So after we picked out all of the stuff, we walked to the register. I took out the wallet, grabbed the $24, stuffed it into my pocket, then grabbed the folded-up $100 bill and put it in my pocket, too. I looked around for a second, saw no one was looking at me, then tossed the wallet at one of those circular racks retailers hang T-shirts on, figuring someone more ethical than me would find it and mail it back to Orlando, bless him. And I was for real feeling righteous at that point. I could’ve thrown the wallet in the trash and he’d have never gotten it back, I silently reasoned with myself. Wow, you’re very decent, Serrano, I continued. It was really something. It really was.
The man at the register, he smiled, not knowing he was looking at criminals. “You find everything okay?” he asked. “Yes, sir,” I said, and I glanced at the girl and smiled, but I’d not yet gotten braces so I’m sure my smile did not have the effect on her I’d intended it to. The cashier tapped the register’s buttons and placed the items in two plastic bags and gave us the total. It was just under $100, and I felt really happy because robbing Orlando was more work than I’d realized and I figured we’d use that last bit of money to buy some food. When he told us how much it was I said, “Sure,” and reached into my pocket and pulled out the $24 and set it on the counter. Then I reached into my pocket again and found the $100. Then I unfolded it. And that’s when I died.
It wasn’t a real $100 bill. Ben Franklin was not looking back at me. Do you know who was looking back at me? JESUS CHRIST WAS LOOKING BACK AT ME. It was some church promotional thing. When it was folded up, it looked exactly real. But when you unfolded it, it was a half-size $100 bill with Jesus on the front and some scripture about accepting the Lord into your life underneath his picture. I couldn’t even believe it. I just stood there holding it. I showed it to the girl. She didn’t say a word. The cashier? Who even knows what he was thinking because I walked right TF out the store without saying anything at all.
The ride home was super weird. What I should’ve done was talk about what had happened, because, really, it was a kind of amazing thing. I should’ve tried to have some sort of conversation, maybe about God or reverse serendipity or something, anything. But I was wearing a T-shirt that had flowers on it so I was in no position to pretend that I knew anything about anything. So we just sat there as the tape I’d made played itself through. “La Di Da Di” came on. Then right after that the version Snoop Dogg made in 1993 came on. Then some other song I don’t remember. Then “Children’s Story.” She asked, “Is this the same guy as ‘La Di Da Di’?” I said, “Yeah. His name is Slick Rick.” She said, “You must really like him.” I said, “He talks like that because he’s from England. He has this other song called ‘Teenage Love,’ but I didn’t put it on here.” And she really didn’t say anything else the rest of the trip home.
REBUTTAL: “KING OF ROCK” RUN-DMC
From a pure rapping standpoint, “La Di Da Di” is the Song of 1985. But rap has never really been pure. Since its dawn on earth, the genre has sampled and repurposed other bits of culture. There’s nothing more hip-hop than music venturing outside of its comfort zone. Enter “King of Rock.” Run-DMC could rap their asses off, albeit not with the same dexterity or nuance as Slick Rick. Don’t think of “King of Rock” as a guitar-driven crossover, or pandering to white listeners, or a welcome mat for Aerosmith. This was the invention of the hard-as-fuck mentality that’s preoccupied the genre ever since. Thirty years later, “King of Rock” still knocks. It’s more streamlined than what came before but also liberating. The half-shouted bars and Rik Rubin’s stripped-down production are all about tension and suspense. If “King of Rock” sometimes sounds like two competing hype men, it’s because “King of Rock” is the feeling of next. Instead of living in the moment, Run-DMC were spokesmen for the future. They weren’t amped off of what was happening in that moment but for what was ahead. This wasn’t good-times music or skills on display; it was “You have no fucking idea what’s about to go down.” In a lot of ways, we still don’t.
—BETHLEHEM SHOALS
La Di Da Di
“You’re about to witness something you’ve never witnessed before” (0:04)
“There is no competition ‘cause we are the best, yeah” (0:33)
“We don’t cause trouble, we don’t bother nobody” (1:13)
“So listen close to what we say” (1:31)
“Who is the top choice of them all” (1:49)
“I threw on my brand new Gucci underwear” (2:18)
“I got the Johnson’s Baby Powder and Polo cologne” (2:23)
“Threw on the Bally shoes” (2:28)
“I went back in, I forgot my Kangol” (2:35)
“I said, ‘Um, don’t cry, dry your eye’” (3:13)
“The bitch was strong” (3:30)
“So I broke the hell out like I had the chicken pox” (3:42)
“And with your wrinkled pussy, I can’t be your lover” (4:30)
Considerate, Boastful, Name Brand, Self-Reflective, Observational, Inflammatory, Comparative
1. Duke Bootee said it first on “New York, New York” in 1983.
2. Slick Rick was born in England and moved to New York with his family when he was eleven years old.
WHAT THIS SONG IS ABOUT
It’s a first-person account of a story that includes, but is not limited to, physical confrontations (perpetrated against both male and female), the drug trade, police chases, and murder.
