What difference, he and I? What grief did she harbour, festering and poisonous inside her?
Kathryn shook off her maudlin thoughts. While she had been sitting and waiting for the detective to show, she had thought long and hard about her own life. Yes, she had made progress. But no, there was no future for her, not here, not any more. Stephen was lost to her, of that she was certain, and no longer just because he was seeing another woman. No. Stephen was lost to her because there was something inside of him that she had not seen before, something rotten and awful that she realised she feared.
In contrast to Griffin, Stephen was not a real person but a façade and she knew it now.
There was nothing more that she could do for Griffin. His healing process would be his own now. He, like Kathryn, had been a slave to a past he could not change. Now was the time to sever her own ties with her past, and make a future of her own choosing.
It was time for her to leave. She had already packed everything that she could and jammed it into a suitcase, which she had then crammed into the trunk of her car, which was parked outside the precinct. There was very little left for her to do now that she had made up her mind. Sometimes, it was better to abandon something that was not quite right, than to labour it until it was sick and festering.
Time to go.
Kathryn got up from her desk and grabbed her handbag.
‘Counsellor?’
Kathryn blinked and looked up. Griffin was standing in the doorway to the office, one fist knuckled at the door. He must have knocked and she had not heard him.
‘Come in,’ she said. ‘Sorry, I was miles away.’
He looked different. He was wearing a fresh suit and had shaved in the time since she had left him with the Wheelers – probably Maietta had run him home on the way. There were still dark rings beneath his eyes but there was a glint of light and life in them that had been absent before.
Griffin shut the door and sat down. There was a long silence which Kathryn was happy to allow to draw out. Griffin, his hands in his laps, stared at them for a few moments before he spoke.
‘That was some stunt you pulled there. Lawyers would be on your case if they ever found out.’
‘Seemed like the right thing to do,’ Kathryn replied.
‘That how they train all you shrinks? Sink or swim? I thought that you were all for the softly–softly approach?’
‘Tried that. It wasn’t working.’
‘I know.’
‘I figured you just needed to hear what we were saying from Amy’s parents instead. They…’
‘Kathryn,’ Griffin said. Somehow his use of her given name stopped her in her tracks. ‘I know.’
Kathryn felt a little of the tension slip from her own shoulders. She nodded, a smile melting her features as Griffin went on.
‘And I wanted to apologise, okay? I was out of order, blowing my top at you.’
‘It’s okay, detective.’
‘No, it’s not,’ Griffin said. ‘I could excuse myself for screaming at a perp’ I’ve arrested, or at a judge for releasing a convict on nothing but technicalities, or even myself for being an asshole, but you didn’t deserve that and I’m truly sorry.’ Griffin sucked in a deep breath before he continued. ‘I was trying to figure it all out up there, at the farm.’
‘And did you?’
‘Maybe,’ Griffin said, and then shook his head. ‘Not really.’
‘I don’t think that some things can ever be figured out,’ Kathryn said. ‘They happen, and we just have to pick up the pieces again and try to move on.’
Griffin nodded. ‘I’ve been acting like a dick for the last few days.’
‘That’s true.’
Griffin looked at her, caught the smile, and shrugged. ‘I’ve heard what you’ve had to say, and it’s stayed with me. It kind of comes back when things are quiet, y’know? Especially when I sit out at the barn in the dark and replay in my mind all that happened up there.’
A brief smile flickered across Kathryn’s features, gone as soon as it had arrived.
‘Are you going to keep going up there?’
‘No,’ Griffin said.
‘Why?’
Griffin’s gaze was as piercing as ever but his features were calm, his shoulders relaxed, his hands clasped gently in his lap.
‘Because there’s nobody there,’ he said.
Kathryn watched the detective carefully. ‘What about Angela? Have you spoken to her yet?’
Griffin shook his head. ‘I called her, asked if we could meet tonight. Just figuring out how best to go about talking to her.’
