I hate the helplessness I feel, the way my throat tightens up. “You want me to get back together with the guy Grandpa picked for me? The guy that approached me because I’m the means to a merger for him? What about my happiness? What about what I want? You followed your dreams, didn’t you? Why won’t you let me do the same? Surely you understand what it’s like to want independence? To lead a normal and happy life? You know what it’s like to rely on Grandpa and then have the rug pulled from under your feet the second you tell him you want to deviate from the path he’s set for you. He took away your inheritance and put you out on the street with a baby in your belly, and you still want me to just fall in line?”
Mom grits her teeth and stares me down. “And he took me back in with open arms, didn’t he? He knew I’d come back home, eventually. Besides, he was right. I was foolish to fall for your father. I missed out on the life I could’ve had because I chose to be with your father, and I can see you making the same mistake. Except in your case, it’s not a man you’re following. It’s a foolish dream. Grow up already, Amara. Count your blessings.”
I swallow down the anger that’s clawing its way up my throat. “Has no one ever told you that a gilded cage is still a cage, Mom?”
I hate that so many of our conversations end like this. I always have so much to say, so much to tell her, but as soon as we start talking, I end up swallowing down my words. She’s a hypocrite. She knows exactly what Grandpa is like. She couldn’t stand it herself, and she didn’t return until she was out of options. Had she gone back home sooner, our lives might not be as destroyed as they are.
She followed her dreams, but she’s undermining mine.
Chapter 6
Noah
My desk phone buzzes in a way it’s never done before and I frown at it, confused. I didn’t even realize it could make that sound.
I’m still staring at it when my door opens and a man I’ve only ever seen in photos walks in. I jump out of my seat, shocked.
“Mr. Astor,” I say, extending my hand. What is he doing here? And why is he here unannounced? My mind immediately drifts back to last week, and I silently pray he hasn’t found out how I touched his granddaughter, because that’s who Amara is. She’s his only granddaughter, and if Maddie is to be believed, she’s the apple of his eye.
His grip is tight as he shakes my hand, and I silently take him in. Looks like Amara has her grandfather’s blue eyes. He’s as tall as I am, and the suit he’s wearing probably equals a month’s salary for me.
Mr. Astor looks around my office as though he’s seeing it for the very first time, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the case. He strikes me as the type of man that has a medical team on call, which makes it all the more strange to have him standing in my office so unexpectedly. Even throughout my interviews, no one ever mentioned him. I didn’t think I’d ever meet him. This college and the campus clinic it houses are but one of his many assets.
“How is the new job?” he asks. “Everything to your liking?”
I’m quick to nod, surprised he realizes I’m new. “Everything is great,” I tell him. “This office is well-equipped, and the nurses are friendly and helpful.”
He nods and walks around, touching things absentmindedly, and I silently note everything I’ll have to disinfect all over again. “That’s good. And how is the work?”
“It’s great,” I tell him honestly. It’s pretty much the same job I used to do at Dr. Johnson’s clinic, except there are no old people. It’s mostly middle-aged professors and students coming in with routine issues. I enjoy it. I enjoy actually being able to help. During my hospital rotations we usually had cases that left me feeling like my all would never be good enough, but here I make a difference every day.
“I’m glad to hear it,” he says, pausing in front of my desk. “I’m happy to have you here, Noah. You seem to be doing well. You seem happy here. The opportunities I can give you are endless. This clinic,” he says, gesturing around at my office, “can be yours if you want it.”
I freeze. I never even thought that would be an option. My expression must be transparent, because Mr. Astor smiles. “Do a good job, and I’ll let you buy in.” I nod, in shock, and he smirks. “I consider my employees family, Noah. I want you to do well, and I’ll help you grow so long as you work hard. So far, everything I’ve heard about you has impressed me. You put yourself through medical school while taking care of your little sister and putting her through school too. You’ve done extremely well for yourself, and I’m always on the lookout for exceptional men. Men that can help me build my empire.”
I just stare at him dazedly, unsure what to say. When I started working here, I assumed it’d never be more than a salaried job. I assumed I’d do this for a while and then attempt to buy into a clinic elsewhere. Owning anything with the Astor name on it? I didn’t think that’d be possible.
“I’m grateful for the opportunity to work for you, Mr. Astor. I assure you I won’t let you down.”
He nods, but his gaze is calculative. “I don’t think you will.” He straightens his suit jacket, and just as I think this weird little visit is over, he looks at me, his gaze sharp. “I understand my granddaughter visited your clinic not too long ago. What was she here for? We have an in-house doctor on call, so there shouldn’t have been any need for her to come here.”
I tense and keep my face carefully blank. “I’m afraid I cannot breach doctor-patient confidentiality,” I tell him, my tone unwavering. I think back to the notes I took about her visit and wonder if he somehow has access to those. It might be a good idea to edit them and make them a little more vague, just in case.
He looks at me, and his expression sends a chill running down my spine. I straighten defensively and hold his gaze. I may want to climb up the ladder, but I’m a doctor first and foremost. I won’t compromise my ethics.
