My eyes widen, and a smile spreads across my face. “I love you more.”
Noah shakes his head. “Impossible.”
“Take me home with you and I’ll show you,” I whisper.
Noah chuckles and nods as he pulls away, his hand slipping down my arm until our fingers are entwined. We’re both smiling as he leads me out of the lab, my hand in his. I didn’t think I’d get to do this ever again. I didn’t think I’d ever again get to walk around with my hand in his.
“Thank you,” I tell him as he leads me to his car.
Noah frowns, confused, and I smile.
“Thank you for doing what I didn’t have the courage to do. I’ve missed you too, Noah. I’ve thought of you every single second since I walked away, wondering how it could possibly be the right decision when it felt so wrong.”
He twists me around and presses me against his car, his arms on either side of me. “I’ll never let you go again,” he says, his eyes blazing. “No more games. No caving to pressure from your family. No denying what’s between us. You’re mine.”
I smile and lean in for a kiss. “So, I guess that makes me your girlfriend?”
He laughs and meets me halfway, his lips finding mine. “That sounds too juvenile to describe how I feel about you. You’re so much more than that… but for now I’ll settle for being your boyfriend.”
He smirks before kissing me, his hands moving over my body with the same need I’m feeling. Something this good can’t be wrong. I’ve been miserable since walking away, but I’m done being scared. I want this with him.
This. This thing between us. It’s worth fighting for.
Chapter 38
Noah
Amara is quiet as we walk into my house, and suddenly I find myself second-guessing my decision to go after her. I don’t want to pressure her into anything she isn’t ready for.
“Hey,” I murmur, my hand brushing against hers before I entwine our fingers. “Are you okay?”
Amara turns to look at me, her eyes filled with an expression I can’t quite describe. Fear. Worry. Trepidation. “I’m scared,” she whispers. “I’m so in love with you, Noah… but I can’t just pretend like that’ll be enough. Being with me is going to cost you everything, and I’m scared. It might seem worth it now, but it won’t be for long.”
I take a step closer to her, and she takes a step back, leaning back against the wall. The pictures Aria and I hung in the hallway are right above her head, and I take a moment to look at them before facing her.
“I get it,” I tell her. “I’m scared too, baby. I admire your grandfather, and he’s taught me a lot in a very short amount of time. I know I’ll go far with his support, but is a good career enough? I’ve lived my entire life cast in shadows of the past, haunted by pain and misery. If there’s one lesson I’ve learned, it’s that there’s nothing more precious than happiness. That’s not something I can buy, and it’s not something your grandfather can help me achieve. It’s something I can only have when I’m with you. When it comes down to it, I’ll always choose happiness over money, Amara.”
She places her hands against my chest and slides them up, until she’s got me wrapped in her embrace. “You say that now, but I’m scared you’ll change your mind. I’m scared you’ll end up resenting me for everything I’m taking from you.”
I smile at her and drop my forehead to hers. “You aren’t taking anything from me, my love. If anything, you’re giving me more than I ever thought I’d have. You’re everything to me, Amara. I knew what I was getting into when I walked into that lab. I vow to you right here and now, I will never blame you for any of the consequences we’ll face. We’re in this together now. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together.”
She looks into my eyes, a glimmer of hope lighting up her expression. She smiles at me, and I breathe a sigh of relief. “The mere thought of walking away from you… of letting you go. It won’t happen, Amara. I can’t ever go back to the emptiness that filled my life before you walked into it.”
She rises to her tiptoes and presses a soft, lingering kiss to my cheek. “You have me now, Noah. I’ll never leave you.”
I nod and pull her closer, my lips finding hers. She sighs happily when I kiss her, and I can’t help but smile against her lips. “I missed you so much,” I whisper, pulling her toward the living room, my lips never leaving hers for more than a second. “You’ve been all I’ve been able to think about.”
Amara pushes against my chest, pushing me in the direction of the sofa, and I smile as I fall back onto it. She stands in front of me and I lean back, mesmerized. I can’t believe I let her walk away. I never should’ve let her get into her car.
Amara grins as she climbs onto my lap, straddling me. “I missed you too, Noah. So much. Just being here with you is so surreal. I thought I’d have to live on the memories we made last week, and it killed me.”
I pull her against me, my lips inches away from hers. “You won’t have to, baby. We’ll spend the rest of our lives making memories together.”
She looks at me with wide eyes, and I smirk. I guess it technically is too soon to tell, but when you know, you know. Someday, this beautiful woman in my lap is going to be my wife.
“Come here,” I whisper.
Amara leans in, her lips brushing against mine, and I wrap my hand into her hair, throwing every ounce of feeling into my touch. She moans against my lips, opening up for me. The way she moves on top of me… fuck.
She pulls away to look at me, her gaze heated. I’ll never tire of seeing that look in her eyes. Amara smirks as she leans in to press feather soft kisses to my neck, driving me crazy. I tangle my hand into her hair and pull her back up, kissing that smirk off her lips. “My turn,” I whisper.
A soft moan escapes her lips when I kiss her neck, my teeth grazing past a sensitive part of her skin. She tilts her head, exposing more of her neck. “Don’t stop,” she pleads, and I chuckle.
I kiss her collarbone, taking my time as I move lower. We’ve always been in a rush, but not tonight. She’s finally mine now, and I intend to show her what that entails. “I love you,” I whisper, before sucking down on her skin, leaving a mark.
Amara gasps, and the sound of her has me rock hard. I love the way her body responds to mine, the desire that’s on display for me. My hands roam over her body, and her eyes fall closed when my fingers find their way underneath her dress. “Let me guess,” I murmur. “No underwear?” My fingers brush over her thigh, and I chuckle when I realize I’m right. “Already wet for me, as expected. Tell me, Amara. How badly do you want my cock?”
She looks into my eyes, her gaze heated. “You know I want it,” she admits. Her voice has always turned me on, but right now it drives me half mad.
I slip my fingers between her thighs, biting down on my lip when I realize she’s soaking wet. Fuck. I tease her, my thumb twirling around her clit the way I did back when she walked into my office with a toy to test. I watch her as her cheeks flush and her breathing quickens, soft moans escaping her lips.
“Noah, I need you… please. I need to feel you inside me.”
Her hands move to my trousers and she pulls on it impatiently. I lean back and watch her, enjoying the urgency of her touch, her blatant need. My eyes fall closed when she wraps her hand around my cock.
She doesn’t hesitate as she lifts her hips, aligning my cock right where she wants it. Amara looks into my eyes as she sinks down on me, her lips falling open when she sits down in my lap, my cock so fucking deep inside her. “Oh God,” she moans, and I smile as I lean back, watching my girlfriend ride me.
I wrap my hands around her hips and push up, thrusting deep into her, moving with her. Her dress is bunched up around her hips, and I pull it up further, revealing her bare tits. I pull her dress over her head and drop it to the floor before leaning in, teasing her nipples, enjoying the moans that leave her lips.
“I was going to take my time with you, baby. I wanted to undress you, take you to bed…
I wanted to fucking worship you, but damn… I have no self-control when it comes to you.”
She laughs and wraps her hands into my hair, pulling me closer roughly. “Self-control is overrated,” she whispers, her lips hovering over mine.
I kiss her slowly, deeply, her tongue tangling with mine. This girl… she kisses the way she sucks cock. I swear I could come just from her kissing me. Combine that with the way she’s fucking me and I’m ready to blow.
“You’re fucking killing me,” I whisper against her lips, leaning back to watch her. “You’re so fucking tight, baby. I fucking love watching you take my cock like that.”
I hold her by her hips and thrust up, hard. Every fucking moan that leaves her lips gets me closer. The way she’s riding me is clearly getting her closer and closer, and it’s a fucking sight to behold.
She smiles and picks up the pace, her movements turning more frantic, her moans getting louder. Amara’s eyes fall closed just seconds before her muscles contract around me, and I watch her come all over my cock. The way she smiles at me when she opens her eyes almost makes me lose it. I’ve never felt anything like this. Sex has never been about an emotional connection for me, but everything is different with Amara.
I grab her ass and thrust deeper into her, taking her hard. I need her with an intensity that’s foreign to me, but fuck if it doesn’t feel good.
“I love watching you fuck me, boyfriend dearest.”
That fucking does it for me. Having her call me her boyfriend? Yeah. My eyes fall closed as I lose control, coming deep inside my girl. She slows her pace, longing out my orgasm, milking the fuck out of me. “Fucking hell,” I groan, my forehead dropping to hers. “I couldn’t hold on any longer. Why the fuck do you always make me lose my mind, huh?”
She giggles and threads her hand through my hair, pulling my face to hers. She kisses me slowly, and my heart skips a fucking beat. I’m so in love with her, it’s unreal. Our love will cost us, but it’s worth it.
Chapter 39
Amara
I stare at the prototype in my hands, unable to keep my thoughts off Noah. I bite back a smile as I tighten the last screw and turn the toy on. I’d love to see the look on Noah’s face if I walk into his office with this toy in my hands, asking him to help me test it. Besides, it’d be the perfect excuse to see him at work… and to have his hands on me.
Things between us have been perfect. We’ve been keeping our relationship quiet, neither of us sure how my family will react and both of us too scared of what’s at stake. It’s something we’ll have to start thinking about soon, but for now I’m enjoying spending my evenings with him. I just wish I could have his nights too. I hate having to get into my car at night, when what I want to do is fall asleep in his arms.
I grin as I put the toy in my bag and walk out of the lab. My heart is racing at the mere thought of seeing Noah again, even though I saw him last night. I can’t wait to see him smile at me and feed my addiction. A burst of giddiness rushes through me at the thought of his golden-brown eyes sparkling with thinly veiled desire.
I’m lost in thought as I walk out of the building, impatient to see him. I didn’t think I could fall even harder, yet somehow every day that’s exactly what I do.
“Amara?”
I freeze at the sound of a voice I know all too well. A voice I haven’t heard in years. A shiver runs down my spine as I turn around.
“Dad,” I whisper, the word escaping my lips without me realizing. His eyes light up, and I look away as my heart constricts painfully, every hint of joy and excitement leaching out of me.
“Amara,” he says again, his voice trembling ever so slightly. He looks older, but he looks healthy and much stronger than I remember him being. There’s a haunted look in his eyes that didn’t use to be there. In most of my memories, he was smiling at me. My father stands before me now, both of us strangers to each other.
“You grew up beautifully, like I always knew you would. You look just like your mother.”
I grimace, hurt by the reminder of the years he missed. He should have been there to watch me grow up. He should’ve been there to guide me as I built up my life, but instead he left me scrambling for the pieces of what used to be.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my voice soft.
He looks down at his feet and clasps his hands together, hunching forward as though he’s nervous. “I don’t know, darling. I know you don’t want to see me. You haven’t been replying to my text messages. I wasn’t going to bother you. I just wanted to see you. I wanted to see how my little girl grew up, if you looked happy. I wasn’t going to speak to you, but then you walked my way with the biggest smile on your face, your eyes sparkling like they did when you were a kid… and I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to say hi.”
I stare at him, unsure what to say. A thousand emotions are fighting for dominance within me, and I can’t tell whether I’m angry or sad. A bit of both, I guess.
“You should’ve been there, Dad. Our lives would look so different if you hadn’t done what you did. Nothing will ever excuse it. Nothing will ever make it better. The damage can’t be undone. You wrecked two families, and I’ll never forgive you for it. Never.”
He looks away, clearly stricken by my words, and it kills me. I don’t want this to hurt. I want to be angry at him, but now that he’s standing in front of me, all I feel is heartbreak and regret laced with longing for the life we could’ve had.
