Conflict of Interest

by J. M. Snyder

  “Sure,” he said, getting out of the car. Jamie laughed and slid across the hood like a movie stunt man, his leather pants squeaking along the paint. “Can you even sit in those things?”

  Jamie winked at him. “I like tight pants,” he said, easing an arm around Alex’s waist.

  For a breathless moment Alex watched him lean closer, and he thought maybe Jamie would try something, a kiss, a hug, something, and he wanted that more than anything else right this second.

  But then Jamie’s hand closed over the door handle and Alex stepped back as he opened the door. “They rub against you,” Jamie said, talking about his pants, “and keep you hard all day long.” He grinned at Alex. “But I don’t need them to turn me on today.”

  “Why not today?” Alex asked before he realized Jamie meant that being with him would be enough, would keep him hard. God. “Never mind.”

  “You should wear tight pants some time,” Jamie said. “You have a great ass.”

  And suddenly his hand curved around Alex’s buttocks, slipping between his legs and rubbing gently, his fingers touching hidden flesh that Alex didn’t remember feeling this good when touched so lightly. He gasped and for a brief moment pressed into Jamie’s palm, wanting more, wanting so much more…

  But then he spun out of Jamie’s reach and took a deep, shaky breath to steady himself. “Jamie,” he started, unsure of what he wanted to say. Please was all that came to mind and that wouldn’t work, no matter how much he wanted Jamie to keep touching him and never stop. “Jesus,” he whispered. Was that a prayer or a curse?

  “Sorry,” Jamie muttered as he slid behind the wheel. The frown was back, darkening his brow like storm clouds in a summer sky.

  “It’s okay,” Alex managed. He edged around the car unsteadily, all too aware of Jamie’s gaze on his body, his legs, his arms, his butt. It was going to be a long day; he just knew it.

  * * * *

  “Jamie,” Alex warned as the car veered around a tight corner. “Slow down.”

  In the driver’s seat Jamie laughed, one hand on the wheel while the other fiddled with the radio. “Don’t worry,” he said, swerving back onto the road. “You sound like my mother. I can drive, Alex.”

  “But how well?” Alex wanted to know.

  Jamie grinned at him and placed a hand on his knee, which Alex promptly brushed away. “Both hands on the wheel, please. You’re going to get us killed.”

  Jamie laughed again. “What a way to go, don’t you think?”

  “I don’t want to think about it.” Right now Alex just wanted to get to work. The minute they were out of the car, he would pluck the keys from Jamie’s hands and that was it, he’d let him drive once and that was the end of it, never again. “You’re going too fast.”

  “I am not,” Jamie replied, hitting the accelerator. As they turned into the radio station’s parking lot, Alex swore he sped up, and the back tire clipped the curb. “This the place?”

  “Yeah.” Alex wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs and prayed they made it into a parking spot without hitting another vehicle. An empty spot with no one around for miles, he thought, scanning the parking lot. So he can’t hit anyone. Please—

  “Fuck!” Jamie slammed on the brakes, throwing Alex forward, his seatbelt cutting into his chest painfully. Before Alex could recover, Jamie was already leaning out the window, shouting obscenities. “Fucking asshole! I’m driving here! Get the fuck outta my way.”

  Alex looked up and saw Saundra glaring at them from the crosswalk, talking into her cell phone. Oh shit. He covered his face with his hands. “Jamie, please,” he whispered. “That’s my boss.”

  “I don’t give a fuck who she is,” Jamie snapped. He spoke so loud, Alex knew Saundra could hear every word. “She needs to get her fat ass off the street.”

  “How about we stop with the cussing, okay?” Alex asked softly. “Just park the car.”

  Something in Alex’s voice made Jamie frown. “All I’m saying…”

  “Just stop it, Jamie. Please?”

  Suddenly Alex didn’t want to get out of the car. He wanted to turn around and go home, drop Jamie off at the shelter and forget the radio station, the drive, the fact that Saundra stood there waiting, watching…Alex just knew this wasn’t going to be pretty. Sweet Jesus.

  Jamie eased the car into a parking spot, stepping on the brakes again when the front tires hit the curb. With a weary sigh, Alex glanced at the clock. It’s not even eight o’clock yet. Shit, can we just start all over? Please?