‘There is no best way, just talk to her,’ Kathryn said, ‘make it your priority. No conditions, no surprises, no arguments. Let her hear what you have to say. Make sure you take the night off to do it. I’ve got the sense that everything else you both need to happen will follow all on its own.’
Griffin nodded. ‘Seems simple if you say it quickly enough.’
‘It is simple,’ Kathryn said. ‘You’re good people, both of you.’
‘You’ve never met Angela.’
‘I don’t need to,’ Kathryn said. ‘She would never have married you if you weren’t the right guy, a decent guy, the kind of guy that all women wish they could have, because your problems are real and they make you all the more noble for it.’
Griffin watched her for a long moment. ‘You’ve got a real way of putting things straight,’ he said finally. ‘I should have met you when I was younger.’
‘So should I.’
A long silence filled the room and Kathryn felt herself blush as she spoke again quickly.
‘You both want this to work,’ she said. ‘You’ll both make it work, provided you talk rather than try to hurl each other out of a window.’
Griffin nodded. ‘Yeah.’
Kathryn stood and put out her hand. Griffin, keeping his pride anchor firmly in place, stood up and shook it with his free hand.
‘I gotta go,’ Kathryn said. ‘Just keep doing what you’re doing now and everything will be okay.’
‘You leaving already?’
‘My work here is done, detective,’ Kathryn replied, ‘and there are other clients in need of my help. My case load is building up as we speak.’
Griffin nodded.
‘Good knowing you, counsellor.’
Griffin strode out of the office and walked away.
Kathryn glanced at her watch as soon as he was gone, cursed silently, and then hurried out of the station.
***
30
Kathryn worked quickly.
To her relief, the apartment was still empty when she arrived. She felt exhausted, both mentally and physically, as she drove back to her apartment, but now she had to focus on herself. On her future. Kathryn showered, got dressed, stuffed some toast and coffee down her throat while simultaneously cramming her belongings into two suitcases that usually resided in the space beneath the bed.
Kathryn hauled her suitcases out of the apartment to her battered old Lincoln and jammed them into the trunk. She had to jump up and sit on it in order to force it closed. Satisfied, she then returned to the apartment and packed what else she could fit into a small holdall that she then stuffed under the bed, ready for a fast getaway.
Kathryn dashed back inside and grabbed Stephen’s tablet computer, accessing it and logging in to his personal accounts. She worked feverishly, hurriedly accessing various accounts and doing what needed to be done. She would ensure that he was fully exposed, that he would lose not only Kathryn but also his wife and his life with her.
There was no more room for manoeuvre; things were black and white now. Stephen had a wonderful, luxurious life with his wife and a painful, struggling existence with Kathryn. There must be a reason why he remained with Kathryn, so what was that reason?
As she grabbed the last of her things, a long flowing dress fell out of her handbag where she had crammed it. Kathryn looked at it and recognised the sarong she had stolen from Ste
phen’s other house, tucked in alongside the tickets that she had asked Ally to purchase for her.
Kathryn had to know.
The full length mirror in Kathryn’s bedroom was hard to stand in front of because the bed almost filled the room, but now, she looked at herself and the flowing blue and green dress she wore.
It looked fabulous. No doubt about it. The fabric was as thin as mist, no doubt a factor in how much it had cost. Kathryn had Googled the dress and tracked it down to a designer named LeMarke, some French guy who ran a boutique in Singapore of all places. Painfully fashionable and hand crafted by local experts according to the website open on her laptop on the bed.
The one thing that Kathryn realised she probably had over Stephen’s wife was her figure. With youth still somewhat on her side, and knowing what a gym was for and what food not to eat, Kathryn was still slim and trim as Ally referred to her. The dress hugged her waist and flowed over her hips as though it had been poured onto her.
