by Jen Gilroy
Her laugh rang out. “There’s no poetry in your soul.”
“Us hockey guys aren’t good with poetry.” Luc laughed too, a big belly laugh that was both unexpected and instinctive.
Since that day two Novembers before when life as he’d known it had stopped, he’d chuckled and he’d even managed what passed for a laugh, at least to everyone except him. But until now, none of that laughter had come from his heart. In a morning of surprises, that was perhaps the biggest one of all.
Chapter Eleven
Slow down, you’re making me dizzy.” Cat waded through a snow drift to the edge of the frozen lake.
“You said you wanted an action shot.” Luc skidded to a stop and snow flew up from his skates. He leaned on his hockey stick and grinned at her. His brown hair gleamed with gold in the bright winter sun, and in his dark blue hockey jersey he stood out in sharp relief against the white landscape.
“It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.” There was something about his smile that always made Cat smile back. She snapped the photo and checked the image on the screen. Perfect. Luc had replicated the poses from several of the old photos. The same place, but a different time and a much different man. A man with whom she had to keep it light because if she didn’t, she’d be pulled even deeper into this irrational, illogical, but oh-so-tantalizing thing between them.
He skated over to where she stood. “If you’ve got enough pictures, I want to show you something.” His voice was tentative and, at least for him, almost unsure.
“I’ve got more than enough for the carnival display, but…” She worried her bottom lip. She should work on her book before Amy’s hockey game. She should do laundry, along with a million other household chores. Her to-do list oozed out in as many directions as the tentacles of an octopus.
“You’re doing it again.” Luc propped his stick in a snowbank, then sat on the bench by the lake to unlace his skates and replace them with his winter boots.
“Doing what?” Cat tucked her tablet into her bag.
“Thinking too much. You need to have more fun. Go with the flow and stop rushing. You even drive like you’re going against a clock.” He slung the bag with his hockey gear over one shoulder and picked up his stick again.
“I have a busy life. Besides, I’m a mom.” And the only time she’d gone with the flow, it had resulted in her daughter.
“Your mom is more of a free spirit than you are.” He softened his words with a gentle touch on her coat sleeve. “Besides, aren’t you curious about what I want to show you?”
More than she wanted to admit. “I guess so.” One of the perils of having an academic mind was that she was curious about everything. However, over and over again, life had taught her to be measured and cautious.
“This way.” Luc put his free hand under her elbow and guided Cat up the small snowbank away from the lake and toward the cluster of outbuildings behind the inn. “Through here.” He pushed the snow-covered branch of a pine tree aside and stood back to let her pass between the narrow gap in the trees.
As Cat eased through it, a shower of snow landed with a soft rustle on her parka hood. A hard-packed trail of snow curved into the forest. “What is this?”
“Don’t look so worried, Minnie. It’s for snowmobiles. The inn keeps it groomed.” Luc followed her and let the branch fall back into place.
“I’m not worried.” Her voice came out in a flat monotone, and her heart was like lead in her chest. She wasn’t worried about the trail, but every time he called her Minnie, it made their relationship, which wasn’t a relationship, more intimate. And with that intimacy came expectations, hopes, and dreams that couldn’t be fulfilled.
Another one of Luc’s way-too-appealing smiles spread across his face. One in which there was only good humor. “Follow me, then.”
She nodded, even as her heart constricted. If she wasn’t careful, she could fall in love with this man, but she wouldn’t. Instead, she’d treasure each of these little moments for what they were, instead of brooding about what they weren’t.
“I spot that little fellow every day when I come out here to see the work the guys are doing on my house.” Luc gestured to a plump, red squirrel perched on a low tree branch. He made a soft chirping noise, and the squirrel darted down the tree and disappeared into a tunnel in the snow, reappearing moments later with a pine cone clutched in its tiny paws.
“Are there any other animals back here? Big ones?” Cat drew closer to him. Under the cathedral of tall trees, the sun poked through the branches to tint the snow a silver blue. A soft wind whispered in the treetops and brushed her face.
