Train says nothing and for the first time in many years he is actually sad.
''Fate has been ruthless to you my brother, as ruthless as it gets.'' Train eventually whispers.
''I'm tired Train, tired of it all'' Dmitri says.
''What do you mean?'' Train asks.
''Men like us should not be born. I should have died in the orphanage fire all those years ago! My flesh should have turned to ash and dust instead of turning into this'' Dmitri says.
''What the fuck are you talking about?'' Train asks revolted.
''This pointless, barren and blood-filled life. Between the two of us, how many tears have mothers shed for their sons? How many brothers, sisters, wives, sons and daughters have we left behind? How many lives have we destroyed? And all for what ? Money? Maybe I'm a cancer, maybe I made Ana sick!'' Dmitri says.
''Was there ever any choice for us? Were we born in palaces? Fuck that, I wasn't even born in a hut! We made the best of what we could! If others had to die so we could live like human beings then I have no regrets! We are the only thing we can be!'' Train shouts.
''Maybe you are right...but that doesn't make it right. We had no choice and we still made the wrong one!'' Dmitri says.
''Your grief is talking now, I won't listen to this anymore!'' Train says.
''Listen to me brother! Do I still have your respect? Do you still take commands from me?'' Dmitri asks firmly.
''Anything! I will do anything you asks of me.'' Train says, jumping on his feet, ready for anything.
''Take out your gun and shoot me in the head three times!'' Dmitri says calmly.
''Fuck that!'' Train says and tosses his gun at Dmitri's feet ''you do it yourself if you really want it done!''
''Ana made me promise I would not take my own life...'' Dmitri says.
''Honor your word then, like you have always done!'' Train shouts.
''You know I never lied to that angel? '' Dmitri says.
Train smiles.
''How did you two meet anyway? The two of you were so worlds apart, so different. I always wondered about that.'' Train asks.
''I remember it, how could I ever forget, who can ever forget the first time they ever saw a rose? the first time they touched it? that first scent overwhelming their senses? I remember the first time I saw Anastasia, my beautiful, sweet Ana. Before meeting her I knew nothing of love, only of hate and yet I fell for her from the first second. All the women that had been in my life at that point had been whores, paid or unpaid whores. She was the first real woman I had ever met. I was sure at that age that all women were shit, inferior to man in every way...she showed me how ignorant I was. My life had been nothing but hate, greed, lust, darkness, blood and death. Until she came...like an angel descending from Heaven to pull me out of Hell. I never believed in God...how could a man like myself ever believe? Until He sent Ana to me...I saw in her things I did not understand like compassion, love, kindness, happiness and most importantly hope. Things I didn't even knew exist. She gave me a soul, a tiny part of hers.
Years and years ago I was hiding in Murmansk after a massacre in Moscow where I failed to assassinate a boss. I was laying low because I was a wanted man and had a significant bounty on my head. Ivan had gotten me some forged papers so I could work in the docks, unloading and loading mostly. Ten months I slaved in the ports near the Arctic, the days were so similar that I felt like I was living just a long, long day. It was the first time I was working in my life and I hated it. How could men live like that? Spineless worms.
Anastasia often visited the ports, always with a child, a small boy, seven to nine years old. She seemed so out of place in such a rugged, cold and dark place. That white dress...shivering in the wind. She was so young and naive, so pure and fragile, I could not dare look at her more than a moment, as if the darkness and filth that was my life could actually harm her, corrupt her in some way. One day, I was drinking a beer in a bar just off the docks and it happened. She just walked in and sat next to me at the bar. I can remember every single word she said to me.
''You're not from around here, are you?'' she asked, staring at me warmly.
''What makes you say that?'' I asked, annoyed.
''There's something about you, about your eyes.'' she said, almost asking me something ''it's like you don't belong here, like you're far away from home, I've seen you staring at the ocean so often''
''I've never had a home, I've had houses, apartments and other places but never a home. I'm actually a soldier hiding here.'' I said, revealing to a complete stranger secrets for no reason. Somehow, I felt like I could confide in her. I don't know to this day what she saw in my eyes, in hers I saw only some kind of sadness, a tragedy hidden deep inside her, only a subtle shade of it was visible and even if I didn't knew what that was, it only made me love her more with time.
