by Jen Gilroy
“Of course you will.” Michael’s voice was gruff. “For someone with so much book learning, you have a lot more sense between your ears than I expected.”
Cat tried to smile. Despite his waxy skin and the bluish tinge around his mouth, Michael could still tease her. “You get better, okay? Do what the doctors tell you.”
“He will.” Liz got to her feet as two paramedics came through the door. “God will take care of the first, and I’ll make sure of the second.”
“You have to eat something.” Luc slid a sandwich wrapped in brown paper across Cat’s desk. The door had just swung closed behind Gabrielle and Ward, and the gallery was finally empty.
“I’m not hungry.” She fingered one corner of the paper. “I appreciate you getting this food, but I can’t eat when I’m stressed.”
“Not even the Vermont BLT?” He lifted part of the wrapping to release a whiff of bacon and fresh-baked bread.
“How did you know?” She licked her bottom lip.
“Georgia was in the deli at the same time as me. She said the Vermont BLT’s your favorite—rustic bread, local cheese from Simard’s creamery, and extra crispy bacon.” He leaned his elbows on the desk and studied her wan face. “Michael’s going to be fine. Remember what Liz said when she called?”
“A heart attack’s still a heart attack, no matter how mild it was.” Cat broke off a small piece of cheese and toyed with it. “He also cracked two ribs and strained his wrist when he fell.”
“Yes, but if you and Liz hadn’t found him right away, it could have been a lot worse.” Luc broke off a corner of the sandwich. “Here, I told Liz I’d make sure you were fed.”
“It was Liz who knew something was wrong. She got this feeling.” Cat shivered. “It’s not logical, and I can’t explain it, but she was right.” She took the piece of sandwich, chewed, and swallowed, as if by rote.
“Not everything in life can be explained by logic and facts.” He glanced toward her laptop and the stack of paper beside it. “How’s your research going?”
“Fine.” Cat’s voice was flat. “I’ve finished my book, and I’ve got enough material for the articles I pitched to get that grant in the first place. I’ve started writing them, too.”
“That’s great.” He hesitated and a leaden silence stretched between them. “Isn’t it?”
“It still might not be enough for me to get a permanent job.” She picked at the sandwich again, then put a hand to her mouth to cover a yawn.
“Why? Any college would be lucky to have you.” Except, when she got that job, she wouldn’t be living in Firefly Lake, and she and Amy would be as good as gone from his life. His insides quivered.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but it’s not that simple.” She gave him a sad smile. “It’s a tough job market and, with all those temporary teaching contracts I had to take on to support myself and Amy, I couldn’t keep up on the research side. I’ve been out of my PhD for a few years, too, so I’m not new and interesting anymore. Until this year, I only applied for jobs in New England because I wanted to stay near Mom and not uproot Amy too much, but there weren’t a lot of those and now…” She shrugged. “Even though it’s gotten to the point where I’d go anywhere, I might not even be able to do that anymore.”
“That’s not fair.” He might not want Cat to leave Firefly Lake, but he still wanted her to succeed. Not only was she smart, she was the hardest worker he’d ever met.
“Maybe not, but we both know that a lot in life isn’t fair.” Her eyes were bleak and yet another yawn almost split her face in two.
He did, so he swallowed the words he could have said, along with the sour taste in his mouth. “Why don’t I cover for you here so you can go upstairs and lie down for a few hours? In addition to the shock, you’ve had half of Firefly Lake in here over the past two hours asking about Michael. You’re worn out.” Although Cat never looked robust, her skin wasn’t usually so translucent, nor the dark circles under her eyes so pronounced.
She shook her head. “Michael left me in charge. Besides, don’t you have to get back to work this afternoon? It was great of you to leave the creamery when you heard the ambulance siren, but you don’t have to stay.”
“I texted my dad. Since I started early and worked half of last Saturday, he’s not expecting me back at the office today.” He reached for Cat’s hand and, even with that simple touch, heat sizzled up his arm and straight to his groin. “Let me help you out.”
“I want to, but… it’s difficult.” She pushed the mostly uneaten sandwich away.
