“I’m sure you did everything you could.”
“It wasn’t enough. Now go to sleep.”
He was gentle as he tucked me in with the sheet prepped on the bed. The nights ended with screams and drenched sheets. I didn’t need anything more than a thin layer.
He turned to leave. My stronger hand snapped out before I could talk myself out of the very possible thing that would break me for the rest of my life if I was rejected. I relived a world of darkness daily and it was the possibility of rejection that might break me.
“If I asked you to stay with me tonight…”
He stood facing the door, my hand on his wrist. I smelled clean with a hint of chlorine, but I could take another shower and my fresh sheets were inviting, but that wasn’t what he was contemplating. He said nothing as his head lowered.
The air in my lungs were in short supply. I had no choice but to remove my hand from his arm. I rolled over wrapping myself tighter with the white sheet. I held in the tears until I heard the door click closed.
Before an embarrassing sob escaped my mouth, the heated bare skin and smell of strawberries slipped under the sheet and wrapped around me. His breath against my ear weakened my knees.
“Sleep.”
I closed my eyes.
“Eva, come on. Wake up.” He forced my eyes open.
“Sleep?” I mumbled.
The darkness faded as Caleb face came into focus. Relief.
“You weren’t sleeping.” His fine figure straddled my legs. This was a better dream; much better dream.
He was breathing in a panic; a slight wetness glistened off his moving abdomen. I counted the ripples perfectly sculpted on his stomach. Four…Five…Six…a slight hint of a seventh and eighth bump pulled my attention as my hand eased up to touch him.
“Eva?” He placed his hand on my mine. He didn’t remove it or guide it, he was just feeling my hand feeling his stomach.
His breathing was differently paced than before. I braced myself on my elbow and moved my hand up to his chest. The pounding against my palm forced my fingers to tighten against his peck.
“Eva,” he breathed out.
I slid my hand around the back of his neck and pulled his face down to mine. The strength in his form did not battle me. He held himself up, his hands on either side of my head as I held his gaze.
“Mmmm, strawberries.” The grin peering over his face wiggled in his ears.
I played with my lips, a small nibble, as I slid my hand into his hair. I bucked my thighs into him, sending the most obvious hint that he, luckily, understood. The little effort needed to move his legs between mine hardly registered in his muscular shoulders.
He whispered my name again as I wrapped my legs around his lower torso. The tension in his shoulders eased as he shifted his lower half slightly until our bodies fit perfectly together.
“You stayed.” I spoke only now realizing I was in complete control. I wasn’t allowed to be in control in those dreams that were not dreams. This was……not a dream.
“You asked.” He smiled. I moved his hand to my hip, the movement between my legs raised my awareness another level.
“Your heart is racing.” I could feel it in my chest, or was that my heart?
“And yours isn’t?” He was just as nervous as I was.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I continued to smile, but my cool composure was about to spiral out of itself. My eyelids grew heavy. Not the best time to fall asleep.
His smile weakened. “You weren’t sleeping well. You should sleep.”
“And miss the end of the greatest movie of all time?” I giggled.
“I missed you.” His face was serious. He arched his back until his head was on my chest. “Sleep.” He wrapped his arms around me.
I ran my hands through his hair and drifted back to sleep.
“Eva! Please wake up.” My eyes opened slightly to his hands wrapped around my face. The concern in his eyes saddened me. I didn’t like to see him so sad.
I raised my lips to his. I was in control again…and kissing Caleb. The smoothness of his lips relaxed my balled fists as the tension in his hands on my face lessened with our gentle kiss.
He was the first to pull away; his eyes still pinched shut. The sky was still dark but the moonlight highlighted the looming satisfaction on his face.
“Are you okay?” He slowly opened his eyes.
“I am. Are you okay?” I was bewitched by him.
“You weren’t sleeping again.”
“I’ve kept you up, haven’t I?” I shouldn’t have asked him to say.
“How long has this been going on?” He wiped the wetness from my face.
“Too long; I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.”
“You’re shaking like a leaf. Does this happen every night?” He wiped my face again. It was then that I realized tears were still pouring from my eyes.
“Same one, but I’m fine, really. I overstepped when I asked you to stay. I’m sorry.” I sat up. Caleb shifted next to me.
“Your clothes are soaked,” his voice cracked.
“I forgot to change before bed. It’s just I get really hot at night.” I hope he didn’t think it was from anything else but sweating, still it was embarrassing.
“I can grab something from the closet.” He stood from the bed without giving me a chance to respond and returned with a thin t-shirt, pair of shorts, and new set of sheets for the bed.
He really could be a gentleman when I needed him to be. He stood facing the view of the cove, his arms folded across his chest. Every part of my body ached making me move much slower than I wanted to. I still needed to sit on the couch to dress.
“The kitchen mentioned you haven’t really been eating, which explains the weight loss. Seth informed me that you’ve been late or just haven’t shown up for your therapy sessions. Is this why you’ve been so distant?” he asked.
“One of the reasons.”
“Since she’s been back, I’ve been different, I know. I didn’t mean to make it impossible for you to come to me,” I could hear the guilt in his voice.