“No, we’re still too close to the inn.” His deep laugh rumbled out. It was a new laugh, without the undercurrent of sadness she’d grown used to hearing. He pulled her into the shelter of his body. “My great-grandfather on Mom’s side was a trapper in Quebec. He took me into the bush with him when I was a kid. I never liked hunting, but he taught me a lot about animals and surviving in the woods. Wild animals don’t like to be around people any more than we want to get close to them.”
“I come from a family of mill owners and lawyers.” Snug in the curve of Luc’s body, Cat was warm and more at ease than she’d ever been with any man except Nick. But she was also more aware of Luc than she’d ever been of any man in a way that wasn’t at all fraternal.
“I’m a business guy myself now that I’m behind a desk at the creamery from Monday to Friday.” Luc guided her along a side trail that led deeper into the woods, going ahead of her to make a path through the heavy snow that was unmarked, apart from tracks made by little animals. Halfway along a thick wall of trees, he lifted a branch and motioned her under it.
Cat sucked in a breath of frosty, evergreen-scented air. A small, snow-covered pond made a perfect circle edged by trees, and steam rose from a dome near the opposite shore. “It’s a beaver pond. There’s the lodge.” She put a mitten-clad hand to her mouth and looked at him.
“It sure is. What do you think?” His voice was gruff.
“It’s magical.” The scene in front of her could have come out of one of the picture books she’d read to Amy when her daughter was small.
“There’s been a beaver pond back here as long as I can remember. When Maggie came to Firefly Lake the first time, I brought her here. It’s one of my favorite places. I haven’t…” He stopped and cleared his throat. “I haven’t been here with anyone but her.”
And now you. His unspoken words fluttered between them as gentle as the wind that swayed the treetops.
“I have to find my way back to me again. That’s why I came home to Firefly Lake. But Maggie…” He dropped his hockey gear and stared at the pond, a wistful expression clouding his face. “She was the biggest part of my life from when I was eighteen. I met her my first day of freshman year in college.”
“You won’t ever forget her.” Cat forced the words out through cold lips. “She’ll always be in your heart, along with your memories.” Precious memories he was lucky to have. Like he was lucky to have given his heart to someone who’d given him hers back.
“I brought you here because I like you. I didn’t plan it, but after we finished taking the pictures, I thought… I didn’t want to go right back to town or to the inn. I wanted to share this with you. It’s hard but…” He stopped and scrubbed a hand across his face. “Maggie’s gone, but you… you’re Nick’s sister and Amy’s mom. Our families have been friends forever.” He paced to and fro in the snow at the edge of the pond. “It’s complicated.”
It was, but she was thirty-four, and the women she studied were more adventurous than she was. Right here in Firefly Lake women had played hockey, worked alongside men in her family’s mill, and single-handedly kept the inn and a lot of other businesses in town going when their menfolk were at war. Yet, unless she drove that change herself, she’d stay stuck and never be like any of those feisty women she admired. Despite the sick feeling in her stomach, she had to stop thinking and
start living.
“I like you, too.” There, she’d said it. If liking involved a lot of lust, she didn’t have to tell him that part.
“I should have apologized for kissing you, but I can’t.” His voice was thick. “I want to kiss you again but—”
“Why don’t you?” The opportunity to start living and make a different choice was right in front of her. If she didn’t grab it now, maybe she’d never have that choice— or the courage—again.
Luc took a breath. His pupils dilated, and his warm breath fanned the tendrils of hair that framed her face around her parka hood.
She quivered, then moved closer and stood on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his chest. She wasn’t the girl she’d been back in high school. Even if she wasn’t fearless, she could still be brave. And if making a choice resulted in a mistake, she’d own that mistake and move on. From now on, she wouldn’t let the fear of making choices—or mistakes—define her life.
“Cat.” Her name was torn out of him in a low growl and, almost as if he couldn’t help himself, he reached out and touched her jaw, his glove soft against her skin.
Sensual awareness rippled along her nerve endings. Before she let herself analyze it, she pulled him down for a kiss.
