Finding Carrie

by C. E. Snyder

  “You did surprise me. You took your own shower and got yourself dressed. I can fix breakfast,” he said. He tucked a fallen hair behind her ear and traced her jaw line with his thumb. “How did you get yourself dressed without waking me?” He took a wet towel and cleaned off her tears then crouched down beside her with his hand on her knee.

  “It wasn’t easy. I did scream out a little bit, but I put a towel in my mouth, so I wouldn’t wake anyone,” she said. He looked at her with his face worried.

  “Please don’t put yourself into so much pain. I will help you. That is what I’m here for, remember,” he said and smiled. She smiled back at him when she realized he made a joke.

  “No, I don’t remember,” she said, turning her head to the side. She looked down at him. He laughed again and so did she. He stood back up and went to clean up the mess.

  “Well, I am,” he said, walking over to the broom closet. “Why don’t you go wake the girls, and I’ll clean things up,” he said, getting the broom from the cupboard. “And I’ll make breakfast.”

  “Okay,” she said as she left the kitchen. Then she came back in. “Oh, Isaac,” she said and waited for him to look up at her. “What are we doing today? I heard you say something to Amy last night about picking me up at the theater?” she asked, standing in the doorway.

  “Yes, I did,” he said, walking over to her with the broom in his hand. “Tonight is the opening night for the animal show. I’m taking you to the premiere luncheon. She is going to pick you up and take you dress shopping. You had it planned for weeks that you wanted to buy a new dress for tonight, so we are just going to keep the plan,” he said. She looked down and put her fingers on her lip where she had one of her cuts.

  “I can’t go. I have bruises and cuts on my face. I don’t want anyone staring at me,” she said.

  “I know,” he said, pulling her hand away from her face. “Everyone at the theater knows what happened, and Amy is going to do your makeup tonight. No one will ever know what happened unless you want them to. Please? For me? I really want you there,” he explained.

  “All right, I’ll go,” she said, raising her chin. “For you I will.” He placed his hands around her face. He knew how hard this was going to be for her. It was one thing with a small group of people like their friends, but with a cast and crew of almost two hundred, that was frightening for her. And she didn’t know any of them. It amazed him that she would go. He leaned down and kissed her, a mere brush of the lips, but it took her breath away how appreciating he was. It was a partnership that they had. He had been taking such good care of her. She owed him this.

  “Thank you,” he said as he lifted his head. She nodded. He released her face, and she went to her daughters’ bedroom to wake them up.

  Sitting at the large table in the foyer of the theater, she was aware that all eyes were on her. Isaac told her that she knew everyone here, but she didn’t recognize anyone, so she sat there listening to everyone and held on to Isaac’s arm. He was her anchor at that moment. She was well aware of how her face looked, even under all the makeup she used to cover up the black and blue marks, but the cuts were still noticeable. She was trying to hide her face behind Isaac’s shoulder. He looked down at her face. His face was full of love for her. “There is no need to hide. Everyone here knows what happened, and they all love you. They are all just concerned for you,” Isaac said.

  “They are all staring at me like I’m a….” She trailed off.

  “Like you’re a work of art,” he finished her statement. She looked at him with the corner of her eye and half smiled.

  “I was thinking more along the lines of a vampire,” she said, turning her whole face to him and leaning her head down on her hand that was propped up on the table. He looked around the room and back at her with worry on his face.

  “Are you going to take my blood?” he asked. Then his face relaxed into a smile and he leaned toward her, exposing his throat. “Because if you are, I would let you,” he said. She leaned down and bit his neck, just a little nip. She pushed him in the side, and they both laughed.

  “You are so funny,” she said then leaned in to whisper, “but really, they are looking at me like I’m a monster. I don’t even know anyone.”

  “Well, they all know you,” he said, looking around to tell her someone’s name. “That is Maggie. She is the costume manager,” Isaac said, looking for someone else to name. “Um, that is the director. His name is Pete,” he said. “I guess there are too many people to name.”