  Jamie yanked up the parking brake hard and cut off the engine. “Alex, I’m sorry,” he said, glaring through the windshield at Saundra. “I didn’t know—”

  “It’s okay.” Alex forced a smile, hoping to get one in return, but Jamie’s pout only deepened. “It’s okay, really. Just…just give me the keys.”

  Jamie dropped them into Alex’s open palm. “It’s okay,” he whispered again, closing his fingers over Jamie’s before he could pull his hand away.

  “I’m sorry,” Jamie muttered, not meeting Alex’s eyes.

  Look at me, Alex wanted to say, but didn’t. Jamie climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him. With another sigh Alex got out of the car as well.

  Saundra clicked off her cell phone and started towards them. “Come here, Jamie,” Alex said quietly, bracing himself for whatever his boss had to say.

  As Jamie stepped around the car, Alex caught his wrist. “Keep quiet,” he added as Saundra approached. The last thing he needed now was for the two of them to fight.

  “So,” Saundra said, scowling at Jamie’s outfit. “This is Jamie. The shelter kid?”

  “Fuck off,” Jamie growled.

  Alex closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “Jamie,” he sighed. “Saundra? I’m sorry.”

  For a moment Saundra didn’t say anything, and then she turned away. “You let him drive your car?” she asked, as if that was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard. “Does he even have a license?”

  Alex opened his mouth to respond but stopped. Did he…? He turned a questioning look at Jamie, who stared at the ground as he scuffed his shoes against the car’s tire. “Jamie?”

  Jamie shrugged, and Alex sighed. “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

  “You didn’t ask,” Jamie replied, twisting his arm in Alex’s grip until his hand held Alex’s own. “I would’ve told you—”

  “Never mind,” Alex said, shaking his hand free from Jamie’s. “Come on.”

  He led the way to the front door, heading after Saundra. Did I already say that today would suck? he wondered as he heard Jamie kick the tire once, hard, before following him.

  Chapter 11

  “Keep an eye on him,” Saundra said as she opened the door to the radio station. She frowned over her shoulder and Alex wondered if she would smile at all today. “If he steals anything—”

  “I ain’t gonna steal shit,” Jamie muttered.

  Alex sighed. And they’re off.

  Pushing through the door, Saundra continued as if Jamie hadn’t said a word. “It’s coming out of your pay,” she reminded Alex.

  “He isn’t going to steal anything.” Alex stepped into the lobby of the station behind his boss and jumped when Jamie slammed the door. “Jamie—”

  “What the hell’s her problem?” Jamie growled, throwing himself down onto one of the leather sofas that graced the receptionist area. “I ain’t a thief.”

  “Jamie,” Alex warned. Is it too much to ask that they both just cut it out? he wondered, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Please, keep quiet.”

  With an exasperated sigh, Jamie began, “I’m not—”

  “Please.” Alex pinched his nose until his eyes watered and wished the day were over already. “Just please.”

  “Fine.” Jamie crossed his arms and glared around the room, fuming.

  At the receptionist desk, Saundra riffled through a pile of messages waiting for her. “Listen,” he said, lowering his voice so Jamie wo
uldn’t overhear, “I know things started out bad but he’s a good kid, really. Can you just give him a chance? He’s—”

  “He almost ran me over,” Saundra said, not looking up at him.

  “He didn’t mean to—” Alex tried again.

  But Saundra just shook her head. “He’s your charity case, Hitchner, not mine. I’m not going to entertain him today, do you hear me? I don’t think this was such a good idea and I sure as hell don’t want him in the way. You keep him in the FX studio. I’ll give you some tapes to play with, but I have ad clients coming in at noon and I don’t want them to think this place is crawling with punks like him.”

  “He’s not a punk,” Alex muttered. Couldn’t she just open her eyes and see past the cocky attitude and the street clothes to the Jamie he knew existed inside?

  Apparently not. She looked over at Jamie, who watched them closely, and her dour expression didn’t even soften. “He looks like a hustler, Alex, like you just stopped the car and picked up the first pretty boy you saw. You sure he’s from the shelter? Or are you paying him to be here?”

  Anger flashed through Alex. A hooker…paying him? Alex stared at his boss in disbelief. Fuck you, Saundra. Jamie was right. Fuck you.