He stilled. “I…”
“I kissed you. Don’t even think about saying sorry.” While she might be sorry for a lot of things, she wasn’t sorry for this. She had to take a chance on what she could get, even if it was only one perfect moment.
His rough laugh was laced with sexual promise. “Who said anything about being sorry?” He pulled her hard against his body and dipped his head.
After that, analyzing was the last thing Cat wanted to do.
Luc hadn’t been avoiding Cat, but was she avoiding him? Until today, and except at hockey practice, he’d hardly seen her since last Saturday. However, after that explosive kiss by the beaver pond, a kiss that had ended much too soon, thanks to snowmobiles—and people—approaching on the trail, she’d been on his mind night and day. Especially during those endless quiet nights at Harbor House when his bed was too big and he had too much time to think.
“I’ve never been to a winter carnival before.” Amy bounced beside him in Old Harbor Park like an excited puppy. “Mom and I have wanted to go to the one in Quebec City for years, but something always happens. Last year the car broke down. Mom says we need a money tree so we can do more fun stuff.”
“Amy.” From the girl’s other side, Cat made a shushing motion. “We have to stick to a budget, that’s all.”
A tight budget. The troubled expression on Cat’s face at Amy’s innocent excitement was yet another reminder how different her life was from his. He looked at Amy and resisted the urge to tug on the ponytail that waved from beneath her knit hat. “This carnival hasn’t changed since your mom and I were kids. The ice sculptures, dog sled races, and hockey tournament are all still the same as I remember when I was your age.”
“Except you played in the hockey tournament and I didn’t.” Amy’s tone was heavy with sarcasm.
“Those boys were huge.” Cat’s voice was firm, as well as more than a bit scared. “For the first time in my life, I was glad girls were banned from taking part in something.”
“It’s still unfair.” Amy frowned before she gave Luc a dimpled grin. “Maybe by next year there’ll be enough girls playing hockey here to have at least one girls’ game.”
“We don’t know if we’ll be here this time next year.” Cat’s face got a tense look. “Besides, wasn’t skating with those Olympians better than any tournament?”
“Of course, but playing in the tournament would have made a perfect day even better.” Amy bounced again and pointed in the direction of a wooden warming hut at the edge of the park, where it met Firefly Lake. “There’s Kylie. I said I’d meet her over there to go to the snack bar. Uncle Nick gave us money to share. See you.” She darted into the crowd.
“Wait… Amy—”
“She’ll be fine. It’s Firefly Lake, remember? Besides, we can keep an eye on her from here.”
“I worry about her.” Cat’s voice was small.
“Of course you do.” Like he’d have worried about a kid of his. “But most of the town is here, so she’s got a lot of folks watching out for her.”
A smile hovered around Cat’s mouth. “And if she takes one misstep, somebody will tell me about it.”
“Sooner rather than later.” Luc’s laugh got stuck in his throat. Even bundled up in winter gear, Cat was sexy. Yet, if he so much as reached for her hand, it would be as good as making an announcement in the “Social Notes” section of the Kincaid Examiner. Firefly Lake’s informal but highly efficient network of friends and neighbors would jump into action and within an hour, his mom would be on the phone asking him why he hadn’t told her what he had going on with Cat. And since he couldn’t explain it to himself, he had nothing to say to his mom.
“You’re doing a lot for Amy with the coaching and now with the women’s hockey demonstrations. She may not truly appreciate it yet, but I do. You gave her a wonderful day.”
“Today wasn’t only for Amy. It was also for all the other girls around here who might be interested in hockey.” His heart gave a painful bump because, although he’d never tell anyone, not even Cat, today was for Maggie, too—his way of keeping her memory alive.
“No matter who it was for, Amy looks up to women like your friends. Meeting them and skating with them is something she’ll remember for the rest of her life.” Cat’s voice caught. “You made a dream come true.”
“Mom.” Amy skidded to a halt on the snow-packed path between him and Cat. “Kylie invited me to sleep over tonight. I don’t even have to go back to the apartment because they have stuff I can borrow. Even a toothbrush. It’s okay with Aunt Mia. Can I? Please?” Her eyes shone.
