Jon was still staring at the two of them, fighting that stuck feeling in his chest––when sudden, sharp, angry voices made him jump.
The raised voices came from the same group.
His head turned, along with half the heads in the room. It hit him in the same split second that he recognized both voices. He just stood there, frozen, as Revik raised his voice again, holding up a warning hand towards a man Jon realized in shock was Jaden.
You’d better go, Jorag sent, making Jon jump a second time.
Jon glanced up, realized Jorag was talking to him.
When he turned back towards Revik, he saw Allie’s ex-boyfriend yelling at him. Then Jaden shoved at Revik’s chest with both hands, managing to force him to take a step backwards. Jon only heard a fragment of the words either of them spoke, but he gaped when he saw Jaden lay hands on the tall seer.
Jaden was picking a fist fight with Revik?
Was he completely fucking crazy? Or just stupid?
A lot of seers hadn’t noticed the argument yet and were still chatting away happily, creating a fair bit of noise between Jon and the actual argument. Most of what Jon did hear had been curses. Whatever Jaden said after he shoved him, either the shove itself or those words caused Revik to take a step back towards the other man, his shoulders hardening into a straight line.
Jon recognized the posture. He’d seen it on Revik before.
Now, Jon, Jorag urged, his light holding a sharper warning. Now. Get over there.
Jon nodded, once, then began pushing his way through the crowd to reach the area just below the stone mural of the House on the Hill in India.
He saw Jaden hit Revik again, right in the middle of his chest.
That time, it was closer to a punch.
Jon felt the energetic shift.
He felt it even before Revik’s irises ignited dramatically into a pale green glow, for the third time that day. Pushing faster and less politely past bodies, Jon felt his throat clench, even as it occurred to him that Revik was likely to be even less rational around Jaden right now than he had been in the past.
Fuck. He could kill him. He could actually kill him.
Revik! Don’t! Jon sent, sharp. He sent an alarmed pulse to Balidor and Wreg through the construct, fighting his way faster through the crowd. Revik, for fuck’s sake, calm down. Jesus… calm down. He’s on the List, damn it!
Jon pushed through the last few layers of human and seer bodies and into the small clearing that had erupted around Revik––probably the instant his eyes ignited with that sharp light. Only Aunt Carol and Uncle James remained close by, with Aunt Carol still clutching Allie, even though Revik gripped Allie’s free hand, holding her behind his body, as if shielding her.
Jon hadn’t really expected Revik to answer.
Revik did answer him, though.
Rather than answering in his mind, however, Revik spoke aloud, his voice a snarl, his eyes still fixed on Jaden’s face. Jon realized only then that Revik had a hold of the human by the throat with his free hand.
“Fine,” Revik said, through gritted teeth. “I’ll calm down. I’ll calm right the fuck down. As soon as you tell this asshole to keep his goddamned hands off my wife…”
30
INTERVENTION
JON GAPED AT him, then at Jaden.
Even now, he only saw anger in Jaden’s face, not fear. That fury turned closer to hatred as Jaden grappled with Revik’s fingers around his throat.
“What the fuck did you do to her?” Jaden spat, kicking out at Revik’s legs. “You goddamned monster! What did you do to her?”
Jon held up a hand, fighting to get between them. “Jesus… Jaden. Stop! He didn’t do anything! He didn’t, okay? Back off. Back off right now!”
“Fuck you, too… Jon,” Jaden spat, glaring at him, still struggling against Revik’s hold. “What? Are you all some happy threesome these days? Are you really okay with Allie being mind-fucked and turned into a murdering goddamned terrorist by this guy?”
Jon felt another angry surge off Revik’s light, and again inserted his body between the two men. He looked up at Revik but the seer wouldn’t return his gaze.
Jon turned back to Jaden, who writhed like a rabbit in a snare.
“Jaden!” Jon raised his voice. “Calm the fuck down, okay? Revik!” Jon snapped, glancing up at the Elaerian. “Let him go! Now!”
There was a bare pause.
Revik’s hand opened. Jaden fell from his grip, coughing and spluttering, his face bright red as he landed unsteadily on his feet, nearly falling into Sasquatch, who stood behind him.
“Murdering fuck!” he spat.
Jon stepped more firmly between them, feeling another surge off Revik’s light.
“Jaden! Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about––”
“The hell I don’t!” Jaden turned to stare at Jon, eyes incredulous. He pointed at Revik without looking away from Jon. “This fucker is Syrimne, man! Didn’t you study history in school? Do you seriously not get it?”
Sasquatch looked at Jon as if for help, palms out. The big Samoan tried putting a hand on Jaden’s arm, but the other man jerked angrily free.
“Jaden,” Sasquatch said, his voice low, troubled-sounding. “Man, like… chill. This isn’t the time for––”
“Shut up!” Jaden snapped, whirling on him.
Sasquatch took a step back, his broad face reddening. “Hey! Like, don’t shoot the messenger, man. I was only trying to––”
But Jaden was back to fuming at Jon.
“I can’t believe you’re defending this prick! I know you’re a dick-sucker and he’s the head honcho around here, but that’s your sister, man. Your sister! Or were you too busy playing faggot terrorist to remember that?” He waved a ringed hand furiously in Allie’s direction. “Look at her, man! Look. At. Her!”
“I’ve seen her,” Jon snapped.
“Then how can you defend this piece of shit? How can you––”
“I’m telling you he didn’t do it!” Jon shouted back, raising his voice if only to drown Jaden out. “You’re blaming the wrong person, man! Can you hear that? Can you let that sink into your stupid head?”
“Right.” Jaden let out another humorless laugh. “Right. And you know that because, what? Because he’s such a pillar of good will and––”
“I know it because I did it!” Jon snarled.
He shouted it without thought, but as soon as the words left his lips, the weight of them crashed down on him, making it hard to breathe.
“I did it,” he repeated, his voice deadened.
Tears rose to his eyes, choking his words, cutting his breath more. His hands curled into fists.
“You want to blame someone, Jaden? Blame me. Not Revik. Not any of these other ‘terrorists’ you seem to think are responsible. They didn’t do it. A human did. Me. I did it––”
“No, you fucking well did not!”
The words burst out of someone standing behind Jon.
The voice shocked him, so familiar it stopped his breath, even as the fury in those words made him flinch back in near-fear. He hadn’t even seen the other seers emerge out of the crowd to stand behind him.
When he turned, breathing harder, still with that stuck, rock-like feeling in his chest, he found himself facing Wreg.
Wreg stood there, his face dark with fury.
Jon barely recognized him. He recognized his voice more than his face.
Balidor and Jorag stood there, too, along with Yumi, Neela and Illeg, as well as Declan and Vikram, Raddi and Anale. They must have come after him through the crowd after Jon sent up a flare in the wider construct.
After scanning faces in bewilderment, Jon found his eyes returning to the Chinese seer who stood closest to him, seeing the tears in Wreg’s eyes, the fury that still stood there as he stared at Jon. Wreg was breathing harder, too.
“You didn’t do it, Jon!” Wreg snarled, shoving hard at Jon’s chest.
Jon stumb
led, nearly fell.
He caught himself half in a crouch, still staring up at Wreg, barely able to comprehend the fury he saw on the other man’s face.
“None of us blame you!” Wreg snarled louder, taking another menacing step towards him. “None of us! Only you think it, Jon! Only you!”
Jon felt his jaw harden. He didn’t look away from Wreg, but his head was shaking, nearly on its own. He remembered Revik hovering over him, Revik’s fist cocked to hit him when he’d found Jon messing with Allie while she slept––
“You pulled her out!” Wreg snapped. “You pulled her out!”
“No.” Jon shook his head. It was the only thing that made sense to him. “No.”
“Nenzi didn’t even blame you!” Wreg snapped. “You’re the only one who ever thought it, Jon. Even when he was at his worst, Nenz didn’t blame you. He was just so goddamned sad he couldn’t stand to not blame someone. And there you were, all too happy to offer yourself up as the sacrificial fucking lamb––”
“He did,” Jon managed. “He did blame me––”
“Bullshit!” Wreg snapped, shoving at him again, nearly pushing him into Jaden that time. “What, you think you’re the all-powerful Oz? That you can see into everyone’s mind and know exactly what’s going on? The rest of us knew. We knew damned well what Nenz was thinking. He didn’t blame you. He blamed himself. Getting angry at you was just easier.”
Wreg’s throat moved in a stuck swallow. He shook his head, breathing harder.
“Gods, Jon. We all could see it. Both of you blaming yourselves for something that psychotic bitch did… that Shadow did. They did it to both of you as much as they did it to your sister. And you’re taking the fall for those fuckers? You’re taking the fall for Cass? Even now? After all these years?”
Jon opened his mouth to speak. Before he could, Balidor interrupted him.
“He’s right,” the Adhipan leader said.
Jon swiveled his gaze, staring at Balidor in disbelief.
He flinched when he saw anger in Balidor’s eyes, too.
“This needs to stop, Jon. Now.” The Adhipan leader’s voice verged on cold, an open warning. He gave Revik an equally hard look. “We’ve indulged both of you long enough. It wasn’t your fault, either of you.” His jaw firmed as he stared at Revik, before he motioned towards Aunt Carol and Uncle James. “You need to tell them, too. You know who did this. Why are you protecting her? Why are either of you protecting Cass?”
Revik frowned, his eyes faintly startled. He looked at Allie and Jon’s family, then back at Balidor, even as understanding bled into his clear eyes.
Balidor didn’t wait. His gaze swiveled back to Jon.
“And you. You need to stop hiding behind this self-blame to avoid feeling any of it.”
“Hiding?” Jon burst out, incredulous.
“Yes!” Yumi snapped, furious. “Hiding!”
Jon turned to look at her, even more shocked.
He froze once he had, seeing tears in her eyes.
She wiped them angrily off her tattooed face, clenching her jaw before she glared at him. “Wreg’s right. None of us blame you, Jon.” Her voice grew hoarse. “And you might think you’re taking it out on yourself… but you’re taking it out on all of us, too.”
Jon looked around at the row of faces, feeling suddenly surrounded.
He jumped violently when fingers touched his from behind. Breathing harder, he turned.
Allie stood there.
She’d released Aunt Carol, and now she stood beside him, smiling at him almost shyly.
Staring at her, Jon felt a pain hit his chest so hard it made him gasp.
“Gods. Allie.”
He didn’t move as she took his hand in hers, and suddenly, he could feel wisps of her light, all around him. He felt more than he’d let himself the whole time they were in San Francisco, more than he’d let in, even after the four of them were tied together. He felt Maygar there, too, and Revik––but he felt Allie’s light strongest of all.
She was still there.
She was still fucking there.
“Allie… gods.” He choked on the words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He fought to say more, unable to see her as he clenched her hand in both of his. She gripped him back, but he couldn’t see her face anymore.
He couldn’t see anything.
“I’m so sorry, Al. I’m so fucking sorry.”
He just stood there, and for a long moment, no one spoke.
The whole lobby seemed to have fallen into the same hush, and Jon wanted to scream past it, to scream past all of them maybe, anything to break that quiet.
He couldn’t do that, either.
He stood there, halfway between Revik and Jaden, holding Allie’s fingers in his, feeling all of those eyes on him. He felt trapped. It was as if they’d shone a high-powered flashlight on him, and he could only stand there, being weighed by all of them.
The next thing he knew, Revik stood beside him, too.
Before Jon could say anything, or even back away, the Elaerian’s arms wrapped around Jon, so strong they cut his breath.
Then Revik was crushing Jon against his chest, nearly hurting him, even as he rocked him against his longer body. Words entered Jon’s mind, but it took Jon a few seconds to realize those came from Revik, too. The seer spoke quietly into his mind, sending warmth, what felt like an apology. The words penetrated more slowly, and when they did, they pulled at him, a low, lulling thread, almost a song.
