It was like flying. She pictured angel wings causing the wind to rush by and make her hair move with each arc as she swayed back and forth. Brynn loved every feeling, laughing with joy, listening to her daddy’s encouragement. “Keep those legs moving sweetie!”
Higher and higher she went until finally she could look out across the tops of the trees and imagine the whole wide world stretching as far as her eyes could see.
“I can see forever, Daddy!” she squealed with glee.
When she was ready to come back to earth, she leaned back, holding tight to the swing and let her head and feet stretch out until the ride slowed and she was left with an amazing sensation of freedom as she closed her eyes and smiled.
Daddy always caught her just before the swing stopped and scooped her up for a big hug. She’d wrap her arms about his neck and sigh.
“You’re my special forever, Brynn. My forever and ever.”
Those moments were wonderful, magical, and let Brynn know she was loved. It was her own little slice of heaven and a dream of forever she kept close to her heart.
With the soft clouds of the dream fading, Brynn hugged the squishy pillow beneath her head and sighed. Keeping her eyes closed she tried to hang onto the happy memory just a moment or two longer as her father’s voice saying, “You’re my forever and ever,” lingered in her mind. A sense of peace and contentment kept her in a loving embrace even after the here and now began to filter in.
A gentle caress drifted along her side from hip to ankle. It felt reassuring and safe, like a sanctuary of emotion reserved just for her. She wanted that sensation to carry on into the forever she’d been dreaming about.
Mmmmmm. She stretched, straightening her legs and slightly flexed her hips on a heavy sigh. When her eyelids finally drifted open she found a pair of hazel eyes gazing into her own with an expression of such deep longing and shining with so much love her lips tilted into a happy smile all on their own. Jax.
She shifted onto her back and rubbed a hand across her face, blinking once or twice as the sleep chased from her system. The bed dipped slightly when he leaned over her and gently kissed her sleepy lips with a sweet tenderness she returned.
“Hi,” he whispered drawing back slightly, his eyes staying riveted to hers.
“Hi,” she answered in a tiny voice.
He smiled and she tumbled heartfirst into the unique swirl of energy they created together. It felt a lot like the moment of forever she’d been dreaming about.
“You’re cute when you nap,” he murmured, his voice husky and deep.
Brynn turned and curled up on her side again, grasping the pillow that still smelled like him close to her face. “I was dreaming about my dad.”
His eyes softened. Reaching out a finger he ran it down her nose. “That beautiful smile tells me it was a good dream.”
“It was.” She stretched again and took a couple of deep breaths to clear her head. “Mmmm. What’s that I smell? Oh my. Did you make spaghetti?” Her stomach growled on cue, and they both chuckled.
“Yep. I’m a man of many talents, spaghetti making being just one.”
He stood and extended his hand to help pull her upright and give her a little tug so her feet dangled over the side of the bed.
“What time is it?” she asked. “Was I asleep for long?”
He pushed a pair of old house shoes she kept near the bed toward her. “Put those on. Don’t want you walking around barefoot while there’s work going on. We try to keep the mess contained, but you never know.” Brynn slid her feet into the worn and comfortable footwear and stood up.
“It’s a little after six and you slept as long as you needed to. Now it’s time for dinner and if you’re a good girl and have a happy dish, I’ll even let you wander into your new bathroom for a peek.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. Happy dish? What a great expression and an easy way to score some good girl points. The loud rumbling in her tummy told her it would make finishing off a pile of spaghetti no problem at all. In fact, she was suddenly so hungry she might even have to lick the plate.
He chuckled at the sounds her ravenous body made and slung an arm around her shoulders. “Come on Sleeping Beauty. Time to feed my princess before she passes out from lack of food. I want you refreshed and full of energy for what I have planned for you later.”
She did not in any way miss the wicked gleam in his eyes or the sexy smirk that made her pussy clench with awareness. A fresh pair of panties was going to be needed if he kept on looking at her that way.
