Finally the bathroom door opened. The kems raced out ahead of Daniel. “All yours.” His sullen expression didn’t do much for him, but the improved colour did.
“I won’t be long.”
“Whatever. I’m going to sleep.”
“Look, I’m on your side, you know. I just don’t know what to do.”
Daniel sat on his bed and looked up. “I’m sorry. I feel...like I could fly into a million pieces if I’m not careful. If you push me too hard. I have to hold it all together.”
Spen sat on the bed next to him. “You don’t have to do it alone.”
“I do. There’s only me. I can’t ask Dee and Alex to help.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But I’m here. I won’t go away, and I won’t let you down. Just let me be there, even if you don’t think you need me.”
Daniel’s green eyes shone with tears. “I’m scared,” he whispered. “I can’t fail.”
“You won’t. We won’t let you.” Spen patted his shoulder, wanting to hug him but not wanting to violate Daniel’s space right now. “Are you hungry? Do you want coffee, or water? Anything?”
“No. Just sleep. You know I could do this presentation just fine.”
“Too late, already cancelled. You and I are checking out tomorrow morning and you’re going back home because you shouldn’t have been here in the first place.”
“What will I tell Dee and Alex?”
“We’ll work something out.” Spen gave him a gentle shove. “Hop into bed. I’m going to get Myko to keep an eye on you in case you relapse or something.”
“I’m fine.” The crankiness was back.
“Good. Bed.”
He waited until Daniel was under the covers, then he turned the room light down and set Myko on the end of the bed. “You know what to do,” he whispered. Myko chirped and ran up to sit on Daniel’s chest next to Kani.
“Great, now how am I supposed to sleep?” Daniel groused, glaring at the kems looking back at him with bright-eyed enthusiasm.
“Carefully,” Spen said, and grinned at the scowl. Anything was better than sullen depression.
~~~~~~~~
Their journey back on the train was largely a silent one. Daniel let Spen deal with checking out, and they’d avoided any contact with any of the conference attendees. Noble had responded to Spen’s email with one that was even less diplomatic, saying that he was disappointed in the cancellation and that he expected Daniel back at work the following Monday. Not a word of concern, the bastard—but at least he’d spared Spen the hypocrisy.
Daniel texted his sister to say he was fine, had just been unwell and was coming home early. Spen suggested that he ask the kids to stay one more night with his mum, to give Daniel a chance to get his balance, but he refused. “It’s their home, and I’m fine.”
Spen gave up on that line, but he insisted on calling the office to remove the redirect from Noble’s line to Daniel’s mobile, and actually took the phone off him to stop him answering anything other than calls from his brother and sister. Daniel put up surprisingly little fight. After the brief burst of determination over Dee and Alex, he’d slid back into apathy, paying little attention to the journey, Spen, or even Kani. He’d eaten very little breakfast, and refused tea from the train’s galley. Spen wondered if he was afraid of being drugged again. Maybe his stomach was still upset. Asking was more than he dared do, seeing the faraway look in Daniel’s eyes as he stared through the dirty glass out to the rain-sodden railway cutting.
When they arrived, Daniel looked at Spen in surprise as he climbed into the taxi with him. “I’m coming with you,” Spen said.
“Why?”
“Because.”
Daniel shrugged, and gave the driver the address.
He finally roused to question Spen’s actions once he’d unlocked his front door and set his bags down. “I’m okay now. You should go home.”
“House is empty until Mum gets home. I thought I’d keep you company until the kids come back from school.”
Daniel frowned. “Why?”
“Do you want to be alone?”
Daniel opened his mouth, then closed it. “No,” he said in a small voice. “But I shouldn’t impose.”
“You didn’t. I offered. Is there anything to eat? I’m starving.”
Daniel sat in the kitchen and watched Spen as he rooted around looking for edibles. The fridge was bare, since they house was supposed to be empty for a week, but he found a tin of soup, and that with toasted bread from the freezer, a pot of tea and some biscuits, made a warming if not particularly healthy meal. Spen watched Daniel’s colour improve with every mouthful, and concluded at least some of his bad mood was down to low blood sugar.
