Stronger Than This

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Stronger Than This Page 12

by Abby Mccarthy


  “Something’s brewing between those two. Remind your boy she’s thirteen.”

  “I know. I told him on the walk over that he needed to be respectful, that said he’s only a couple years older. He’s fifteen, he’s not twenty-five. Ye can’t keep her under lock and key. She is going to have boys interested in her, especially looking the way she looks.”

  Mickey handed me a beer, then opened one for himself. I nodded to let him know I understood what he was saying; but still, thirteen was thirteen. “So, you were with her dad for over sixteen years?” Mickey was an observant, smart man.

  “Almost seventeen,” I sighed. “Listen, she was bringing him up, because she’s mad that you’re here, but I don’t want to talk about him.”

  “The only way yer going to be able to heal from what ye’ve been through is to talk about it, talk about him. I’m here. I’ll listen. Just saying, ye don't need to protect me from anything. Figuring ye understand, seeing as I got a club, that I can handle myself, and when I say that, know that I can really handle myself.” Mickey’s fingers brushed against the small of my back when the door opened, and Talon and Zeke walked back in.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  Zeke answered, “Yeah. We’re good. Going to move that bed now.” Mickey followed Zeke into the bedroom. A minute later, I watched as they emerged with Talon's mattress on its side. Talon grabbed another slice of pizza and opened a can of soda. They shoved the mattress against the wall and went into my room doing the same thing.

  We finished our food and met the guys in Talon’s room. Her dresser was pushed to the middle of the room. Mickey directed Zeke on how to cut in with a paintbrush. Zeke was a fast learner, and he quickly got the hang of it. Talon grabbed a roller and started on the wall.

  “Let’s start the other room, and leave the kids to it.” Mickey motioned with his head and we left Talon and Zeke to get started on my room. Mickey grabbed a paintbrush and began edging. When his bicep flexed with the brush movement, the beautiful tattoo on his arm seemed to stretch and pull as he made each brushstroke. I began to roll out the wall, when there was a knock at the front door.

  Mickey saw the flash of fear in my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to hide it. He placed his hand on my shoulder, “Don’t worry. They’re here for me. I’ll be right back. Wait here.”

  I listened, because for some strange reason, I was starting to trust Mickey, and gosh wasn’t that a strange and scary feeling all on its own. A few minutes later, Mickey came back, and I had half of one wall rolled out.

  He continued to cut the walls with a paintbrush, and we were blowing through this work. We had a comfortable conversation, and I couldn't believe how laid back Mickey seemed. I asked him about growing up in Ireland, and he regaled me with stories of a very violent Ireland, which unsurprisingly didn't faze me. When we were finished painting, I decided to check on Zeke and Talon. They were about two-thirds done, so I picked up a roller and helped them finish. I got to see some of Zeke’s personality, and I was deciding that maybe it wasn’t so terrible that he was showing interest in Talon.

  I was setting the roller down, when I noticed Mickey leaning against the door frame holding a beer in his hand. He had a few specks of paint in his beard. I wanted to rub my fingers through it and get it out for him, which was completely bizarre.

  “Talon, did your mom tell ye I have a daughter?” Mickey asked Talon surprising me.

  “Nope. She doesn’t really mention you,” Talon shot off. It took a lot for me to hold my tongue and not say anything back. I wanted to see where Mickey was going with this.

  “Her name is Maura, She’s older than ye. Married now too.”

  “Okay,” she responded in a so-what kind of way.

  “Maura’s the shit,” Zeke said and was met with a glare from Mickey for his choice of words. Talon’s shoulders sagged, and she seemed to back down some from her bratty attitude.

  “She had an amazing bedroom set that we took down a few years back. It’s just been sitting in storage. I’d like ye to have it. Every teenage girl should have a nice room.”

  “Really?” Talon asked skeptically.

  “Absolutely. How about we grab some ice-cream in town, then hopefully the paint will be dry by the time we come back?

  “Cool,” she replied, not sure what to make of Mickey.

  Mickey ushered us out fairly quickly. I barely noticed that the furniture he was talking about was already in the living room. We got ice-cream; Zeke and Talon laughed a lot. I was quiet for the most part just taking everything in. Zeke asked Mickey a question, and it got Mickey talking. There was something so charismatic about him that, little by little, I saw him sucking Talon into his charm.

