Had Seth seen him? Did he even realize who’d been chasing him? He swore to himself and gleamed back to the mansion.
Right. In. Front. Of. Pax.
“Nice of you to join us.”
Fuck. This failed. “I’m sorry, Pax, I—”
“You do realize that as your camzah, I’m responsible for you?”
James started to memorize the pattern on the marble floor. “I know.”
“So from now on, if I say stand down, your boots better be motherfucking nailed to the ground. Got it?”
“Yeah. It won’t happen again.”
James looked up at the brother, expecting to be met with anger, but Pax’s eyes softened. “It’s for your own safety, James. I can’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know. I screwed up royally.”
Pax clapped his shoulder. “Come on. You up for some left over pot pie?”
“Hell, yeah. But I’m sure we’re back too late for that.”
“Naw. I hid us each a piece in the compound fridge downstairs.”
How the hell was he supposed to stop worshiping the brother when he did stuff like that? As they sat down to eat their pie, James almost told Pax about Seth. Actually, he really wanted to. Somehow, he knew he could trust him. But he couldn’t do it. He needed to process that shit first. His best friend was now his enemy? Just like that? He looked up at Pax. One thing was for sure, whatever happened from now on, he wasn’t going to disappoint his mentor again.
Richard walked into the kitchen to hunt for a snack after duty. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one with the munchies.
“Hey, Troy. Whoa. Is that leftover pot pie?”
“Yup. Get it while you can, bro.”
Richard walked past him to get a clean knife.
Evy.
Aw, Christ. He was full-on Obi Waning the brother. Man, he hated that. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to stop picking up on random thoughts. Adri was convinced his telepathy let in what he was meant to hear. He wasn’t so sure. By the time he had cut himself some pie and nuked it in the microwave, three more Evys had popped into his head.
As he turned the corner to the small dining room, Troy popped out from next to the doorway, grabbed the plate straight out of his hands, and threw it on the table.
He slammed his finger into his chest. “Stay the fuck out of my head.”
“Troy—”
“What, you gonna tell me that you weren’t just readin’ my thoughts?”
Richard had no time for theorizing about how Troy knew. This was going to take major repair work. Fast.
“Look. It wasn’t on purpose. Sometimes I pick up on bits and pieces. I can’t control it yet.”
“Whatever. You can kiss my ass with your Mr. Miyagi bullshit. Just stay the fuck away from me.”
“Troy, come on.”
The brother was already leaving through the other door. Damn it. Just when he was starting to open up. Wait. Who the hell was Evy? Troy grew up in the system. He’d had foster parents almost his entire life. It was pretty fucking unlikely she was some random long lost relative. Aunt Evy? Well, whoever she was, Troy was devoting an awful lot of gray matter to her, something he obviously didn’t want anyone to know.
Richard looked at the mess on the dining room table and swore.
Troy sat hunched over, in a corner of his dark room. The lack of light felt heavy, almost suffocating. At the same time, he couldn’t bear to have it on. He felt exposed, violated. The lights only made it worse. The idea that someone had gotten that close to him made him want to crawl out of his skin. Or rip it off. How long had he been there? He had no idea. His knuckles were bloody and swollen from punching the wall, his eyes stung like a bastard, and he still wanted to go down the hall and beat the shit out of that motherfucker. When he thought about how close he came to finding out about Evy, his teeth clenched.
He took another swing at the wall beside him. “Fuck!”
His hands were raw. He got up and went into the bathroom without putting on the light. He turned on the cold water in the sink and let it run over his torn hands. God, he wanted to see Evy so bad. It always calmed him down. Somehow she made him feel safe, even though he couldn’t even get out a simple hello when she passed by. It didn’t used to be that way. She’d suddenly started saying hello to him a lot during his senior year, and he always gave her a “hey” or a nod. Then, she’d put a note in his locker, asking him to go to some kind of Sadie Hawkins shit at school. The thought of spending that much time with her, never mind going to a dance, had flat out terrified him. What the hell would they talk about? What would they do, count the number of cig burns on his right arm and compare it to his left? He was a human ash tray and she was like this princess from a fairy tale. He shook his head. Snow White.
He never answered her note. From that day on, when she said anything to him in the hallway, he just ignored her like she wasn’t even there. She would look at him and he could tell she was annoyed, but what else could he do? She obviously wanted more than just a “Yo!” and his wiring didn’t deal with anything else. It still didn’t.
He closed his eyes and her face came into his mind. Her long, dark hair and pale, milky skin. Her beautiful, brown eyes that lit up when she laughed. She was petite, maybe five-two, but she was feisty. You could definitely tell she was from their neighborhood. She’d be okay without him there watching out for her. She didn’t take any shit. She didn’t need him and they were both better off that way.
Helen lay in the bed she was supposed to be sharing with her mate. She was so restless. Her head wouldn’t shut down and her body longed to be near his. He should be back from duty by now, but she hadn’t heard him come in. Would he say good night or just head next door? A pang of loneliness hit at the thought. A sliver of light reflected on the wall from the hallway. She picked up his scent immediately and a dam burst between her legs. His footsteps were heavy as he approached the bed, and there was a soft rustling as he took off his leather jacket. And then his powerful body was half on top of hers, his breath hot as he kissed his way up her neck.