  “Well, I hope everyone has a good show,” she said, slipping her hand in the crook of his elbow and resting her head on his shoulder. He laid his head on hers.

  “Are you not coming tonight?” he asked. She lifted her head and looked at him with an apology in her eyes.

  “It’s one thing with these people, but with the audience, what will they think of me?” she asked, shaking her head.

  “You have to come. I need you to come,” he said, placing his hand on hers.

  “Look at my face. How can I walk about so many people and look the way I do?” Carrie asked.

  “Oh, under the bathroom sink is a bunch of theatrical makeup. Amy is going to put some on you so no one will know you have even one cut on your face,” he said. “I really do need you to come tonight. I want to look for you in the audience and see your face.”

  “Can she do that? Make my cuts go away?” she asked.

  “Yes, she can,” he said.

  “Okay, for you I will be here, but only for you,” she said, resting her head back on his shoulder.

  “Thank you,” he said. He heard her breath as she exhaled. He loved her so much, and she was showing him that she loved him. He wondered if she knew that. He looked up as Maggie approached where they were sitting.

  “Hi, Isaac,” she said then lowered her head to look at Carrie. “Hello, Carrie.”

  Carrie raised her head and smiled at Maggie. “Hello, um, Maggie, right?” She looked at Isaac to see if she had it right. He nodded, and she smiled back at Maggie. Maggie looked shocked that she knew her name. She sank down in the chair and extended her hand toward Carrie. Carrie leaned up and placed her hand in Maggie’s. It was an automatic move. Maggie opened her mouth.

  “Oh dear, do you remember me?” she asked. Carrie shook her head but kept the smile on her face.

  “No, I’m sorry, I don’t. Isaac just told me your name a few minutes ago.” She leaned in close, wrinkles forming on her face. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know anyone here.” Maggie looked down at the table and pulled her hand back, out of Carrie’s. She was disappointed. She was so hoping that she was remembering. She looked back up from Isaac to Carrie’s face.

  “Oh well, I have to say, if I didn’t know you, I would never have known you have amnesia. You are very convincing,” she said.

  “Oh well, thank you,” Carrie said, leaning back in her chair.

  “Isn’t she, though? Everything about her is there. Her emotions—the way she holds herself—it is all her, but she just can’t remember anything,” Isaac said, pushing the hair off her shoulder. Carrie looked at him in the face. She was blushing; she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and smiled.

  “Yes, I have to say, that is her in there,” Maggie said.

  “Oh, you guys,” she said, forgetting for the first time about the wounds on her face. She rubbed her hand along Isaac’s cheek then leaned into kiss him. “What would I do without you?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” Isaac said, brushing her cheek with his lips. “I love you,” he whispered. Maggie shifted and stood up.

  “I wish you all the best,” she said and walked away.

  “Thank you,” they said at the same time. Isaac looked down at the watch Carrie had given him for their anniversary.

  “Oh, Amy should be waiting outside for you,” Isaac said, standing up. “We are going to have to get all animaled up soon.” Carrie looked disappointed. He sat back down, taking her hand. “What is it, wha
t’s wrong?”

  “I just was getting comfortable, and now I have to leave,” she said. He smiled.

  “Oh well, don’t you want to get all dolled up for me? I don’t want you to go, but I have to get in the cat costume,” he said.

  “Yes, I suppose, but how will I find my way back?” she asked.

  “Well, I’m sending a car to pick you up at six thirty. Then I will have someone waiting at the front door for you to show you to your seat and to show you backstage,” he explained. The worry on her face went away.

  “You thought of everything, didn’t you?” she asked.

  “Aw, well, I try,” he said.

  “Okay, I’d better go. Amy’s waiting,” she said, getting up off the chair. Isaac walked her out. When they saw Amy standing on the steps, he swung her around to his body and dipped her like they were dancing. She giggled a little and opened her eyes to see his face. He leaned down and kissed her as he straightened her back up. For a moment, time dissolved and the earth disappeared. There was only the feeling of his kiss. She was lost and didn’t want it to stop, but Amy cleared her throat. They leaned away from one another. Carrie was in complete awe at the moment. She didn’t want to leave him.

  “Carrie, we have to get going if you’re going to pick up your dress,” Amy said. Carrie just looked at her. She didn’t have any idea what she was talking about, but she shrugged and walked toward her. Isaac grabbed her hand, and she looked back at him. He bowed low and kissed her hand.

  “Until later, my lady,” he said. She smiled and watched him disappear back into the theater. She turned back to Amy and sighed.

  “Oh gosh, you two. Even when you can’t remember, you two are all gooey,” Amy said. Carrie just smiled and walked down the stairs. Amy followed her. Carrie reached the sidewalk and just kept walking. The farther she got away from the theater, the more she wanted to go back in. She didn’t know where she was, but she kept walking. The only thing she could think of was Isaac and how he kissed her like that and everything just went away. Had it always been like that? She didn’t honestly know, and what made matters worse was that she didn’t know where she was going. She just kept walking.

  “Carrie,” Amy said, and Carrie jumped then turned around to look at Amy. “You’re going the wrong way.” Carrie looked toward the direction she had been walking.

  “Oh,” she said then turned to walk to other way. “I knew that,” she said as she walked by her. Amy made a snort under her breath.

  “Sure you did,” she said as she caught up with Carrie. “You are always like this when he kisses you.” Carrie turned her head up, looking at Amy with shock.

  “I am?” she asked. Amy nodded her head.

  “Every single time. Carrie, I know you two love each other but can you just tone it down a little?” she asked as they reached the dress shop that was only a half a block from the theater. Carrie stopped in front of the store, thinking about what Amy just asked of her, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted to tone it down like she asked, so she stuck out her chin.

  “I don’t think I want to. I kind of like the feeling I have when he kisses me,” she admitted. Amy smiled and laughed as she held the door open so Carrie could walk in. Carrie went in without hesitation.

  “I know, I know. I just wish I had the same thing sometimes,” Amy said as the door slammed shut, but before Carrie could say anything else, the owner of the dress shop came out with her arms wide.

  “Oh my gosh. Mrs. Walsch, I was wondering when you were coming to see me. I have your dress all ready,” she said with her hands on Carrie’s shoulders, nudging her to the back. Carrie looked over her shoulder at Amy for reassurance.

  She led Carrie back to where there was a dress hanging. “Here is your dress. Do you like it?” she asked. Carrie was amazed at the blue dress that was made out of Japanese-looking material. It was short, maybe knee length, and it looked like it had a low neckline. “You do like it? Don’t you? I made it with the exact instructions,” the dress shop owner said. Carrie looked up at her.

  “Um, it’s perfect,” she said, turning to look at Amy. “I think?”

  “Carrie, it is what you wanted. Why don’t you try it on?” Amy asked.

  When Carrie stepped closer to the dress, she had also stepped into the light and the dressmaker saw her face for the first time. She made a horrible gasp, and her hand went up to her mouth. “Oh, darling, what happened to you?” Carrie put her hand up to her face to cover some of the marks.

  “I was attacked,” she said through her hand. She had also put her other hand on her side.

  “Not your charming husband?” she asked and put her hands in the air. “Please tell me he didn’t do this to you!” Amy wrapped her arm around Carrie to comfort her, and then answered for her.

  “Of course he didn’t,” she said. The dressmaker put her hands over her heart in relief.

  “At least I don’t think he did. I don’t remember, but he has been treating me with a lot of love,” Carrie volunteered. The dressmaker looked back and forth between the two, looking for the meaning of what Carrie had just said. It was Amy who filled in the blank for her.

  “She has amnesia, but I can assure you her husband would never do this to her. What I understand is that the person who attacked her also kidnapped her mother-in-law,” Amy said. Carrie’s heart began to race at the mention of her mother-in-law. For some reason, she felt guilty about something when it came to her mother-in-law. If she could only remember why, her heart might not pound so much.