WHY IT’S IMPORTANT
Because nobody had ever been as criminally explicit in a rap song before. “6 in the Mornin’” is, in the estimation of many, ground zero for true gangsta rap.
In 1988, Robert Duvall told a joke. More accurately: In 1988, a character Robert Duvall was playing in a movie called Colors1 told a joke. The joke was short and only mildly funny, but it was also powerful and complex, which is probably the way a lot of people have described Robert Duvall as an actor during his career.2 He told the joke to Sean Penn. More accurately: He told the joke to a character Sean Penn was playing. He said:
“These two bulls are sitting on a grassy knoll overlooking a herd of Guernseys, and the baby bull says, ‘Hey, Pop. Let’s run down and, uh, fuck one of those cows.’ But the papa bull says, ‘No, son. Let’s walk down . . . and fuck ’em all.’”
In the movie, Duvall and Penn played partnered police officers in it. Duvall was the older, smarter, well-respected one. Penn was faster, meaner, and had hair that looked like it was spring-loaded. Duvall told the joke to Penn as a way to explain that Penn’s very aggressive policing style3 was only conducive to short-term gains, if even that. Duvall laughed when he finished telling the joke because Penn didn’t laugh. Penn just smirked a little, because mostly he was (probably) just daydreaming about sleeping with a Hispanic woman he was staring at.4 Come the end of the movie, Duvall is dead (he was shot during an assassination attempt on a gang member), and Penn and his hair are telling the same joke to his new partner, a black officer who is even more belligerent.
Ice-T, the first rapper signed to Warner Bros. Records, wrote and performed the theme song for Colors. He5 was chosen to do so because Colors was obviously about Los Angeles gangs and gang culture but also less obviously about other things (like honor and diplomacy in places you wouldn’t expect), which is probably the way a lot of people have described Ice-T as a rapper during his career.
♦
“People often say I created the gangsta rap genre with that record, but let me give proper credit. It was Schoolly D who inspired me to write the rhyme.” —Ice-T, talking about “6 in the Mornin’” in his autobiography, Ice: A Memoir of Gangster Life and Redemption—from South Central to Hollywood
Schoolly D is a rapper from Philadelphia. In 1985, he recorded and released a song called “P.S.K. What Does It Mean?” It’s the song Ice-T is referencing in the preceding quote and has referenced before in other interviews.
In “P.S.K.,” Schoolly talks about drugs and having sex, which hadn’t reall
y happened before in a rap song, so that was large, and those are definitely two pieces of what gangsta rap eventually grew to be. But when it came to criminality, another major branch, he either only alluded to it or stopped just short of being properly offensive. The easiest example: The acronym “P.S.K.” means “Park Side Killers,” a gang Schoolly was affiliated with in the early ’80s. In the song, he never actually says that, though. Instead, he offers up a different assignment for the letters.6 Ice-T was not interested in allusions.7
Three comparisons: (1) In the last verse of “P.S.K.,” Schoolly pulls a gun on a man but decides against shooting him because he doesn’t want to go to jail. In the last verse of “6,” nine people are killed in a shootout Ice-T is involved in. (2) In “P.S.K.,” Schoolly’s first encounter with a girl ends with him having sex with her and then underpaying her (turns out, she’s a prostitute—Schoolly D offers her $10 after they have sex, and so this girl is either not that great of a prostitute or Schoolly D is a ruthless negotiator). In “6,” Ice-T’s first encounter with a woman ends with her getting beaten up in the street for calling him and his friends “punk pussies.” (3) In “P.S.K.,” Schoolly goes to a fancy bar. In “6,” Ice-T goes to jail for seven years for being caught with an Uzi, a .44, and a hand grenade in his car. A HAND GRENADE, like he’s goddamn Commando Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“P.S.K.” inspired the first gangsta rap song. That’s not the same as being the first gangsta rap song itself. It’s close, but it’s not the same.
♦
A fast note about Ice-T’s autobiography: There’s a section where he tells a story about hanging out with Flavor Flav that involves going to Red Lobster in a Ferrari. I suspect the phrase “going to Red Lobster in a Ferrari” is the most accurate description of Flavor Flav anyone will ever come up with.
♦
SOME OTHER GENERAL KNOWLEDGE ABOUT ICE-T
Ice-T was asked to star in the film New Jack City by Mario Van Peebles after Van Peebles heard him talking shit in a bathroom in a nightclub. Ice-T was paid $28,000. The movie grossed over $60 million. Ice-T was also in a movie about a leprechaun who murdered people for gold coins, which is a real, actual thing. The guy who signed Ice-T to Sire Records, an arm of WB, had also signed the Ramones, the Pretenders, Madonna, Depeche Mode, the Smiths, the Cure, and more. Ice-T went to a Tupperware party once because he thought Denzel Washington was going to be there. Denzel Washington was not there. Ice-T is interesting.
♦
“6 IN THE MORNIN’” IS A MONSTROUS TEN VERSES LONG
• Verse One: This one is about running away from the police. Ice-T hears them knocking at his door at six A.M. He escapes out a window, bringing with him his pistol and his money. He does not grab his cassette tape, which he regrets.
