“What we have here is sacred,” Heather had said. “Private is private.”
Ginny’s gesture of moments before had just been one of many that day.
Despite the very real anger she felt at having that photo taken and published, Ari thought this incident might be a blessing in disguise.
She wanted to finally deal, once and for all, with her past. She wanted to deal with it and move on.
If that bit of personal embarrassment is the price I have to pay to be able to do that, well, that’s not really much of a price at all.
“Is it all right if I sit with you?”
Ari blinked, shocked because she hadn’t even seen Grandma Kate come into the restaurant.
“Of course you can.”
“No, don’t get up, though you’re sweet to want to. I imagine you spend a good part of your day on your feet.” Grandma Kate settled herself in the chair and set her handbag down by her feet. “There. Now, what are you having for lunch?”
“The special today is burger and fries.” Ari looked around, then leaned forward. “I was kind of thinking that I have somewhat juvenile eating habits.”
Kate Benedict waved her hand at that. “I never listen to what folks say is ‘the proper way’ to do anything. I’ve lived long enough that I can tell you that expert opinion on the correct manner to do this or that changes every ten years or so. You’re better off doing what your heart, mind, body, and soul tells you to do.”
Just then Ginny came over with Ari’s Coke. “Hey, Grandma Kate. What can I get you today? Do you want to look at the menu?”
“No need for me to see the menu, thank you Ginny. I already know what I’m going to have. I’d like a pot of hot tea—Darjeeling, please. And I’ll have two of Tracey’s cream puffs.” She gave Ginny a big smile, and then winked at Ari.
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll get right on that.”
Two things occurred to Ari at once. The first was that Grandma Kate had come to sit down with her as much as a show of support as to simply have lunch with her. And the second was Cody’s walking her to the restaurant, Colt and Ryder’s sidewalk chat—which, she checked, was still in progress—and the presence inside the restaurant of Peter Alvarez-Kendall and Morgan Kendall weren’t happenstance.
The men of Lusty were on duty, on guard, and protecting one of their own. And that one was her.
Her eyes misted with the reality that she really did belong here in this town, with these people. Grandma Kate must have misinterpreted her tears. The older woman patted her hand. “Don’t you worry. We’ll get the blackguard who dared to invade this town’s privacy. He’ll rue the day he took that picture, I can promise you that.”
Ari grinned. “I have every faith in that, and the people of this town.”
“Good for you, sweetheart. As to the other? You’ve heard our town motto, I’m sure. That the residents of Lusty have earned the name time and time again.”
Ginny brought over Kate’s tea, which she liked to enjoy with milk and a bit of sugar. Ginny went ahead and poured out a cup, a service Ari imagined she didn’t perform for many. She was reminded how beloved Kate was of everyone in town.
She felt herself relax some. I guess I was more upset about that photograph than I thought I was.
“Yes, ma’am, I have heard that motto.”
Ginny left them and Kate picked up her cup. “Good. Because there’s not a one of us who hasn’t enjoyed a moment or several out of doors, au naturel, so to speak, in our lives, including me.” Then her eyes positively danced in merriment as she lifted her cup to her lips. “Good form, by the way.”
That last was said quietly so no one else but her could hear.
Ari burst out laughing, not the least bit surprised when everyone around her smiled in response.
* * * *
Neither he, nor Cord, could contain their laughter as Ari told them about lunch with Grandma Kate. She was laughing, too, and could barely get the words out. He was glad to see her so lighthearted.
His cousins had assured them that no one in town would make Ari feel self-conscious, or bad, about the photograph. Jackson was ashamed to say he hadn’t completely believed that. People were people, and a good half of them usually were happy to see someone else having a hard, or embarrassing, time.
Why else would the Internet be plastered with tales of so many stories of some poor sap’s “most embarrassing moment ever”?
I guess I never counted on Lusty being Lusty.
He loved his family, and he loved Montana. He’d made some good friends and had his share of good times there. But just right then, he really wished he’d grown up in this small Texas town. They had him now, heart and soul, because they’d rallied around his woman when she’d needed them the most.
“Grandma Kate is quite a lady,” Jackson said. He slipped his arm around Ari and gave her a hug. “The cowboy here has to go and help the cousins and Ricoh chase down a couple heifers that got through a hole in the fence. Why don’t you keep me company until they get back?”
“I can do that.” Ari looked from him to Cord, and then over to where the others were getting ready to mount up. “I can do that…but why aren’t you going, too?”
“It’s just best that I don’t,” Jackson said. The evasion rolled easily off his tongue. He’d gotten pretty good at nonanswers in this one small area. He didn’t have to worry, because Ari generally just accepted whatever he said, and they went from there.
Ari tilted her head to one side, meeting his gaze. He tried not to think about the fact that he really wanted to look away from her unusually determined stare.
Then she looked at Cord. “Can you explain that to me, because I see you don’t completely agree with what he just said, either.”
Instead of assuring their woman that it was nothing, Cord said, “Not my story to tell, Red. Maybe while we’re gone you can get him to talk to you about it. Because you’re right, I don’t agree. You can’t live your entire life being afraid to live.”
