by Ashlee Price
“Um, you would have to go somewhere else to discuss that kind of procedure. There are several options available to you this early, but personally I recommend waiting. First, false positives aren’t unheard of, especially for the urine test, and we only have urine so far. We’re still waiting for blood, and then I want to schedule an ultrasound. But if it’s confirmed—and I expect it will be—you should really give this some thought. After the morning sickness passes. Sit down, talk it over with your partner and perhaps your father. Don’t make any rash decisions you may regret later. Because what you’re talking about is something that can’t be undone.”
They talked through every possible scenario, but the end result was still the same as when he’d walked in: She was pregnant. Jenna wanted to cry. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to run away to school and never see anyone ever again. But she settled on walking out of the doctor’s office with her dad.
“So what is it? The flu? You know where you caught it, or who gave it to you?” Paul posed question after question in the truck.
“Oh yeah,” Jenna laughed, “I know who gave it to me, alright.”
They drove around for a while with the windows open; the fresh air seemed to help, and it was as if the dark cloud of sea sickness had lifted away from her. Paul had to stop at The Wheel, but Jenna elected to wait outside, afraid that the nausea would return in the barroom fug. She didn’t want to stay in the car, though. She had far too much on her mind, and besides, it was the first time in days she’d been able to walk around without the bucket.
She found herself standing in front of Tanner’s building. Just as she was about to go inside to talk to him, out he walked with a familiar blonde who she really didn’t want to see. Jenna was frozen in her tracks, and her heart ripped into pieces when she saw them embrace. A soft kiss from Brandy too close to his mouth solidified her fears. Neither of them had seen her yet, and she didn’t want to be seen. She rounded the corner to hide before making her way back toward The Wheel.
Having Brandy as her child’s stepmother just didn’t have a good ring to it. Raising her child with a father who was constantly lying to her didn’t sound any better. She still didn’t know what to believe, but she knew when enough was enough. She was done with both of them.
Paul was perplexed as he watched Jenna slump towards the truck, get inside and slam the door behind her. “Daddy, can you just take me home?”
“Sure, Jenna, whatever you want.”
Once they got back, she sifted through her mother’s letters, looking for affirmation. Scattering the letters around her bed, she finally found the one she was searching for:
August 20th, 2014
Dearest Jenna-Marie,
The soft sobs coming from your room was a sound I’d hoped I’d never have to hear: the sound of my daughter’s heart breaking. I wish there was something I could do. But heartache is one of those guaranteed things in life. It’s right up there with mistakes, and breathing. When you find a love so pure that losing it does this to you, just know you’ve found one of the rarest things in life.
It’s funny that way, isn’t it? Heartbreak is guaranteed, but a love worthy of it isn’t. I hate that you have to go through this right before you take off to school, but your father and I are both sure it’s the right decision. Tanner mentioned asking you to marry him. That didn’t go over well with Daddy. He was ready to strangle him, but I didn’t let him. I told him that I know you. You’re a good girl with a good head on your shoulders. You wouldn’t throw away your future for a love that was uncertain. And from the sounds emanating from your room, I have a feeling I was right.
I’m so sorry, Jenna. I know how much you two cared about each other, but marriage isn’t the answer. Cementing yourselves together in the hope that the other won’t move on while you’re apart is a recipe for disaster. If this love between you two is true, it will come back to you. It may not be anytime soon, or it could be tomorrow.
Just know that when it does come, with whomever you find it, it will be beautiful. It will mean hard work and compromise. You need to strive every day to love yourself as much as you love your significant other. And keep your love alive by trying to fall in love with him all over again with every passing day. Be sweet, be kind, and be stern with your love, because if it’s true it will be one of the most important treasures of your lifetime. Choose your happiness.
