I wasn’t used to being so emotionally all over the place and after four years spent at Carter Manor I had thought my time there would have healed me of any other emotional explosion, but it only took one man to derail me and make me forget all of what I had been taught.
So, after three fruitless hours, I hailed a cab and came back to the luxurious apartment where I was finally able to get control over my damp palms, the hammer that was my heart and the other signs of how turned on Mathis Grimes got me on the couch in his office.
But it was getting closer to the time when I knew my husband would be back. He said he would be home early and I had no doubt he would be considering what would happen once we had the privacy that was offered to us here. He wasn’t the kind of man who would deny himself any sexual gratification and it’s been a few months for him now. He was a ticking time bomb and the timer was coming to an end.
I polished off my tall glass of water and set it back on the coffee table with a steady hand and my eyes glued to the front door. I was back in control and ready to face what would happen head on.
I wanted to have sex and while Mathis Grimes would be a mistake and could very well be my biggest regret, right now he was my only choice if I ever wanted to quench that ever growing need inside me. He was also too difficult to resist and his teasing game had had the best of me.
I contemplated discarding my high waist skirt and cashmere sweater to wait for him only clad in my La Perla light gray and white underwear, but that stupid thought made me snort.
I wasn’t here to seduce my husband and add some spice to our marriage. As crude as it was, I was here to get a way overdue orgasm given by my husband, a man I had a hard time figuring out or even liking.
I leaned back on the couch. “This is so screwed up,’’ I whispered under my breath just when Elizabeth in the TV series Blacklist used her gun, making me jump in fright. I was decidedly on edge.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table signaling an incoming text. I frowned at the iPhone and leaned above the screen to check who could be texting me considering nobody had my number other than Mathis, his mother and sister.
And of course it was my husband.
I stared at the screen without touching it until it turned back to black. I had never had the full teenage experience with boys when I had been of age because I was too busy trying to find a way out of the foster system as I kept on landing in abusive families or with overcrowded families and kids acting out way too often. In one word, I had lived a nightmare in which I never felt safe and boys and puppy love hadn’t been anywhere on my radar. Survival had been. But now, even if this had nothing to do with puppy love, I was truly feeling what I supposed you went through at fifteen when a boy texted you and you wanted to do things with him.
I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity and snatched the iPhone from the table and pressed open the text.
Where are you? I’m on my way.
As if on cue, my palms started to sweat and my heart took off again. My whole body warmed and my skin tingled in anticipation of Mathis’ touch. It had been so long since I had sex last and I was desperate for it, a complete victim to my libido as if I had no self-control. A part of me was disappointed I so easily broke my own vow to myself, that it was so easy and quick to make me fold to my husband’s whim, but another part of me screamed in my head that I deserved some fun, that I deserved a break. That I deserved to finally let go and just be.
No pretenses, just sex in its rawest form.
Mathis could give me that. I had no doubt about it. But the fact remained, afterward I had no idea how I would react, how living with him and sharing a bed would be once he would get his fun elsewhere, because I was sure it would happen. There had never been any mention of fidelity in our arrangement and in fact, he had been quite honest in stating he wouldn’t bother being faithful to a woman he only had a use of for as business. I didn’t blame him and I could thank him for his honesty. At least, I was married to a brutally honest man and not one who would get off on seducing his wife, saying sweet nothings just to discard her like a used tissue once he got what he wanted.
Mathis for all his despicable ways, was honest and I appreciated that about him. Along with his good looks and even his darkness called out to me in a way I couldn’t begin to explain to myself.
My phone buzzed again, drawing my eyes back to it in my hand, slipping through my fingers from the light coat of sweat there.
You better be home, Lila.
I frowned and right when I started typing something scathing back, I heard keys in the front door. My head snapped up as my eyes bore into the door, my breathing already getting faster. I dropped my phone on the couch somewhere next to me and watched the door opening.
In some sugary movie, that’s where they would probably use slow motion when the man walks in and we all know what’s bound to happen between the two characters, but here, in reality it seemed to be happening too fast.
In a matter of the blink of an eye the door opened and Mathis Grimes stood there in all his splendor. Still clad in the same suit, he was standing tall and larger than life on the threshold. One hand, big and strong, held the door while his other one was clenched tightly around his set of keys. His suit jacket was unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely around his neck. Then, my eyes met his; so dark and burning I shivered. Even at a distance I felt the potency of his stare, the power brewing underneath his cold and distant exterior.
He didn’t move from the threshold and I didn’t leave my seat on the couch.
“No answer to my text, Lila? What are you trying to play at?’’
His icy voice should douse some of the first signs of my growing arousal, but it didn’t. If anything, my core clenched and my breasts became heavier in the confines of my bra. He had me twisted and upside down and I was at a point where I didn’t care anymore.
“I’m not playing.’’
His head tilted, eyes on mine and lips in between his teeth, it was difficult for me to stay put and wait for his next move. My whole body buzzed with need, with an urgency I didn’t remember ever feeling in the past. Not to this extreme.