''I know who you are, I've seen you with one of my brothers Anatoly, a few years ago. You're not a soldier, you're just a mobster with a moral code and delusions of honor.'' she said with such ease. I didn't remember her.
''So you hate men like me, like your brother?'' I asked.
''I pity you, all of you...lost little boys acting like animals.'' she answered.
''What do you know, girl? You don't know why I am what I am. Live my life and then you can judge me. You're just a spoiled child that has a simple point of view.'' I raged out.
''Then teach me, tell me how those beautiful eyes became so dark.'' she said, placing her palm over my hand that was hovering around the ashtray.
''Why? Why are you interested in knowing such sad things? My story will give you nightmares.'' I said.
''I want to know because I care.'' she answered. Her warmth pierced through the blizzard that surrounded and entrapped my heart in ice.
We walked together on the piers, undeterred by the everlasting Arctic winds of the night. I told her everything about me, every single vile thing that had happened to me and every brutal, unforgiving thing I had done to others. She smiled a few times and cried many times. It felt wonderful to tell someone for the first time in my life who I was and where I came from.
When my story was done she hugged me and whispered in my ear ''take a good look at where your life is going and when you see beyond these dark clouds that cover your heart, find me.'' And then she just walked away without even looking back.
I left Murmansk that very night. It took me more than a year to admit to myself that I felt something for that girl...that beautiful sweet little girl...I was in love. For a demon like myself it seemed impossible but Anastasia did what I was sure could not be done, in a few hours she had turned me back into a human being. I went to Murmansk and found her in the same place we had met, sitting at the bar. She smiled gently when she saw me. I didn't even knew her name, she didn't knew mine but such things were nothing. She felt what I felt, I was sure of it. I didn't knew how, why, what but we were more than connected somehow. We made love all night. I only knew how to fuck whores, how to command them to arch their back...all my life I had slept with objects, not women. I was the first and only man she ever slept with...and she was the only real woman for me. The first and the last.
The morning's bright light reflected off her divine face. I laid next to her, charmed by her breathing, the curls in her hair, all her gentle features...I was for the first time in my life...calm, like the future could be something more than blood for me...hope. I knew that Ana was one of a kind and that I would love and protect her until I would die, no matter the cost. Few men are blessed to ever meet such a woman.
Now, after all these years, the image of her sleeping next to me in bed is replaced by the one of her dying in a hospital bed in my arms...I couldn't do anything to save her. How could I sleep now? Without her in my arms? How can I rest when I know in my shattered heart that the only woman I'll ever love is dead? It should have been me! I am a monster, I've spread nothing but suffering and death all my life and yet God, in his fucking infinite wisdom, decided to take the life o
f an angel that only spread love. Where is the justice in that? I keep on living...day after day as my love and our child have already long turned to dust. I regret ever meeting her. I should have ran out of that bar when she first approached me...that way she would still be alive today...she wouldn't be mine but she would be alive. Now tell me Train, how could I ever sleep?
''Be happy Dmitri because she was yours for a time...I, for one, didn't even get to spend a year with the only woman I ever cared for...but my story doesn't matter. All that matters is a man should die the way he has lived, also a man should only cry when his children are born or when they die.'' Train says.
''You speak of the war that is to come...I will fight in a war in which I have nothing to lose because I hope to die, and soon, but I fear that God will not let me die yet, like I've not yet suffered enough.'' Dmitri says.
''This war will be unlike all the others...we'll be killing brothers like Anatoly...'' Train says.
''Who says we'll kill him?'' Dmitri says.
''Come on, we already kidnapped him and you know what he'll tell us once we put metal to his flesh!'' Train mocks Dmitri.
''If it's true, hard times are coming.'' Dmitri whispers.
''The only time in which men like us shine!'' Train says firmly.