  “Oh thank god. He is so charming, I had to make sure. Now, why don’t you try on the dress for me?” The dressmaker gestured toward the dress. Carrie stepped away from Amy and toward the dress. The dress was beautiful, but she couldn’t believe that she had it special made and why.

  While in the dressing room, Amy helped her get the dress on. It had a zipper, but it also had like a hundred buttons that covered the zipper. “God, Carrie, did you get enough buttons?” Amy asked.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t remember getting the dress,” Carrie said, watching them in the mirror. The dress went down to her knees, and the collar was only low enough that it exposed her collarbone. It was barely covering her shoulders. It had black trim and it had little dragon and flowers embroidered all around it.

  “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that when I talk to you, it seems sometimes like you are you. I can’t help it. You’re my friend,” Amy said and wrapped her arms around Carrie to give her a hug from the back. Carrie raised her hands and rested them over Amy’s arms. She leaned her head back on Amy’s head.

  Amy raised her head and dropped her arms then walked around her to admire her in that dress. “You look amazing. Isaac is going to love you in that dress,” Amy said.

  “You think so? I’m not quite sure that I like the color,” Carrie said, looking down at the dress.

  “Blue isn’t your favorite color. It’s Isaac’s. You like purple,” Amy said.

  “Oh, I see,” Carrie said, admiring herself in the dress. The dress was formfitting, and she was happy she had a tiny waist. It was the first time she had worn something that showed her lovely curves. The dressmaker peeked in and walked in.

  “Oh my, Mrs. Walsch you look lovely,” she said clasping her hands together.

  “Thank you,” Carrie said.

  “Now let’s get you out of it so you can get on your way,” she said, leaving the dressing room.

  Amy hurried to unbutton each of the buttons, but she didn’t protest because the dress really did look good on her.

  “Amy, you have what I have,” Carrie said. Carrie stepped out of the dress and went to put her clothes back on. Amy hung up the dress and turned to find out why she said that.

  “What?” Amy asked.

  “Earlier, when you said that you wished you had the same thing that I have with Isaac. You do. It’s just little different than what I have, but you do. I saw it last night,” Carrie said.

  “Oh.” Amy said was silent for a moment
then asked, “You really think so?”

  “Yes, I do. You’re not lacking anything,” Carrie said with a smile. Amy laughed.

  “Well, let’s get you home and get you ready for the theater,” Amy said.

  Carrie walked out to the counter and Amy handed the dress to the maker. The dressmaker put it in a garment bag and rang up the dress. “One hundred and fifty,” she said then looked up to Carrie for payment. Carrie just looked confused. Amy grabbed her purse, pulled out her credit card, and handed to the dressmaker. She took the card and ran it through. She handed Carrie a pen and asked her to sign the slip. Carrie was even more confused, and she looked at Amy. She lowered her voice and was embarrassed.

  “Amy, I don’t know how to sign my name. I haven’t had to do it,” Carrie confessed. Amy looked at the slip. She knew what it was and what her pen name was, but she hadn’t had to do it yet since the attack.

  “Just write this,” she said and pointed to the name.

  “Okay, but I’m not sure how it will look,” Carrie said.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Amy said, watching over Carrie’s shoulder as she copied the name. “Not bad. It almost looks like it always did.” Carrie smiled up at her when she handed the slip to the owner.

  A couple of hours later, Carrie was sitting in a chair in the kitchen, already dressed and her hair was pinned up, with some curly strands of hair dangling around her face. She was watching Amy apply makeup on her face with some sort of spatula. “What are you putting on my face?” Carrie asked.

  “Isaac told me to put the theatrical makeup on you. I am filling in the cuts,” Amy explained.

  “Oh,” Carrie said. As she said that, Sabrina started to practice again. She played the same part over and over again. Sierra came out into the kitchen with her hands over her ears. She went to one of the chairs at the table. Sitting on her knees and leaning on the table.

  “Must she play that?” Sierra asked, gritting her teeth.

  “You know, her show is tomorrow,” Amy said. “She wants to be perfect.”