Love always and forever,
Mom
Chapter 21
Jenna sat in her apartment not too far off the main campus of the University of Pittsburgh. Almost everything was in walking distance, but her dad had let her take his truck in case she wanted to hit up the local Walmart or anything. He wanted to be sure that his daughter and his grandchild were safe on the road, and that meant driving his steady, reliable pickup truck. He’d kept her car back in Doveport.
The apartment wasn’t all that big, but because it wasn’t University housing she could stay there even if she decided not to finish school. That wasn’t the plan, though. Jenna had every intention of finishing what she started. As she sat back and watched Hannah paint swatches on her walls, she considered it all… from how the summer had begun to where she was now. She’d come a long way.
“Okay, so I was thinking we can paint this wall a really pretty pastel green,” Hannah said with a wide smile.
Jenna frowned, thinking of the walls in the doctor’s office. “Absolutely not. Besides, I’ll be taking the spring semester off and having the baby in Doveport, so I don’t need a real nursery here.”
“Right, so just pick a color and we’ll paint it in the extra bedroom at your dad’s house.” Hannah smiled even wider. She was smiling so much it was making Jenna’s cheeks hurt.
“What do you mean, at my dad’s house? There’s no spare bedroom. Oh my goodness, he’s not turning the living room into a nursery or anything like that, right? That would be crazy! Please tell him to stop. We can’t afford that.”
“I thought you were done telling him what he can and can’t afford?” Hannah eyed her curiously.
“I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t say when he’s going overboard. We worked really hard this last month, partying four and five days a week to scrounge up all the money to pay Mr. Hannity off. I don’t want him falling back into old habits. And remodeling the house is a recipe for Hannity to worm his way back into our lives.”
“I get it,” Hannah said with her hands up. “I remember these past few weeks very well. Even more, I remember not seeing Tanner around. Have you told him yet?”
“Nope, and no one is! I told you and Dad already: I’m not going to share this baby—or Tanner, for that matter—with Brandy! So it’s better if he doesn’t know. I can do without the child support if it means there’s no chance of him getting custody or visitation or whatever.”
“First of all, are you sure him and Brandy are still together? I thought you saw her with another guy. And even if they’re still hooking up, don’t you think knowing he’s going to be a father might make him, you know, reevaluate his priorities?” Hannah reasoned.
Jenna let out a heavy sigh. “I know it sounds crazy, but I really do feel like I’m doing him a favor by keeping him out of this. It’s his life and he’s free to do what he wants. I should have been on the pill or something.”
“You two should have talked about this like two adults! You can’t make a life decision without the other parent. Believe me, that always ends badly. You have to give him the option to stay or walk away. Now if you tell me you spoke to Tanner and he said absolutely not, you’re on your own, then I’ll shut my mouth and you’ll never hear me bring it up again. But if you hide this from Tanner and from your kid, you will be the monster in this equation. Please just think about it. And honestly, we both know Tanner would never leave you as a single parent. He still loves you.”
Jenna sighed again. “I don’t think he ever stopped. Problem is, I don’t think he’s ever going to stop with Brandy, either.
”
Chapter 22
The scent of cinnamon wafted through the Ferris house as Jenna sat in the living room with her feet perched on the coffee table and a plate of cookies resting on her budding baby bump. Her dad would smile every time he walked by, simply happy to have her home. If it were up to him, she’d quit school and move back to Doveport forever. It was a 180-degree turnaround from his summer rants a few months ago.
He was rushing around the house getting ready to head into The Wheel for the night. Jenna wanted to simply snuggle with him on the couch, drink some white hot chocolate from Mr. Donner’s and watch old movies on TV.
She feigned the whiniest voice she could muster. “Come on, Daddy, just put a sign on the door and tell them you’ll be back January 2nd.”
He bent down and kissed her on the forehead. “Now don’t be that way. I’ve been slaving away at the bar trying to stop the wannabe librarians and cobwebs from coming back. The least you can do is not make me feel guilty about it. And go upstairs to take a look at the work and let me know your choices for the floor and everything else the contractor left a sticky note on. We want to be sure all of this is ready come March.”