  Before his thoughts could become words, he turned away. “Come on, Jamie,” he called, setting a furious pace as he stormed down the hall to the back studio.

  Jamie ran up behind him. “She’s an ass,” he said softly, walking so close that Alex could feel his shoulder bump his back with each step they took.

  At the door to the FX studio, Alex stopped and fumbled with the key. During the summer months, Saundra preferred to keep unoccupied studios locked so none of the interns could wander around the control booths unsupervised. The woman had serious trust issues. As Alex slid the key into the lock, Jamie leaned against the door frame and studied him, one hand on his hip. Finally he ran a finger down Alex’s arm and whispered, “You’re mad at me.”

  “I’m not mad,” Alex replied.

  “You sure?” Jamie asked as the door popped open.

  Alex stepped inside and flicked on the light. The sound booth was smaller than the main studio used by the radio DJs, but he could work back here. Remix the tapes Saundra had, maybe see if Jamie wanted to record anything, show him how things ran on the other side of the radio dial…

  And it’s just the two of us again, his mind whispered as Jamie closed the door.

  Suddenly the room was too small, and Jamie was so close again, his hand hovering somewhere behind Alex as he waited for an answer. Alex looked into those deep blue eyes filled with sadness and confusion and pain and sighed. Fuck you, Saundra, he thought again, turning away. You can’t see this side of him. I’m sorry but this is the real Jamie. This is the guy I know, the one I—

  He wouldn’t think it. Even to himself he wouldn’t think it. He couldn’t.

  “I’m sure,” he said, forcing a grin. Jamie smiled back like the sun. Laughing, Alex added, “You make the day brighter when you do that.”

  Jamie’s smile slipped a notch. “Do what?”

  “Smile like that.” Busying himself with the tapes, Alex cleared his throat and admitted, “You’ve got a wonderful smile.”

  He didn’t expect a reply. But in a small voice Jamie whispered, “No one’s ever said that to me before.”

  “It’s the truth,” Alex said. Now that the words were spoken, it was easier to keep talking about it. As if I don’t mean anything by it, he mused. As if I don’t want to see that smile every morning for the rest of my life, every night before I go to bed. “Now that you know, will you smile more often? For me?”

  “For you,” Jamie replied. In the mirrored glass above the control panel Alex could see the thin blush coloring Jamie’s cheeks as he grinned.

  * * * *

  Alex worked as a sound engineer; most of his day was spent fiddling around with the silly effects, snippets of song, and ad campaigns that the DJs used on the cheesy morning show. Showing Jamie how to access the station’s extensive database of sounds, Alex leaned over the back of Jamie’s chair as his friend fiddled with the synthesizer controls. “What’s this one do?” he asked as he turned a large dial, and suddenly the window in front of them shook as a deep bass beat pumped out low from the speakers. “Damn,” he muttered, turning it back down to a reasonable level.

  Alex laughed. He found himself looking at the smooth flesh of Jamie’s cheek and the faint downy hairs that curved around his jaw, light and barely noticeable but there. He wanted to stroke that peachy fuzz with the back of his finger, just to see how it would feel beneath his skin. This close he could see the tiny pinprick in Jamie’s earlobe where he had pierced his ears once, but Alex didn’t remember ever seeing him wearing any jewelry except the gold herringbone chain around his neck. He can’t afford jewelry, Alex reminded himself.

  “How about this thing?” Jamie asked, easing up the equalizer sliders. He cocked his head to one side, listening to the music until he could distinguish the change in tone, and then he flipped the switch back. “Cool.”

  Leaning closer, Alex crossed his arms behind Jamie’s shoulders and felt the mesh T-shirt press into his skin. Part of him wished the shirt was gone and Jamie wore only the tank top, because then he would feel the warmth of Jamie’s back and shoulders spread along his arms. He dared to rub the corner of Jamie’s shirt with his fingers, smoothing it down where the fabric curled slightly. “You having a good time?” he asked softly.

  Jamie looked up at him, grinning. “I want to work at a radio station. Something hip hop though, not country. And not with that bitch you work for.”

  “Saundra isn’t so bad,” Alex offered.

