjoying the strong sound of the D and the K. After spending hours with a stupid name book, she’d thrown it away. Only Derek worked. There was none better.
She patted her tummy. “It’s okay. You sleep now.”
Erica pulled from the curb, liking her new Blazer almost as much as her squad car. It prowled the blacktop with solid power. Yesterday, she bought it off the show room floor, before realizing what she’d done; the salesman might have pressured her, or her mood simply needed something new. She had planned to show it to Teagan, Pai and Doretta at the clinic, but was glad they hadn’t recognized her. Some things should be kept private; at least until Derek and the boys needed a ride to ball games. She chuckled at thinking of the unborn babies as boys, teammates, and buddies.
Erica noticed Teagan’s illegally parked pickup and considered giving her a ticket. “Erica, why would you do that?” she scolded herself. “Just once in your life relax.”
But it was just like Teagan to push the rules. And the cleaners better do a good job.
After Pai disappeared down the hall, Teagan stayed rooted in the maroon office chair, wondering how her friend could suddenly be in so much pain. Labor wasn't supposed to start like that. What if sudden labor hit her? For the first time, Teagan realized the dangers of living alone. How could John do this? Risk his baby? His unexpected, hurtful words, when she’d told him, still riled her with helpless frustration at his unexplained selfishness. He was self-absorbed, but she had overlooked it until the day she told him about the pregnancy.
“Damn, Teagan, how could you do this to me?” He appeared so indignant, like he suffered great betrayal at her hands.
Hiding the unbelievable hurt at his reaction, Teagan said evenly, “I seem to recall your presence.” He couldn’t possibly think she was punishing him with a baby.
“You’re on the pill. How can you be pregnant?”
“Is it so awful?” she shot back. “You’ve always said you wanted children.” The word children broke and trembled.
“That was an abstract in the very distant future.”
Anger burned in Teagan’s chest as his rejection slammed into her, hard and quick, spreading in all directions. “Did you lie about getting married too?”
John flushed. “Okay, the doctor bills are mine, but I can’t be involved. I’ll leave tomorrow.” He took her hand, looking at her with seductive eyes, willing her to give in. “One more night is all I ask.”
“Get out!”
“You know, I can’t be worried about a baby and travel too. And I am not changing jobs.”
“Just leave.” Teagan motioned toward the door.
“You’ll miss us twisting the sheets.”
Teagan tried not to throw his clothes from the drawers, but took unadulterated joy in dumping his stuff all over and watching him pick it up. Better yet was tossing his crap from his half of the medicine chest into the waste basket, hearing his bottle of aftershave break. She handed him the odorous basket at the door.
His parting shot, emphasized with a pointing finger still echoed, “Don’t get an abortion. I’m a rotten person but he deserves to live.”
Teagan aimed for his hand when she slammed the door, but a slight hesitation caused it to miss. After the slam, her anger receded and her world dissolved, his desertion seemed unbearable. How could he not want to be part of his child’s life? Her baby must never know the emptiness caused by absent parents. She’d known enough for the both of them.
Teagan’s baby moved and she absently laid her palm where the head rested. “Yes wee one, your father left us,” she whispered, “but we won’t hate him.”
She had a new start because of the baby, an unexpected one for a self-proclaimed loner. The unlikely friendship with the three expectant mothers at the clinic suited her; it was unbelievable, but she even liked shopping for baby things with them. Pai picked out the cutest rompers. Hope nothing bad happens. Teagan shivered the thought away.
Over at the clinic’s reception station four skinny, no-belly women busily answered telephones, checked in clients, or took payments – working
like nothing unusual was happening. Insensitive witches.
Teagan noticed for the second time a slight discomfort poking the small of her back and fingers of pain inching around to her navel. She felt nauseated. Oh great, Pai’s dying and she needed to puke. The baby pressed against her bladder; she concentrated on the aquarium.
A school of fringe tail goldfish swam in graceful arcs. Their brilliant blue fins rocked constantly like Teagan’s worry. Unlike everything else, she didn't choose the middle of worrying. She fretted whole hog and actually took pleasure in an ability to dig up old stuff to stew about if nothing recent presented itself. John maintained she never let go of anything. He was right, but Doretta should be concerned about Erica; Pai shouldn’t panic over labor; A nurse should let her know what was happening. Teagan was rankled, scared, and planned to stay that way. She never realized until now how much she liked the quiet, seemingly timid Pai, but the gal did have iron in her tail fin. She had certainly netted the promise she needed to get through the agony of giving birth. Although she believed she remained confident, she had not.
