by Kaila Glass
rowan1229: why do you go by brooke?
brooke182: i’m a babbling brooke. i don’t know how to shut up lol ?
brooke182: why do you go by rowan?
rowan1229: it’s my middle name
brooke182: cool
rowan1229: r u into pop punk?
brooke182: yeah
brooke182: you can tell by my name, right?
rowan1229: duh, ur so obvious ?
brooke182: lol ?
rowan1229: btw how do i know ur rly a sixteen-yr-old girl? ?
brooke182: u don’t ?
rowan1229: fair enough ?
rowan1229: what do u do for fun?
brooke182: makeup and shopping mostly
brooke182: but i like writing poetry too
rowan1229: i compose music
rowan1229: that’s about it ?
rowan1229: my bookshelf is so full of music, sometimes i can’t find my textbooks
brooke182: holy shit ?
rowan1229: yeah, i rly don’t have shit else to do ?
brooke182: i bet u wrote an entire opera before u got here, right?
rowan1229: nope
rowan1229: my parents were fighting so I couldn’t concentrate ?
rowan1229: i’m at a starbucks right now
brooke182: mine fight too
brooke182: gets on my fucking nerves ?
brooke182: my dad cheats
brooke182: my mom drinks
brooke182: n whenever they’re together, they fight over money ?
rowan1229: legit?
rowan1229: it’s backwards with me
rowan1229: my dad drinks and my mom’s the one who cheats
rowan1229: n they fight over my baby sister
brooke182: srsly?
brooke182: ur dads not the father? ?
rowan1229: looks like it ?
rowan1229: i mean, i hope not
brooke182: that sounds rough ?
rowan1229: no, it’s just rly annoying
brooke182: how is she anyway
brooke182: ur baby sister
rowan1229: miserable
rowan1229: she cries all day
brooke182: well duh, that’s what babies do
rowan1229: fuck babies ?
rowan1229: i almost had one, y’know
brooke182: legit? ?
rowan1229: yeah
rowan1229: i knocked up my ex
rowan1229: or i thought i did
rowan1229: in the second trimester, she told me it wasn’t mine ?
brooke182: shit ?
rowan1229: she cheated on me with this dick named randy. the baby’s his
brooke182: did you want it?
rowan1229: yeah
rowan1229: it’s a girl
rowan1229: may 15 2017
rowan1229: dodged a bullet though huh? ?
brooke182: i’m so sorry ?
brooke182: do you know what you would’ve named her?
rowan1229: luno
rowan1229: it’s a song by a british alt rock band called bloc party
brooke182: cool ?
rowan1229: not cool ?
rowan1229: i was wasted when i came up with that ?
rowan1229: she’d have to be stupid to name her that now
brooke182: well i like it ?
brooke182: luno instead of luna
brooke182: it’s like coraline instead of caroline
rowan1229: she’ll get bullied
brooke182: well at least it’s better than pilot or blanket ?
rowan1229: fair enough ?
brooke182: what do u think she named her kid?
rowan1229: no idea
rowan1229: not my problem now
brooke182: can i ask you something else?
rowan1229: might as well
brooke182: how do you know she wasn’t lying?
brooke182: what if she doesn’t know who the father is?
rowan1229: she was already pregnant when i knocked her up
rowan1229: plus, everyone in town says she’s got her daddy’s eyes
brooke182: oh ?
rowan1229: yeah ?
brooke182: i don’t mean to leave on a bad note
brooke182: but my bitch of a mom is calling me
brooke182: wants me to help with dinner
brooke182: as if acting like a family will make us one again ?
rowan1229: dinner?
rowan1229: wait what time is it?
rowan1229: shit i gotta go too
rowan1229: good talk, let’s chat again later
brooke182: sure thing ?
brooke182: same time tomorrow
rowan1229: it’s a date
rowan1229: see ya
brooke182: bye!
Phoenix packed his bag, left the café, and peddled home.
“Hello?” he called when he opened the front door.
His brother poked his head around the corner. “Hey, Phoenix,” he said in a small voice.
“What’s for dinner?”
“Leftovers. I wrapped them up from last night.”
They entered the kitchen, grabbed a plate from the fridge, and heated them in the microwave. The brothers then went into the dining room and sat at the table.
“How was your run?” Phoenix asked.
“Okay, I guess,” Blake mumbled. “How was your day?”
“Pretty cool, actually. I went to Starbucks and talked to people on this site called Tomodachi.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I even made a friend named Brooke.”
“How do you know she’s really a girl?”
“I don’t.”
Blake shrugged. “Fair enough.”
“Says she lives in Mirallegra like us.”
“What do you think are the odds of you meeting Brooke?”
“Pretty slim. There’s over two million people in this city.” Blake gave a weak smile. “But anything’s possible, right?”
“Maybe not anything. Just look at our parents’ marriage.”
Blake dropped his fork; it clattered on his plate.
Phoenix paused as he searched for something else to talk about. “So, did you see your friends while you were out?”
“No.”
“You just ran around?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you gonna see them tomorrow?”
Blake hesitated. “I don’t know. What if… what if they’re not really…?”