“Try me.”
“I’ve looked out for myself almost my whole life.” Her voice was tight and she took off her glasses and covered her face with her hands.
She was afraid to let anyone in. Tenderness replaced Luc’s desire. Cat had built up a shell around herself because she was scared, and maybe she’d built it so high and thick she didn’t know how to tear it down, even if she wanted to.
“Hey.” He came around the desk, pulled her to her feet, then took her in his arms. “What is it?”
“I don’t know.” She sniffed, and he grabbed a handful of tissues from the box on the desk. “I’m not usually so emotional, but with Amy’s accident and now Michael, it’s like everywhere I turn, disaster is waiting to strike.”
“That’s not true. You’ve had a run of bad luck is all.” Luc chose his next words with care. “I’ll keep coaching Amy as long as you’re here, but have you given any more thought to that summer camp?”
“Sure I have, but Amy has only ever been away for me for a night, not a whole week.” Cat’s voice broke again. “I don’t want her to think I’m sending her away because I want to get rid of her. She has to know she comes first in my life. I’d never abandon her.”
“Why would she think that? Despite what she said that night at the hospital, Amy knows you love her and sending her to the camp would show her you care about what she wants.” The hairs on the back of Luc’s neck stood up as he studied Cat’s woebegone face. Everything with Cat went right back to her dad’s desertion. Although she was an adult on the outside, on the inside, a big part of her was still that scared little girl who’d been abandoned by the first man she should’ve been able to count on.
“You’re right. Amy’s not me.” Cat managed a wobbly smile. “I hated summer camp. Nick and Georgia loved it, but it was my worst nightmare. All those sports and organized activities were like torture for me, and the only time I could read was just before lights out. My dad paid for it, though, so I had to go. The year I got chicken pox and was sent home the second day was the best. I don’t think I was ever so happy as when Mom’s car stopped in front of the main building.”
Luc pulled her against his chest. Cat had only opened the door to her guarded heart a crack, but it was far enough for him to glimpse a woman still haunted by her past, a woman who, like the lost and insecure girl he remembered, he still wanted to look out for and protect. However, he was drawn to the woman in a way he’d never been drawn to the girl.
“I don’t know what this is between us, but I want to be part of your life.” His stomach fluttered as he reached for her hand to link her fingers with his. “I’d never have made love to you otherwise.”
Her breath hitched.
With his free hand, he traced a circular pattern on the front of her sweater. “Amy won’t be back from school for a few hours, will she?”
Cat shuddered as he stroked her breast through the fine wool. “It’s an early dismissal today, but Nick’s picking her up and taking her to an event at the riding stable with Kylie and Emma. They won’t be back until after supper.”
Luc dipped his head and feathered kisses into her hair. “If you take a nap now, we’d still have some time after the gallery closes?”
“Yes.” The word came out in a throaty whisper.
He tilted her chin so she looked at him. “I want you, this, whatever we have.”
“I’m not that tired.” Cat’s voice was thi
ck and her pupils were dilated. “Michael always closes the gallery for half an hour at lunch.” She trailed a hand down his chest to his belt buckle. “Thirty minutes isn’t much, but I could take a late lunch.”
He trembled as her hand swooped lower. “I don’t need a lot of time.” He covered her lips with his. He didn’t even want to wait to take her upstairs. The stockroom was private enough.
“I don’t either.” Her body convulsed as she pressed herself into him. “Hang on while I lock the door and—”
“Mom?” The bell over the door clanged like a fire alarm.
Cat jerked away from him. “Sweetie… I… you… you’re supposed to be with your uncle Nick.”
Amy came to a stop by the desk and flicked a glance at Luc. “He’s outside in the car.” Her voice was shrill.
Luc ran a hand through his hair and his legs went weak. “It’s not… your mom and I… we were—”
“I may be dumb, but I’m not that dumb.” Amy’s face was as white as her fuzzy scarf. “You… you and my mom—”
“You’re not dumb, not ever.” Cat reached for Amy, but the girl pulled away. “What happened to your jeans? They’re wet and—”
“Like you care.” Amy’s tone was insolent.