Jackson scowled at Cord. “Thanks a lot, brother. And for your information, I am not afraid to live.”
“You will thank me one day, brother, and yes, you are. You have to talk to someone, Jackson, and I’m tired of waiting for you to talk to me.” He bent down and kissed Ari, then headed toward the barn.
“Come on, slick. It’s time for you and me to have a serious meeting of the minds.” She took his hand and led him toward the house. But instead of heading inside—where he at least would have been able to distract her by getting her naked and into bed—she sat herself down on the top step of the porch.
He sat down across from her. A distance of about four feet separated them, but at the moment, even though he’d been the one to put that distance between them, if felt as if they were much farther apart than that.
There was one big part of his life he hadn’t opened up to her. A part that he’d avoided and evaded with her—just as he had with Cord. And looking at her now, he knew that she knew that.
He didn’t much care for the sinking feeling in his gut—the same kind he used to get as a kid when he knew he’d done something very wrong.
“I only have one question to ask you.”
Her voice reflected no particular emotion that he could tell. She met his gaze, unflinching. Yet he could see her love for him right there, in her eyes. She wanted to ask him one question. How could he refuse such a simple request?
“All right. What’s your question?”
“How did it make you feel when I told you everything about my past?”
Well, hell. It had made him feel ten feet tall, because she’d trusted them. She’d stripped herself bare, and risked a hell of a lot, really, with her honesty.
He knew of a couple of guys who’d have walked, knowing what she’d been forced to do to survive while being little more than a baby.
Jackson exhaled heavily. Part of why he loved her was the way she’d reached out, opened up, and trusted him. He wanted to marry this woman. He wanted to
be one of the two men she would turn to in times of joy and sorrow for the rest of her life. He wanted her to know that she could trust him not to hurt her or desert her or let her down. He wanted her to continue to be honest and open with him.
How could he give her any less than what he himself wanted and needed from her in return?
His heart sped up and it was hard to start, to pull out the words he’d locked away—words he’d even locked away from his own thoughts. “It happened in July, in training camp. We were just doing a light scrimmage—that’s when we sort of play a game among our own team members. It’s a way of getting in shape, waking up your skills. Cord passed the ball, I caught it, and Patterson hit me. It wasn’t even a hard hit. But I went down and hit my head, and lost consciousness for a couple of minutes.”
“You had a concussion?”
“Yeah, it was about my third or fourth. Like I said, it wasn’t even a really hard hit.”
“But you landed badly, probably, when you hit your head. That can be very bad.”
“It was. Rules are, if you lose consciousness, even if only for a few moments, you have to get a full work up. So I had one which included a CT scan. The short story is, I had to decide—football, or possible crippling, or death, from a future concussion.”
“A certainty? Or the odds were?”
He had to think about that. He honestly didn’t know if another concussion would definitely be fatal. So he told her what he believed. “It was too much of a risk to take the chance. I guess I might have another concussion and be okay. I might not. It wasn’t a gamble I really wanted to take over a stupid fucking game. It’s just a game.” That had been his mantra since he and Cord had sat in the stands at Pioneer Park in Billings, right after Dr. Wyatt had given him the news.
He actually felt nervous as she looked at him. He didn’t see pity in her eyes, but then he hadn’t really thought he would. It was just a stupid game. But he did see compassion, and maybe even sympathy. He opened his mouth to say something funny or smart, but she beat him to it.
“It wasn’t just a stupid fucking game, Jackson. It was the career you had chosen—the dream you had worked hard for and achieved and lived for so short a time—and you had it ripped away from you long before you were ready to retire. God, Jackson, I am so, so, sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been living with.”
The only time Jackson had ever been moved to tears was when his grandmother Bonnie—his mother’s mother—had died. He’d been nine at the time, and her passing had been really hard for him. Nana had lived with them the last two years of her life. He could still recall the night he’d awakened from a bad dream. He’d made his way down to the kitchen—he still wasn’t sure why he went there—and had found Nana sitting up, having hot tea. She’d invited him to join her, and they had talked about…hell he couldn’t even remember what they’d talked about. But she’d made him feel better. In hindsight she must have known he’d had a nightmare, and had allowed him to sit next to her, snuggle in, and get over it.
Her death was the last time he’d cried, until now.
Jackson didn’t even know he was going to cry. But all of a sudden he couldn’t see because his vision had blurred and he felt wetness on his cheeks. One sob escaped his chest and he felt as if he was being ripped open from the inside. And then another, and another.
Ari slid next to him and wrapped her arms around him. He held on to her like he’d never held on to anyone in his life.
He didn’t know how long he sat there with her and cried. He’d been in denial since Dr. Wyatt had given him that assessment of his CT scan. He’d known he couldn’t change reality. He thought he’d dealt with it. Face it, accept it, quit the game, and move on.
But he’d been lying to himself. He hadn’t allowed himself to mourn the loss of something that had been an important part of his life. Important part? Ari was right. Being a pro football player had been the only dream he’d ever had.
