“Were you thrown out?”
He dropped his head. “That’s what I thought for a long time.”
She lowered her own. “What do you mean? Dies?”
He clamped his mouth so tight his dimples showed. Finally, “After I went through the transition, I realized I’d gleamed out just before we hit the IED.”
“You gleamed before your second transition?”
“It can happen like that sometimes. Like Ana, I suppose. It was probably the adrenaline. It didn’t happen again until after I was a New Breed.”
Here goes nothing. “You know, I can help you with the nightmares. Are you having any other symptoms of PTSD?”
“Maybe.”
She kicked at his leg. “No attitude. Yes or no.”
He nodded.
“Any anxiety or hypervigilance?”
“Yes.”
“How are you managing? Alcohol?”
“I could probably be drinking less.”
“Anything else?” She waited. “Not gonna say. That’s fine. Look, the point is, I can help you with a lot of this, Diesel.”
He shook his head. “No. No help.”
“Why are you being so stubborn about this?” Oh, God. Why hadn’t she figured this out before? Survivor’s guilt. Christ, Helen. Talk about off your game. “You don’t think you deserve it.”
“I deserted my men.”
“The survival instinct is incredibly strong. You put a shifter in a situation like that and—”
“He was my best friend, Doc. Why the fuck couldn’t it have been the protective instinct, you know?”
She put her hand on his leg. “I know.” She stood up, went to the mini fridge and took out two more beers. “Listen, I’ve got a deal for you.”
“This should be good.”
“My deals always are. I will go out on your bike with you if you’ll try one med to help with the PTSD.”
“You’re kidding, right? You’re terrified of that thing.”
She crossed her arms. “Take it or leave it.”
He shook his head. “Jesus, you are one tough female, you know that?”
“Will you think about it?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Good. Now get that movie rolling.”
CHAPTER SIX
SE paced back and forth and shook his head.
His mate blocked his path and took his hands in hers. “We wouldn’t even know about it if we didn’t have the mini cam in her office, right? And we knew she would find out. It was just a matter of time.”
He looked into her big, green eyes. “Okay, I’m going to tell you something and I guarantee you’re gonna flip out, but…I’ve been questioning whether or not you should be fighting.”
She looked totally confused. “What? Why?”
“I think there’s a good chance Victrixa will order a direct hit on you.”
She was quiet.
He continued. “I just don’t know if you should be out there. It’s an additional risk. It’s a major risk.”
She looked up into his face. “Okay, I can see where you’d get the idea from. Logically, it makes sense. But it’s not going to happen.”
“How can you say that, ihkweea? You’ve seen the video. And you know what she’s like.”
“I do. Better than anyone. You have to trust me when I say she’s not going to do that.”
“Why the hell not? She had you tortured for Chrissakes!”
“She did, yes, for information.”
He crossed his arms with an impatient sigh. “You’re acting like she’s some kind of saint.”
She put her hands on his chest. “No, I’m not. Look at me, my male.”
He dropped his gaze back to his mate’s and listened.
“You know why she killed that soldier, right?”
“She was pissed.”
“Yes, she was pissed, but that’s not the main reason. She killed him to keep him quiet. She doesn’t want anyone to know I’m fighting with the Order, much less as a New Breed.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “She could still order a hit. That would be very quiet and effective. She could have that torturer of hers do it, assuming he’s still breathing.”
She shook her head. “Even if he’s still alive, that male’s no marksman. And she wouldn’t have him do it anyway, SE. Trust me.”
“I do. You know I do. I just don’t know how you can be so sure.”
She walked away to the dark window, and what his female said next froze his blood stone cold. “I know because her anger with me is at a whole new level now. I’ve seen this before, SE. She won’t have anyone else kill me, because she wants to do it herself.”
“God, she smells good,” Dimitri said, as he held baby Maya at the dinner table the following evening. “How do they manufacture that stuff?”
One of these days Adriana was going to get used to two hundred and fifty pound males passing around her eight pound daughter. Just not tonight, apparently. She knew she wasn’t being quite fair. They were all incredibly gentle with her. She looked around the table. The brothers looked at the offspring with nothing short of total adoration.
Troy laughed as he watched Dimitri with the baby, and Adriana smiled. It was good to have the male with them for a meal. It happened so seldom.
“Would you pass the chicken, Dies?” X asked. “We had the best night last night. Killed a whole shitload of mutants. Felt good for a change, dig?”
“No shop talk at the table, please, Xavier,” Adriana said.
“Sorry, mama.”
Dimitri handed Maya to Ana who was waiting with a bottle. She watched the female feed her offspring. God, they were so cute together.
“So, James, you up for your first workout tomorrow?”
James looked up. “Yeah, definitely. Whenever you are, coach.”
Pax laughed. “Aw, man, don’t call me that. You’re giving me full-on, locker room flashbacks.”
Everyone laughed.
James flushed. “Sorry.”
SE slapped the young male’s shoulder. “He’s just razzing you, James. It just means you fit in.”
Pax nodded. “Hell, yeah. James will have a good head start on his training before his transition. He’s gonna kick some serious ass afterward. Right, Dies? Dies?”