“I don’t know what’s different and what’s normal. Everything is out of place for me. I just know this is not how I was dreaming a month ago. I’ve been managing just fine and I can’t run to you with everything.”
“There’s been a lot of changes for you and I haven’t been the best at helping you through them. I guess I can’t blame you for not coming to me with this,” his words oozed with pain.
“I’m pretty sure I’ve narrowed down the cause so it’s nothing you need to worry about.” I stood from the couch. “I’m dressed.” I yanked the wet sheets from the bed and tossed them onto the piles of clothes. The stench of sweat gathered in the pile on the other side of the couch.
“Let me help you.” The parachute of white let out a puff of a flowery scent as it landed on the bed. “What do you think is causing your restless nights?”
“Restless nights,” I chuckled. “I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow. You should get some sleep.”
“I’m staying. Get into bed.” Caleb tossed the last of the pillows onto the bed and slipped under the sheet.
“Caleb?” I slipped in behind him.
“I’ll be here in the morning.” He faced me, adjusting the pillow under his head.
“Thank you for staying with me tonight.” I tucked my knees to my chest.
His hand hugged along my jaw and pushed his lips against mine. My lips responded, kissing him back. He wrapped his arms around me, my legs straightening as he pulled me against his bare chest.
He kissed me harder and harder, his arms tightened my body against his. There was no gracefulness or choreography to our movements as his passion took over. My body responded to his in every way.
My breathing became erratic as my thin shirt was hardly a barrier between my bare breast and his sculpted chest. His pants tightened as his bulge caressed along my thin shorts. The thin c
otton material wasn’t enough to cage her, let alone catch the wetness.
My stomach danced at every flick of his tongue in my mouth. My skin ached under his touch in the most glorious way, my tongue was begging for more. She wanted him. She craved his attention.
Caleb’s hand slid along my side and down passed my hip, cupping my butt. A moan escaped me and then all of my thoughts went out the window.
“Stop,” I breathed roughly, pushing him away. What are you doing? Don’t tell him to stop.
“I’m sorry.” Caleb backed away, but his hands were still touching me.
“You’re fine, I just can’t.”
“Hey, you don’t have to explain. I pushed. I’m sorry.”
“No, I…”
“Eva, you don’t have to explain.” He rolled onto his back, laid my head on his chest, and wrapped his arm around me. His heart was still beating rapidly against my ear; my chest was doing the same. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, just before drifting off to sleep.
As much as I enjoyed the comfort of his arms and relief from his eyes after another shattering moment of blackness, I couldn’t put that on him. Nor could I ignore the fact that things were obviously still going on between he and Dr. Nyssa.
For days after, he offered to stay with me and I struggled when I told him no. I didn’t know if I would be able to stop him again. I didn’t want to stop him again. I wasn’t sure who was using who if I let it go on. I would have to manage my burden alone.
By the fourth week, Caleb was checking in on me throughout the day so I had to ease back to only physical therapy with Seth. The new routines were completely redesigned to prevent me from overworking myself.
Unfortunately, Seth was making daily trips to the pool, taking away my swim time entirely. It was enough to deal with the giant warning flares during our PT sessions, but now they were starting to interrupt my clarity time.
I couldn’t see much progress occurring at this rate. I managed to do a few extra workouts in my room, slightly modifying Seth’s new program. It was this or I would never sleep again.
With a surprisingly large tub in my oversize bathroom, I was still able to do basic water movements. I maneuvered the furniture in my room so I could practice walking without my crutches. I was down to one crutch, but it was still one too many for me.
Caleb and I avoided further talk of our sleepover. He kindly refrained from any discussion of my night terrors or embarrassing sweats. I forgot myself that night. I even regretted stopping him. Every time I looked at him, I wished I hadn’t.
It wasn’t until I saw Dr. Nyssa’s unsubtle ways of getting Caleb’s attention that snapped me back to reality. It was in the way she laughed with him and how she touched his arm when they talked. It was clear that I was only getting in the way.
Caleb joined me during a few of my daily walks around the yard after I stopped going to the pool. I used my strolls around the yard as my source of fresh air and a little added exercise, which I’m sure he picked up on. I pretty much avoided any real conversation during our walks, as they were awkward enough. Trying to be anything more than roommates was enough of a strain.
Just short of my six-week check-up, I asked Caleb to sit in on a physical therapy session. Dr. Nyssa took it as an invite for the whole class to participate.
“Should she be running that fast?” she spoke over my strides.
“Looks like Eva is doing well, Seth. Great job, my man.” Caleb tapped him on the shoulder.
“No need to praise me yet, Sir. We’ve got ourselves quite a bit of work ahead of us.” Seth smiled awkwardly.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m back on my feet.” I ran on the treadmill. My legs moved effortlessly, but I was sure I’d fall if I kept at this pace.
“Eva, you’ve only been outta that boot for a short time. We’ve just brought you back to a new routine. Let’s just slow you down.” He was in a panic. He clicked the arrow pointing down on the treadmill until it was at a near halt. Thank you.
“You look great up there!” Caleb beamed up at me.