“I don’t want to do that. You bulldozed my room and yours, not to mention that loft space in the garage. It’s all too much, Daddy, and if you say you got that money from You-Know-Who I’ll never talk to you again!”
“I didn’t. Now relax, but go look at the sticky notes,” he told her again.
“I wanted to spend tonight with you! Forget it, I’m coming to work then.”
“Sit down, no you’re not!” he laughed.
“You can’t tell a pregnant woman no. It’s bad luck, Daddy,” she said with her hands on her hips.
“Fine, hurry up and get ready, but you’d better have a decision for Mark by tomorrow. I want this room done and over with before Christmas. It’s almost winter, and the longer we wait the longer it will take to get supplies and orders in. I don’t want there to be eight feet of snow on the ground while they’re trying to deliver changing tables and flooring.”
Jenna waved away her father’s chatter about design decisions as she grabbed her coat and threw some heavy boots on. Christmas was her favorite time of year, and she glowed under the lights of the tree and the festive decorations that hung around the living room. She snuggled in close to him as they made their way through the snowy Doveport streets to open up the bar for the night.
She volunteered to work the register while Paul sat at a table watching a TV that was installed in the corner. There weren’t a lot of people, but that was to be expected on a Wednesday night the week after Thanksgiving. She’d negotiated to take her finals early so she wouldn’t have to burn two weeks at school slaving away in the computer lab with the rest of the anxious, homesick students.
The quiet time at the bar was nice, as it gave her an opportunity to do some planning for the holiday party. It was going to be the week before Christmas and the last party before New Year’s Eve. In fact, her father had told her that if they pulled in enough money from the first event, he’d celebrate New Year’s at home with her and Hannah, drinking sparkling apple cider and watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. She was looking forward to that more than anything else.
The thought prompted her to send Hannah a text inviting her over to The Wheel. Having been cocooned in the house, she hadn’t seen her friend since she’d been back, and this would be a good chance to catch up in person. Hannah texted back right away: Be there in 15. Got news!
As Hannah walked up to the bar, Jenna tried to read her expression. She seemed pleased with herself but at the same time slightly nervous, as if she relished the thought of delivering her scoop but wasn’t sure how it would go over.
Jenna hazarded a guess. “Don’t tell me you’re pregnant too!” she giggled.
The joke fell flat as Hannah looked back at her sternly. “No chance of that, but we’re here to talk about your love life, not mine.”
“We are? And what love life?”
“The one with Tanner. Brandy’s gone for good. She moved out of Doveport with that hipster guy the day after Thanksgiving. I’m not exactly sure where they went, but it was out of state. I just found out today from Gary.”
Jenna was stunned. She’d assumed that, with her out of the picture, Tanner and Brandy had been enjoying an ‘on’ phase of their on again, off again relationship. But Brandy had obviously moved on, and Jenna couldn’t believe she would have done that unless Tanner had first.
“Why, is Tanner seeing someone else?”
“No! Gary said he’s just been working himself to death, taking extra shifts whenever he can get them, and not talking to anyone about anything except the job. Said he was getting kind of worried about him, actually. Jenna, he’s probably heartbroken over you. You have to tell him now!”
As if on cue, the door opened and Tanner walked into The Wheel.
“Um, I didn’t mean like now now, but—ooh, this is so exciting!” Hannah whispered gleefully as she backed off to give the pair some privacy.
Jenna didn’t dare move out from behind the bar as Tanner approached her with a scowl on his face. “So you’re back? Why do I have to find out like this? Well, I guess it figures. You left without saying goodbye, why would you tell me you’re back? Anyway, it doesn’t matter.” He produced an envelope from his coat pocket. “I just came in to give this to your dad, but since you’re here I’ll give it to you.”
Slapping the envelope on the bar, Tanner turned on his heel and walked straight back to the door.
