“You men aren’t worth a damn.”
“We men? Salina, I am really in no mood to hear about this right now.” My voice was dragging.
“Well, you need to be. First, you screw me knowing I’m married, and then when my husband finds out, you fucking deny me like I don’t even exist. And then you continue to screw me with no regard for my feelings. You sign the papers to release my husband from jail so he can go back to his ghetto-chick. And then you move on and continue to screw your harem only to get one of them pregnant. Funny you always taped up that dick when you were with me.”
She was dancing on top of my last nerve. “I’m about to hang up.”
“Of course you are, Makkai. You don’t have time or feelings for me. You ran all through my pussy but you can’t take the time to hear me speak my mind. Wouldn’t you at least do that for a friend who you weren’t fucking? Shouldn’t I get some kind of respect? That’s just plain old unkind of you. God is going to get you back for this, that’s for sure. This is not how you’re supposed to treat people, Makkai.”
I was one second away from pressing the end button. “What do you want me to say, Salina? You started demanding my time and then to get back at me, you started dating my friend.”
“Oh please. You acted like you didn’t even care, and he surely acted like it didn’t matter either. It was almost like it was some kind of bet or something. And then his ass had the nerve to tell me he can’t see me anymore because he has some things he needs to deal with. See, you two play games and damn near run trains with no intention of bonding or concern for anyone, and then you both run off, back to your playboy lives at the first sign of commitment.”
“Salina, let’s not forget you’re still married.”
“Yes, I’m still married. But, we’re separated and I’m filing soon. So don’t give me that, you’re a married woman sermon. I am single and my husband has someone of his own. But you, Tom, and Carlos don’t want me. Like I said, you’re all alike. You know what? I’m tired of this. Nobody understands. My own mom doesn’t know what it’s like to be single, and feel hurt and lonely and used. She’s had my dad since she was fifteen. Hell, why is it that I can’t find a man who will treat me right?”
“You may have had that in your husband.”
“Yeah, so maybe I did. But, you’re to blame as well for dating a married woman. You’re no more than a damn gigolo.”
“If you say so. Look, Salina, you must admit that you have to take some of the blame for the fact that we dated. It was your choice to be unfaithful. But, yes, I take responsibility too. I accept my part.”
“Oh, so now you want to talk about responsibility? You seem to forget that my husband was fooling around on me, and you were fooling around with another man’s wife. I tell you … black men, and white men too, can kiss my ass. I’m sticking to my own race from now on.”
“It’s not the race of men, Salina.”
“You know what, Makkai? Fuck this. No one is going to get me. I’m about to fix this shit. I have a little something in my nightstand and I’ll solve this for everyone.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Don’t you worry about it.”
“Salina.”
“I won’t be your problem anymore.”
Click.
Knock, knock, knock.
My heart echoed the quickness of the sound of my knuckles upon her front door in Torrance. Maybe she was bluffing. But, maybe she was desperate enough to make good on her threat. I hoped I was doing the right thing.
Without a verbal inquiry as to who I was, she immediately pulled the door open and eyed me from head to toe. The darkness of the room behind her framed her stature. The dim stove light shone in the background. I stood before her in a leather jacket, jeans, a baseball cap and Air Jordan’s, feeling as though she could see the tinges of worry in my eyes beneath her porch light. Worry because I was knocking on her husband’s door, worry that she was okay, and concern that I might need to bolt. Glad I was wearing the right shoes.
“Salina, what is going on with you? Why are you talking so much crazy shit? You aren’t doing anything to yourself.” She wore a sheer black shirt and booty hugging jean shorts. She was barefoot.
“You don’t care about me so why ask? Why are you here? How did you know where I live?”
“I sometimes followed you home to make sure you made it safely.”
Her eyes showed surprise.
I stepped inside and walked past her, proceeding to sit on her black leather love seat.
She closed the door and stood over me, pacing back and forth while using her hands to add extras to her loud words. “Don’t come over here trying to play saint. I’m not buying it.”
“What’s wrong with you? Have you been drinking?”
“No.” She moved close to me.
My sight took her image by the hand. I forced myself to get a good look at her. “What did you do to yourself?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why are your eyes so red?”
“I’ve been crying, okay, deciding if I should put myself out of my misery.”
“So you think the answer is to shoot yourself?”
“I’m not going to shoot myself. I’m going to take some sleeping pills. That’s all.”
“That’s all? Suicide is suicide.”
“Who would give a damn?” She gave me an inquiring, but hopeful look.
“Your parents would. Have you ever thought about them?”
“My parents are too busy telling me what I should do than to take the time to understand what I really want.”
“You have your whole life ahead of you.”
“No, you have your whole life ahead of you. You have a baby on the way, a career that is your calling, all the money you can spend, looks, and you’re in control of your life. I am nothing more to you than a fuck.”
“You were a wife, so that means a lot. And, you are more to me than a fuck. And more to your husband I’m sure.”
“But, I destroyed that by … by fooling around on him. I’m a mess.” She shook her head.
“You are not.”