Adriana looked down the table and realized Diesel was sound asleep with his chin in his hand.
“Diesel!” Pax called.
Startled awake, the brother face planted straight into his mashed potatoes. He picked his head up, his usual three day beard white like Santa Claus. “Hmm?”
The roar of laughter from the table was so loud, Geoffrey ran into the room like there was a fire.
“Oh, my fuckin’ God! I can’t believe I picked tonight to stay for dinner!” Troy roared.
Helen handed Diesel a napkin.
As Adriana took a very grumpy Maya and put her over her shoulder, she looked down the table at Pax. He wasn’t laughing. He had the strangest expression on his face. He looked almost…worried.
Reyn crossed his arms. “So, suffice to say, it looks like you’re off that extra duty, Diesel.”
“Because I fell asleep at the dinner table? Are you serious? What are you, my dad?”
“I’m going to ignore that. It’s not your decision to make. It’s mine. And I’m not only looking out for your sorry ass. I’m looking out for everyone. If you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re not safe in the field. And that’s not a risk I’m willing to take. Not by a longshot.”
Diesel threw up his arms. “What, now I’m not safe in the field?”
“I didn’t say that. What the hell’s the matter with you tonight, anyway?”
“Nothing. If you need me, I’ll be in the field, boss.”
“Jesus,” Richard said as Diesel almost flattened him in the doorway. “What the hell is up with him?”
“I wish I knew. It may be time I brought it to a higher power, but I’m reluctant to do it.”
Richard r
eached behind him and closed the door. “How is she?”
Reyn shook his head. “She’s tired, Richard. And worried. She tries to hide it, but…”
“Have you talked about getting more recruits? I think we need to face the facts. Regardless of how we change strategy, we are vastly outnumbered.”
“I know. And she knows it, too. She just needs about six more of herself.”
“That bad.”
Reyn sighed. “Worse.”
“Jesus. Alright, look. Before we put something else on her plate, I’ll check on Diesel.”
“Are you sure? I know how you hate that Obi-Wan shit.”
“Well, I’d say it’s early yet, but if it comes down to it, I will. You know, there’s always Pax.”
“I don’t know. I hate the idea of asking him to break any confidences he might have.”
Richard nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll handle it if we need to.”
“Thanks. The thing is, I…”
“Everything okay?”
“Not really. I’m worried about her, Richard. I probably shouldn’t be saying this. I’m sure I’ll get a divine ass-kicking when I see her, but she’s in danger. Every time she comes here, she has to cross through her own world first—her own part of the Otherworld.”
“The part where I assume the other gods are, the ones who destroyed her in the first place?”
“Exactly. So far, she’s been able to do it undetected. I’m sure that’s got something to do with her being technically dead. But for how long? How many trips? As far as I’m concerned, the more we can handle on our own, the better.”
“I agree. Seriously though, what else can they do to her?”
A chill made its way down Reyn’s spine. “Christ only knows.” Okaaay. Why the hell was the brother looking at him all WTF? Had he just grown ten extra heads? “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Reyn, your eyes are glowing.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Helen handed Diesel a mug of coffee and grabbed a box cutter. The new lab was shaping up very nicely. She could hardly wait to start running tests.
“Thanks.” He took a sip. “This is good. Did you Keurig this, Doc?”
“Yep.”
“What kind is it?”
“Dark Magic Extra Bold.”
He took another swig. “Huh. Who the fuck knew?”
She gave him her best smart ass grin. “I did.”
“Cute. So, I’ve been thinking about what you said. You know, the Harley thing.”
Riiight. “You mean the trade the med for the Harley thing.”
He cleared his throat. “That’s what I meant. So, how about going this afternoon?”
She shook her head. What a PIA. “I’m serious about the deal, Dies.”
“Oh, I know that. It’s just the weather’s supposed to be good and you know Boston in the winter.”
She stopped what she was doing and looked up into his eyes. Those damn eyes. No wonder he had so much sex. Jackass. “Don’t you want to know what med it is?”
“Actually, no. The more I know the more it will just freak me out. I’ll leave it to you.”
“This afternoon then.” Her voice trembled.
He put his hand on her shoulder. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. You know I would never let anything happen to you, right?”
She did. She really did. But she’d never been very good at giving up control. She nodded.
He smiled. “Okay. Let’s leave around one so we have enough light. Let’s get the rest of this unpacking done so we can leave on time.”
“Okay,” she said without much enthusiasm.
“Don’t worry so much, Doc. You’re gonna love it. I promise.”
An hour later Helen was standing in the garage watching Diesel check some mechanical things on the bike. Bike. She hated that term. Bikes came with baskets and bells and training wheels. This thing was a god awful monster.
“Okay. You’ll ride behind me and I want you to hold on tight, okay? This helmet should fit you.”
He put the damn thing on her head and wouldn’t you know, she started to shake. He took it back off. His beautiful, green eyes were full of concern for her. She would have been touched if she weren’t about to vomit on his boots.
“You don’t have to do this, you know. I’ll still try a med.”
No. No way. She wasn’t about to punk out. Opportunity was knocking. It was a whole new experience, right? She took a deep breath and told herself to embrace it. “No, I want to.”
