My Very UnFairy Tale Life

by Anna Staniszewski

  “Do you mean it?” I asked. “Are we really friends?”

  The prince gave me a lopsided grin. “Of course we are.”

  How could I turn him down? I wasn’t exactly swimming in friends these days. But more than that, I felt like I owed Prince Lamb after abandoning his kingdom. If I couldn’t defeat Klarr, at least I could help the prince by giving him a place to hide out.

  “Okay, fine,” I said. “But I’m done with all that magical stuff. So while you’re here, you have to act like a totally normal human.”

  Prince Lamb nodded eagerly. “Of course.”

  “And you can’t tell anyone who you really are, okay? One slipup and the Committee will spray everybody with memory dust. I can’t let that happen again. Got it?”

  “Yes,” said Prince Lamb, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’ll do whatever you say, Jenny. I promise.”

  I tried to tell myself that I was doing the right thing, that Prince Lamb needed my help. But as much as I wanted to believe that I was making the right decision, I couldn’t help wondering if maybe I was making a huge mistake.

  Chapter 14

  I’d always been a little jealous of how much attention Aunt Evie paid to her animal patients. But after seeing her fawn all over Prince Lamb at dinner that first night, I realized I’d been lucky my aunt had been a little oblivious to me over the years.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to cut up your broccoli for you?” Aunt Evie asked as she hovered over Prince Lamb’s plate. Maybe she could somehow sense that he was a lamb at heart.

  “Thank you,” the prince said. “I think I can manage.”

  Considering this was the prince’s first meal ever, he was doing better than managing. It took him a few tries to get into the swing of chewing, but soon he was munching away like a pro. As I watched him savoring every bite, I tried to imagine what it would be like to taste food for the first time.

  “This meal is…” Prince Lamb searched for the word. “Delicious.”

  Aunt Evie beamed as she went back to her seat. “Just wait until you try my kibble brownies!” She turned to me. “Your friend is such a gentleman.”

  I had to admit that Aunt Evie was right. Even though his table manners weren’t perfect—and who could blame him after he’d only had a mouth for a day!—the prince was an excellent guest. I assumed that came from a lifetime of preparing to be king one day.

  “So how long will you be in town, Prince?” said Aunt Evie.

  I swallowed a giggle. Only my aunt wouldn’t notice that “Prince” was an unusual name.

  “As long as you’ll have me,” said Prince Lamb.

  Aunt Evie looked puzzled.

  “Didn’t I tell you?” I chimed in. “Prince is staying with us. He’s a, um, new exchange student.”

  “Oh, how lovely!” said Aunt Evie. “Maybe we’ll learn a new language.” She leaned down and slipped a piece of broccoli to a raccoon that was rubbing up against her leg.

  The doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it,” I said, jumping to my feet. The only people who came by unannounced were girl scouts selling cookies or boy scouts raising money for field trips. Aunt Evie would usually “donate” a bag of birdseed and send them on their way. I liked to save the poor kids from having to drag the unwanted bags all the way home.

  But when I opened the door, I was stunned at the sight of the two visitors on my front steps.

  “Surprise!” Trish squealed.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I asked.

  “We wanted to help you unpack and decorate!” said Melissa. “It’ll be a way to celebrate the end of your first week here.”

  “Oh…thanks. But it’s not really a good time right now.”

  Melissa’s smile disappeared. “Look, Jenny,” she said, giving Trish a sideways glance. “We don’t know you that well, but it seems like you’re hiding something.”

  What could I say? I couldn’t tell them the truth, or some member of the Committee would swoop in and erase their memories again. But I couldn’t stand to lie anymore. Ever since I’d reintroduced myself to Melissa and Trish, I’d done nothing but compare them to how they used to be. But now I realized that I had changed too. The old Jenny would never have lied to her best friends.

  “Well—” I began.

  “Oh my gosh!” Trish squeaked, her eyes focusing on something behind me.

  Melissa also appeared stunned. “He looks like a soap-opera star,” she whispered.