“Blake, we’re not in Rosewood anymore. If they actually hated you, you would’ve come home with two black eyes yesterday.”
Blake raised his head a fraction of an inch. “Makes sense. Thanks, Phoenix.”
“You can thank me by seeing them again tomorrow.”
Blake nodded. “Yeah, I will.”
“Good.”
The boys jumped when they heard the door open and slam.
“Where have you been?” came their mother’s voice.
“Out,” replied their father. “Or am I not allowed to do that anymore?”
Phoenix turned to Blake and said, “I think that’s our cue to leave.”
They took their plates to the kitchen, dropped them in the sink and crept up the stairs to their bedrooms.
Phoenix closed the door behind him and paused. His music was still scattered on the floor.
When was the last time I asked him to listen to my music? he wondered.
Play it for him if you want, said his Inner Critic, but he’ll just tell you it’s trash.
Phoenix rummaged around in his drawer and pulled out his iPod and a pair of earphones. Then, he went down the hall and knocked on his brother’s door.
“Blake?” No response. Instead, he heard thumping, the sound of things hitting the floor. He pushed the door until it was ajar. There were hardcovers and paperbacks strewn across the carpet. Blake stood at his bookshelf tearing down every book within reach. Meanwhile, Rascal shook a paperback between his teeth, growling with each swipe of his head.
Phoenix walked inside, closed the door behind him, and snatched the book from Rascal before shooing him away. “What are you doing?” Phoenix asked when he grabbed his brother’s thin arms.
“Let me go!” Blake yelled. He fought Phoenix’s grip, but to no avail.
“I will if you promise not to throw any more books.”
“Fine, whatever!”
Phoenix released his brother, who then sank to the floor, his back against his bookcase. “I don’t care anymore,” Blake murmured. “Everything’s shit, anyway. It doesn’t matter what I do; nothing will change.” He grabbed two handfuls of hair and bowed his head.
Phoenix shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Then, he sat next to his brother, elbows rested on his knees. “You’re right, which means my music will always be awesome.” He handed the iPod and earphones to Blake, who released his hair and accepted them.
Blake looked up, sniffing. He plugged in the earphones, taking one ear and giving his brother the other. Phoenix selected a playlist of his most recent works and hit play.
“Thanks,” said Blake in a small voice as a piano played in his ear.
“It’s you and me against the world, remember?”
“This is what you wrote in the basement, right? It’s some of your best work.”
“Thanks. Pain works wonders.”
“Why are they still together? They bought this house and they fight all the time.”
Phoenix shrugged. “Adults are stupid.”
“Are we gonna be stupid when we get to their age?”
“Probably.”
“I can’t wait,” Blake snorted.
Rascal trotted over and licked Blake’s face. Phoenix fought the urge to tell him to fuck off and stood instead. “I’m gonna call it a night.”
“Goodnight.”
Phoenix returned to his room. He put on a pair of headphones, plugged it into his phone, and lied on his back in bed.
I’ve never seen Blake like that, he thought as his eyes grew heavy. Reminds me of myself. I was only a year older than him.
Once junior year starts, you have to reclaim your power, his Inner Critic answered. Doing what you do best is the only way.
12
Worth
Within the next few days, the McCrackens finished unpacking and Seamus returned to work. Phoenix spent his time at Starbucks every day and Blake spent his with his new friends. Julia would kiss her husband goodbye—when he allowed her to—and see off her sons, leaving her and Cleo alone at Appleby and Foster.
Julia stood in the nursery, her infant daughter cradled in her arms. Cleona had grown in the blink of an eye. She’d grown more tufts of brown hair, and she wore actual smiles instead of the cheap imitations she attempted in May. Her cute little gargles almost sounded like laughs. Julia looked into Cleo’s large brown eyes and saw only serenity. Being alive in her mother’s open arms was good enough for her.
Julia fought to keep the tears from rolling down her face. Instead, they filled her eyes and blurred her vision. She set down her child in her crib, then wiped her eyes, her back to Cleo.
You’re weak, spat her Inner Critic. You’re not fit to be a mother.
Julia shook her head. No, she didn’t need this right now. She needed to cook something. Yes, that’s all. They were running out of cookies—she’d bake more. Content with her plan, she went downstairs to the kitchen, gathered her ingredients, and started on the dough. A calm washed over her as she cracked a few eggs over the rim of her bowl. However, when a small white shell slipped into the dough, she froze.
You’re a failure, her Inner Critic declared. What’s so hard about cracking an egg?
Julia shook her head. No, it was just an acci—
You’re losing your edge.
Julia’s hands clenched into fists.
And don’t even think about starting up your business again, her Inner Critic advised. You’ll fail, just like you do at everything else.
Everything else? What do you—?
Are you really as stupid as you look? Your marriage. Your family. Your business. It all went to shit because of her!
I love Cleona! Julia thought, pounding her fist on the counter. It’s not her fault. None of it is.
You’re right, her Inner Critic agreed. It’s all yours. Why don’t you let your family know the next time you’re pregnant?
Julia’s fingernails dug into her palms. I… I didn’t mean… I wasn’t…
“Mom?” Phoenix called from behind.
Julia sniffed and swallowed before turning around to face her son, who stood in the doorway. “Yes, love?”
“I’m leaving. Be back for dinner.”
Julia nodded and gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “Stay out of trouble.”
“You okay? You look exhausted.”
She hesitated. “Cleo’s a handful, but I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. Bye.” He left. She waited until she heard the front door slam before grabbing her apron and pulling it over her face, rivers of tears streaking down her cheeks. She doubled over in pain. No, it wasn’t physical pain. It was something deeper, something Julia hadn’t felt in several years. She slumped to her knees and gasped for air.
In time, she stood. She took deep breaths, trembling from head to toe, until her body regained its previous calm. She reached into the bowl, withdrew the stray egg shell, and tossed it out. She grabbed a wooden spoon and stirred, watching the dough with her glossy eyes.
* * *
brooke182: i hate summer homework ?
brooke182: y do they have to give us so much to do? ?
rowan1229: bcuz reasons
rowan1229: duh ?
brooke182: whatever ?
brooke182: how r u on ur homework?
rowan1229: i’m almost done
rowan1229: i just have to finish my essay on frankenstein and i’m golden ?
brooke182: srly??!! ?
brooke182: but it’s mid june
brooke182: n don’t you have 4 ap classes?
rowan1229: yeah
rowan1229: what’s ur point? ?
brooke182: never mind ?
brooke182: i wish i was a genius like u
brooke182: then i wouldn’t have to watch the movie just to understand the book ?
rowan1229: i could always help u with frankenstein, y’know
rowan1229: but u have to help me with something too
brooke182: rowan ur a life saver ?
brooke182: of course i’ll help u! ?
brooke182: so what’s up? ?
rowan1229: it’s my mom
rowan1229: she seemed kinda funny today ?
brooke182: what do u mean?
rowan1229: she looked tired as hell
brooke182: i mean, she DID just have a baby ?
rowan1229: i know
rowan1229: but she usually just bounces back
rowan1229: like when she had my brother
rowan1229: she wasn’t wearing makeup today either ?
brooke182: so what, she’s just supposed to pretty herself up for u every day? ?
rowan1229: her cooking’s been slacking, too ?
rowan1229: it’s not as good as it used to be
brooke182: omg ur so selfish ?
brooke182: she cooks and cleans and all you do is complain! ?
rowan1229: it’s not like that!
rowan1229: all i’m saying is that she seems different
rowan1229: i think something might be wrong with her ?
brooke182: what’s wrong is that she just had a baby
brooke182: she’s tired, that’s all ?
brooke182: let her breathe already! ?
rowan1229: alright, I’m sorry!
rowan1229: i’ll leave her be ?
rowan1229: anyway, what’s new with u?
brooke182: i wrote a haiku today ?
brooke182: it’s called fireflies
brooke182: wanna hear it? ?
rowan1229: sure
&nb
sp; brooke182: silent starry night/
brooke182: whoosh! the fireflies take flight/
brooke182: like small earthbound stars
rowan1229: its pretty good, but…
rowan1229: since when do fireflies go whoosh? ?
brooke182: what?
brooke182: i needed an extra syllable ?
brooke182: so, have u written any new music?
rowan1229: yeah but it’s total trash ?
brooke182: y do u say that? ?
rowan1229: bcuz it is
rowan1229: duh ?
brooke182: maybe u just need a second opinion
brooke182: sent me a link n i’ll tell u if its trash or not ?
rowan1229: what, share my music with a stranger? ?
rowan1229: no way ?
brooke182: isn’t that how u got ur scholarship, though?
brooke182: u shared it with a bunch of strangers?
rowan1229: oh yeah ?
rowan1229: good point
rowan1229: but i haven’t recorded myself playing it yet so ur gonna have to wait
brooke182: i’m sure it’s worth the wait ?
brooke182: rowan, ur aunt taught u piano when u were 3 right?
rowan1229: yeah
brooke182: then who taught u guitar bass n drums? ?
rowan1229: self-taught
rowan1229: my dad got me started on ukulele when i was maybe 5
rowan1229: none of the music teachers in town would tutor me
rowan1229: so he looked up a bunch of youtube videos for me instead
rowan1229: that’s where i learned to play drum set too
brooke182: no one would tutor u cuz of ur family, right? ?
rowan1229: bingo ?
brooke182: i still can’t believe ur hated by an entire town ?
rowan1229: rosewood is small and secluded
rowan1229: makes it easier for us to make our own rules
brooke182: that’s insane ☹
brooke182: anyway, ur aunt teaches at ur school, right?
rowan1229: yep
brooke182: u think she’ll cut u some slack? ?
rowan1229: not a chance
brooke182: so much for an easy A ?
rowan1229: easy As are no fun ?
brooke182: says the guy who decided to take four ap classes
brooke182: r u TRYING to crack under the pressure? ?
rowan1229: trust me, i’ve been under way more stress
brooke182: oh yeah, like what? ?
brooke182: enlighten me
rowan1229: when i was a freshman, i was almost expelled from school
brooke182: wtf??!!! ?