''Let's fight one more time with the passion we had when we were nothing. We still owe it to Ivan, to crush his enemies as we've always done.'' Dmitri says, standing up. Train hugs him fiercely.
''I'll deliver Anatoly and the Sergei to Ivan's mansion in a few days. I've got a judge thing to take care of and then I'll go to Murmansk.'' Dmitri says.
''I'll meet you there!'' Train says and leaves the tomb, leaving Dmitri alone and as he leaves the cemetery he ponders if love is more addictive than lust, seeing what it has done to a stone man like Dmitri.
Chapter IX Far North
Landing in Moscow, Dmitri has a clear destination, Ivan's home on the outskirts of Murmansk.
Ivan probably knows he's coming and has countless men guarding him, or maybe not. Dmitri doesn't care either way. All these years he believed God had punished him by making Anastasia sick, robbing him of happiness just like he has done to countless others. But no, it was just an order from a greedy sick man. Dmitri is speeding, rushing to Murmansk. He wants to look in Ivan's eyes when he asks him why did Anastasia had to die. It's not revenge he seeks...he seeks an end.
He finally arrives just as darkness falls, ditches the car a few kilometers from the mansion and sneaks on foot. The front gates are wide opened and there are no guards in sight. Dmitri plays it safe, approaching the house from the backside, slowly, taking his time, listening and watching for any movements. Nothing and nobody. The hollowing winds and total starless dark sky turn the house into a tomb. Dmitri has a bad feeling. He makes his way inside armed with an AK47, clearing a few rooms.
''Turn on the lights, you've already woke me up!'' Dmitri hears a voice from the last room on the first floor. It's Ivan's voice. Dmitri turns on the lights and sees Ivan in his bed, pale, thin and tired. There's an oxygen tank next to the bed.
Ivan coughs a couple of times and waves Dmitri to sit on the bed.
''I think I'll stand'' Dmitri says, firmly gripping the rifle in his hands.
''I sent my guards away, no sense in them getting killed. I know you, when you're determined, nothing can stop you.'' Ivan says.
''So is it really true? Did Anastasia die because you ordered it? Was it you the one that took my sweet, innocent Ana from me? '' Dmitri asks with tears in his eyes.
''Yes, it is true.'' Ivan groans.
''Tell me why.'' Dmitri moans.
''The balls on you asking me such a thing. I made you, gave you the world and all I expected was loyalty!'' Ivan asks, chocking and coughing.
''I filled cemeteries in your name! I was always loyal and straight to you!'' Dmitri shouts.
''Until some random piece of ass, long eyelashes girl made you kneel!'' Ivan says.
''Greedy man. I gave you everything and you wanted more! You had her killed for your greed...she was like a daughter to you.'' Dmitri says.
''Not everything. I wanted and still want everything. You think that I saved you from the sewers for anything less than everything? So what if I had her killed? I've had so many children over the years by so many whores I don't know the names of half of them. She was nothing, she wasn't even my blood daughter. She couldn't be allowed to interfere, especially to take you from me, my soldier, my titan...a man like you is one of a kind.'' Ivan asks.
''We are done! But if Ana was your daughter, would you still have killed her?'' Dmitri screams.
''Of course, I would have killed a hundred daughters for a soldier like you. So what, are you going to kill me?'' Ivan asks calmly.
''You're sick, you're dying, and even if you weren't, you're dead inside. What would be the point of taking your life? I'm done with bloodshed for this life...killing you won't bring her back.'' Dmitri asks.
Ivan stands up from his bed and pours himself a tall glass of whisky.
''Besides, Alexander's lieutenants will come after you to revenge him. You're dead.'' Dmitri says.
''First of all, I'm not sick, I faked it so Vladimir would think I was weak and make his move'' Ivan says.
''What kind of man lies about having cancer?'' Dmitri asks.
''A man with a vision, a wise man!'' Ivan says in a commanding and threatening tone.
''Killing Alexander was a mistake, and the war will claim your life!'' Dmitri says.