“Feeling better?” he asked as he collected the dishes to dump in the sink.
“Yes. Thank you. Spen...I’m sorry for being such an arsehole.”
“You need to try harder. I didn’t even notice. You forget who I work with.” That raised a smile. “What do you want to do now?”
“Um...I should do some shopping. You don’t want to do that with me.”
“Try me.”
“Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“Nope. I’m on leave until Monday. Besides, I never get to shop properly any more since I moved back home.”
Daniel looked like he was about to tell Spen that was the most ridiculous statement since the Big Bang, but the words never actually came out. Instead he shrugged. “If you really want to.”
The rain had stopped but it was still cold and windy, so people crowded into the shops. Weaving around damp, cranky people wasn’t Spen’s idea of fun, but Daniel seemed to barely notice, filling his trolley methodically, checking unit prices and always choosing discounted or sale items. Spen hadn’t had to do that since he was a student—his salary and living rent-free with Rob had spared him from having to watch his budget too carefully. Daniel might have been doing it out of habit, but then he wouldn’t be working for a wanker like Noble if the family finances were secure.
Myko and Kani thought the shop was a playground set up for their pleasure, and chased each other along the shelves, weaving in and out of the cans and bottles with breathtaking heedlessness. Myko was normally pretty well-behaved in shops, but Spen saw Daniel’s smile at their antics, and carefully did nothing to rein in his naughty kem. Myko and Kani were trying to help—and it was working.
Daniel reached for a packet of discounted cheese. “I thought I’d make a couple of dishes to freeze this afternoon, maybe roast a chicken for supper.”
“You cook?”
“Yeah, we all do. Mum insisted. I like it. Made life easier at Uni.” His mouth turned down. “Dee does most of it now, but I try and make up for it at the weekends.”
“Mum does the cooking at home. I can cook but she enjoys it. I do the heavier housework, washing and vacuuming, that kind of thing.”
“Ooh, where can I find your twin? I wish we had an extra pair of hands. Dad—”
He stopped. Kani meeped and ran over to him, jumping up to his left shoulder. Spen put his hand on Daniel’s right, but didn’t know what to say. All he could do, after a few seconds, was to gently nudge him to carry on, which Daniel did, walking along in silence, picking out items with the same concentration as before. The kems no longer made him smile.
With the trolley loaded, they headed for the checkouts, only to find long queues everywhere. Daniel appeared resigned to it, but Spen found it almost intolerable. “We’ll get there eventually. Stop fidgeting.”
“But it’s boooring,” Spen whined, just to make Daniel roll his eyes.
“And you call me a kid...Kani, what’s wrong?”
On his shoulder, Daniel’s kem stood on his back paws, his fur erect, snarling. Myko turned to look where Kani was pointing, and likewise bristled and snarled. “What the hell?” Spen said. “They’re just looking at mineral water.” The only offensive thing he could see about the green bottles was the price, since it was that fancy, rathe
r salty, fizzy stuff that restaurants like to serve. There had been smaller versions in the hotel mini-bar, but like everything else in the mini-bar, they cost about three times what they would from the supermarket.
Myko squeaked and nipped Spen’s ear. “Ow, you little bugger.”
“Kani, stop it.” But when Daniel lifted him down, Kani squirmed free and jumped onto the display of bottles, hissing and spitting. People were starting to stare at him.
“What’s wrong with you two? Why would you—” Spen stopped. Daniel’s widening eyes registered his realisation at the same time Spen came to it. “Oh God. Kani knows. It was in—”
Daniel turned his back on the kems and the display. “I’m not talking about it,” he gritted out. “Look, go home, leave me to deal with this.”
“No way. At least let’s get this to your house before you go postal.”
Daniel glared. “You’re more upset than I am.”
“Yeah, right.”
Daniel pursed his lips and concentrated on dumping his groceries out onto the conveyor belt. Spen helped pack while ignoring the dirty looks. It was pure defence on Daniel’s part.