  I turned to see Prince Lamb standing behind me, looking cuter than even the most popular boys at school.

  “Melissa, Trish, this is—”

  “I’m Prince,” Prince Lamb broke in. He came forward and shook hands with Trish and Melissa. They both looked like they might faint.

  “Prince like the singer?” said Trish.

  “Prince like the monarch,” Prince Lamb answered. He ran his hand through his sculpted hair, half closing his eyes as he did it. I could almost picture Ribba coaching him on that move.

  “Oh,” said Trish, blinking rapidly.

  “He’s my cousin,” I said, racking up yet another lie. “He’s visiting.”

  “From California?” asked Melissa. Her blank eyes were so wide, I was afraid they might actually fall out of her head.

  “Yes,” I jumped in as Prince Lamb started to answer.

  “Do you know any famous actors?” said Trish. She practically had drool dribbling down her chin.

  Prince Lamb’s face lit up. “Actually, I do know this one frog—”

  “No one you would’ve heard of,” I jumped in again.

  “How long are you here for, Prince?” asked Melissa. She tossed her hair over her shoulder in a way she’d probably gotten from a TV show.

  “For as long as they’ll have me.” The prince gave a little wink, and I saw Melissa shiver.

  “So you’ll be in school with us?” Trish shrieked.

  “No,” I said just as Prince Lamb gave an eager nod.

  “Of course I’ll be attending your school,” he said. “I wouldn’t have it otherwise.” He turned and gave me a meaningful look.

  I wanted to object. What if the prince’s identity was discovered and the Committee brainwashed my entire school again? But as Prince Lamb looked at me, all I could do was nod. Maybe it was crazy, but I’d told him I would help. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t back out on another promise.

  “Who’s at the door?” Aunt Evie called from the hall. I tried to block the doorway, but it was too late.

  “Oh, is that your mom?” said Trish.

  “We want to meet her!” said Melissa, pushing me out of the way.

  Before I could stop them, they were inside and face-to-face with Aunt Evie.

  “Hello,” my aunt said uncertainly, looking like a cornered mouse.

  “Hi, I’m Melissa.”

  “And I’m Trish.” She grabbed Aunt Evie’s hand and shook it like a baby rattle. “It’s so nice to finally meet you!” She glanced over at me. “Is your dad around too?”

  Aunt Evie cocked her head to the side. “Oh my,” she said to Trish. “I’m afraid you’re a little confused. Jenny’s father has been gone for years.”

  Trish’s face fell. “But I thought…”

  Melissa spun around to face me, her eyes narrowing. “You said you lived with both of your parents.”

  I swallowed. “Um…”

  “She used to,” said Aunt Evie. “But that was a long time ago, when she was just a puppy. No one has seen them in years.” She clicked her tongue and shook her head like it was all such a pity.

  “Wait,” said Trish. “So you’re not Jenny’s mom?”

  “Oh no,” said Aunt Evie. “I’m her father’s sister. I’m afraid I’m not very good with children.”


  I looked down at my feet, but I could feel Trish and Melissa’s eyes burning into the top of my head. I didn’t know how to go about trying to explain.

  “Would anyone like some dinner?” Prince Lamb chimed in. His words did nothing to break up the suffocating tension in the room.

  “No thanks,” Trish said coldly. “Come on, Melissa.”

  “Good-bye, Jenny. If that’s even your real name,” Melissa spat.

  My two best friends stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind them. Time seemed to stop. What had I done? There was no way Melissa and Trish would ever believe anything I said now. I’d thought losing them the first time had been hard. But losing them again hurt a hundred times more.

  Chapter 15

  On Monday morning, I woke up to the smell of pancakes. I was still in a bad mood from everything that had happened with Melissa and Trish the other night, but this was Prince Lamb’s first day of school and I was determined to make it a good one. I threw on some clothes and rushed down to the kitchen. Prince Lamb was already at the table, stuffing his mouth full of breakfast.