Kathryn twisted and turned in front of the mirror, running her hands down the fabric as though she were caressing a wild animal, imagined what it would be like to walk down main street on a summer’s day and see other men, and women, watching her. She looks fabulous. I bet that cost a fortune. I wonder if she’s single? I wonder if she’s a movie star?
The front door clicked loudly and Kathryn almost toppled backwards onto the bed in shock. She scrambled to one side and shut the lid on her laptop as the front door closed again and she heard Stephen make his way toward the bedroom.
Shit. She hadn’t planned for him to see her wearing the dress and she realised that it was a fatal step too far. Kathryn yanked the dress over her head and hurled it across the bedroom to land out of sight on the far side of the room just as Stephen strode in.
He stopped and stared at her. Kathryn, wearing nothing but her underwear, sucked in a breath and put her hands on her hips as she smiled and peered at him with a gleam in her eye.
‘That was good timing,’ she said. ‘Do you have a sixth sense for when I’m in a state of undress?’
Her voice tinkled innocently as Stephen stared at her. In a flash she noted his drawn looks, tired eyes and slumped shoulders. He looked as though he had not slept in days and his normally immaculate hair was ruffled and unkempt.
‘I’ve got some bad news,’ he said.
‘What is it?’
‘I might be laid off.’
‘Oh,’ Kathryn feigned surprise and cultivated an expression of concern. ‘Oh no, that’s terrible. When did you learn of this?’
Stephen sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. Kathryn mastered her fear and perched next to him, slipped one arm across his shoulders as he replied.
‘Last night. They called us all in and told us that the company’s profits were down by twelve per cent on last year. They can’t afford all of us. I’ll either get selected to continue or I’ll be laid off.’
That he could lie, so smoothly, Kathryn presumed was because he was partly telling the truth. The phone call she had overheard the previous night certainly heralded bad news, but it wasn’t a lay off. It had sounded more like Stephen had committed some kind of illegal act or perhaps been under–performing.
She glanced at the bedroom cupboard. The door was slightly open, but it was dark enough inside that he would not be able to tell that she had emptied it of her clothes.
‘When will you know?’ she asked him as she peered behind her at the crumpled dress on the floor.
‘A few days, I guess,’ Stephen said.
‘Well, maybe I can cheer you up,’ she said. ‘Guess what I’ve got.’
‘A winning lottery ticket?’ he asked. ‘The ability to foresee the future?’
Kathryn smiled as she slipped her arms over his shoulders and kissed him. ‘Better than that.’
‘Really?’
‘No,’ she shrugged, ‘but I think that you’ll like it. Your prize awaits.’
Stephen looked down and she saw him spot the small envelope tucked inside her bra. Stephen grinned faintly as he reached inside, brushing his hands across the soft skin of her breasts as he fumbled for the easily reachable envelope.
‘There appear to be some obstructions,’ he said.
‘Later,’ Kathryn replied. ‘I want you to see this first.’
Stephen feigned disappointment as he retrieved the envelope and opened it. Two tickets fell out.
‘What are these?’
Kathryn did not respond as Stephen held them up and read the labels on them. ‘Hunter’s Lake Lodge Vacation Station?’
‘Tickets for two, this weekend,’ Kathryn said. ‘Out in the country, about twenty miles from here. Not too far to drive but far enough out of town to get some peace and quiet, time to ourselves, you know?’
Stephen managed to smile but he shook his head. ‘Honey, I don’t know if I’ll be here. If I get a short–notice call I might have to fly half way across the country and with all that’s happening I can’t afford to turn down any work.’
‘When did you last get to take some time off?’ Kathryn asked, keeping her voice reasonable as she reached for his cell phone. ‘Let me speak to them, I’m sure they won’t mind me…’
‘No, it’s okay,’ Stephen said. ‘It’s very kind of you and a lovely gesture, really. I’ll call tomorrow and see if I can book the weekend off.’