“Tanner, wait—”
The only response was a blast of snow and the bang of the door as Tanner walked out of The Wheel for what looked certain to be the last time.
Hannah had watched the scene unfold in silence, her face falling as she realized that the storybook reconciliation she’d hoped for wasn’t in the cards. Now she stood up and approached her friend with her arms open, pulling her in for a hug. “Jenna, I’m so sorry. Are you going to read that letter or what?”
Jenna sighed. “I want to read it later. If it’s anything like my mother’s letters I don’t have the energy for my ugly cry face.”
“Okay then, what else do you want to do?”
“I’m pregnant and I don’t drink, Hannah,” Jenna said matter-of-factly. “I want to eat.”
“Let me see what I can find in the kitchen.”
As the kitchen door swung closed behind Hannah, the front door swung open again. Jenna thought it would be Tanner, back for another round of yelling, but it turned out to be someone she wanted to see even less. A familiar face still, that broken nose unmistakable. Jenna wished she’d never come into work with her dad for the night.
Sean Hannity walked around The Wheel with a giant smile. Paul was the first one to greet him, leaning over the bar to shake his hand. Grabbing an envelope, he handed it to Mr. Hannity with a smile. Jenna was so mad she was shaking. Her heart felt like it had risen to settle inside her throat. Her eyes welled, but she refused to let tears fall. Anger radiated from every pore of her body, and she couldn’t wait for Mr. Hannity to leave so she could unleash her fury.
“You are looking very well, very healthy these days,” Mr. Hannity said to Jenna with chuckle.
“Please, just take it and go,” Paul told him with a slight nod to the door.
“I don’t want to start any trouble,” the gangster smiled, “I’m just here to collect what’s mine. See you next week, Paul. Nice doing business with ya.”
And just as quickly as he’d come in, he walked out. Jenna was certain that smoke was billowing out from her ears. “Are you nuts?!?” she cried out.
Paul grabbed her by the arm and pulled her toward the office. Once they were inside, he closed the door behind them. “I’m not back in business with Hannity. I’m doing a favor for a friend, and that’s all I can say about it right now. Please understand that I know what I’m doing. Trust me, okay? There�
�s no way in hell that I’d let us work as hard as we did to pay it all off just to go back under.”
Jenna forced herself to take a few deep breaths. She nodded. “Okay, but please don’t lie to me. I’m going to tru—”
That was when the layout of the office caught her attention. It was rare that she went back there. What was even rarer was when her father implemented change, especially when it came to her mother’s belongings. Her desk was gone.
“Where’s Mom’s desk and all of her things?” she said, clutching her chest.
“I’ve been doing some cleaning. I decided that your Mom’s stuff, the big items, could be used elsewhere instead of just sitting here like an exhibit in a wax museum.”
“Elsewhere like where?!?” she questioned, fanning herself to prevent the oncoming panic attack.
“Like your new office at the house,” he said.
“What?”
“It was supposed to be a surprise. I guess it was; you look like you’re about to go into early labor. I took the desk and your mother’s furniture and put it in the house. I keep telling you to answer the sticky note questions, because once you pick the colors they’re going to paint and refurbish the old stuff to make it like new but with a piece of your own history attached to it. I wanted to have it done by Christmas, but you’re so doggone stubborn it’s probably going to have to be a late Valentine’s Day gift,” he laughed.
“Aw, Daddy! That sounds like a great Christmas present!” she cried and rushed into his arms, hugging him tight. Even though she was a few months away from becoming a single mother, even though she’d made a complete mess of things with Tanner, even though she was worried about Hannity—she knew she had at least one person she could count on for Christmas and for always.
Later that night, as Jenna got herself ready for bed, she left Tanner’s letter on top of the blanket as a reminder to read it before she dozed off. Cracking it open, she got a whiff of his scent, and it made her heart swell. She missed him so much now, but his letter shredded any hope she had of seeing him again: