Dr. Grant (Off-Limits)

by Catharina Maura

  I fall silent, unable to refute her words. “Aria… her family… God, I can’t even begin to describe what they’ve done. They covered up Mom and Dad’s murder. There isn’t a trace of news available anywhere. It happened a few years ago. All of a sudden, there were no articles about the burglary anymore. They tried to cover it up.”

  Aria shakes her head. “No, Noah. They didn’t. I did.”

  Grayson nods and places his hand on Aria’s shoulder in silent support. He knew. My best friend knew as much as my sister did, and neither of them told me.

  “Why? Why the fuck would you do that?”

  Aria sighs and looks away. “I didn’t want that to be the last piece of news about them. Mom and Dad have done so much, they’ve contributed to so many charities, and they were so well-loved. I wanted the good they did to be what people would find when they look up our parents. I was tired of the past haunting us, of everyone knowing what we’d gone through. When you and I changed our last names, I also removed every trace of that horrible day. I wanted a fresh start, and I wanted to preserve the memories of Mom and Dad that mattered most. The articles still exist, they just aren’t indexed by search engines.”

  I still remember how ruthless the kids were at the first few schools Aria and I attended. A simple search for our names told people much more than we were willing to disclose, and I remember how hard it was, how painful it was to constantly be reminded of the way we lost our parents. It felt like it was impossible to escape the sorrow, the pitying looks. I can’t blame Aria for what she did, but I can’t help but feel betrayed.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t understand.”

  She shakes her head. “Noah, we’d finally gotten onto our feet. I just didn’t want to explain why I felt the need to do what I did. I didn’t want to bring it up.”

  I swallow hard, my mind instantly replaying me trying to get Aria to talk. She had it much harder than I did.

  “Ari, still… the Astors, they approached me knowing who I was.”

  She nods. “They did, but they didn’t do it to harm you, Noah. Do you remember the partial scholarship you received when you thought you’d have to drop out of school? I traced that back to Harold Astor. As you and I grew older, I started keeping tabs on Peter Simmons and his family. It took me years to realize it, because Harold was clever, and he only ever gifted us amounts that didn’t raise suspicion, but eventually I saw the pattern. That man… he’s been looking out for us for years. I admit, he was likely motivated by guilt, but he didn’t have to do any of it at all.”

  “Look out for us,” I repeat, incredulous. “You’re kidding me, right? The man fired me and made it impossible for me to find another job. His family tore ours apart, and now he’s ruining my career, Aria.”

  She nods and looks away. “He’s desperate, that’s for sure. I was surprised when he offered you a job, because he’s always kept his distance. I guess he truly saw potential in you, and watching from the sidelines was no longer enough. The man has monitored us and our performance for years. I guess he wanted to help but never expected you to fall for Amara. I won’t pretend to know what he’s thinking, but I suspect he was trying to break you two apart before either of you realized how the past connects you.”

  I glance at Gray, diverting my anger to him. “Are you hearing this? How the fuck is she so calm? Did you know all of this?”

  He nods. “I knew, and I support Aria’s decisions. She did what she had to do to protect your happiness, and I think she’s right. I don’t think Harold Astor is harmful, despite him firing you. He’s desperate, just like Aria says, but he’s not a bad man. Ari has been keeping tabs on that family for years. If there was something to worry about, she’d have intervened.”

  I stare at the two of them in disbelief. “How the fuck is all of this okay with you? They ruined our family and then fucking invaded our privacy, acting like we’re fucking charity cases.”

  Aria crosses her arms and sighs. “We were, Noah. Half the time we could barely afford to put food on the table.”

  “Because of them!” I yell, wishing I could get through to her.

  Aria just shakes her head. “No. Because of Peter Simmons. Stop blaming an entire family for the actions of just one man.” She inhales deeply and looks away. “Noah, you know as well as I do that the weapon that killed our parents was Dad’s. I’ve gone through the case hundreds of times. He didn’t expect Mom and Dad to be home. There was a struggle, and Dad must’ve pulled his gun. Peter Simmons didn’t even steal anything expensive. All he took was food and some of my clothes. He was trying to provide for his family.”

  She runs a hand through her hair and shakes her head. “I’m not trying to make any excuses, Noah… but you have to acknowledge that he paid for his crimes. He served his sentence.”

  “Are you fucking with me right now?” I ask her, in disbelief. “He murdered our parents, Aria. I don’t give a fuck how it happened or why. Mom and Dad aren’t with us today because of him.”

  “I get that you’re angry, Noah. I get it. But that same anger will hurt you more than it will anyone else. Let it consume you if you want, but I won’t stand here and support your self-destruction.”

  She walks past me, slamming her bedroom door closed, her calm demeanor slipping for just a second. Gray winces at the sounds and looks at me through narrowed eyes, like I’m the one at fault here.

  “She’s fucking crazy,” I tell him.

  He pours me another glass and nods. “Yeah, she is. But she isn’t wrong. Aria kept tabs on him from the second he was released and it took her months to make peace with the situation. She might act like she’s fine now, but it took her months to get where she is now. It’ll take you some time, too. I do think Aria is right, though. Amara is not her father.”

  “What the fuck am I supposed to do, man? I can’t love Amara. I can’t be with her. Not her.”

  Gray nods and lifts his glass to his lips. “Would your mother have loved her? Forget about Amara’s father for just a second and tell me… would she have loved Amara?”

  I empty my glass and reach for the bottle. “If only it were that simple, Gray. Mom will never even get to know Amara, because of her father. I won’t ever be able to look at her again without being reminded of who she is, of what her father took from us.”

  Gray nods. “So you’ll rob yourself of a happy future, the way her father robbed your parents of theirs?”

  I stare at him, wishing I had an answer for him.

  Chapter 50

  Amara

  The sound of my suitcase’s wheels echo along the marble floors. I pause when my grandfather’s office door opens, but I can barely see him through the tears that cloud my vision. I stay rooted in place, shame washing over me. When I walked out of this mansion, I was so certain I’d never return. I chose Noah, never understanding why my grandfather fought so hard to keep us apart.

  In the end, I did exactly what I thought I never would. I walked away, only to find myself back here the way my mother did. I swore I’d never be like her. Yet here I am.

  Grandpa doesn’t say a word. He just walks up to me and wraps his arms around me. “You’re home, Mari,” he says, and I burst into tears. He hasn’t called me that since I was a child.

  I nod and rest my head against his chest, my body heaving from the force of my sobs. Grandpa holds me tightly, his hand stroking my back soothingly, his chin on my head. “You’ll be fine,” he tells me. “You’re my granddaughter. You’re strong, and you’re resilient. There’s nothing you won’t overcome.”

  “Grandpa,” I murmur, choking on my sobs. My throat closes up, my tears falling so fast that I can hardly breathe. Grandpa just stands there, letting me soak his expensive Italian suit, not a single chastising word leaving his lips. “I’m sorry,” I tell him.

  He pulls away and holds me by my shoulders. I’ve never seen him look so hurt. I’ve never seen tears in his eyes before, but I see them now. “You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. Enough tears n
ow, okay? You’re home, and that’s all that matters.”

  He wraps his arm around my shoulder and grabs my suitcase, walking me to my room as I try my best to stop crying. Grandpa sits me down on my bed and kneels in front of me, wiping at my tears with his thumbs. “I know it hurts, sweetheart. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you better. When your mother brought you home, I swore that your father’s actions would never affect you, and I failed you.”

  He cups my cheeks, and I wrap my own hands over his. “Why didn’t you tell me, Grandpa?”

  He pulls away and sighs. “By the time I realized what was going on between you two, you were heads over heels. I thought that maybe… you’d heal quicker if it’s me breaking you two up. I thought it’d hurt less than having your heart broken over circumstances you can’t control. I just thought it’d be easier if you had someone to blame.”

  I nod, my heart twisting painfully. In his own way, he was trying to do the right thing. He was trying to protect me. I was just too stupid to see it.

  “Will you let him go?” I whisper. “Let Noah find a new job. I’ll do anything, Grandpa. I’ll work for the family business if you want me to… and I… I’ll marry Gregory.”

  Grandpa looks me in the eye, his expression tense. “It’s not your fault,” he repeats. “You are not to blame for your father’s crimes, and you don’t need to make amends for them either.”

  “I know,” I murmur. “I know, Grandpa. But if not for me defying your wishes, Noah would have astonishing opportunities. I took them from him. You were mentoring him, and I… I ruined his future. If you help him get back on track, I’ll do everything you asked me to.”

  Grandpa inhales deeply, a frown on his face. “You really love him, huh? You’d give up your company for him?”

  A tear rolls down my face, and I nod. If not for him, the company never would’ve existed. It’s not me Grayson and Aria are investing in. It’s Noah. I can’t ask Aria to put her money into me, the daughter of the man that murdered her parents. I can’t, and I won’t.

  “Get some rest, Mari. Think long and hard about what you just asked me. Marriage is for life, especially when a merger is involved. Don’t tie your life to Gregory’s because you feel guilty now. Your heart will heal. The pain will fade. Marriage? That’ll remain.”

  He rises to his feet and looks back at me before closing the door behind him. I curl up on my bed and let myself fall apart. When I left and moved in with Noah, I was so sure that was it for me. I knew we’d face hardships, but never of this kind. I thought he and I could get through anything together, but we were doomed from the start.

  I tense when my bedroom door opens, my mother’s perfume filling the room. She sits down on my bed and places her hand on my shoulder.

  “You knew,” I tell her, my tone accusatory. “You knew, and you didn’t tell me. You let me fall for him, knowing what would happen.”

  Mom sighs, her hand trembling ever so slightly. “I’d never seen you so happy before, Amara. You seemed so alive. You were thriving, and it was everything I ever could’ve wanted for you. I just hoped… I don’t know. I knew the truth would come out eventually, but I thought you two might just be strong enough to get through it together. The way he looked at you and the way you smiled at him, Amara… I wanted to believe that you two would overcome this. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

  I laugh, the sound hollow. “You thought we’d overcome my father murdering his? Mom, don’t be ridiculous. You saw what was happening, and you ignored it because you wanted me to learn my lesson. You win. You always tell me to face reality, to count my blessings. You win, Mom. I’ll fall in line. I’ll be just like you: broken, an empty shell, a remnant of what I once used to be. Just. Like. You.”

  Mom doesn’t respond. She doesn’t argue with me the way I expected her to, the way she always does. No. None of that. She just strokes my hair gently, refusing to give me an outlet for my pain.

  Truthfully, I can’t blame her. I’m not so blinded by my pain that I can’t see that both my mother and grandfather tried to protect me. I just wish they’d trusted me to protect myself. I wish they hadn’t kept me in the dark. If they’d trusted me enough to tell me what I needed to know, Noah never would’ve gotten hurt, and his career would still be on the right track.

  But then again, I’ve never given them a reason to trust me, with my willfulness and naivety. That changes now. I’ll never again be the reason someone I love gets hurt.

  Chapter 51

  Noah

  The gravel underneath my shoes is the only thing that disturbs the peace as I walk up to my parents’ tombstones, my heart filled with regret.

  I pause in front of their graves, inhaling shakily. It never gets easier to come here. Every time I see their tombstones, fresh agony overtakes me.

  “I miss you,” I whisper. I’m all alone in the graveyard, yet I can’t get myself to raise my voice. My eyes fall closed, and I take a steadying breath. “I’m sorry, Mom, Dad. I… I’m so sorry.”

  I don’t even know where to begin explaining myself. I’ve failed them, disappointed them.

  “For a long time, I believed that you two were looking down at us, protecting us. All the little bits of luck we had, winning partial scholarships, winning food vouchers or trips, or that time Aria desperately needed a new bicycle, and the guys at my college’s lost and found told me I could take the one that’d unexpectedly shown up there... I thought that was you. Turns out, it was Harold Astor. It was all him. He did it out of guilt, I guess.”