  We were gone maybe an hour or so, when we pulled back up to the cottage. A few Devil’s Crusaders were walking out of my place. I gave Mickey a look that said ‘what is happening?’ and was surprised when he gave me a look back with raised eyebrows that said, ‘you’ll see’.

  I passed Jules who stopped once he saw Talon, “How old are you?” he asked her making me nervous because of the president patch, just below the one-percenter patch.

  “Thirteen,” Talon answered with no hesitation. Yes, you could tell she wasn't afraid of a biker.

  “My wife and I have a little girl, and we just found out she’s pregnant again. She could use a hand sometimes looking after Serenity. You wouldn't be there by yourself, but I’d love to see her get some sleep and I’ll pay you of course. That’s if your mom says it’s okay.” He looked to me, and I gave him a slight nod.

  “Really? Wow. I’m totally interested. That would be cool.” Zeke smiled at Talon, and we said good-bye to Jules. He seemed so kind and normal compared to the men in Drake’s club, but I knew better than to trust first impressions.

  I was shocked when we walked in. “Bed set is a twin,” Mickey said to Talon. “so I had them switch rooms. My buddy owns a mattress store in town, and I had him drop off mattresses too.”

  “You what?” I asked, because this was way more than he should’ve done. Mickey put his hand up,

  “The mattresses were discontinued and on clearance. Barely cost a thing. I just know people.”

  I knew I should’ve asked him to take them back, but the truth was, I was so sick of sleeping on a lumpy mattress. My neck was always kinked.

  I followed Talon into the bedroom that had been mine. My breath caught. The furniture was beautiful. Dark rich wood with a wooden plank canopy over the bed, a matching vanity and dresser, all had intricately carved flowers detailing it. It was stunning.

  “Oh my God! It’s beautiful!” Talon squealed and hugged Mickey. That’s right! She hugged him. It only lasted for a second, but wow.

  “Thank you,” she released him.

  I don’t know why but that simple gesture from her to him, made tears form in my eyes. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't remember the last time Drake had hugged his daughter? Perhaps it was just how naturally kind Mickey seemed to be? I wasn't sure what it was, exactly.

  In that sweet moment, all I wanted to do was run again. I knew right then and there that Mickey was his own kind of danger to me the kind where I had to worry about my heart.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Marie

  I wanted to tell Mickey that it was too much and that we wouldn't accept all of his generosity, but seeing the look on Talon’s face, I couldn't do that. Instead, I thanked him and took a minute and excused myself to the bathroom. I told myself to get a grip. My heart pounded as I stared at my reflection in the tiny bathroom mirror. I looked rattled. I felt shaken. There was an ease with Mickey, but it was all too much.

  I was damaged.

  My life was too messed up. I was attracted to him. And it wasn’t only that. He genuinely seemed to be a good man, and that was scary too. I felt myself wanting to take that leap with him, but I knew the chances of me having to run again were pretty big. All it would take would be for one biker to know who I was, and report back to Drake my
whereabouts.

  Mickey made me tremble, because he was a promise of the life I’d always envisioned for myself, but could never have. Having his kindness felt more like a tease being thrown in my face. I splashed water on my face and tried to collect myself then used the hand towel to dry off. I came out of the bathroom and was greeted by Maura, who had joined the fun. God, seeing her, I was so embarrassed.

  “Hey, Marie,” Maura called. and she held a bag from Bed Bath and Beyond in her hand. She was in the small bedroom with Talon, and they were setting the bag down and began to go through it. This happened quickly seeing as Talon was rapidly oohing and aahing at the bedding.

  “Ye okay?” Mickey whispered into my ear, making me jump.

  I shrugged, “Mickey, this is too much! All of it. I won’t ask you to take it back, because that was the most genuine smile I’ve seen on her face in a long time, but you should’ve checked with me.”

  “I wanted to surprise ye.”

  I laughed nervously, “Well, I’m surprised.”

  “Oh, don't think I forgot about you, Marie,” Maura exclaimed throwing a Bed-in-a-Bag at me.