“If you want to stop at any point, just grab my leg real hard. I won’t be able to hear you when we’re moving. I promise, I’ll gleam you straight home and go back for the bike. The ride ends when you want it to.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
She watched intently as Diesel got on first. He raised the kickstand and set the bike upright.
“Alright. You’re going to put your foot on this peg and swing your leg over, kind of like you’re getting on a horse. Use my shoulders for balance.”
Helen did as she was told.
“Good. I want you to keep your hands on my hips and keep your feet on the pegs at all times, even when we’re stopped. Other than that, just remember to lean with me, okay?”
Helen exhaled. “Right.”
“Okay, I’m gonna take us out of the garage.”
The bike moved slowly as Diesel took them out of the underground. As they moved along the front of the house and out the long driveway, Helen tried to get used to the noise and the feel of the motorcycle beneath her. He hung a right out of the drive and started to head out of the city. She realized quickly he was taking Route 9. That meant a lot of lights for the first twenty minutes or so. Worked for her. Then, when they were at a light, she looked up ahead. The entrance to highway 128. Oh, no. She felt a hand on her thigh and realized Diesel was looking at her. His eyes were questioning. Just as the light changed she gave him a nod. Dear lord, she must be losing her mind.
As Diesel pulled them on the highway, she barely had time to get used to it before he was pulling off and driving up the entrance to the Mass Turnpike. They were going west? Holy crap. She soon realized the Pike was far less crowded at midday than 128 and as she got accustomed to the feeling of her body being so exposed at a higher speed, it wasn’t so bad. One more highway and her driver pulled off in Stowe and headed west on Route 62.
It was beautiful. She relaxed her death grip a bit and started to pay more attention to the scenery than the bike. At a stop sign, Diesel looked back and she actually smiled. Imagine that. She watched as they passed by snowy hills and farms. Lots of the rural homes had their white candles from the holidays still lit in their windows, even in the daytime. Some unfriendly clouds were coming into view, in the sky in front of them, when she suddenly felt Diesel’s body jerk.
She looked up the road ahead of them and saw at once what had caught the male’s eye. A huge tree was uprooted and lying across the road. As she felt the motorcycle start to slow at an alarming rate, her body was thrown forward into Diesel’s. But it didn’t stop there. As Helen was thrown from the bike, she didn’t scream or have any last thoughts. She didn’t have any thoughts at all.
CHAPTER SEVEN
As Helen was propelled through the air, Diesel somehow vanished. She felt his huge body wrap around her own from behind, enveloping her completely. They hit the side of the road, bounced slightly, and rolled into the snow. My God. Diesel had taken the entire impact. He had shielded her with his body. She struggled to get free from his arms, but she couldn’t. He was holding onto her too tight.
“Are you okay, Doc? Tell me you’re okay,” he said into her shoulder.
“I’m fine. Let me up so I can check you over.”
“I’m alright.”
He slowly started to unwrap his arms and legs from around her body. He reached up and took off her helmet, as if he needed to be able to see her face to be sure. His chest was heaving.
“Are you sure? Yo
u’re not hurt anywhere?”
“I’m…”
When he took off his helmet, Helen looked up into his face and realized a ring of bright yellow surrounded his pupils. He reached up and buried his hand in the side of her hair. She could feel the power coming off his hand in little snaps and crackles. Oh, God.
Diesel’s nose was flooded with Helen’s scent. He looked from her eyes to her full mouth and back again. Suddenly, he wanted to taste her like he’d never wanted anything else. He drew her to him and when his lips found hers, his whole body erupted with heat and emotion so intense he totally lost himself in the sensations. The warmth. The softness. He held on tight to her body and gleamed them back to the mansion.
To his bed.
On top of him.
Whoops. Oh, well. His body knew what it wanted.
And so did his heart.
“Diesel,” she whispered.
As she touched the side of his face, he leaned into her hand. And when her mouth met his for a second time, he reveled in it. Son of a bitch. He suddenly realized he hadn’t actually kissed a female in like, years. Literally. There had been a lot of sex, a lot of sex, but not much of this and never casually. Kissing was as intimate as it got. And he’d so won the lottery, because Helen had the sexiest mouth he’d ever seen.
He rolled them over and looked into her big gray eyes. She seemed so small beneath him. Thank Christ she hadn’t been hurt. She licked her lips and he just about went through the ceiling. Yeah. That tongue was next. He took her mouth with his and ran his own tongue where hers had been. Her taste. Holy fuck. She was so sweet. She opened her mouth to him and when he slid inside it was magnified a hundred times, his New Breed senses going off the chart. God help him, she was so warm, so…alive. And he’d been numbed out for so long.
She moaned and that was the end of his restraint. There were endless other places he wanted his mouth to go and he couldn’t get there fast enough. He unzipped her leather jacket, yanking it down and going straight for her neck. He suckled her skin, reaching down and unbuttoning one button on her blouse before he realized that was gonna take way too damn long. He pulled at the top and popped them all the way down. She fell back against the pillow, her thick, blond waves framing her face. Goddamn, she was gorgeous. And she was his. A low, feral growl rumbled through his chest.
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