  I shake my head and pace on the little path in front of their graves, unsure how to explain myself, how to ask for their forgiveness.

  “I accepted all those instances of what I thought was good luck, but it was charity born out of guilt. Like giving us a helping hand could ever make up for losing you.” I run a hand through my hair, my eyes falling closed. “I wish that was the full extent of the sin I committed, but it wasn’t.”

  I laugh to myself despite the pain. “I fell in love. True love. The type that you two had. It was the kind of love I didn’t think existed. The stuff they show in the movies. Except… I fell in love with the one person you’d never approve of. She tells me she didn’t know, and at the time I didn’t believe her, but now? Now that I’ve calmed down and had some time to think? Yeah, she didn’t know. That doesn’t make it any better, but at least I can tell you that much. Neither she nor I ever set out to tarnish the memory of you.”

  I run a hand through my hair, unsure of what I even want to say. “I’m here today because I want to ask you for forgiveness. The girl I fell in love with is the daughter of the man that killed you. If not for her father, you’d still be here. Dad, you’d be walking Aria down the aisle. Mom, you’d have had a chance to meet Grayson and tease me about how much more you love him than you love me, because you would. You’d be so happy to have him as a son-in-law, and he’d have been so happy to have a mother like you. It’s because of Amara’s father that you’ll never experience any of that.”

  My eyes roam over the marble tombstones and the flowers Aria has planted over the years, my throat closing up. I raise my head up to the sky, taking a moment to gather my thoughts, to control my emotions.

  “I don’t regret the time I spent with her,” I whisper. “I love her, and I’ll live off the memories I made with her for the rest of my life… and for that, I’m so incredibly sorry. She and I don’t have a future together, and I’m sorry I fell for her at all. I can’t be with her knowing who her father is. I can’t have her in my life and watch her reconnect with him. I can’t watch him rebuild his life after he took away yours. I’ll never be able to look at her again without seeing you.”

  I take a step back and swallow back my tears. I haven’t cried in years, but today my heart feels raw, vulnerable. “Forgive me,” I whisper. “Please forgive me.”

  I turn and walk away, my heart clenching painfully. I’ve never felt this defeated before. I’m out of a job and unable to find anything, and on top of t
hat the girl I lost everything over is the one person I’d never want to be with had I known who she was when I met her. Amara and her family cost me everything, twice.

  “Boy.” I look up to find a lady standing by a florist cart at the exit. I’ve seen her before… the day Grayson proposed to Aria. “Remember,” she says. “Life is for the living.”

  She resumes trimming the ends of her flower stalks, dismissing me. I stare at her for a few seconds, her words resounding through my mind. I think of her all the way home. Life is for the living… maybe so, but that doesn’t mean the dead shouldn’t be honored.

  Silence greets me as I walk into the house. I went straight to the cemetery from the airport, in part because I was avoiding coming here. I stayed away for two weeks, searching for jobs remotely from Aria and Gray’s house. I guess I was both hoping and fearing that I’d walk in and Amara would be here.

  Of course she isn’t.

  I leave my suitcase in the hallway and walk in, my eyes roaming over the empty living room. There isn’t a trace of Amara. The candles she bought are gone, and so are her books, her prototype sketches and her tools. It’s almost like she never lived here at all.

  I sigh as I walk to the sofa and sit down. I reach for the remote control, needing a distraction. For just a few moments, I want to lose myself in a life that isn’t my own, a movie that’ll make me feel something other than pure devastation and guilt.

  I pause on the town’s news channel, my eyes widening when I recognize Amara. My heart clenches like fucking crazy. But that’s nothing compared to the way it feels when the camera moves to Gregory. He’s holding her hand the way I used to, the way I thought no other man ever would.

  “The rumors are true,” he says, a smug grin on his face. “The lovely Amara Astor has agreed to be my wife.”