Cheerful banter erupted from the exit hallway, and then Doretta huffed across the waiting room. “You’ve seen your doctor already?”
Relieved to see a friendly face, Teagan blurted, “Pai has terrible pains and they rushed her inside. I don't know how she’s doing. She even made me promise to care for her baby if she dies.”
Doretta puffed her chest in righteous indignation. “That sounds just like Pai. Least little twinge and she's dying. So what do we do?”
“Wait. They said they'd let me know and I still haven't seen my doctor.”
“I'm hungry.” Doretta tried to plop into a chair, but the best she could do was a backward tipsy fall. She caught the padded arms and lowered onto the seat. She tried to cross her legs, couldn’t and leaned back, stretching them out to entwine her ankles. “Look!” She bolted upright.
Teagan jumped. “What!”
Eyes wide in horror, Doretta pointed at the side of her calf. “That vein is sticking out!”
Teagan wanted to pinch her. “You scared the shit out of me over a little varicose vein?” She reached for the back of Doretta’s arm.
Doretta avoided Teagan’s fingers and tried to rub the spot on her leg. “That's a good idea. You can promise me the same thing.”
“What same thing?”
“If something should happen to me, you'll take my baby.”
“You have a perfectly nice mother and a hoard of sisters to rely on. Don’t pick on me.”
“My siblings are a bunch of ninnies and my mother will certainly tell my son that he’s a black seed because of my sin.”
“She will not.”
“No little boy should ever have to hear that. Promise?”
Teagan groaned. “That’s it. I’m dead. You can bury me deep and raise my baby.”
She and Doretta laughed together, breaking the tension the way women do, with lighthearted teasing. However, a pact had been sealed. Each would care for the other's child no matter what.
The nurse hurried into the lobby and handed Teagan a folded paper. “Pai wanted me to give you this.”
“How is she?”
“She and her son are fine.”
A smile touched Teagan’s heart. Relieved tenderness seeped through her “Pai has her baby boy. I’m so glad for her.”
The nurse smiled. “Me, too. She was in labor all night and didn’t realize it. Happens sometimes with first-time mothers. They either call with every twinge, or they wait too long.”
“May I see them?”
“They're in an ambulance on their way to the hospital. You may visit them there.”
Teagan slipped the unread paper into her purse. “My appointment?”
“Doctor Klassen will see you now.”
“I'll wait,” Doretta said. “And I'll even buy your lunch as an early payment for raising my son if I croak or something.”
Chapter 2
Teagan trudged across the Swedish Medical Center’s skywalk above Tallman Avenue. Her back ached, boots pinched swollen ankles, and pants crept down until she grabbed onto the waistband to keep them from slipping down to those swollen ankles. “I can hardly wait till you’re born,” she muttered to her unborn son.
Doretta labored two steps behind, mumbling about the male idiot who located the parking miles from the hospital. “I hope someday he has to walk on the nubs of his feet,” she said loudly.
“It’s only across the street.”
“The parking barn is how deep? We’ve walked down a ramp and over a ramp and then we’ll go down another ramp.”
The south view from the skywalk caught Teagan’s attention and the complaints faded into background noise. A stiff west wind riled Salmon Bay’s gray surface. Pleasure boats, white sails puffed out like her belly, skimmed along dodging cargo ships. A busy harbor was her favorite view, the one she’d grown up with – the one beyond the window. A chill chased around her shoulders and she walked faster. “I really have to hurry. Mac will be in with the catch soon.”
Doretta groaned and quickened her pace. “You’re always in a hurry.” But she matched Teagan stride for stride until they finally lumbered through the glass enclosed main lobby and hurried, as best they could, to the Childbirth Center.
At the large viewing window of the nursery, they leaned against the sill and asked to see the Sanders baby.
A nurse held him near the glass.