They were halfway down the steps before Brynn remembered the unpleasant outburst that had preceded her collapsing—spent and emotionally wrung out—on the bed. Her body stiffened, and she almost stumbled when the words she’d hurled at her grandmother came back to haunt her thoughts.
“Oh, Jax,” she groaned, turning worried eyes his way. Before she could say another word he pulled her closer and squeezed tight. It was as if he could read her mind and interpret the signals she put off through her body language.
“Everything’s fine, honey. Let’s not go there just now, okay? We’ll eat first and then talk, but you’re not to worry.” He kissed her forehead and kept them moving forward into the kitchen where a bajillion delicious smells filled the air.
There were questions she wanted to ask but knew he wouldn’t answer them until he’d seen to her needs. Jax took taking care of her quite seriously. It was evident in a hundred different ways that he felt strongly that her welfare was his responsibility. He’d certainly made that clear over the past few days by word and with endless deeds. Not in any way used to being on the receiving end, this was new territory for Brynn, as she’d always been the one to see to the needs of everyone else.
When she spied the table and the way he’d set it up, with their two plates side by side instead of at either ends, she melted a little and bite her lip at how romantic it seemed. He wanted her close by, not across a wide expanse of polished wood. I could get used to this, she thought.
Smacking her playfully on the butt, he gallantly pulled out a chair and waved her into it saying, “Plant your ass, babe.” Brynn wasn’t so dense that she didn’t immediately realize he was trying to keep things light. There was most likely going to be hell to pay for her confrontation with Nana but for now she was content to push all that aside and concentrate on the situation at hand.
“My mom would be so pleased to know I’d managed to create her homemade sauce from memory,” he called from the kitchen. “I hope you like it.”
Brynn smiled when he hustled toward her carrying a tremendous bowl of pasta covered in a rich, red sauce as well as her wooden salad bowl, two wine glasses, a bottle of wine and something else she couldn’t quite make out. He was practically juggling everything to keep one or more things from crashing to the floor. Dropping it all on the table he stood back with a pensive frown and swept his eyes over everything.
“Yep, I think that’s everything,” he murmured to himself before he started making a tremendous pile of pasta on her plate that she had to quickly stop.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy! I’m hungry, not crazy, and unless you want to stuff me so full that I can’t move, that looks like more than enough,” she giggled, shaking her head in wonder.
The thing she hadn’t recognized was a towel-covered basket filled with delicious smelling cheese bread that she snatched and bit into as Jax popped the cork on the wine bottle and poured two glasses. When everything was just so, he finally sat down and spread a napkin in his lap, grinning broadly.
Before she could pick up her fork and dig in he blurted out, “Wait a minute!” and pulled his cellphone from a pocket.
“What’re you doing?” Brynn asked, her mouth full of bread.
He laughed and rolled a shoulder. “I think this masterpiece calls for a food selfie.” He angled the eye of the camera on the food spread upon the table and snapped a pic. Then he leaned in close to her and held the camera up in front of them chirping, “S
mile, baby.”
She elbowed him playfully and moaned. “Oh my God. Did you just take my picture? Jax! I just woke up and probably look like hell.”
His face lit up with amusement. “Are you kidding? You look wonderful with your hair a tousled mess and cheese bread crumbs on the corner of your mouth.”
“What? Are you serious?” she shrieked. “Delete that picture immediately.”
He laughed in her face and quickly took control of her mouth with a senses-drugging kiss that ended with a deliberate swipe of his tongue along her lips.
“There. No more crumbs,” he said with a self-congratulatory smirk.
He grabbed his wine glass, pressed hers into her hands, and said, “To us.”
They ate and talked about nothing and everything until Brynn was more than full and completely relaxed. It was so easy being with him. He had a quick mind and a wicked sense of humor that made their conversation quite enjoyable. But she was dreadfully aware that it was all just a diversion that would eventually have to end.
She’d tried to ask a few questions that he easily batted away.
“Everything was okay in the shop?”
“Mmmm Hmmm.”
“Any messages from Amy?”