Over Daniel’s objections he paid for a taxi back to the house, and helped carry the bags into the house. “Thank you,” Daniel said, sounding anything but grateful. “Maybe you should go now.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you want me to leave?”
“Because....”
“Because I might talk to you about why Kani and Myko freaked out about bottles of mineral water?”
Daniel grabbed the bag with the cold goods and stomped into the kitchen. Spen hefted the rest and lugged them in behind. He found Daniel hurling stuff into the fridge. “Slow down, squirt. Don’t break something because you’re pissed off with me.”
“I’m not.” The cheese hit a shelf with a resounding thud.
“Then who are you mad at?”
“No one. Me. Just...no one.”
“Not even the person who drugged and raped you?”
Daniel stiffened. “I don’t—”
“Want to talk about it. Okay. Then don’t. But you can’t make it not have happened. So either face it, or face your brain ambushing you all the time.” He pulled the leaflet out of his pocket. “The doctor at the hospital gave me this.”
He laid it on the countertop. Daniel moved back from it like it was a bomb with the counter down to ten seconds. “I don’t need that.”
“You need something. You can’t live in denial forever.”
“Just watch me. If you’re going to lecture me, please go, Spen. Otherwise, you’re welcome to stay and help me cook. That’s as much entertainment as I can offer, sorry.”
“Well, since you’ve made such a tempting offer, I’ll stay. What do you want me to do?”
Daniel flicked a finger at the leaflet. “Throw that away for a start.” Spen put it in his pocket without protesting. “I need a stack of cheese grated. Feel like doing that?”
“I’m the world’s best cheese grater. Let me at it.”
Daniel sighed in exasperation. “Don’t you ever get annoyed?”
“Why, do you want to see it?”
Daniel went to the fridge, pulled out the cheese, and found the grater and a bowl. “Stop when you’re fed up or run out of cheese. Or you decide you’ve got better things to do than babysit me.”
“Try harder, squirt, if you’re trying to see what I look like pissed off.” Spen counted it a victory that Daniel bothered to flip him off, before returning to the bags of groceries for his cooking supplies.
Despite that unpromising beginning, the afternoon went peacefully. Once finished with the cheese, Spen was set to cutting up carrots and onions, and washing up dishes and pans to keep the volume down. Daniel worked like a demon, cooking up mountains of mince for lasagne, cottage pie, and to put on toast with baked beans. “You certainly know how to stretch your budget,” Spen said, calculating that Daniel had made at least half a dozen meals out of what many people would spend on one.
“Something else Mum taught us. She said we would need to save our money for important things when we left home. I guess she never figured it would be because she died.”
“Are you really that badly off?”
“No. But there’s no income coming in other than what I make, and there’ll be a lot of expenses soon. Already are. Having a salary gives us a cushion. It’s the difference between mince and beans, and chicken and fish occasionally. I don’t want Dee and Alex to go without, or miss out on any chances because we haven’t got the money. Mum and Dad worked hard to provide for us, and wanted us all to go to University.”
“But now you’re not.”
“No. Not at the moment.”
Spen wiped his hands. “Daniel, try not to get angry with me—but maybe you should consider not going back to work on Monday. Tony’s not doing right by you, regardless of what happened last night.”
Despite the plea, Daniel’s jaw set hard. “You can’t prove he did anything. I don’t think he did. Why the hell would he? Why there, for God’s sake? It’s the riskiest place possible.”
Spen had to admit he had a point. “You were only there because he forced you to be—against company regulations. You could do so much better.”
“Not now I can’t. Give me two more months. That’ll be nearly six months that I’ve been there, and I can look around for more office work with that experience.”
But you shouldn’t be getting that experience. You’re an engineer, damn it. Spen didn’t say it out loud. There was no point...yet. “Noball’s a terrible boss.”
“Yes. I know that. He’s not the worst thing I’ve had to put up with by a long way. I’ll be fine.”
“I’d like to see you happier, that’s all.”
Daniel laid his knife down and stared at Spen. “Why? Why take so much interest in me? You don’t do this to Luke or Jyoti or anyone else who works with you.”
“Because I like you. I’d like to be friends. And I think you need a friend.”