They’re right, brother. They’re right. Listen to them. They’re all right. I’ve been wrong in this. You’ve been wrong, too. But they’re right.
I’m sorry… Jon began.
There’s no reason to be sorry, Revik assured him, gripping him tighter in his arms. I love you, Jon. You’re my family and I love you. I’m so sorry I let you take the blame for this. It wasn’t your fault. It was never your fault.
Jon couldn’t think. He couldn’t speak.
He felt himself fighting their words still, wanting to hold onto the other for some reason, maybe because it at least made sense to him.
Blaming himself, swearing to himself he would never do anything like that again, that he’d never let it happen again, at least gave him something to hold on to, something that he could wrap his mind around.
Something he could control, he realized. Something he could pretend to control, at least.
Instead, he just stood there, shaking his head.
Even as he did, the warmth from Revik’s light penetrated his, inexorable, inescapable.
He felt Allie in that, too, and squeezed his eyes shut.
A sob left his throat, before he could stop it. He gripped Revik with his free hand, not letting go of Allie’s with his other. He cried into the other man’s chest, feeling suddenly like he was about ten years old. Feeling seventeen again, when they told him his father didn’t have long to live. Feeling lost like that, like he had nothing to hold on to ever again, like his whole world had fallen silently apart at his feet.
Like they’d left him. Like he’d been left, over and over, time without end.
We’ll never let them near you again, Revik promised him softly, still sending that heat into his light. We’ll never let them near you again, Jon. I promise I won’t.
Jon could only nod, feeling that pain in his chest worsen as he fought out another breath.
He gripped Revik tighter, clenching a fist in the other man’s shirt, even as he felt hands on his back and shoulders, and realized in a kind of shock it was the others. Yumi put her hand on him, and Jorag, and Vikram and Illeg.
Wreg held him, too, and when Jon looked at him, he saw tears in the man’s dark eyes, but something that looked like relief, too.
Even Balidor stood there, his light wrapped into the light of the other seers who huddled around Jon in a protective circle, shielding him from the rest of the room.
For a long moment, no one standing around him moved, or spoke a word.
/> Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jon found himself aware that Allie still held his hand.
He could almost feel her smiling.
He didn’t turn his head to look.
31
TALK
“I NEED TO talk to you.”
The voice seemed to come out of nowhere, for the third time that day.
Jon stiffened, recognizing it before the actual words reached his mind. He turned, feeling his skin flush all the way from his ears to his toes, pretty much the instant he met the other man’s gaze.
“Now?” he said, nearly muttering the words.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he glanced around at the crowded conference room. Even though only a fraction of them had moved upstairs after the big meet and greet downstairs, it still felt like wall-to-wall people, especially in front of the giant monitors which blared the feeds.
Jon managed to step away from the crush of welcoming seers long enough to grab a shower and change out of the combat gear and into jeans and a long shirt, but none of them had really stopped since they’d arrived at the hotel, what must be three hours ago now.
To say it was strange to be back in his old room, the one he’d shared with Dorje, and rummage through his old street clothes, would be an understatement in the extreme. Since they’d done that “intervention” or whatever in the lobby, Jon hadn’t been letting his mind go very deep with any of it, though.
He couldn’t even decide if he felt better, exactly.
Mostly, he felt confused.
He was even confused about the purpose all of them being up here. Looking around at the seers and humans from the hotel and San Francisco, Jon couldn’t decide if the gathering was some kind of pow-wow, meeting-type thing, or a smaller version of the party downstairs.
So far, it felt like a combination of both.
He tried to take the opportunity to talk to a few of the humans at least, starting with Dante, who’d changed so much in the intervening months Jon barely recognized her. She’d shorn her hair down into uneven, dark chunks, dropped what looked like twenty pounds in weight, and seemed to both understand and speak seer sign language now––as well as curse in both Prexci and Mandarin.
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