  “Good morning!” said Aunt Evie. She had a muskrat perched on her head and another one on her shoulder as she set a pancake-filled plate in front of me.

  “These smell good,” I said. My aunt rarely remembered to cook more than one meal in a row. Having the prince around definitely had its advantages.

  “And they’re crunchy,” said Prince Lamb.

  “Crunchy?” I inspected one of the pancakes and found something that looked suspiciously like a pellet of rabbit food. I shrugged and poured a bunch of maple syrup on top before digging in. It tasted pretty good.

  “Are you excited about your first day at Jenny’s school?” Aunt Evie asked.

  “Absolutely,” said Prince Lamb. “But I doubt it will be as much fun as spending time with those two muskrats.”

  Aunt Evie giggled as she scratched the animals’ heads. “They’re a feisty duo,” she said. “I just hope I can help them work through their sibling rivalry.”

  “How close are they in age?” asked Prince Lamb.

  “Well…” Aunt Evie launched into a long explanation of the difference between muskrat years and people years.

  I stared as the prince and my aunt chatted away as if they’d known each other forever. I couldn’t remember a single time I’d talked to my aunt about her job. It had always seemed so foreign to me, just as school seemed like another world to Aunt Evie.

  After breakfast was done and Prince Lamb and I had helped clean up the kitchen, it was time for school.

  “Ready for your first day?” I asked.

  “Of course!” said Prince Lamb. He grabbed the old schoolbag I’d lent him (he wasn’t bothered by the pink hearts and purple stars), and we headed to the bus stop.

  “If you don’t stop grinning like a fool,” I told him, “you’re going to get beat up.”

  “Bleat up?” asked the prince.

  “Beat up,” I said with a laugh. “Meaning picked on. All the girls might swoon over you, but I doubt the boys will.”

  “Don’t worry,” said Prince Lamb. “I’ve been trained in the art of charming people since birth. That is what princes do, after all.”

  When we got to school, I brought Prince Lamb to the front office, praying no one would ask too many questions. I shouldn’t have worried. Prince Lamb’s charm went into full swing. Within a few minutes he had a class schedule and something like a lunch date with the secretary.

  “Aren’t you just the nicest boy?” she said, shaking her head in wonder. “If only all the boys had your manners!”

  Prince Lamb beamed.

  “You hang on to this one,” the secretary told me with a wink. I blushed. “Have you had a chance to see your grandfather?” she added.

  I shuffled my feet. “Not really.”

  “I know it’s easy to forget about your grandparents when you’re young. But I’m sure it would brighten his day to see you.”

  “Yeah,” I said, pulling Prince Lamb away.

  “Who was she talking about?” he asked when we were out in the hallway again.

  “Dr. Bradley.”

  “You miss him, don’t you?” Prince Lamb said with a sympathetic look.

  In a moment of weakness the day before, I’d told the prince all about what had happened with Dr. Bradley. Now I regretted ever opening my mouth.

  “No,” I said. “All he did was lie to me. Why would I miss that?”

  “I’m sure he had no choice,” said Prince Lamb.

  “People always have a choice,” I said, sounding like a character out of a bad movie. I tapped the side of my head, hoping to finally shut off the corny chip in my brain. Then I turned to Prince Lamb. “Ready for class?”

  The prince nodded, and for a moment he looked like an eager sheep. Then he pushed up his cuffed sleeves, and he was more boy-suave than ever.

  When we walked into the loud classroom, it went instantly silent. Everyone watched as the prince and I sat down. It reminded me of the first time I had seen the inhabitants of Speak, with their wide, examining eyes.

  Trish and Melissa were whispering together in the corner. They didn’t even bother looking my way, and I didn’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to be friends with a big, fat liar either.

  “We have a new student joining us today,” the teacher said. “His name is…Prince Lamb?”

  The prince shot up from his seat and trotted to the front of the room. “That is correct, madam,” he said. “I am Prince. And it is a pleasure to make all of your acquaintances.”