“I am. I haven’t heard you say that you even give a damn.”
“If I didn’t give a damn, would I be here?”
“You don’t care. You just don’t want people to blame you if you’re the last person I talk to. Makkai, why don’t you love me?”
I looked up at her face.
I did not speak.
I couldn’t.
She kneeled down and put her hands on my knees. I sat forward, mentally preparing to stand, but I didn’t. Suddenly, she placed her head in my lap, laying her right ear upon my zipper. She stayed still for a long, slow minute. Her chest was against my knee. My hand made its way to the top of her head. Automatically, I ran my fingers through her hair.
She looked up at me and sequestered my eyes. I could smell her stale breath. It seemed alcohol-free. “Makkai, do you know how much I care about you?”
“I know.”
“You never took the time to get to know me outside of the bedroom.”
“I know that.”
“And?”
“And I thought that’s how you wanted it, too.”
“Makkai, I love you. Why don’t you love me? I just have to know.”
When all else fails, answer a question with a question. “You love me?”
“Yes.”
Again. “You’re sure?”
“Makkai, I know what I feel.”
I glanced down at her pretty face. “Salina, all I want you to do is think about what you’re doing. It will get better. You’re thinking about ending it all over Carlos and me. Please. I mean, I know he didn’t mean to hurt you any more than I did. None of us did.”
“See how you guys stick together. Makkai, Carlos is not your boy anymore so you don’t need to protect him.” She placed her head down on my lap once more.
“I’m not trying to.”
“Makkai.”
“What?”
“Please stay with me.”
I squirmed and removed my hand from her hair. “I can’t. I have to get back home and wake up early in the morning to play golf.”
“Please.”
“I can’t.”
In a flash, I felt her head rubbing against my groin, and in an instant she managed to maneuver both hands to unbelt and unzip my jeans, and within one fell swoop, like magic, she had my dick, which was not cooperating with me, standing at full attention in her hot mouth. Before I knew it, I was at the point of no return. And that is not a good place to be.
Something in me told me to stand her up, back her up, and spread her legs. Before I could, she pulled off her shorts and panties and laid flat on her back. She gave me her bedroom eyes in the living room.
“Fuck me,” she demanded as usual.
“No.” My penis jumped as if to ask if I was nuts.
“Fuck me, dammit. Don’t talk back to me.”
“Salina.”
“Stick it in, now.”
I did. I stood up and mounted her, grabbing her tattooed ankle, pulling it back so I could go deep at an angle.
“Grab a handful of soft ass.” I did.
“Now, slap me hard. Not my ass, my face.”
“Slap it?”
“My face. Slap my face.” I did.
“Pull my hair. Pull it back and wrap it around your hand.” I did.
“Now really ram it in. Make it come through my back.”
Still wearing my cap and jacket, I did.
“Squeeze my arms and pull them back.”
I did. Her sheer sleeve ripped near her wrist.
She pushed my chest and said, “Pull out.” She rolled over on her stomach and stuck her hips high into the air. Her heart shaped, hairy middle view was all lips, begging me to join her again. And so … I did.
“Grab my wrists from behind.” I tried to grip her wrists but her right hand slipped from her grip. Before I knew it, I scratched her forearm with my fingernail.”
“Ouch. Dammit, Makkai, stop. What are you doing?” She froze.
“What am I doing?” I froze.
“Stop I said.”
“Okay.” I stood up and reached down to pull up my jeans that were riding around my ankles, and then I zipped and buckled them.
Her volume turned to shouting level. “Help. Help please. Somebody help me.” She grabbed her cordless and pressed three buttons. “Please help me, I’ve just been raped.”
While she disconnected the call, I stood by the door with angry eyes and shook my head. “What in the heck was that about?”
She pulled up her shorts and looked down at the scratch on her arm. She peered into the mirror over her fireplace. “My head hurts from you grabbing my hair, and my face is red.”
“Oh Salina, please.”
“Just get out of here and wait outside for the police.”
“Oh, I’ll wait, all right. What I can’t wait for is to tell them how bogus this is.”
“Me too. And don’t even think about leaving. See, I knew your sorry ass, pussy-lovin’ self would come. I promised you one day you’d pay for what you do to women. This, high and mighty Dr. Feelgood, is your payback. It’s a motha, ain’t it?”
Chapter 40
After three in the morning I took a ride in the backseat.
I had no choice but to lean forward. “I didn’t do it,” I said to the policemen as my hands were cuffed behind me. I spoke during the long patrol car ride to the station. For the first time in my life, I was on my way to get fingerprinted and booked. “What have I been charged with?”
The policeman in the driver seat spoke. “We told you, battery and forcible rape, Mr. Worthy. You have already been given your rights.”
“I know that. But, you didn’t tell me what I was being charged with.”
“I suggest you wait for your attorney before you say anything else.”
I just know they didn’t tell me. But, I’m not about to be a Rodney King example. I stared out of the backseat window, looking around at the world, wondering how this happened, and how I didn’t see this coming. Here I was headed to the same place Salina’s own husband had been held. Only my crime is that I showed up to show concern for a woman who was in distress. Correction, my real true crime is that I allowed myself to be seduced by Salina Woodard. I just got played.