“Nope.”
Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and blurted out, “And my grandmother?”
He looked at her impassively and shrugged. “She’s probably home by now.”
Damn but he was being annoying with the non-answer answers.
He cleared the table and stacked the dishes in the dishwasher while Brynn remained in her seat, churning with building anxiety. She swirled the deep red wine in her glass and watched it cling briefly to the sides before sliding down, then tossed back what was left as Jax let out a thunderous belch from the kitchen that echoed off the walls.
It was just the lighthearted jolt Brynn needed as she dissolved in a fit of hysterical giggles when he yelled out, “Let’s see you top that!”
When he returned, she was still laughing as he held out his hand and said, “C’mon Chuckles, let’s get comfy on the sofa so you can turn the interrogation lamp on and ask me the burning questions you’ve got on the tip of your tongue.”
BRYNN WAS TICKING OFF A mental list of everything she wanted to know when her emotions suddenly switched gears. Being pragmatic wasn’t going to get her anywhere except tied up in a bunch of knots of her own making. Her grandmother wasn’t coming from a practical place no matter how she tried to argue her point. This was about instinct and the strength of Brynn’s feelings and convictions. Time to get real.
She sagged onto the sofa sitting cross-legged with her back against the arm, frustration crinkling her eyes as she grabbed a throw pillow and hugged it to her middle. Jax watched her until she settled then arched an eyebrow like he was asking where she wanted him. She supposed it was his experience with talk therapy that made him hang back until she’d found her comfort zone. Brynn wanted him close, but not too close so she patted the cushion beside her and waited while he sat down. He stretched his arm along the back of the sofa where his fingers stopped just short of touching her shoulder.
Brynn licked her lips and frowned some more trying to decide on a starting point. “You met my grandmother then, I suppose? Was she very angry at me?”
“Angry? No. Aware that she’d upset you? Yes. Before you say another word babe, she gave me a message for you.”
A message? Oh God. How much had she told him? She shut her eyes and swallowed hard. Brynn wasn’t so sure she wanted to hear this message. When her eyes opened she found Jax watching her closely with those hazel eyes that sometimes seemed to look right into her soul. How in the world was she going to explain what was going on?
He reached a single finger out and tapped her slightly on the shoulder then withdrew. “Honey, I told you—relax. Everything’s going to be all right. Trust yourself Brynn.” She nodded and bit the inside of her mouth, a nervous reflex. Not used to being the scene causing type, she had no idea what to say.
Sighing, she murmured, “Tell me.”
He smiled into her eyes. The reassurance felt like a warm blanket on a cold winter evening.
“Her exact words were – tell Brynn her crazy old grandmother loves her a million trillion butterscotch candies.”
It was an old tease—something they’d been saying to each other since Brynn was a little girl. A choked sob shot from her mouth at the loving message Nana gave Jax to share. Tears came from nowhere with one big fat hot drop quickly rolling down her cheek. He reached out a swiped it away with his thumb, then put his fingers under her chin so she had to look straight at him.
“See. I told you. Nothing that can’t be fixed.”
Brynn nodded and almost leapt into his arms in relief. The only thing holding her back was the story forming in her mind that wanted to be told. That needed to be said. No more bullshitting around. She had to speak her truth and let the chips fall where they may.
“I knew from the start that my marriage wasn’t going to last, but I did it anyway.”
He looked surprised at where she started. Clearly a discussion of her ill-fated matrimonial experiment wasn’t what Jax was expecting.
Shrugging, she continued on as scenes from her past played out in her eyes. “In high school, I was the girl who was friends with everyone—the jocks, the dweebs, the stoners, the outcasts. While Rhiann was the cheerleader, I was the captain of the debate team and the student body president.”
He chuckled and gave her a toothy smile that told her he wasn’t in the least surprised. Brynn half-giggled and said, “Shut up.” But she wasn’t annoyed. More amused at how easy it was to open up to this man.