He released his lower lip from the trap of his white teeth and I let my eyes enjoy the spectacle of his lip, darker than before and with a slight shine to it. Tasting him, hearing the hitch in his breathing, feeling his hardened cock… that was all I wanted, all that mattered at that moment. I was reduced to a mindless pool of lust and it didn’t even register in my head to be cautious and to second guess what would happen.
“Aren’t you?’’ he asked and finally moved.
He took a step inside and closed the door without tearing his eyes from me. With one quick glance on his left he dropped his keys in the big pot on the console and then walked toward me, his eyes boring into me.
That stare alone was foreplay.
It spoke of touches, intimate and teasing. It spoke of kisses. It spoke of sex without holding back. It spoke of orgasms, powerful and probably blinding.
I didn’t move from my seat, sure that if I attempted to stand up I’d make a fool of myself with the pinpricks in my legs telling me how wobbly I was. But I didn’t need to anyway because in no time he was towering over me, his eyes on mine as I had my head tilted back so as not to break eye contact. It wasn’t even a conscious decision not to. I was trapped, enthralled and at his mercy.
He wanted to break my resolve, to shatter my vows and ruin the person I had been groomed to become and he succeeded in a matter of a few short days.
“Does that mean you want me, little wife?’’
His eyes then left mine and deliberately fell down to my cleavage. The path his dark orbs took warmed me, drawing out goosebumps, and I shivered when I realized the kind of perfect view he must have from above, down the v of my cashmere sweater.
“I want an orgasm,’’ I replied in a bout of defiance as my eyes landed on his slightly parted lips. “That’s all.’’
He crouched in front of me, bringing his head to
the same level as mine. The closeness that had me gasping silently. His nose grazed mine and his mouth was just a breath away from mine, tantalizing, teasing. He was always teasing. Playing with me. Toying with me.
A hint of his aftershave reached my nostrils and I took a deep breath, taking in my husband’s scent, something that only made my body quiver for more of him. In that moment, tittering on the edge, right before he touched me, I wanted to lose myself in him. It was a conscious decision driven by desire.
“You’ll have more than one.’’ He touched my cheekbone with the tip of his fingers and watched with rapt attention as I trembled. “Your body is so responsive.’’
I swallowed thickly and stared at the little specks of gold in his dark eyes. “You said it yourself. It’s been years.’’
His fingers trailed to my mouth and with the pad of his thumb he traced each lip. My breathing stuttered.
“Good,’’ he said darkly, eyes on mine again. His hand went behind my head and delved in my thick hair, taking a good hold of me as if to make sure I wouldn’t escape or pull away. As if I even could at this point. That possessive hold on me, so dominant, had me clenching my thighs together and my hands immediately found their way to his wide shoulders just barely contained by his button-down shirt. The fabric under my fingers was thin and smooth, but it imposed a barrier between my skin and his. It let some of his heat to seep through. It made me crave his flesh more.
“Then what are you waiting for?’’
“I want to hear you beg.’’
I pulled back just an inch, but immediately his hand behind my head stopped me from moving further. His fingers tightened and twisted a few strands and strangely, it sent a shock to my belly, making me tense and I dug my fingers in his shoulders.
His smirk came back then, as wicked as ever, but it was the slight flush creeping in his cheeks covered by a dark stubble from the day that showed me how on edge he was too. He wanted me. He wanted me more than the woman who propositioned him earlier and for now that’s all I wanted. That’s all I could wish because come morning there would be a good chance that would be all over, whatever that crazy lust was. I needed to keep that in mind even if I let myself go with him, even if I gave all of my body without holding back.
My body wasn’t my heart. Anyway, my heart wasn’t available and it hadn’t been in years.
“You’re not going anywhere, Lila.’’
“I don’t plan on it. And I won’t beg you when you want it as much as I do.’’
He briefly closed his eyes and breathed in. In those few short seconds I saw the same man I had seen Sunday night after the disastrous dinner at his parents. He wasn’t the same hardened Mathis Grimes who had built an empire starting with only a startup company to grow to this incredible business entity. No, instead he was just Mathis, a man who went through hell and made something out of his life as if to lose himself in something that wasn’t the tragedy him and his family went through, as if he wasn’t as distant or cold as he appeared to be on a daily basis. That version of my husband was the one I feared because it was the one who had been able to make me see beyond the despicable man I had met at Carter Manor, the despicable man who had been toying with me since my arrival in Manhattan.
But that man was quickly gone and I didn’t know who was left behind because this man wasn’t cold or distant. He was intense and sexual. He was impossible to resist.
He brought his other hand to my face and cupped my cheek. His big hands held me and I couldn’t remember a time when I had felt as fragile or as in tune with my body before. In fact, none of my previous experiences could be compared to what was happening with Mathis. My husband was the kind of man in a category of his own and couldn’t fit with anybody else.
“You want me to beg you to open your perfect legs, Lila?’’ He tugged on my hair and made me hiss, but not in pain. Pleasure was all I felt and he knew it. His nostrils flared. “Do you want me to beg you to let me taste your pussy too?’’