“Of course I do.” Cat’s mouth worked. “I care about everything that happens to you.”
“A kid pushed me into a snowbank—after I pushed him first.” Amy’s mouth was set in a hard line and her eyes were filled with both pain and anger.
“What kid? Why? You know we don’t solve problems with physical violence in our family.” Cat caught Amy’s wrist.
“One of the guys in my class, Mason, said you were having a thing with Coach Luc. He laughed and said some other things too, bad things. I pushed him, and he pushed me back.” Amy pulled away from Cat. “I guess I shouldn’t have bothered. He was right. You’re a real—”
“No.” Luc reached for Amy but she whirled away from him, too.
Mason didn’t play on the team, but he hung around hockey practice, and Luc had already called him out for bullying a few of the smaller, less able players. He was a sharp kid and, like a hunting dog on the scent of prey, he must have picked up on something between him and Cat. If only he’d spotted what Mason was up to sooner, he might have stopped this.
“You stay out of this, and don’t tell me what to say or do. I already told you you’re not my dad, and from now on, you’re not my coach, either.” Amy launched herself at his midriff, and Luc covered his groin with one hand and caught her arm with the other. “Mason also said the only reason you were coaching me was because of her. Because you want to—”
“That’s not true.” Luc froze and he glanced at Cat, who stood in the middle of the gallery with a stricken expression. “I’m coaching you because you’re talented. Why would you think anything else?”
Amy slipped from his grasp, then her fist connected with his stomach. “Why wouldn’t I? I saw you with Mom a minute ago. Anybody in town could have seen you.”
Luc winced and drew in a sharp breath. The kid packed a hell of a punch for twelve. “I—”
“Stop it, Amy, right now.” Cat tugged her away from Luc, but Amy spun toward a shelf of glassware and sent a fruit bowl crashing to the floor.
“I hate you.” She stumbled toward the gallery entrance, yanked open the door, and collided with Nick, who stood outside, a hand half raised to his open mouth. “I hate both of you.”
Then the door slammed shut. The bang mixed with the sound of shattering glass to spear Luc’s heart.
Chapter Seventeen
I… she… she’s upset and…” Cat brushed past Luc on shaking legs. She had to go after Amy and try to explain. She pulled open the gallery door and ran into a puddle of icy water to her ankles.
“Hang on.” Nick caught her arm.
“Where’s Amy?” Cat scanned Main Street. The afternoon sun momentarily blinded her and she stumbled against her brother.
“In my car.” Nick gripped her shoulders and flicked his head toward his silver Lexus parked by the curb two doors down.
“I have to talk to her.” Water trickled into Cat’s shoes. Her suede pumps would be ruined, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except Amy. To her dying day, she’d never forget the expression on her daughter’s face when she’d walked in on her and Luc.
“Do you think she’d listen to you right now? She’s a McGuire. We act first, say a bunch of stuff we don’t mean, then calm down later.”
Not Cat. She contemplated every step before she took it and never spoke before she thought. Except, she’d let herself tumble head over heels for Luc almost without thinking—just like she’d done with Amy’s dad all those years ago. “Amy saw Luc with me and…” Her chest heaved as panic spiraled.
“Unless you were having sex on the desk, which you weren’t, Amy didn’t see anything to scar her forever.” Nick’s tone was dry. “You’re allowed to have a life.”
“Amy has always come first. I promised myself I wouldn’t be like Dad. I thought I was special to him, but he left and…” She made a choked sound.
“Your whole world fell apart.” Nick eased her back across the slushy sidewalk toward the gallery door. “Mine did, too, and it took meeting Mia to show me I was still hung up on what Dad did. Whether you talk to him or not, you have to make peace with what happened. As for Amy, nobody would ever question she comes first with you, but you also need to put yourself first sometimes. You’re a mom, not a nun.”
“I…” Cat swallowed another sob. She wouldn’t cry, because if she did, she might never stop. Nick didn’t understand; nobody did.
