by Ellis Weiner
Even if you don’t feel sorry for me, and for how exhausted I am, you certainly have to admit that this has been a splendid experience for everyone, and another top-notch example of excellence in narration. Don’t you? Oh, please. You certainly do.
30. “Entre nous” is, you will be unsurprised to learn, French. It’s pronounced “AHN-truh NEW.” It means “between us” or “between ourselves.” You say it when you want the person to whom you’re talking to keep secret what you’re about to tell them. Saying “entre nous” makes an excellent impression on people, and I urge you to use it in your daily life.
31. What is an “analogy”? It is when you describe one thing in terms of another. You might wish to say, “The Narrator is brilliant,” but instead of simply saying that (although there is nothing wrong with saying that, especially since it is true), you might choose to say, “The Narrator is to narrating as Albert Einstein is to physics” or “The Narrator is the Albert Einstein of narrating.” You will have thus made an analogy between the Narrator and Albert Einstein.
APPENDIX
Welcome to the Appendix. I know I said that here you would be able to read a concise summary of the first book about the Templeton twins, so as to be better informed as to who they are and who everyone else is. But once I sat down to write the Appendix, I changed my mind.
I think—and, really, don’t you think, too?—that it would be better for everyone if you simply obtained the first book and read it yourself. (Or, if you already have it and have read it but forgotten it, then read it again.) For32 only in doing so will you be able to learn the Complete Story.
In fact, I feel so strongly about this that I hereby refuse to tell you that, in the first book, the twins are born on the very same day that Professor Elton Templeton gives Dean D. Dean (who at that time was twenty-one years old, and the Professor’s student at Elysian University) an “F” in a course, thereby causing Dean D. Dean to flunk out of college, to be angry at the world, and to hate Professor Templeton until further notice.
Nor will I reveal that, twelve years later, Dean D. Dean and his brother, Dan D. Dean, show up at the Tickridge-Baltock Institute of Technology, where the Professor is teaching, and kidnap John and Abigail and their new (ridiculous) dog, Cassie, so as to force the Professor into signing over to them the rights to his recent invention, the Personal One-Man Helicopter (POMH).
I am equally determined not to disclose that the twins, through the use of cleverness, intelligence, physical bravery, and the lessons they learned from their hobbies (which are playing the drums [John] and doing cryptic crossword puzzles [Abigail]), manage to thwart (yes, “thwart”) the Dean twins, rescue their father, and generally save the day.
I have decided not to reveal any of the background information concerning the Templeton twins here in the Appendix, although it occurs to me, upon further review, that I have in fact done so. Well, all right. But that’s it. I’m done.
32. I like this use of the word “for” as a fancy way to say “because.” From now on, if your parent, greengrocer, investment adviser, or bodyguard asks, “Hey, why didn’t you finish your homework?” tell them, “For I didn’t feel like it.” Please note that I am not responsible for whatever consequences may follow therefrom, which is a fancy way of saying, “Don’t blame me for what happens next.”
ELLIS WEINER has written funny articles for magazines and funny television scripts, and has co-written a lot of funny books with Barbara Davilman (e.g., Yiddish with Dick and Jane). He has even written several funny books all by himself (e.g., The Joy of Worry), but The Templeton Twins Have an Idea and The Templeton Twins Make a Scene are his first books for kids. They are also very funny. He lives in California.
JEREMY HOLMES is a children’s book illustrator. His debut book, There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly, was hailed as “striking” and “wonderful” by the New York Times Book Review and received the prestigious BolognaRagazzi Award, given annually at the Bologna Children’s Book Fair. He lives in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
THE NARRATOR is in no mood to share facts about his—or her!—life. He’ll tell you what he wants you to know when he feels like it.