They looked at me seeking. Subhi pulled her hands, taking it to the corner. “Should I ask for first aid kit from the care room” – I whispered
“It doesn’t concern you, I can handle it myself” – Subhi dramatized the gesture of anger.
“I can see how well you are handling”– throwing my handkerchief towards them, “This might work better than her hands”– cuffing to her egoistic attitude I added.
After the class ended, Apurva came –thanking me for the help.
“Why are you thanking me, you were not the one, I helped. If someone really should be thankful then it’s her” – “What’s her name?”
“Subhi” –Apurva paused, “We are classmates and it has been weeks but still you don’t know our names, do you Sohan?”
As her query tinkled my ears –my brain mocked me –"I haven’t talked to any of the girls in this class room, I didn’t even care how many were there, and in that scenario how could I possibly know all of their names." I started counting their heads over my mind.
“Anyway I’m Apurva”, her voice brought me back to her –She was smiling, sweet smile.
“I know your name” –I smiled back at her. Stopping a while I asked, “What was the problem, why was she acting so weird Apurva?”
“It’s complicated. I can’t tell anything to you Sohan. It’s her thing and probably only she has the right…if she wants to tell…you can”–saying so she made a pouting face.
“Fair enough, I helped you, even got my handkerchief ruined, but still I can’t know”– I scorned
“Don’t worry about your handkerchief, I will wash it. I will even add some girly perfume too if you like. Trust me it will be back as new. Maybe it will do?” –she smiled again
“No, that won’t do. I think a new one would be great” –I scorned again.
“Hey! Don’t give that look, you might know it someday. And new one is not always nice one Sohan” –her eyes sparkled as she said that.
“Maybe”– I smiled.
“So how many months has it been since you washed that handkerchief of yours” – she mocked –laughing.
“Seriously”
We laughed for a while, that was a magnetizing moment though it was just for a fraction of time.
As time was in its march –in couple of weeks she got me along with her friends and we started sharing few mutual contacts.
Days later, Karna was back in school…Karna – The jerk.
He was absent for months, and the reason was quite foolish or shall I say unnaturally insane. He got his hands on explosion, and the explosive was his creation. "Sounds crazy right? Who does that? –except him...and how did he accomplish it…" Well he took a small steel cylinder –pouring some gun power inside and tried to twist the both ends of the cylinder. He hammered the cylinder to twist it more. While hammering, spark ignited the gun power leading the explosion –destroying his hand.
I didn’t know much about him at first. All I heard was he was the perfect idol of rudeness and more to it, he was Sabin’s best friend.
Well…It didn’t feel right when your best friend has a best friend –I did not like it too.
He was so annoying. Leech…Yes –Leech, a perfect expression to tag him with. Everywhere we went he used to come along. I knew he didn’t like me much and neither did I. Maybe that’s why he used to keep nagging.
We had our differences yet we were friends– not best buddies but friends. I didn’t like him only when he used to show dominating personality –attempting on becoming leader among friends because in friendship I liked friends not rulers. And he used to show that nature –constantly. He was vexing.
Our school had certain rules that all were bound to follow. Among the rule –the one was– every senior was prearranged as volunteers in juniors’ blocks in breaks. It was for the personal skill development course. Samir, Sabin, Karna and me– we were volunteering at the same block.
Karna used to do nothing except criticizing our effort and dictating. He used to make us feel like we were his slaves rather than his comrades. Sabin was adapted to his nature but not me. He got bossy and annoying so I picked up a fight. He blew a punch to my nose and I started bleeding –instantly. The floor was covered in blood and eyes went fogy and heavy –I fainted.
I was in the care room when my eyes opened. Sabin, Samir and Karna were staring quietly until the Principal got inside. He asked how it occurred.
I turned at Karna, there was a fear in his eyes –Fear that I had lived for a long time. “It might be due to the heatstroke, Sir. I’m fine now” –I replied softly.
That day I learned forgiveness.
Hours after resting in the care house, I returned back to class. Subhi and Apurva were waiting for me eagerly. They wanted to return something of mine, left in their custody –It was my handkerchief washed and perfumed like she promised.
“I still can’t know, what happened that day, do I?” –I raised quizzical eyebrows towards Subhi.
“Maybe you can, after all you helped me. But only if you promise you won’t tell.”
“Sure” –I was eager to know what they were hiding.
Subhi lifted her sleeve up. There were three marks of cut on her arms
“What’s this?”
Apurva pulled me to a side – “Subhi was in a bad relationship, she was depressed.” Apurva paused for a moment, taking time to pick some words. Swallowing deep breath, she said–“she cut herself in that depression. And that day one of her wound got ruptured”.
I was shocked; I had never seen that shot of madness. I never thought that someone can get so week when it comes to relationship that they can even slice themselves. “Is she insane?” my voice got loud –in shock.
Apurva blocked my voice with her hand. “Sohan, she has some issues but we can’t do anything except supporting her. It’s her life, her choice.”