Their time was limited and that made her want him more than she ever thought possible. As he kissed the side of her face, she denied him her mouth, knowing that was what he wanted most. Instead, she pulled up his t-shirt and ran her hands down his chest and stomach. His arousal pushed hard against her thigh and she suddenly wanted her mouth on him. She unzipped his leathers and yanked them halfway down, bending low over his hips and taking him into her mouth. The sound he made was all animal, his eyes lighting to a feral bright yellow. She relaxed and took him in deeper, all the time maintaining eye contact. His New Breed sight allowed him to see her almost as if it was daylight, and she wanted him watching with those glowing eyes as her mouth took possession of him.
Diesel’s breath was coming in gasps. Holy shit. That mouth of hers was giving him a visual that had him so close to coming he could hardly hold it back. And she knew it. She’d refused to kiss him and the look in her eyes told him she was punishing him.
And what a punishment it was.
The heat and suction went on and on and he was powerless to stop it until her tongue swept the top of his head one time too many. He reached down and pulled her up to his chest. Too late. Their lips met and as her taste hit his tongue, he came wildly, his release barreling through him. With his lips still fused to hers, he was hard again as soon as he finished. He made fast work of the rest of their clothing, taking off her panties and pulling her up onto her knees. He cupped her breasts from behind and buried his face in her blond waves.
She moaned. “Oh, God, touch me.”
He cupped her core with his hand. Hot. Wet. The scent of her arousal was everywhere and a wave of lust ran through him.
He took her by the hips and slid into her from behind, going in deep. He laid one of his arms between her breasts and she relaxed her upper body into his hold, letting him support her completely. She reached behind his neck and pulled him into a s
earing kiss. His arousal jerked inside her, making both of them groan. He kissed her until he couldn’t breathe, the rhythm taking on a life of its own. She was so tight, her body stroking him as he surged and retreated. He pulled out when he felt her legs begin to shake, picking her up behind her knees and laying her down on her back.
Her mate looked down at her, his eyes alight with passion. As he picked up one of her legs and plunged back inside of her, she climaxed so hard her vision clouded over and her hearing went on the fritz. She took his mouth with hers and he came almost instantly. He rolled them over, keeping them joined as they caught their breath, his erection still kicking inside her.
She lay with her head on his chest for a while, but he only stayed for a short time. She knew he was too afraid he would fall asleep. He kissed her tenderly and, before he said good night, he told her he loved her. Whenever he said it, she would almost return it, the words getting less and less caught in her throat with every declaration.
But not this time.
This time she found they weren’t there at all. Her feelings hadn’t changed, and there had certainly been nothing wrong with their love making. It was incredible. He was incredible. And then it hit her—a sad and frightening truth that rocked her to her core. Their naguals hadn’t connected. But when mated shifters made love, their naguals always connected, didn’t they? Suddenly, she wasn’t sure. Did Diesel even notice that their second souls never touched? Oh, God. It was happening. He was pulling away from her. That had to be it. She shook. She pulled the down duvet up to her chin, and still she trembled. But the cold wasn’t coming from the winter outside the mansion. It was coming from her heart.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Helen walked up the back stairs to the mansion’s second floor and stopped. She really wasn’t in the mood for lunch with Ana and Adriana. Then again, maybe it would be a welcome distraction from the thoughts that had been flying around in her head all morning. She pulled the handle and pushed through the bookcase, closing it behind her. She walked across the main hallway and knocked on the door to Adriana’s suite.
“Hey,” Richard said. “Come on in. I think they’re just deciding what to order up from the kitchen. I’ll be back in a couple of hours, Adri.”
Adriana kissed her mate on the cheek. “Bye, my male. Hi, sweetie.” She gave Helen a hug. “We were just talking about lunch. Anything special you’re in the mood for?”
“Oh, I dunno. Just something light, I guess. Hey, Ana.”
Ana handed Maya to her. “Hi. Here, you look like you could use some sunshine.”
Helen took hold of the offspring and immediately felt lighter. She smiled gratefully. Even if things weren’t great with Diesel, holding Maya reminded her that she still had an important purpose to serve at the mansion.
She sat down on the couch with Ana while Adriana called down to the kitchen and ordered salads and fresh fruit.
Ana eyed the female as she sat down. “So what do you think, Adriana?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’d hate to see you two lose a whole weekend.”
Ana kissed Maya’s forehead. “It’s our pleasure, right baby Maya? Besides, I already have her most afternoons.”
Helen looked from one female to the other. “Wait, did I miss something here?”
“Oh, sorry, Helen. Once James is in the field full time, Reyn asked if Richard would like a weekend off, so he and Adriana can have a little time off for some R&R. They were going to take Maya with them, but I think that kind of ruins the point.”
“All I’m saying is that you and SE work very hard. I don’t see why you should have to take the baby on top of that.”