His tears tapered off and still he sat, clinging to his woman. Her hand on his back had been caressing him the entire time he’d cried. She hadn’t said anything, just held him, giving him her heart, and her love, just like that.
“I didn’t mean to drown you.”
“Are you kidding? The way I see it, I owed you. I blubbered more, all over you, if you’ll recall.” She eased back to look at him for a long moment. “Now, that is so totally not fair. When I cry my entire face goes all splotchy and I look like hell. You’re still gorgeous. And you wonder why I call you ‘slick.’”
“Lord, woman.” Jackson laughed. Not just a snicker but an all-out, gut-busting laugh that made his sides hurt and his heart light.
Ari Stein had made him laugh more often, and more heartily, than even Cord had, and that was saying something. His laughter faded and he simply looked at her.
“So tell me about that.” She waved her hand toward the barn, and Jackson knew exactly what she meant.
“Cord’s right. I guess I’ve been kind of afraid, you know, since that diagnosis. I didn’t even want to fly here. We drove. I reasoned that we’d want our own horses with us, but it was really me being afraid to fly. I’m only thirty-three. When Dr. Wyatt told me the results of the CT scan, it wasn’t just that I couldn’t play football. It was that all of a sudden, my life options seemed…extremely limited.”
“Didn’t you ask him to tell you what you could and could not do safely during your follow-up appointment?”
“Well…um, actually, I didn’t have a follow-up appointment. There didn’t seem to be any point. I had to quit football, and I just figured a clean break would be best. Start fresh. Get it over and be done with it.”
Ari reached over and patted his knee. “That’s all right, slick. It’s not your fault. It’s that birth defect of yours.”
“What birth defect?”
“The Y chromosome.” She shook her head. “It’s an awful crime that every one of you penis bearers has that birth defect.”
“Ha-ha.”
“Okay, let me ask you one more question. If I came to you with a stupid-ass story like that—‘the doctor said to quit this or I might die, but no, I did not have a follow-up appointment to learn everything I could about my condition’—what would your reaction be?”
He met her gaze and saw the truth in her argument—and her eyes. “Well hell, Tink. If you’re going to go and use logic against me…”
“Jackson? Call Robert Jessop. Yes, he’s just one of the docs who works part time at the Lusty Clinic. But he was a chief of trauma medicine in a Chicago inner-city hospital, and he’s on staff at one of the best hospitals in Waco. He can get all your records sent here. Call him, make an appointment, and let’s see what it is we’re really dealing with.”
“We?”
“You bet your ass, ‘we.’ Unless you’ve changed your mind about me?”
“Never.” Jackson pulled her into his arms. Just having her here, close to him, made everything that had seemed worrisome for so long, better. “I promise I’ll call him just as soon as we finish dealing with that asshole Gilmore, and those two bastards who are looking for you.”
“Okay, fair enough. But there’s someone else you have to talk to, too. And you don’t need to wait for that.” She looked toward the barn.
The riders were back. Even from this distance, Jackson knew when his brother looked at him. He nodded. “Yeah. I better fix things with my little brother right now.”
“He doesn’t look that little to me.”
“I’ll have you know, Tinker Bell, that I am ten whole minutes older than he is. You know what that means, don’t you? With regard to how they do things here in Lusty, that is?”
“Yeah, yeah. First things first. One slimeball photog, one political hack, one stalker of unknown origin, and one diagnosis clarified. Then we can talk about the difference that ten whole minutes makes.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.” Jackson grinned at her. Then, feeling better than he had in a long time, he stood up
and swung her into his arms. Ari shrieked, and he tossed her over his shoulder and headed toward his brother.
“Crap, I’m a goner. I even like the caveman tactics. As to holding me to that, I wouldn’t have it any other way, slick.”
And neither, by damn, would he.
* * * *
Ari had been willing to give Jackson and Cord privacy. They were twins, after all, and shared a bond that was special and personal. But neither man would let loose of her. So she’d shared in that long-overdue discussion and had been gifted with a unique insight into just how much these two men loved each other.
Jackson set her on the passenger seat of the truck and asked for her car keys. She didn’t mind letting him drive her car back to town while she rode with Cord.
She thought he might have wanted to talk to her on the way there, but he simply took her hand, brought it to his lips, kissed it, and then set it on his thigh. He covered her hand with his own and that was how they rode from the ranch to their house in Lusty.
Jackson pulled into the driveway and parked her old blue Taurus beside the truck. They walked together into the house.
Cord turned to her the moment the door closed. “I think big brother chose the best pet name for you.” He kissed her, a sweet little peck that was over before it began.
Ari tried to make sense of his words. “You think ‘Tinker Bell’ is the best pet name for me?”
“No doubt. You, my sweet, are absolute magic.”
Ari felt her face color. She shook her head. “I’m not magical. I’m just me. And I love you guys.”
“We love you, too.” Cord scooped her up and tossed her over his shoulder.
“Hey!”
“Sorry, Red, we want you upstairs in our bed, now.”
Ari screamed and then laughed and hung on to the waistband of Cord’s jeans as he carried her, upside down, up the stairs.
Love Under Two Quarterbacks [The Lusty, Texas Collection] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 21