Maybe Apurva was right –we didn’t have the right to interfere in her decisions. All we could do was help her when she needs it. So we closed that topic right there. I began to get even closer to them.
Weeks after the incidence with Karna, Samir joined us. Sabin, Samir and me– we bonded well. Samir was a funny guy but his temper was as bad as mine. Together we were called as Three Idiots. That’s when the three idiots came to existence – a gang of three best buddies.
***
Rudra was the backbencher of the next row, he was an interesting character. Flirty, funny and tempting –he had skills of luring people. In a sense he was a magnetic personality.
I too liked that guy, I always wanted to be like him –girls used to adore him, all boys were his pal and every teacher were fond of him.
He was an attention seeker. He used to sing and shout loudly when he got bored. If he felt extremely unnoticed he used to dance in front of the class, regardless of what others would think. He was good at singing and a great dancer too but he was––well, a person with lots of awful habits.
Everyone started getting closer with the passing days. Rudra had his own gang in class –they started to merge with others. In a month’s time, the whole class united and no one was unknown anymore.
Beside all of them –there was a boy named Sudhakar. He used to remind me about my past. Whenever I used to look at him, it used to feel like the dark shadow of tenebrous tide was eager to drag me, enfolding to that darkness I was running from.
In lot sense he was the reflection of my past, standing in front of me. I just used to watch him getting bullied by others. He used to write himself as Subhakar and everyone used to call him with that name harassing him for his weakness.
It was not just a coincidence that he also had the same problem like I did. His condition was lot worse than that of mine. I searched for this condition and that’s when I got to know that it’s termed as Dyslexia –commonly known as reading disorder.
He wasn’t just dyslectic, there was more to his weakness; his case was severe. My condition was nothing in comparison to his.
&
nbsp; Everyone used to humiliate him, but he never felt anything about anything, going around him. It was just like he even didn’t know what was going on–he didn’t know how he should feel about that–he didn’t know how to react over it.
Every time when I used to look at him, I used to feel sorry because I had been through the same. It was different thing that he didn’t feel anything like I used to do but still, he was suffering as I was, even more. Whenever I used to see my past in him –through him it used to burn as hell. Truly he reflected me –by a long way.
***
Days were passing smooth, I was happy and I didn’t feel alone anymore. Finally there was something I achieved –something from nothing at all, but still some moments of sorrow were there as my health was deflected. My vision started to get imprecise and an unknown ache seized my eyes.
I went through series of tests and check up but still the cause was unidentified. My retinal nerves were inflamed –It was a complication but the major cause behind it was unknown.
I was prescribed with Prednisolone for months just to control the complications. Doses were high but it treated me well, in a sense that the inflammation was gone. My eyes were cured but many complications were raised in that process. My migraine got worse and I started getting weak and lethargic. My weight was fluctuated uncontrollably. My skins were getting loose and my muscles were weakened. Felt like I was swelling from inside.
After stopping the dose after few months, everything started to get normal, except my chest. I started to sense strange softness around my chest area. While I was at the end of fourteen I found out myself suffering from Gynecomastia.
There was no any fix reason, to tell why my body developed this disorder. Maybe it was because my body weight was fluctuating or might be due to the effect of Prednisolone over my hormones. Whatever the reason was –I was dropped down again in my life from a disorder of unknown causes.
The Hostel
One
The last year of school had started and probably this was the longest and the most important year of my life as it was one of the turning points which was supposed to direct me on the pathway of light –escaping the dark tenebrous tide of time. It was a crucial moment to change me and my individuality.
Since my birth to that point of time –my life was running as in turbo speed; everything was swift. Events were fast in motion and used to impact, before I was able to understand them –correctly. In a blink of eye situations used to change, new circumstances were created, making me unable to handle them.
Time was showing so much to me than that I had pursuit or could comprehend.
This year was of the hasty speed, events were more rapid and crucial but this time in some way I got control over the events that occurred and understood what was really going on.
It was the last year of school and according to school policies every student was to be boarded inside the school apartment for entire year. We all were under the supervision of the teachers and were provided with the special guidance and classes for the final examination.
It was like a prison house; where we were imprisoned and mobilized by certain rules. We used to call it as a haunted hostel –haunted by the fear of cruel Principal.
Hostel was our home for a year where we all classmates were together.
In first few days I was in horror remembering the boarding house I was put away into –in my childhood. But things were changed and so was I. I was not alone –Sabin and Samir, they were in with me as my roommates. I was not weak –I was evolved and more to that, we three idiots were together to create the moments of stupidity.
Till that time, I didn’t interact much with others though we were friends, but in hostel you got nothing else to do other than interacting with others and obey those monotonous rules.
Interactions were amplified and it was time for everyone to know each other well.
Hostel days were of fun and struggle. We were delimited by the strict rules and regulations but where there are friends there’s fun.