He nods, and my shoulders sag in relief. “I love my granddaughter, Noah. There is nothing I won’t do to ensure her happiness. I will help you achieve your goals, and I’ll check in with you often to ensure you’re on the path you wish to be on. However, you must stay away from my granddaughter. Amara is not for you.”
I push aside the sudden resentment I feel and nod. “I can promise you I won’t seek her out, but I will not deny a patient my care,” I tell him, making my limits clear.
Mr. Astor smiles. “Very well. I suppose that’s as much as I can ask for.”
I nod and shake his hand. He tightens his grip and holds onto my hand. “There’s a charity function next month. Why don’t you attend? I’ll introduce you to some people that you should get to know.”
My heart constricts at the mere thought of what he’s insinuating. I thought he was making empty promises when he said he’d support my career, but it looks like I was mistaken. Attending this event might very well land me connections I could otherwise never have access to.
“I would love to,” I say, tightening my grip on his hand before letting go. He smiles and turns to walk away.
I stare after him as he walks out of my office and collapse into my seat the second the door closes behind him.
I’ve only just about caught my breath when the door opens again. I shoot back out of my seat and then relax when I realize it’s Maddie and Georgia.
Maddie rushes up to me with wide eyes while Georgia closes the door behind her. “What did he say?”
I shake my head and glare at Georgia, the receptionist. “Why the hell didn’t you warn me?”
She looks at me apologetically and shrugs. “No time. He walked in and demanded to see you. All I managed to do was sound the alarm seconds before he walked in.”
I stare at my desk phone. “That screeching noise was meant to be a warning? How the fuck was I supposed to know that?”
Maddie shrugs. “Tell us what he told you. Why did he come here? He hasn’t been here in years.”
I sit down and lean back as I fill them in, hoping they might have an explanation for his erratic beha
vior, but they don’t. They’re just as clueless as I am.
I’m guessing that it’s Amara’s visit that led him here. As my patient, she was already off-limits. But now, with her grandfather’s warning fresh on my mind? Now she’s forever out of reach.
Chapter 7
Amara
“It was so awkward. I’m still not over it. Couldn’t you have warned me that he’s really hot?” I say, clutching my phone tightly between my shoulder and my ear as I try to maneuver my way through the crowds on campus with a stack of heavy books in my arms. Leia has been trying to get me to talk about my visit at the doctor’s office all week now, and she’s finally worn me down.
“Hot? He’s middle-aged and balding. To each their own, of course… but I didn’t think he was hot at all.”
I frown, confused. “Dr. Grant can’t be middle-aged. He’s in his thirties, I guess? Definitely not bald. He’s got thick dark hair,” I tell her, remembering the way I imagined myself running my hands through it.
Leia falls silent. “Grant? I don’t think that was his name. The campus doc had some basic name. Something like Williams? Interesting… I guess the doctor you saw was new then.”
“Must have been,” I murmur, my thoughts on Dr. Grant. He’s gotta be the most handsome man I’ve ever met. I’d definitely have noticed him on campus at some point in the last couple of years.
“You should go back to his office. He said you shouldn’t test things without medical supervision, right? Just take one of your toys back to his office and see how he reacts.”
I roll my eyes. “Hell no. I can’t ever face him again. Leia, it was so humiliating. I came on the man’s hand, while he was trying to do his job.”
“Was he wearing a wedding ring?”
I chuckle and shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “No. He wasn’t.”
“Good. Then I don’t see the problem. This could be the start of an amazing love story, Amara.”
I burst out laughing and almost lose grip of one of my books. “More like a bad porno. I can’t even imagine how awkward it must’ve been for him. I don’t even want to know what he thinks of me now. He must think I’m some sort of freak. I’m so embarrassed, Leia.”
I hoist my books up, trying to balance them as I make my way to my car. “Fuck,” I whisper-shout as my gaze lands on the entrance of the campus convenience store.
“What?” Leia responds.
“Ley, it’s him. I swear, it’s him. Walking out of the convenience store right now. What do I do? I have to hide.”
“Oh shit. Seriously? Okay, act natural. Don’t be weird.”
Dr. Grant’s eyes meet mine, and I turn straight around, turning my back to him. “Why did I do that?” I say more to myself than to Leia.
“Damn it. What did you do?” Leia asks, her tone apprehensive.
“I should’ve just said hi or nodded. Shit. I just turned around. Literally just u-turned the second my eyes met his. Why am I like this?”
Leia bursts out laughing, and I clutch my phone tightly as my cheeks heat. I can’t face Dr. Grant now. I bet I look like a ripe tomato with my red hair and my blazing cheeks.
“Why are you like this? For someone so beautiful you really are awkward as fuck.”
I try to glance back as subtly as I can, only to find Dr. Grant still staring at me, a wide grin on his face. He takes a step toward me and I almost drop my phone.
“Shit. He’s heading this way. I need to go. Love you, bye!” I whisper-shout into my phone as I end the call.
I’m about to lock my phone and throw it in my bag when it buzzes again. I click the message open without thinking, assuming it’s Leia sending me some terrible advice… but it’s not. The message is from a number I don’t recognize, yet I instantly know who it is.