“I know, sweetheart. I’ll never forgive myself either. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could go back in time and make better choices. I paid the price for my actions, and I’ll pay for as long as I live. Every time you refuse to reply to my messages I’m paying, Amara.”
Intense devastation threatens to close up my throat, tears imminent. I don’t want to cry in front of him. I don’t ever want to cry over him again.
“I just want to know if you’re happy, Amara. Are you doing okay? I’m not here to ruin your life any further. I’ll respect your wishes. If you don’t want to see me or hear from me, I won’t keep pestering you.”
A fat teardrop rolls down my cheek, and I swipe it away angrily. “I’m not happy. Not truly. You took my happiness with you the day you left us. I work hard, and I study hard. I’ve done well. I do all the things I think I should. I’m building an unshakeable foundation for myself so I won’t ever be in a vulnerable position. I’m doing okay, but I’m not as happy as I could’ve been. You left me scarred, Dad.”
I refuse to lie just to appease him. He doesn’t deserve white lies. He wrecked me, and it’s only fair that he knows it.
Dad inhales deeply, his eyes falling closed. “I’m sorry, Amara. I’ve never said this to you, but losing you is my biggest regret in life. You are and have always been the light in my life. I’m proud of you. You’re doing well, and you grew up to be everything I hoped you’d be. You’re hardworking, intelligent, beautiful. I always knew you’d be an amazing woman, but you’ve exceeded my expectations. I’m so very proud of you.”
I grit my teeth and straighten my back in anger. “You’re sorry? I don’t need your apologies, Dad. I don’t want them. I don’t want your sugarcoated words. I can’t do this. I’m not doing this. I’m not going to stand here and pretend like you aren’t a monster.”
I swallow down a sob and turn to walk away, my heart in pieces.
“Amara,” he calls. “Tell me, sweetheart. Do you want me to stop contacting you? I want to do what’s best for you.”
I turn back to look at him, his bright blue eyes identical to mine. Everyone always thinks I got my blue eyes from my mother, until they meet my father.
“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. I’m not so immature that I’ll cut him off entirely when I haven’t made a decision yet, but I don’t want to be rushed into choosing either. “I don’t know what I need. All I know is that I can’t do this right now.”
Dad nods, a sad expression on his face as I turn and walk away, the way he once did
.
Chapter 40
Noah
My phone rings and I smile when I see that it’s Amara. “Hey you,” I say, grinning to myself.
“Noah,” she whispers, her voice sounding off. She sounds the way she did when I found her standing in the rain, heartbroken and lost.
“What happened?”
She laughs, the sound hollow. “How did you know?”
“I just do.”
Amara sighs, and I lean back in my seat behind my desk. “I know you’re at work, and you probably have at least another hour to go, but is there any chance you could meet me at the bar you took me to that time… when you found me in the rain. I… I can wait.”
I check my schedule, finding three more patients on the roster. “Absolutely. I’ll be there in ten, okay?”
“Thank you, Noah,” she whispers, her tone a little lighter. I’m not sure what’s going on, but something clearly happened.
I rise from my seat the second she ends the call, overcome with worry. I can’t stop thinking about what might have happened. Something with her company, maybe? It’s the one thing she intensely cares about. It can’t be about us. If Harold found out, he’d be standing in my office right now.
“Georgia, cancel my remaining consultations. I have a personal emergency I need to attend to.”
She jumps up from her seat, her eyes widening. I notice the concern in her eyes, and the curiosity, but I don’t know what to tell her. I haven’t told the girls about Amara and me because I don’t want to have to listen to their objections, and I don’t trust Maddie to keep her mouth shut. Georgia nods at me, and I force a polite smile on my face as I walk out.
I’m impatient as I drive over to the bar Amara is waiting at. I hate the idea of her waiting, but more so, I hate the thought of her hurting and sitting in that bar by herself. I want to be there for her, no matter what might be going on.
Dr. Grant (Off-Limits) Page 17