Helen cocked her head. “Separation anxiety, huh?”
Adriana exhaled. “You know, I guess it is. I just don’t think I’m ready to leave her yet.”
Ana frowned. “Oh, Adriana, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…”
Adriana sat down and hugged the female. “Oh, it’s okay. You couldn’t have. I didn’t either until Helen mentioned it.”
Helen shrugged. “Physician’s intuition.” Like hell. She knew how Adriana felt because she was going through the exact same thing. “Why don’t you postpone it for a while? There’s no rush, right?”
Adriana grinned. “That’s a good idea, actually.” She put Maya in her bassinet. “Helen, are you alright? You don’t seem like yourself.”
She did her best to smile, but it was no use. “Oh, I’m…” Her eyes clouded with tears. “I wondered if I could ask you both something. It’s kind of private.”
Adriana’s brows came together in a little worried wrinkle. “Of course you can. Anything.”
Ana nodded.
“It’s hard for me to ask this, but…” She felt her face flush. “Have either of you ever had sex with your mates without your naguals connecting?”
At first neither of her friends answered. But that didn’t matter. The blank looks on their faces said it all. Her heart felt too heavy for her chest. “That’s what I thought.”
“You mean, not connecting at all? I can’t remember that ever happening. Did that happen with you and Diesel?” Adriana asked.
Helen couldn’t keep the tears back any longer. She nodded and wiped her face with her hands. “Last night.”
Ana picked up a box of Kleenex and handed one to her.
Adriana moved to the other side of her and rubbed her back. “I’m not sure it means anything, sweetie.”
“Well, you and Richard have been together for close to twenty years. Have you even heard of it ever happening?”
“No,” Adriana admitted, “but I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask. We’ve been working for the movement against Toltec since we were first mated. We haven’t been close to that many couples.”
Helen put her head in her hands. “He’s pulling away from me. I know it.”
Ana handed her another Kleenex. “Why do you say that?”
“He moved into the room next door to sleep. The night before last, he had a night terror about Iraq and he hit me by mistake.” She took the Kleenex she was holding and wiped off the make-up on her cheek. Neither of her friends said anything, but she could tell they were shocked.
Ana turned her face to get a better look. “An open handed slap did this. It doesn’t even look like he was aiming for you.”
“No, he wasn’t. He had me pinned to the bed in his sleep. Now he says he’s a danger to me when he’s sleeping, so now he’s using the bed in the room that’s supposed to be the other half of our suite. I’m so afraid he’s going to deny the mating, because of everything he has going on with his PTSD.”
Adriana shook her head. “That doesn’t seem like Diesel. It sounds like he’s afraid of what he might do.”
“I know. But if he has somehow convinced himself that he’s doing this for my own good, he could just as easily do the same with our mating.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“After last night, I don’t know what to believe anymore. All I can think is that our naguals didn’t connect because he’s distancing himself from me emotionally.”
Adriana put her arms around her and held her. “He loves you, Helen. I know he does.”
Ana wrapped her arms around them both. “Everything will be fine, hon. You’ll see.”
Ana’s mind was still preoccupied with Helen as she walked down the upstairs hallway to her room. She wished she could be of more help, but her experience was limited to her mate. Lord knew they’d never not had their naguals connect. Hell, he even leant his to her on occasion, a mind-blowing experience that usually left her able to feel his presence within her long after the sex was over—sometimes for days. She felt her soul warm just at the thought.
As she opened the door and walked toward the bathroom, she discovered her mate lying in the middle of the floor.
“SE!”
She ran to his side and managed to turn him partway onto his back.
She gasped. His eyes were open and glazed white, the co
lor of his irises barely visible.
The protective instinct hit her like a sledgehammer to the chest, a weight crushing her, until she could barely breathe. Panicked, she grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “SE, please, wake up. Wake up, my male.”
His eyes closed and she was wracked with panic. She put her head to his chest. He was still breathing. Suddenly, he opened his eyes. They were perfectly normal.
“Ihkweea? What…”
“Are you okay? Can you move?”
He sat up slowly and shook his head. “Yeah, I think…I think I just had a vision.”
“A vision? You mean like a premonition?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure if it was the past or future. It was a brother. He was alone. It was dark and he was in pain. I…”
“Here, let’s get you off the floor.”
Once her mate was sitting on the bed, she got him a glass of water. She waited while he took several sips. “How do you feel?”
“Okay, I guess. Just a little spooked.”
She could feel the power coming off him in waves. The day SE was picked up by Pax and Diesel in the alley outside her old apartment came into her mind. She hadn’t been a New Breed yet, but even now she thought the power he was generating was incredible. “Do you think this might be a gift of the Goddess?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve never had anything like this happen before. Sometimes I have dreams, like with the word aj k’o’ol a few weeks back. My father always said that my grandfather had the gift of sight. I guess I always figured that’s where they came from. Now I’m not sure what’s causing it. I wish I could remember the details. Everything seems so hazy.”
“Maybe we should tell Reyn and Richard.”
“I don’t know what good it’ll do. I have no idea who or when, but you’re right.”
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