• Verse Two: This one is about playing dice (he doesn’t say if he won or lost, though I suspect he won because nobody dies afterward) and then beating up a woman who becomes a tad too mouthy—though this is evidence he possibly lost at dice.
• Verse Three: This one is about getting arrested for having weapons in the car and then getting into a fight in jail.
• Verse Four: This one is about getting out of jail. (The ease with which the third verse is delivered might lead you to believe that his weapons charge was a small infraction. It was not. He reveals here he was locked up for seven years.) He finds out that everyone he knew before going in is now in the drug trade. He joins up.
• Verse Five: This one is about becoming a pimp and then getting into a gunfight in a strip club because that’s what pimps do, probably. Six people are wounded, two of whom are fatally injured.
• Verse Six: This one is about running away from the police again, this time in a stolen car.
• Verse Seven: This one is about how he successfully evaded the police, and so then he goes to a girl’s house and takes a bath. I imagine this is also a pimp activity, though I suppose it could be he just chose a bath over a shower so he wouldn’t get his hair wet.8
• Verse Eight: This one is about having sex with a skilled lover.
• Verse Nine: This one is about helping his friend jump bail.
• Verse Ten: This one is about going to a party in New York, then getting into a shootout. Nine people die this time.
It’s like a season of Sons of Anarchy, basically.
♦
Ice-T testified before the Congressional Black Caucus in 1988. This was a year after Rhyme Pays had established him as a star.9 And it was the same year he’d done the song for Colors, which was a hit and of course in the news as a controversy, so his reach extended beyond music. More to that point: It was also after L.A. had been christened the face of the crack epidemic in America by national media, so he appeared the most appropriate, qualified counsel.10 He was asked a very complicated simple question: Why are there gangs and drugs? His response: “I said, ‘All you fools sitting in here and you’re gonna ask me and you know exactly why there’s gangs and drugs. Because you don’t care about it,’ you know what I’m saying? And the gang situation in Los Angeles has been here twenty years. And then a lady got killed in Westwood, you know, a non-black somebody out of the neighborhood, and all of a sudden there were 387 murders that year and seventy thousand gang members. And I said, ‘They didn’t join that night.’”
Ice-T is very charming + very smart + very insightful, particularly when it comes to discussions of race as it relates to the economics and mechanics of gang culture and its net force. That’s why he became such an influential rapper, same as Ice Cube and Tupac Shakur, two other captivating speakers. He’s also very self-aware.
He spoke about the moment he realized the world was broader than the ghetto in 1989 on The Arsenio Hall Show. This is the exchange. It took place after he talked about how he’d been offered a bit part in a movie called Breakin’ and initially turned it down:
Ice-T: My homeboys came at me and they were like, “Ice, man. You need to cool out, man. You need to cool out, man. You need to go on and get that money, man. White people like you, man.”
Arsenio: Someone came and told me that same thing years ago.
[audience laughs]
Ice-T: It’s sad, though. It’s sad, though, you know. So they told me, they said that I could make it. And I’m, like, looking at them like, “Man, I thought I got it made, man.” And they’re like, “Nah, you got a chance.” And right then, that’s when my whole life kind of flipped ’cause I realized what we were doing really wasn’t what the guys I looked up to [gangsters] wanted to be doing.
♦
The Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, the lot of them, those guys figured out how to be the most financially successful with gangsta rap music. N.W.A, the guys in that group, they figured out how to make gangsta music the most popular (basically, just let Dr. Dre produce for you and Ice Cube write for you, as it were). And Schoolly D leaned toward becoming the first gangsta rapper.
But Ice-T fully figured out what it was supposed to represent: frontline reporting from a figurative (and sometimes literal) war being fought by communities America didn’t seem all that interested in protecting, and presented in a way that advanced the idea of bucking authority.
REBUTTAL: “WALK THIS WAY” RUN-DMC
Ice-T doesn’t get enough credit for pioneering West Coast hip-hop and gangsta rap, but while “6 in the Mornin’” was an important record, it wasn’t the most important one from 1986. I’d argue that Run-DMC’s cover of Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way” (which was produced by Rick Rubin) was hiphop’s first real crossover record and showed the world the genre’s limitless potential. Really, from there you could draw any number of lines, because it’s the song that first fused rock and rap, a thing that’s happened countless times since. Incidentally, Run-DMC’s 1986 version of “Walk This Way” also helped revitalize Aerosmith’s career as they were getting set to release their now seven-times-platinum 1987 album Permanent Vacation. So the next time you listen to Kanye West and Paul McCartney’s “Only One” or watch Emine
m and Elton John perform “Stan” together on YouTube, put one in the air for Run-DMC.
—ROB MARKMAN
Artist
Intimidating
Cool
Approachable
Ostentatious
Iconic
UnderAppreciated
Overappreciated
Perfectly Appreciated
Bushwick Bill
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Willie D
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2006 Rick Ross
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The D.O.C.
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Mac Dre
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Tupac Shakur
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2008 Rick Ross
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2007-2014 50 Cent
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The Rap Year Book: The Most Important Rap Song from Every Year Since 1979, Discussed, Debated, and Deconstructed Page 7