I stop in my tracks, my books falling to the floor as the world around me fades away. My heart beats so loudly that I’m certain I can hear it. I grip my phone tightly, trying my best to push aside the nausea and panic that’s slowly overtaking me.
How dare he? How dare he text me now? After all these years, he messages me as though he didn’t destroy our family, leaving tattered lives in his wake.
Hi, Ami. I’ve typed this text and deleted it over a hundred times, because I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know if you want to hear from me at all, but I miss you. I miss my little girl. Not a single day has gone by without me thinking of you, and I would really love to see you, even if it’s only once. Love, Dad.
See me? He wants to see me? After what he did? The mere thought of him sickens me. That man… he’s a monster.
I inhale shakily, trying my hardest to ground myself, to keep the panic at bay. Despite my best efforts, my throat closes up and my breathing gets shallower by the second. It becomes difficult to inhale fully, and fear grips me. I clutch at my throat and try to blink the tears away, but that doesn’t help silence the need to run, to escape the memories that assail me. I take a step forward and stumble over the books at my feet, my knees hitting the floor before I can brace myself.
Tears start to run down my cheeks in earnest, and through them I can see the redness of my bloodied scraped knees as I reposition myself on the cold street. I don’t feel the pain, though. No, it’s just an excuse to let go of the heartache keeping me captive.
A sob tears through my throat and I pull my knees up to my chest, welcoming the sharp pain that comes with the movement. I can’t tell whether it helps dull the pain in my chest or adds to it, but I lose myself in it nonetheless.
I haven’t seen my father in over fifteen years. I haven’t heard from him, and the mere mention of him brings my mother intense agony. How could he? How could he reappear now after all the damage he’s done?
I try my best to inhale, to calm myself, but I’m lost in a downward spiral of memories and heartache, and all I manage to do is choke on another sob. Helplessness overcomes me, and I hate myself for it. I hate how weak I am. I hate that I can’t even control my own body.
“Step aside! I’m a doctor.”
His voice cuts through the overwhelming noise, and it isn’t until then that I realize that I’m surrounded by people, some of them asking me if I’m okay while two girls kneel beside me.
“Amara,” he says, and my eyes meet his. His gold-specked brown eyes hold a reassuring gaze, and I know right there and then that I’m going to be fine.
Dr. Grant kneels on the ground in front of me and pushes my hair out of my face before cupping my cheeks. “Look at me,” he orders, his tone brooking no argument. “I’ve got you, okay? Don’t look at the blood. Your scrapes are superficial. You’re okay, but you’re having a panic attack. Breathe with me, Amara.”
I nod and follow his instructions, my eyes never leaving his. It only takes him a few minutes to calm me down, to hand me back control over my body. The second I’m able to take a full deep breath, I almost burst into tears all over again, from relief this time.
“See,” he says, “you’re fine.”
I nod, and he smiles at me as he places one arm underneath my knees while his other arm wraps around me. Before I realize what he’s doing, he lifts me off the floor as though I weigh nothing.
“Grab her stuff,” he barks out, and a wide-eyed woman in a nurse’s uniform jumps into action, bending down to gather my things. Dr. Grant doesn’t wait for her. Instead, he walks toward his clinic, keeping me in his embrace.
“I can walk,” I whisper.
“I know you can,” he says, glancing down at me. “But you’re injured, and I’d like to examine you before I let you get on your feet.”
I stare at him as he carries me to his office, holding me securely. I take in his chiseled jaw, the small amount of stubble, and his messy hair. He isn’t wearing his white doctor’s coat today, and somehow, he looks even more handsome in the white dress shirt he’s wearing. Something about him puts me at ease, yet has my heart racing at the same time. It’s a jarring feeling. I can’t remember the last time I felt this safe,
this taken care of… yet I’m also nervous.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He looks down at me and smiles. “Don’t thank me just yet. I’m going to disinfect your wounds, and when I do, I doubt you’ll be very happy with me.”
Happy, huh… I don’t know what happiness feels like, but I suspect it’s a little bit like the way he’s making me feel right now, and that feeling is dangerous.
Chapter 8
Noah
My heart is racing as I carry Amara into my clinic, Maddie hot on my heels. I’m usually calm when dealing with accidents and emergencies, but not today. Something about Amara tugs at my heartstrings. Watching her succumb to panic, seeing the color drain from her face… I can’t remember the last time I felt so helpless. Over the years I’ve come to excel at detaching myself from my patients, but something about Amara is different. I felt her pain as if it were my own.
Maddie rushes around me to open my office door, and I carry Amara in gently. She’s quiet in my arms, her breathing even, and her cheeks a beautiful rosy color. She looks fine now, yet my heart is still in disarray. I’m worried. I know she’s not truly hurt. Her wounds are superficial, yet I can’t take it. I guess it was the look in her eyes, the devastation that momentarily consumed her.
She’s still trembling ever so slightly as I place her on the patient bed in my office, her feet dangling off the edge. She looks up at me, our eyes locking. Those blue eyes of hers… I could lose myself in them if she’d let me.
“I can disinfect her wounds, Dr. Grant.”
Dr. Grant (Off-Limits) Page 3