Each day following the same lame– routine was tedious but everyday something unpredictable used to occur –driving the tedium away.
Hostel was separated in different Sections. Section A on the first floor was for boys, whereas, Section B on the second floor –for girls. Section 2 was at the top of the building with reading room set–up, where all final year students were supposed to gather at the time of study. The ground floor was tagged as Section 1 where the controller’s office was at the side of the storage hall right next to the kitchen and dining. Section 1 & 2 were the only place where every final year student could merge together.
Section 2 was probably the disgusted place in the hostel after the controller’s office. As the classes were held from sharp 6o’clock in the morning till 9 in the evening, every one of us were prisoners there. We were only free at the time of dining and holidays but that too was a partial freedom restricted by plenty sets of laws.
It was truly a haunted house for those who were afraid of studying. But when you get crazy you find no place haunted in your insanity.
***
It was a freezing night as we all were gathered in dining maze– Abhay came in, placing his both arms inside his warm leather jacket. “I have one crazy idea” –he said, pausing for few seconds he added “Let’s have a chili competition.”
He took his arms out grabbing verity of chilies from his pocket. Chilies red, green, small, thin, long, narrow, all sorts of Chilies; He was holding them like they were new brand’s chocolates in the market.
“Let’s see which chili will win the hot spot. Let’s see who among us who has the guts to dare the phantom of spice.” He made it sound so interesting and exciting yet everyone rejected his proposal in trepidation of spiciness.
He shuffled, and then picked the long one taking a small bite he said –“surprising, its sweet.” Acting as if he was talking to himself he took another bite “what’s wrong with these chilies? – they are sweet, really sweet” a phony smile masked his face.
“Sweet?” –Bishal pulled the chilly off his hand. Taking a long bite, his face started growing red in matter of second .He rushed to the kitchen in anticipation to find something that would kill the blaze of that moment.
Excitement rose higher as everyone got curious about what will occur next. Bounded by the vile nature of attention seeker, Rudra took another chili–the smallest one. “Let’s see what this little brat can do?”
After taking first bite, his eyes went red and for a second it seemed like he was steaming through his ears. He rushed to Bishal –pulling the pouch of sugar from his hand.
Excitement raised higher, noise got louder…
Mr. Ratan –our principal, came in hearing the voice of our amusement. As he entered, we all went quiet. Meanwhile Abhay threw all chilies out of the casement.
“What’s this noise about?”
No one moved a nerve, all were quiet and stunned.
“Where’s the warden?” –He queried. He summoned him to the dining hall and passed the same question.
Replying to his tempered inquiry the warden said, “Boys are having problem with the spices.”
After that day spices were reduced from our food –making the hostel food completely tasteless.
Literally it was like an army academy; we were bound in discipline and were to follow what the hostel warden orders. Luckily, our warden was a freedom lover. He liked to set us free inside the hostel limitations while the principal was not around. In study room he used to stay with us, as a supervisor, a guide and a friend.
There was a strange bond between us –like of a family.
Two
Section 2 –study hall, the most disgusted place of that haunted house.
Corner seat of the second bench at the first row was my favorite spot inside that hall, whereas he always used to take the first seat at the second row, placing himself opposite to the whiteboard, supporting his body by the side of the wall; Alone. He used to tu
rn around taking the detailed view of every motion going around inside the hall. Maybe it was easier for him to keep eyes on us from that angle, or maybe that was his favorite spot. He –our cordial Warden.
Day was on its leave as the moon was peeping out from the cloud, sun was hiding behind the mountain at the distance making the cloud red and bloodcurdling –as if sky was about to bleed in rain. The weather was showing so terrifying yet exciting scenario, moment like once in a life time –and I was locked bored inside the study hall.
I took a short tour of the whole class with a glance; Warden was busy helping Shreya with trigonometry. I thought I could escape out of the room unnoticeable, but the problem was –Warden, seating step close to the door. It was risky but I was completely bored and the thrill of the weather was skipping with each ticking in the clock.
I got off my seat and went near to the second row and as I was near the door –Warden’s voice knocked me from behind. “Going somewhere Sohan???”
“NO, not at all, I’m here to help”
“Well, help then, I’m stuck right here” he pointed the line with his finger.
“Maybe it’s eix= cos x + isin x –this could help to solve further” instantly I wrote the Euler’s formula.
After he found the lead through his problem, his concentration got back on track and I busted out –Smoothly. Passing some joyful moment watching the night sky, I went back in.
After I returned, Shreya came to me asking if I could help her with her math.
Instead of simple ‘yes’ –“all right slow motion” came out of my mouth, impulsively. I didn’t mean to say that way but I did, maybe I was thinking it would sound funny but it didn’t, it sounded really bad, dominating actually. It was one of those times when you say things unknowingly and suppose them to impact another way. She took it serious, and gave me a slap in front of all as a gift for my manners.
Alive In Shadow: Living with dyslexia; an inspirational story Page 4