Teagan’s first close up look at an hour-old infant surprised her, skin red and wrinkled, hair black and long, ears flat, head lopsided, nose pushed down and eyelids tightly closed. She couldn’t speak for a moment, and then blurted, “He’s so cute, I can’t believe it,”
They mouthed thank you to the nurse and ambled down the hallway, glancing into each open door, searching for Pai. Exhausted new mothers either slept or smiled dreamily. Teagan envied of their satisfied, noble expressions. Their babies were born. They should be proud. She’d give her best customer free fish for a month to be holding her baby right now. Instead, she waddled down a hall beside a bitchy friend, feeling bloated and miserable. Her time would come though. Was she ready? Was any woman ever really ready to birth her first child and be the sole provider?
Finally, Pai waved from the bed in the last room. “I knew you’d find me.” Her welcoming smile tried to cover what appeared to be fear in her eyes. Didn’t work. More than anyone else Teagan knew, Pai’s eyes were windows to her sensitivity.
The growing dependence among the three of them seemed ironic. In just eight months, the shared trials of pregnancy bonded them like a close-knit family. The kind she always dreamed of having and never found. Who would’ve guessed that unborn babies would be the link to fulfilling a need, stretching back to her earliest memories?
Erica passed through Teagan’s mind. She met her at the same time as Pai and Doretta, but hadn’t warmed up to her; even though, she tried to as they waited for appointments, shared news of the ultrasounds, first movement, size of their bellies, and best buys on maternity smocks. Somehow, Erica stayed distant.
Odd.
Teagan stepped inside Pai’s room. “We saw a real cutie in the nursery. I want to steal him.”
“You saw Ji Min? My Jimmy? Was he all right?” Pai wound her graceful fingers tightly in a fold of her blanket.
“Black hair. Cute nose. Spitting image of you. He looks just fine, so relax.”
Doretta plopped on the foot of the bed. “Gawd, you’re skinny.”
Pai gently massaged her flaccid tummy. “It feels empty, like part of me is gone.”
“I can’t wait.” Doretta maneuvered her bulky girth around until she settled into a more comfortable lean, and then looked down her nose at Pai. “I expected a great show of Asian calm, but you raised the roof at the clinic. It’ll be talked about for years.”
“We aren’t calm, we’re polite. Something you apparently know nothing about.”
Doretta’s brilliant smile broke. “Touché.”<
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Pai tried to smile, but it barely touched her lips. She reached to clasp Teagan’s arm. “I need to tell you something.”
Teagan stepped closer and took Pai’s outstretched hand. “What’s the matter?”
“I was nursing Jimmy for the first time and Erica just showed up.” The accented words ran together.
Teagan leaned forward. “Slow down and just tell me what happened.”
“I don’t know, but something. It was like she was too glad to see Jimmy. Her eyes were too blue.”
A swift image of Erica crossed Teagan’s mind. “How can eyes be too blue?”
“You tell me. But it seemed like someone else looked through them.” Pai shivered and recoiled under her blanket. “I don’t want anyone looking at my Jimmy like that. Did the nurse give you the paper?”
Teagan squeezed Pai’s hand, trying to convey understanding even if she didn’t. “It’s in my purse, but you and Jimmy are fine. Duffy will be home soon and you’ll feel safe again.”
“Man,” Doretta said, “you guys are grim. Erica’s okay. She’s just a little different, like we all are. She’s probably just glad one of us finally had a baby.”
Teagan picked up on Doretta’s note of reassurance. “Yeah, I bet my eyes lit right up when I saw Jimmy. He’s way cute.”
Doretta slid from the bed and waddled to the door. “Come on, Teagan. Grouchy Pai needs to sleep and I’m starving.”
“I really have to go to the pier.”
“You work too damn hard.” Doretta disappeared into the hall.
At the door, Teagan couldn’t help taking one last check. Pai rested on her side, eyes closed; the rich hues of her skin were faded by fatigue – and what else? Fear? Maybe.
The source was unknown, but Pai’s anxiety remained real and powerful.
A salt breeze freshened across Salmon Bay. Gulls wheeled greedily under the drizzling overcast and several sea lions loafed on floating debris. Teagan shielded her eyes from a light rain.
There. Mac’s new trawler sliced through the restless waters. With its outriggers tucked back and a white fiberglass hull, it resembled an ordinary pleasure craft, instead of a small working vessel.
Maternal Harbor Page 2