  All eyes in the room stared back at him in surprise. There went his chances of ever being accepted.

  “I have recently moved here from, er, California,” the prince went on. “I like spending time out of doors, especially taking long walks through grassy fields. I am very fond of all types of music, enjoy trying new things, and am an excellent listener.”

  There was dead silence as Prince Lamb went back to his seat. I could almost hear people’s brains churning.

  Then, to my utter surprise, I saw dreamy smiles spread across the girls’ faces. Meanwhile, the boys were sizing the prince up like he was their competition. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. If they only knew he was going to grow up to be a sheep!

  Finally, it was lunchtime. I gripped my bagged lunch tightly and made my way over to the table I’d shared with Trish and Melissa the previous week.

  “Hi, guys,” I said.

  They looked up at me but didn’t say anything.

  “I don’t blame you for being mad. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

  Melissa chewed on her lip. “We don’t forgive you,” she said. “But we have a question.”

  “Okay.”

  “All the girls have been asking about Prince,” said Trish. “Do you know if he has a girlfriend back home?”

  I fought back a smile. “I don’t think so.”

  Trish and Melissa exchanged excited looks. Then they turned their noses away from me.

  I sighed and went over to an empty table in the corner of the cafeteria. Back in my adventurer days, I’d mostly sat by myself and hadn’t really minded being alone. So why did it feel so awful now?

  As I took out my sandwich, Prince Lamb emerged from the lunch line with a tray balanced in his hands. He was surrounded by a group of the most popular boys in the entire school. I could only stare as they worked their way over to my table.

  “Jenny,” said Prince Lamb, leaning in to whisper in my ear. “Is it all right if these fellows sit with us?”

  “Um, okay. You sure make friends fast.”

  He gave me a devilish grin. “They seemed impressed with my ability to eat an entire stack of napkins.”

  “You’r
e kidding.”

  Prince Lamb raised his eyebrows mysteriously. “Lads, do you all know Jenny?” he said to his group of followers. “She’s, er, my cousin.”

  “Hey.” I tried to pretend like I hung out with popular boys all the time, but the crazy smile on my face probably gave me away.

  A few of the boys gave me polite nods as they sat down, but most just ignored me. Clearly, they were only interested in new kids who could eat stacks of paper products.

  “Prince, how do you get your shirt to look like that?” one of the boys asked.

  Prince Lamb glanced down at his perfectly cuffed sleeves. “It’s simple, really.” He did a demonstration while all the other boys leaned in, studying his every move. They reminded me of a flock of sheep. Maybe that was why they’d taken to Prince Lamb so quickly.

  I knew being jealous was silly, but it just didn’t seem fair. From the second Prince Lamb had set foot in my world, he had managed to do everything right. Aunt Evie paid more attention to him than she ever had to me, and Prince Lamb was more popular after a few hours than I had been my entire life. The prince had asked me for help, but the truth was he didn’t need it at all. In fact, he was better at being normal than I’d ever be.

  Chapter 16

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come get ice cream with us?” Prince Lamb asked after school a few days later. “It’ll be fun.”

  Over the prince’s shoulder I could see his entire flock of friends glaring at me. They didn’t want me to come with them; they just wanted me to stop hogging their new fearless leader.

  “I have a lot of homework to do,” I said. I knew he was only inviting me out of pity, and I had no desire to be the loser tagalong “cousin.”

  Prince Lamb gave a little shrug and headed over to his herd of friends. He couldn’t seem to quit being a ruler no matter where he went. I was disgusted to see that all the boys in the group now wore their shirt sleeves cuffed just like Prince Lamb.

  I hopped onto the school bus and settled into my usual seat. Had being a regular girl been this hard before I’d become an adventurer? I didn’t think so. But then again, all the things that made me a good adventurer had been okay when I was younger. I’d always had a big imagination, running around the neighborhood on made-up missions. And I’d loved taking charge and telling people what to do. But if I tried to do any of those things now, the other kids would think I was a bossy weirdo.