  Jamie merely shrugged, losing interest in the conversation. Alex watched him fiddle with the dials and faders a few minutes more before he pointed to a knob near the top of the panel. “What do you think this one does?” Alex wondered aloud.

  Eagerly Jamie turned the knob, listening as the voices singing on the tape increased in pitch, higher and higher the further the knob twisted. Laughing, Jamie clapped his hands and sank back in his chair, leaning his head against Alex’s shoulder. “They sound like chipmunks,” he snickered

  It’d be so easy to lean forward and kiss him now, wouldn’t it? Alex mused. Just lean a little closer, let his tongue lick out to taste that smooth upper lip, just dampen it a bit…Jamie sat there watching him, lips parted in a breathless sigh, eyes wide and staring at Alex’s lips. As he leaned closer still those eyes slipped shut in anticipation. Alex felt his heart pound in his throat as he let his own eyes close, and he could taste Jamie’s moist breath, he could smell Jamie’s clean scent, and those soft curls brushed against his ear as Jamie sat up a little, wanting him, wanting this, wanting it now—

  Behind them the door opened. “Alex, I’ve got…”

  Alex jerked back as Saundra entered the room. His boss frowned at Jamie sitting at the control panel. “I want you to take a look at this.”

  “Sure.” Alex said, a little too quickly, running a hand through his hair. Almost out of spite, he pressed his lips together. I can’t do this to him, he thought, his mind racing over the implications of what might have just happened. I can’t do this to myself, and sure as hell not to him. We were that close. Another second I’d know what those lips taste like, I’d feel his hand on my cheek and his tongue in my mouth and what the hell is Saundra doing here again? I should’ve locked the door. I should’ve…

  God, he was losing it.

  Jamie looked at him, confusion and desire warring on his face, and Alex forced a smile for his sake. “Come on,” he said gently, “get up.”

  Standing, Jamie backed away from the console like a wary alley cat as Saundra sat down. “You hungry?” Alex asked. He didn’t know what Saundra had seen, if anything—you didn’t do anything, his mind whispered, but he didn’t want any comments about how he brought the guy into the station just to make out at work and right now he thought maybe Jamie shouldn’t be in this tiny ro
om with Saundra. Who knew what could be said? When Jamie shrugged, Alex said, “There’s a break room down the hall. A few snack machines there, if you’re interested.”

  “I don’t have any money,” Jamie admitted softly.

  “Of course you don’t,” Saundra laughed, her back to them as she loaded a program onto the studio’s computer. “That’s why you like Alex. He has plenty of money, doesn’t he?”

  “Fuck off.” Jamie glared at her with a look akin to pure hatred and before Alex could stop him, he flicked her off.

  “I saw that,” Saundra said, raising her gaze to meet Jamie’s in the mirrored glass. “Don’t think I didn’t.”

  “Don’t think I fucking care,” Jamie replied.

  Quickly Alex stepped between them. Handing Jamie a dollar, he said, “Here. Get something to snack on, okay?” As Jamie frowned at him, Alex lowered his voice. “She won’t be here long.”

  When Jamie left the room, Alex leaned down in front of Saundra, blocking the computer screen from her view. “What the hell’s your problem?” he wanted to know. “He’s just a kid.”

  “He’s eighteen, isn’t he?” Saundra countered. She pushed Alex aside and concentrated on the screen as she brought up the splicing program they used to mix tapes. “That’s a little old to be acting so childish, don’t you think?”

  Alex sighed. “Saundra, you don’t understand—”

  “We’ve got work to do here, okay?” Saundra asked, interrupting him. For the first time since entering the room, she looked at Alex, thinly veiled hostility shining in her eyes.

  Alex bit his lip to keep from saying anything mean. She’s my boss, he reminded himself. Bringing Jamie here was a bad idea, and I can’t change her opinion if she’s bent on hating him, but she’s my boss and I have to keep that in mind. This isn’t worth losing my job over. Saundra will never see Jamie the way I do. She refuses to, and nothing I say or do will fix that.

  “Let me show you what I want you to do with this tape,” Saundra was saying, and Alex felt his face harden into a mask of professionalism as he turned towards the computer screen. “Just separate the tracks on it, will you? Stop thinking about your boy toy for a minute and—”