“You wouldn’t anyway,’’ I whispered huskily and let my hands drift down from his shoulders to his pecs, hard under my palms. With the tip of my fingers I toyed with the buttons at his collar and the tie hanging loosely around his neck.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Lila.’’ His voice crashed over me, stoking the growing lust inside me until I was sure I’d be a mess of shivers, loud gasps and desperate hold on him with my hands shaking from the sexual tension that had been mounting for years and culminating these past few days. “I’d beg to get between your legs if it meant I could take you and make you come around my cock. I wouldn’t feel any shame or feel any less than the man I am.’’ He closed the space between us and let his lips barely touch mine in a teasing touch that made me stop breathing for a beat or two. “I do anything to get what I want, Lila. Right now, I want you. I want to fuck my wife and make you mine in all ways.’’
“You say that just to hear me beg,’’ I said and reluctantly smiled even if I only wanted to get our clothes off and finally experience what I had imagined in spite of myself with him, but I was so used to rebelling, even in small and insignificant ways, that I couldn’t stop myself.
With his teeth, he bit on my lower lip, gently nibbling it and he stopped only when a small moan escaped my opened mouth. Eyes closed, I felt his every finger on my face and behind my head. I felt his stubble lightly scratching around my mouth as he let his mouth brushing against mine without truly kissing me yet. He overwhelmed my senses, but also my mind.
“Really?’’ he whispered against my mouth. “Open your eyes, Lila.’’ I did without thinking, without putting up a fight. Maybe it was because I heard the command in his voice and a part of me truly wanted to surrender to him, but the fact remained. I looked into his eyes, the only thing I could see when he was so close to me. “Please, let me take off your clothes.’’ He placed a small kiss on my lips. “Please, let me taste every inch of your naked body.’’ Another kiss. “Please, let me sink inside you and make you come until no other man is left in your mind and memories.’’ And then, he attacked my mouth. His tongue traced the seam of my lips asking for entrance, as if he needed to. I willingly parted my lips and met his tongue with my own on a deep moan that could very well be perceived as a plea for him, his body, his cock.
But too soon Mathis pulled back and broke the kiss. With our loud breathing in the otherwise quiet apartment except from the TV turned to some mindless series, we said nothing but the look we exchanged held a lot of meaning.
He didn’t make a move and I knew what he wanted, what he waited for.
“Take me, Mathis.’’
His face hardened and where it could be mistaken for anger, I knew it was barely held lust. His next move only confirmed it. His hands left my head and before I realized what he was doing, he stood up with me against him. On a gasp, I circled his waist with my legs and his neck with my arms. I held on tight and even if my heart hammered in my chest in surprise at the sudden change in position, I trusted him not to drop me.
I didn’t trust him not to hurt me physically, but I trusted him and that different trust was dangerous. It’s not like I could fight it off, it was already there.
“Let’s go to our room. For a first time at marital sex it needs to happen in our marital bed.’’
LILA
Mathis and I faced each other next to the bed in our underwear. I couldn’t stop looking at his body, the hard planes of his muscles, the way his fair skin called out to me, or the small trail of dark hair that disappeared behind the waistband of his black underwear clinging crudely to his hard cock. The more I stared, the more he seemed to harden and when the head of his cock, dark red and wet appeared above his waistband I bit on my lip and brought my legs closer together.
Desire clung to me like a second skin, stretching me out until I knew a slight nudge could make me burst out.
When he had set me down in the bedroom my first thought was that he would take me hard and fast and forego any finesse, but on
ce again he did the opposite of what I expected him to. Instead, he had slowly uncovered my body one piece of clothing at a time and I had mirrored him with his own clothes, barely resisting the urge to touch his chest, lean in to place a kiss and taste his skin.
But now, we were only clad in our underwear and his eyes devoured me as if I was the first meal he had seen in weeks, as if he was taking the time to get his fill with his eyes before he finally took his first bite.
Right when I thought I’d break and launch myself at him, he came closer. His hands found their way to my hips possessively. The weight of his big hands on my body alone made me shiver again, but it was the way his fingers bit into my skin, the slight tremble I perceived coming from him and the acceleration of his breathing that had me clinging onto his bare shoulders. His skin was incredibly soft and firm under my touch. His warmth called out to me so much that I let my eyes fix his parted lips.
“Touch me,’’ he said, voice low and demanding.
My brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity because I didn’t think twice and obeyed him. That’s what I wanted to do anyway, so his demand only made things sweeter. Hotter.
With my lips trapped between my teeth, I watched my hands gliding down his chest, to his abs and then so close to the head of his cock peeking from his underwear that he hissed and contracted his abs, making them even more visible. Washboard abs. He was the perfect example of washboard abs.
Fascinated, I lightly touched each ripple of his abs with the tip of my fingers and slowly brought my eyes up to stare at him under my eyelids.
“You’re so beautiful,’’ he breathed out softly and ran his hands up my sides until one hand found its way back behind my head and the other one stopped near my breast, almost touching but not quite. I wanted his big hand on my breast. I needed him to touch me more.
I started breathing louder. My chest heaved and I cursed my bra as my breasts became heavier and heavier as seconds passed without another move from Mathis.
Be A Doll: A Carter Manor Novel Page 17