The walls were barren. The mattress to the twin bunk where I sat was as thin as a pancake. No pillow, no covers, no sheet. The room was cold. The invasive search was dehumanizing. The company I was keeping was questionable.
“So, you didn’t do it, right?” a young, thin, unshaven man said, standing over me as I sat. I broke eye contact and assumed the thinker position.
I didn’t look up. “No, I didn’t.”
“Me neither. That lady I robbed asked for it.”
“I didn’t rob anyone.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. I’ve been set up.”
“Some woman, I’ll bet.”
“For sure.”
“Hey man, I always say, never trust a big butt and a smile.”
I looked up and nodded. “You can say that again.”
“First time I’ll bet, huh?”
“And my last.”
“That’s what I said three years ago. But, hey, life happens. Hope you get out soon.”
“Oh, I will.”
“Good. ‘Cause you don’t want to be up in here more than one night. You might lose your virginity if you know what I mean.” I stared at the floor. “Anyway, dog, good luck.” He walked back toward the door, pulling up his sagging pants and peering through the bars.
“Good luck to you too.”
All I could do was replay the evening back in my head. Over and over again it rewound and played and paused and fast forwarded and ended and began. I needed to be able to recall every dang second.
A guard approached the bars. “Your phone call, Mr. Worthy. Who will it be?”
I stood up. “My mother.”
“Okay, just one minute.”
I yelled his way. “Hey, can I get out right away?”
“I don’t think so. You have to see the judge in the morning.”
Even though it was already late, it’s going to be a long night.
The next morning, after meeting with the defense attorney Mom contacted from the Cochran group, I saw the judge and pled not guilty. My bail was set and posted. I couldn’t wait to get back into some fresh clothes and get the heck out of there.
As Mom drove me to the place where my car was towed, I leaned back in the passenger seat of the baby-blue Thunderbird she drove. She made small talk and then looked out of the window in silence. If she were anyone else, I have no doubt they would have felt a little embarrassed, but knowing my mother, she was simply worried. She turned up the talk radio station for two seconds, and then turned it off.
“I’m not going to preach, Makkai, or ask you any questions. I trust and believe in you. All I’ll say is, you need to leave all of these women alone. That’s just a curse. You’ve got to break this one.”
“Mom, I deserve anything you feel like saying. I just appreciate you for stepping up.” I put my hand on her shoulder.
“Anything for you, you know that. But, I will say this as well. You do so much good and I don’t want you to be defined by one bad situation. Don’t let the shame identify your destiny. What you need to do is get closer to God. You need stability, Makkai. You need a foundation. You’ve been drifting. But, know that once you seek to know God better, He will meet you right where you are.”
“I feel that with all my heart, Mom.”
“And also know that crazy woman isn’t going to get away with this.”
“I have faith. The preliminary hearing is in a few days so we’ll see.”
“Thinking positively is key, Makkai. But, also, hold tight to that faith you say you have. It’s easy to lose. But, I’ll tell you one thing, if you keep th
e faith, the faith will keep you.”
“Thanks.”
“You can trust Him to catch you.” Mom held my hand as she drove.
“I do.”
Later that afternoon, as soon as I walked into my office, Dr. Lois Taylor greeted me, standing with the hospital administrator, Dr. Pointer.
Dr. Taylor spoke as I put the key in my office door. “Dr. Worthy, the chief of your department is out of town, but I’d like to know, can we see you for a minute? Just down the hall here in the small conference room.”
“Sure. I’ll be right there.”
I tossed my things onto the desk and headed a few doors down, sitting across from Dr. Taylor and the older administrator, who had been part of the decision to hire me years ago.
I spoke first. “Good afternoon.”
“Dr. Worthy, you’re out on bail?”
“Yes. My hearing is this Friday morning.”
Dr. Taylor did all the talking. “Will you please help us understand what’s going on with you? We received word that you have been charged with a felony. And to top it off, the most serious charge is rape. How are we supposed to allow you to treat patients at Cedars Sinai when you have been accused of such a crime? Not to mention that this comes on the heels of the woman’s husband who came to your office trying to kill you, Dr. Worthy.”
I gave them both even glances. “Doctor Taylor. Dr. Pointer. I understand all of that. But, with all due respect, these charges are false. I was set up. I understand your concern and I’m willing to accept your decision.”
“Our decision is to place you on administrative leave, with pay, until this all comes to a close. We pray that you are not found guilty. That would be a big loss to this hospital. If you say you’re innocent, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. But, we think you may need to clean some things up, as far as the decisions you’ve been making. Because obviously, those decisions are affecting your career. You have had an untarnished career thus far. This will only get bigger and more damaging for you if you don’t nip this in the bud now. You need to take care of your business. In the meantime, I have to let the medical board know what occurred. This is strictly business, Dr. Worthy.” “Yes, Dr. Taylor.”
Dr. Feelgood Page 20