“Spare me.”
“You’re a hard sell, Daniel. Do I annoy you so much?”
Daniel flushed. “No,” he muttered. “I don’t like pity, that’s all.”
“It’s not pity. It’s...hell, can’t a guy want to be your friend?”
“You’ve got friends. And a family.”
“So? Is there a quota? Maybe I’m short a redhead and I need to make up the set.”
“That’s better than feeling sorry for me.”
“I do not feel sorry for you. I worry about you. It’s different. I like you and I don’t want to see you hurt and I don’t like to know that friends of mine are being attacked when they should be safe. It wouldn’t matter if you were Jyoti or Luke or anyone else. I can’t help wanting to help. I get it from Mum.”
The first smile in hours crossed Daniel’s face. “She’s wonderful. They both are. I’m so jealous it makes me sick, and then I feel bad because I had wonderful parents too. I was just as lucky...for a while.”
“Still are, if you’re in good shape because of their planning. Because of the man they made you.”
“Yeah. Um...I don’t really want to talk about....”
“I know. Is that lasagne ready?”
Daniel cleared his throat. “Uh, ten minutes. I’m done now. The kids should be home in an hour.”
“Then time for a cup of tea, and even a biscuit. Mum’s cure for everything.”
~~~~~~~~
Daniel was ashamed to admit to himself how grateful he was to Spen for hanging around until Dee and Alex came home, and helping him dodge difficult questions about why they’d both come back early. Spen made it all sound perfectly routine, and reassured Dee that Daniel hadn’t put his job at risk at all. Which might not be true, but she believed it.
Watching Spen climb into a taxi to go home hurt more than he would have guessed. With Spen, he could feel something other than lost and rather scared. Spen made hi
m angry, made him laugh, exasperated him. Without him, the clouds descended again. Dee noticed immediately. “Are you still not feeling okay, Daniel?”
“No, I’m not. Sorry. In fact, if you guys don’t mind serving yourselves, I think I’ll head to bed early. I’m exhausted.”
“Maybe you should see a doctor.”
“I did, and it’s nothing to worry about. Just a reaction to something I ate or drank. A good night’s sleep would help.”
She kissed his cheek. “Yes. I could make you a boiled egg?”
“No, I’m okay. I’ll drink some milk.” He made himself straighten up. “Did you have a good time at Mrs Reardon’s?”
“Oh yes. She’s really nice. She makes me miss Mum even more, though.”
He patted her arm. “Yeah, I know what you mean. See you in the morning.”
He hadn’t lied to Dee. He could barely keep his eyes open—until he lay down. Then sleep fled from him, leaving him rolling from side to side, willing his eyes to grow heavy and his mind to empty without success. Downstairs he heard the quiet bumps and clunks of his brother and sister having supper, arguing briefly, then ascending the stairs to use the bathroom and go to their respective bedrooms. From Alex’s room came the occasional beeps and bells from his laptop, from Dee’s, the sounds of her typing furiously. Nice reassuring sounds, none loud enough to keep him awake. And yet he couldn't sleep.
Kani was infected by the same restlessness, roaming up and down the bed, occasionally jumping to the floor and giving a miserable squeak. He missed Myko, Daniel guessed, though why he didn’t go and play with Veen or Lili, Daniel didn’t know.
He turned over again. Unbidden, the memory of the leaflet Spen had placed on the kitchen counter came to him. Then that of Kani hissing at the bottles of mineral water. He covered his eyes with his arm. It wasn’t that they stirred other memories in his brain. It was that they exposed the horrifying nothingness between sitting in the bar, sipping wine with Tony and the other managers, and waking up in the hospital and seeing Spen’s concerned expression. The line was sharp. On one side, he could remember quite a lot of things—how nervous and uncomfortable he’d felt, how the wine was crap, and feeling amazed at how fast the others were drinking whisky. On the other, there was nothing. There was an...absence. He knew something was missing, like seeing a hole, but having no idea what it had looked like before the hole was there.
A Fluffy Tale 2: Warm & Fuzzy Page 9