''Alexander is dead, his lieutenants are dead, along with his best soldiers and captains. They were killed in the safe house you visited Alexander. Don't you watch the news? The building was almost leveled. Sixty two men died, some of them ours, but not irreplaceable men. They're calling it 'The Moscow Massacre'. I won, all my enemies, our enemies are dead. I will rule for a good fifteen years and then I will pass the crown to you.'' Ivan says proudly.
''Who says I want it?'' Dmitri asks.
''Anastasia's dead, so is Train, Anatoly, Sergei, Vladimir and Alexander. Most of their top men are dead or scattered, and they will join us in time. There's nothing left out there for you...take my hand while I still offer it, like you did twenty five years ago!'' Ivan commands.
Dmitri looks Ivan dead in the eye ''no, fuck you and your crown'' and spits in his face.
Ivan pulls out a small pistol from his night gown and shoots Dmitri twice in the stomach.
Dmitri stumbles, breaking a table as he collapses on his back, gripping his stomach and grinning in agony. Ivan places the gun on the mini bar.
''You stupid man, you could have been a boss, you could have had it all but you gave it all away for a woman, a whore, a simple hole.'' Ivan says, walking over to Dmitri.
''Watch your fucking mouth! I was dead the moment she died but I'm glad I stuck around to know the truth! All my life I was sure I was the greatest evil a man can be, I was so wrong. You are the true face of evil, the Devil! End it already! I've been ready for this for years!'' Dmitri says, panting.
''How can such a strong man like you accept death? I don't understand what power that woman had over you! I gave you money, respect, everything a man could ever want and yet still you were going to leave me to be with her...you fucking idiot! My children were all idiots...if only I had a son like you.'' Ivan says passionately.
''She gave me...love. I am not your son. '' Dmitri says, panting and breathing hard.
''You're so stupid, I won't kill such a moron, my son will!'' as Ivan says this, Nikolai enters the room.
''Kill this man and you will succeed me as the leader of the vory v zakone. Kill him and our family's legacy will be preserved!'' Ivan commands Nikolai.
Dmitri stares into Nikolai's eyes with relief...no matter what, the moment has finally arrived, his death is of no importance.
''Do you know why Dmitri intended to leave the vory v zakone, father? Why Vladimir and Anatoly started a war against you? Do you not understand anything?'' Nikol
ai asks.
''What the fuck are you talking about? End Dmitri's life now!'' Ivan says.
''I loved Ana and still do, so does Dmitri and so did Anatoly and Vladimir...we all saw the beauty and the innocence inside her. Such a divine person amongst us wretched creatures. I was just a boy when she died and yet I will never forget her, no matter how many years I will live. Everything I've done, I did for her, I killed a boy when I was twelve years old, a few months after Ana's death only to harden my heart and soul, so that one day I would kill every single man involved in her death. You think I killed Alexander because you ordered me to? It was all for her, all that we have ever done was because of her...ask Dmitri, he knows, he feels it...she was different unlike anyone else, a pity you were the only one not to see it...she was worth everything and more.'' Nikolai says.
''My son, don't do this.'' Ivan mumbles, frozen in fear.
''You speak of our legacy? Our family? There's no such things...so you want me to kill him to become him? To end up as him? Empty, a walking dead? Or end up like you, a greedy, selfish, cowardly, traitor piece of shit who kills anyone...who would even kill his own children?'' Nikolai says and points his gun at Ivan.
''What are you doing, son? '' Ivan asks as Nikolai presses the trigger once, twice, three times. The bullets quickly pierce Ivan's chest.
Looming over Ivan as he draws his last breath, Nikolai whispers ''don't call me son, you don't deserve that...this is for Ana and all of the pain you've brought to everyone around you your entire life, burn in Hell, you fucking soulless piece of shit!'' and stomps on Ivan's head until there's barely anything left on the ground except chunks of meat and fragments of bone.
Nikolai turns to Dmitri ''come on Dmitri, we need to get you to a hospital'' and picks up Dmitri off the ground.
Arctic Sunrise Page 10