Her brother’s blue eyes were filled with warmth as he looked at her. “Amy didn’t mean it when she said she hated you.”
“You heard that?” Cat’s voice shook.
“Only because she yelled it on her way out the door.” Nick gave her a half-smile. “She’s mad, and puberty’s looming. She’s also not used to sharing you with anyone. I bet she’s got a lot of feelings right now she doesn’t know how to handle. Try not to take it personally.”
Cat’s mouth dropped open. “When did you start talking like a parenting handbook?”
“I want to be the best dad I can.” Nick’s voice was solemn. “I’m reading some books Mia suggested. She’s helping me a lot, too. I don’t want to be like Dad.”
“You couldn’t.” Cat’s eyes smarted. “Mia’s girls and Kylie are lucky to have you.”
“I’m sure lucky to have them.” Nick gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Now get in there, Muppet, and tell Luc he’s not going to be on the front page of the Kincaid Examiner for public indecency. Amy’s hurt and embarrassed, that’s all. You remember being her age? How would you have reacted if Mom was doing it with a guy who wasn’t Dad? Or even with Dad? I like Ward, but I don’t like thinking about Mom doing it with him either, and I’m nearly forty.”
Cat shuddered. “As Amy would say, TMI.”
Nick’s smile teased her. “I’ll still take Amy to the riding stable with Kylie and Emma and bring her back after supper. We’ll swing by my place first to pick up dry clothes for her to change into. I doubt she’ll say anything to the girls, but if she wants to talk to Mia or me we’ll listen. If she doesn’t, we’ll ignore the whole thing and let her settle. We McGuires are good at ignoring stuff, too.”
Cat curled her icy toes inside her shoes. Maybe she was more like the rest of the McGuires than she thought. And maybe she needed to take a bigger leaf from her mom’s family. Although they argued—a lot and loudly— the Brassards and Pelletiers still talked to each other and, even when they disagreed, they never hid how much they loved each other.
“Thanks, Big Bear.” Several fat tears oozed out to trickle down her cheeks as she gave her brother a self-conscious hug.
“This whole thing with Amy will blow over. As for me, I’m glad you’re finally getting some action. Luc’s a good guy who can teach you stuff you won’t learn from books.” Nick hugged her
back. “Just remember, I want to be the one who walks you down the aisle.”
“I… Luc and I… we’re not… but even if I was, with anyone, I can walk myself down the aisle.” Or if it ever came to that, maybe she’d elope and skip the whole church wedding thing entirely.
“Of course you can, but I want to be there for you— always.” Nick’s expression softened. “Now go.” He grinned and swiped her arm.
She brushed away more tears and swiped him back.
“Cat?” The gallery door swung open, and Luc held out a lap quilt patterned with green and blue dragonflies. “I couldn’t find your coat. You must be freezing.”
Cat shook her head and turned away to stare at Nick’s car. Amy was hunched over in one corner of the back seat, her head bowed. Even as the car pulled away, she never looked back.
“Here.” Luc wrapped the quilt around Cat’s bent shoulders.
Her eyes burned as she followed him back into the gallery and flipped the sign on the door to closed. Water squished out of her sodden shoes onto Michael’s prized oak floor. She slipped off the shoes and left them by the door. The broken glass was gone—Luc must have swept it up—but the big empty space on the display shelf mirrored the big empty space in Cat’s heart. She pulled the quilt tighter and tried to stop shaking.
“I boiled the kettle.” Luc took her arm to steady her, and she leaned into the stability and comfort he offered. “You need to get something hot into you.” He gave her a half smile and guided her toward the stockroom. “I know. I’m turning into a cross between my mom and Liz.”
“Or my mom.” Motherly advice passed from generation to generation. Yet today, all that advice had failed her, and she didn’t have any words to talk to her daughter about what mattered most. Cat moved into the stockroom on rubbery legs and stumbled to the worktable. What had she done? And how could she fix it? She pulled out a stool and sat.
Luc took two mugs from the cupboard over the small sink in one corner of the room. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. Anybody could have walked in on us, not only Amy.”