“Thanks.” I smiled trying to hide the pain behind my water bottle. Son of a…
“I was worried about you pushing yourself too hard too fast, but it looks like I was wrong. You’re running!” He was shocked.
We continued through a few more of the machines, my body nearly breaking from exhaustion. I forced myself to continue, making it look easy. They were looking for weakness and I couldn’t allow that. I avoided contact with Seth to keep a clear head and prove my ability. He was going home today.
“Looks like we hired the right man for the job, just imagine what he can do with another few weeks.” Dr. Nyssa smiled as if she deserved a medal.
“I’ve already planned out a regime for the next few weeks based on the criteria Caroline gave me. As we see results, I’ll change the plan.” Seth grabbed a clipboard from the bench near the entrance.
Caroline. Interesting.
“Hold the phone. No offense, Specialist, but what more is there to do?” I asked as kindly as I possibly could. I wanted Caleb on my side. I didn’t need another battle of the ballsiest.
“She’s right; I told her if she can manage on her own, we wouldn’t need you.” Caleb almost looked guilty.
“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t think she’s ready to handle this by herself. We’ve only just started. She’s not at 100% yet.”
“It’s been over a month. She’s improved, and from what I’ve seen, she manages the workouts without you.” He has been paying attention.
“But, Sir…”
“It’s alright.” Caleb tapped his hand on Seth’s shoulder again. “You’ll be paid for the remainder of your contract, but Eva would like to continue on her own. I have to respect her wishes.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Seth’s fists balled.
“And your concerns have been noted.” Caleb was no longer smiling.
Seth pulled Caleb to where he thought they would be out of earshot. I wasn’t sure if Caleb’s eyes were shooting darts because Seth was still pushing the matter or because he actually physically pulled him away from the conversation.
“She has taken risks with her health. Since we’ve collaborated together, her situation has improved dramatically over the last two weeks,” he whispered.
“We’ve given her the right tools to handle this on her own. I trust…”
“She’s a child,” Seth’s voice got away from him. “It was only because we put the restraints on, did she step back and do things properly.”
An odd smile came across Caleb’s face. “Listen, you seem like a great guy so this is more as a favor and less as a warning; you are a treading on a very thin line. If I have to keep going, this will not end well,” he spoke with authority. I was impressed.
“I’m going to go rinse off and take a swim, if no one objects?” I waited for a response. It was a forced habit not to just leave. I couldn’t quite pinpoint where I learned it, I just knew it wasn’t something my parents taught me.
“There’s not much else to discuss here. I think I might join you, if you don’t mind, Eva?” Caleb walked away from the meeting that now included Dr. Nyssa.
“Sure.” I was pleasantly surprised. I could cry later.
“Seth, I appreciate what you’ve done. You’ve brought our Evie back. I will set up your dismissal paperwork later today.”
I ignored his use of the name Evie. It didn’t sit well with me, but I managed to rid the castle of another minion. This was a victory.
He chose my side, which said a lot considering the stone face he left on Dr. Nyssa. She and Seth were still whispering in the workout room when I came out of the shower room after a quick rinse and change into my new two-piece bathing suit, but they didn’t stay very long.
As much as I wanted to lay in the shower and breakdown, I couldn’t let anyone see how much my little test took out of me. The pool would help; I just needed to hold
on until Seth was gone.
Caleb was already in the pool, armed with the water guns he kept locked up in the storage room. I must have been five or so since I’d last seen a water gun, and these weren’t just any ordinary water pistols. These were the automatic super soaker styled guns I’d never heard of before.
He kept me in the pool for hours swimming, splashing around, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company. I couldn’t let my guard down after that display in the gym. It wasn’t as hard with as much fun as we were having.
“Thank you.” I smiled swimming alongside him.
“You don’t have to thank me.” He smiled.
“You held up your end. But I just want to make sure it had nothing to do with…”
He stopped swimming, the water still moving around us. “Hey, we made a deal. You did your part so I will do mine. Did you not think I would?”
“I guess we’ll see.” I splashed him and headed out of the pool.
After a brief shower, Caleb handled his business with Seth. I ate dinner alone in the company of Bernard. He was nearby if I wanted seconds, but I was still eating alone. Dr. Nyssa, Caleb, and Seth argued in one of the conference rooms at the end of the hall. I was sure he was going to stay, but to my surprise, Seth was to be gone by sun down.
“Eva, what would you say to a couple movies in the den tonight?” Caleb asked walking into the dining room.
“Sure, what kind of movies does everyone want to see?” I asked trying to find out who was joining us.
“Just us, Dr. Nyssa is saying her goodbyes to Seth,” he paused waiting for my reaction. “I’m sorry I missed dinner. I wanted to make sure everything was handled tonight.”
“Bernard set some food aside for you.” I sat in my usual chair, picking at my plate.
“Was dinner not good?” He stabbed a cold green bean off my plate using my hand and my fork and placed it into his mouth.
“It was fine, just not all that hungry.” I smiled as he over chewed and swallowed hard.
I was more concerned with whether Seth was still in the house than what was on my plate. I wouldn’t be okay until he left.
“Well, why don’t we get some snacks and head into the den and put on something funny…Relax a bit?” He knelt next to my chair.
Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1) Page 7