“Don’t get me wrong. I went to my fair share of keggers in the woods. We lived in Happy Valley…” A laugh burst out of him that she immediately shared.
“No really. That’s what the area around State College was called. With my dad working at the university we grew up on the outskirts of a university town. It was a great place to be a kid—right smack dab in the center of the state halfway between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.”
“Understood,” he chuckled. “Born and raised in suburban Virginia. Big dose of southern charm wrapped up in a ball that included the nation’s capitol and just about every good ol’ boy form of outdoor shenanigans a couple of rowdy boys could find.”
“Yeah. That’s the way it was for us girls too and while I went to those keggers, it was always me looking out for everyone else. I’d end up being the Key Master—making sure nobody drove drunk. There’s something to be said for being a good girl,” she smirked. “Only thing was, I didn’t see that being everyone’s friend also had a downside.”
She clutched the pillow tighter and felt warmth moving along her neck that she knew was going to bloom into an embarrassing blush.
“I never went to my prom. Nobody asked me. Never even occurred to me until it was too late that none of the boys saw me that way. I was good Brynn. Funny Brynn. The girl who would help you with your homework and lie like a rug to the assistant principal to keep you from getting into trouble. My friends relied on me but …” She shrugged. What else could she do?
“When it came time for college, my parents encouraged me to live in a dorm so I’d get the whole university experience even though we lived less than a half hour from campus. I think they thought that being around kids my age and all the fuckery that is a normal part of the college experience would loosen me up a bit. I met Roger during my sophomore year at an especially rowdy frat party. He had a head for facts that appealed to my inner nerd and wasn’t all that tough on the eyes. I was flattered at first and saw right away that having a boyfriend upped my social standing in a big way.”
Brynn punched the pillow and fidgeted at the memory. “God, I was so stupid. Roger Ellis was one of those guys who already knew what his path was in life. He was going to run the family business. His upwardly mobile folks expected him to marry well. I think they wanted him to run for the tow
n council where they lived so some wild assed co-ed wasn’t going to fit the mold. He started cheating on me right away. It wasn’t exactly his fault.”
Jax snorted and made an angry face that let her know he didn’t agree with how easily she was letting Roger off the hook.
“Let me explain,” she muttered. “I’ve already said he wasn’t exactly playing from an honest deck and the culture at the time was one of easy hook-ups. I mean, shit—my college roommate’s vagina was like a tollbooth on the Jersey Turnpike, there was so much traffic. And some of the repeaters had easy passes. Roger was a sucker, and I wasn’t exactly a femme fatale in the bedroom.”
“He needs his ass kicked,” Jax mumbled.
“Yeah, well—it is what it is. There were two of us in that relationship, and I was as much to blame as he was. He’d fuck up, and I’d let him make excuses. I knew when we got married that it was a mistake. In a way, I think I was just waiting for him to screw up royally so I wasn’t all that surprised—or hurt—when he did. Somewhere along the line I felt that part of being the good one, the smart one, meant that being married was the way to go but if you look at the way we married…well, the handwriting was on the wall. I had a thousand bulleted items on my list for why a big wedding was stupid—all of them practical with not a whit of romance attached to any of them. Everyone heard the warning bells but me.”
She inched her shoulder closer to the tips of Jax’s fingers, wanting to feel his energy as she relived a dismal time in her life.
“Hindsight is twenty-twenty, y’know? Looking back I can see that we never had a real marriage. Shit. It wasn’t even a partnership. I went about chasing the career I thought everyone expected of me while he lock-stepped perfectly into his family’s vision of how his life should unfold. No need for him to be ambitious. It was all there laid out ready and waiting for him. We were perfect strangers in a marriage of convenience. Finding him ass fucking some local bimbo was almost funny. He ranted and raved about how I was so driven to succeed that I didn’t, and I quote—fulfill my wifely duties. Those wifely expectations were an anathema to me. Being married was one thing. But sharing a bed with him wasn’t even on my ‘to-do’ list.”
Wilde Forever (Wilde Women Book 1) Page 30