‘There,’ Kathryn said smoothly as she fought for something, anything to distract Stephen, ‘that wasn’t so hard, was it? Although, correct me if I’m wrong, but I can feel something else that is very hard.’
Stephen’s hands slipped around her waist and pulled her down onto him. ‘Oh dear, what ever will we do about that then?’
Kathryn let him start loosening her bra as she gently kissed his neck and whispered into his ear as she now sought for something else to deter him.
‘Something vigorous and worthwhile, so that I can use a pregnancy testing kit.’ She felt Stephen stiffen beneath her in all the wrong ways. To his credit, or perhaps against it, he continued to loosen her dress.
‘You’ve already bought one?’ he asked as he fumbled. ‘How long have you not been on the pill?’
‘A while now,’ she revealed. ‘These things take time after all. And I bought a testing kit two weeks ago,’ she added. ‘Should get a result in soon.’
Stephen looked up at her, his hands suddenly no longer trying to release her bra. ‘You’re pregnant?’
Kathryn smiled down at him. ‘I’m not sure, hence the tests. But something’s going on.’ Stephen almost blanched as he held her. She could see behind his expression the titanic will of effort it was requiring for him not to reveal any sign of panic.
‘Something?’ he echoed.
Kathryn, still smiling, tilted her head this way and that.
‘Well, we did it last month, didn’t we,’ she said. ‘Remember?’
Stephen’s brow furrowed. ‘Last month was a long time ago, and…’
‘You were a bit drunk,’ she said. ‘You were watching that show, that one I don’t bother with about the survival people. I asked you what we would do to survive if we were stranded on a desert island together.’
She saw the recollection appear on Stephen’s face, although it was not joined by any signs of delight that she could see.
‘I said that I could light a fire, and boil water to make it safe.’
‘Yes,’ Kathryn agreed. ‘And I said we could have babies and create an army of little helpers to assist us. And then I…’
‘Suggested we start right away,’ Stephen completed her sentence as he leaned forward and nuzzled her breasts.
Kathryn felt her bra fall from her shoulders, and in silence she squeezed her eyes tight shut and hoped that it would be over soon.
The fact that she had actually never stopped taking the contraceptive pill was not one she would be sharing with him. Nor that his willingness to have sex with her, despite clearly being afraid of her becoming pregnant, said far more about his nature than
anything she could write down in her day job. For the first time in their relationship, Kathryn realised that she was seeing exactly the kind of man he really was.
Maybe it was his exhaustion or perhaps stress, but their lovemaking was over within minutes. Kathryn positioned herself on her side of the bed and struggled to make sure than Stephen could not see the dress on the floor nearby.
‘I don’t like to sponge off of you all the time, it’s not fair,’ he said as he looked at the Hunter’s Lodge tickets again.
Anger churned hot in Kathryn’s belly and she fought to keep control of her features. ‘That’s okay,’ she whispered. ‘I’m sure we’ll find the money to pay this month’s rent from somewhere. I just wish we had some stashed away. You don’t have any savings or anything, do you?’
Stephen sighed and shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, no. I’m totally cleaned out.’
Kathryn, one hand resting on Stephen’s shoulder with her long nails brushing gently against the skin of his neck, sought one last opportunity.
‘Maybe I’d better cancel Hunter’s Lodge then,’ she said.
Stephen nodded. ‘I’m sorry, honey.’
‘Me too.’
Kathryn stood up. ‘I need to get dressed,’ she said softly.
Stephen got up off the bed, and then he turned to her wardrobe and before she could say anything he reached out for the door handle. ‘Let me choose.’
Stephen opened the wardrobe to reveal the empty hangars and shelves. He stared at them for a moment and then looked at Kathryn. ‘Where are all your clothes?’
Kathryn slapped an awkward smile onto her face. ‘We were going away. I packed my clothes into my suitcase already.’
Stephen stared at her for a moment. He was smiling as though bemused, but a sinister little glow had appeared in his eyes. ‘What, like all of them?’
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