“Sure.” Cat smiled at her daughter. “It sounds like fun.”
“You’re the best mom ever.” Amy’s words tumbled over each other. “Aunt Mia’s making sloppy joes, and we’re gonna have ice cream and watch movies and do hair and makeup and take selfies.” She hopped from one foot to the other. “Kylie and me are staying up real late to watch the fireworks. Uncle Nick says we can sleep in as long as we want tomorrow morning.”
“Kylie and I.” Cat’s voice held a hint of laughter.
“Whatever.” Amy glanced at Luc. “Without me around, Mom won’t have anything to do. You should have supper with her. She really liked it when we went to the Pink Pagoda that time.”
“Amy.” Cat made a choked sound. “I’m sure Luc has plans for tonight. Since you’re having a sleepover, I can work and… well—”
“Great idea, Amsey.” Luc swallowed a laugh. The girl was cheeky, but she was also a sweetheart, and if he didn’t watch it, he’d get more attached to her than a coach should. Cat threw him a look. “What? We have to eat, and why should we eat alone?” He didn’t have any plans for Saturday night, except watching the Islanders game and choosing bathroom tile. Maybe Cat could even help him with the tile. From what he’d seen of her place, she was good at decorating.
“Amsey?” Cat’s voice was hesitant.
“It’s what the guys on the team call me. It’s a nickname.” Amy shrugged.
“I named you after Amy in Little Women. It’s a beautiful name, but Amsey?”
“Mom.” Amy rolled her eyes. “Only you would name a kid after somebody in a book. A pretty dumb book, too, if it’s anything like the movie. As for that Amy, she was such a girlie girl. I’m nothing like her.”
“No, but I love you anyway.” There was a smile in Cat’s voice and a teasing twinkle in her eyes. “Go on and have fun. Don’t forget to brush your teeth with that toothbrush.”
“I won’t.” Amy hesitated. “I have to talk to Coach Luc first, though.” She looked from side to side. “In private.”
“Okay.” Cat hugged Amy, then stepped away. “I’ll be over by the bandstand with your uncle Nick.”
“What�
��s up?” Luc looked at Amy. A guy would be lucky to have a daughter like her. She was good at hockey, sure, but she had the makings of a good person off the ice, too.
She leaned in close. “I think my mom likes you.”
“I like your mom, too. She’s a friend.” Which was the truth, or at least part of it, and the only part that Amy needed to know.
“No, I mean she really likes you.” Her voice was a stage whisper.
Luc took a step back. This conversation was getting way too personal, way too fast. “I really like your mom. I’ve known her since I was younger than you. Your whole family’s like family to me.” Another half-truth. Luc’s stomach heaved.
“No, I mean my mom likes you how Melanie Grant likes Kieran Cormier.” Amy’s face was serious.
“Who?” Luc glanced around. In a small town, people always seemed to pop up the instant you wanted privacy, but when you needed an interruption, folks went about their business like you weren’t even there.
“Kieran, the guy who plays right wing on our team. Melanie’s in my class. You must have seen her hanging around at games staring at him? Long brown hair and lots of blue gunk on her eyes?” Amy wrinkled her nose. “Kieran stares at her, too, and whenever she’s around, he shows off. I think it’s weird. They’re only in sixth grade, but if, like… you know… you wanted to look at my mom like that, I guess that’d be okay with me.”
“Your mom’s great, but…” Luc stopped. If he couldn’t explain his feelings for Cat to himself, how could he explain them to Amy?
“She is great, and she’s also smart, pretty, and kind.” Amy’s expression was earnest. “She’d be a great girlfriend for you.”
“I’m sure she would, but I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now.” He tried to smile. “Besides, I think I’m too old for one, don’t you?”
“Of course not. Look at my grandma and Ward? He’s way older than you. And I think my mom’s boss likes Mrs. Liz a lot. Age is only a number. That’s what Grandma says.” Amy smiled at him.