  “I can’t. It’s too much. I appreciate you doing this for Talon, but really,” I attempted to hand it back to Maura, who was exceptionally beautiful in her dark studded jeans and Blondie T-shirt that hung off one shoulder. Her long dark hair was slightly curly and tied back in a ponytail.

  “Call it a housewarming gift. You’re new here, and every woman should have a nice place to lay her head at night.”

  I was embarrassed by her generosity. I didn't want to be a charity case but any more noise from me would only draw more attention, so I quietly thanked her, then went to my new room and opened the Bed-in-a-Bag. I noticed that the price tags were blacked out with a marker. I sighed, wondering how Mickey pulled all of this off so quickly. I had my back to the door and was sitting on the new queen-sized mattress wiping away a stray tear feeling sorry for myself instead of grateful, when Mickey gave a small knock on the opened doorway.

  “Ye want a beer?”

  I nodded. Mickey sat down next to me. He didn't say anything; just sat down, handed me a beer and was there for me. I stopped my pity party feeling stronger by his presence. Minutes passed, and he got up, kissed my forehead and saw Zeke, Maura and himself out.

  IT WAS A SATURDAY NIGHT weeks since Mickey and Maura had given us new bedrooms and the bar was packed tonight. Mickey had been continuously coming around, and I had been relentlessly keeping him away.

  He was everything I wanted, yet knew I shouldn't have. Mickey was kind in a way I didn't know a man could be. He was teaching me that men, even when they were hard, could be soft. All of it was wonderful, but all of it, I was avoiding.

  He’d been in Benny’s more times than I could count. Sometimes, twice in one day. I made small talk with him, but was careful not to give him more.

  Last night, we were busy at the bar. Mickey tried to talk to me several times, and to avoid him, I flirted with a straight-laced guy that I had absolutely no interest in. It was stupid. I was trying to show Mickey I wasn't interested in him. Two things happened. First, Mickey said something to the guy, that I couldn't hear, but it had the guy throwing a tip on the bar and quickly leaving. The second was Mickey shot me a not so great look, then left the bar.

  Now, he was back. A ton of his biker buddies were with him, and this had me on edge. There were a few guys that wore a different vest, letting me know they had friends from another club in town. All it would take was for one of them to know me. I reminded myself of this constantly.

  My nerves were fried. I did my best to haul ass. Jack was tending bar. and Evelyn, Veronica, and I were doing our best to wait tables – which wasn't all that easy, seeing as it was jam-packed. A band was playing Nineties covers. People were dancing, and more than one scantily dressed twenty-something was trying to get a piece of these bikers.

  Mickey hadn’t paid me much mind tonight, and I thought that I had finally pushed him away last night and the reason I thought this, wasn't that he acted like he didn't know me, it was because of the tiny blonde who was all over him. I watched as his hand gripped her hip I realized that if I didn't do something, he would be buried inside of her tonight. That thought made me throw all of my other concerns out the window.

  I didn’t know what had come over me. I was in a state. I was serving beers, slamming them down in front of his brothers. I didn't care. I became more and more furious as the little blonde’s flirtations began to turn physical. She was rubbing her tits against him, and I had had enough. That’s it! I could only take so much. He was there across from me with a woman sitting practically on his lap, and I felt a possessiveness I’d never known.

  I had been fighting being a woman and having feelings because of my past. I’d felt like I was destined to live in my hell. I, somehow, convinced myself that I didn't deserve happiness. But fuck it. If I didn't, then neither did blondie.

  She wrapped her arm around his neck and peppered tiny kisses along his jaw. I wanted to break every single one of her artificial nails that dared to touch him. I wanted to rip her hair out. I felt venomous. Looking at him, I felt even more rage. I mean, how much more could I take?

  Hell no.

  She was not going to touch him. Not Mickey. Not for a second longer. Fuck it all. Fuck my insecurities and my feelings of inadequacy. I was no longer going to let that dictate what I could have. If I didn't do anything, then she'd have him. I wasn't okay with that. I set the beer that I was supposed to be delivering down on the high standing table.

  Fuck this.

  Fuck her.

  Fuck him for letting her touch him.

  I marched through the crowd with a ferocity, as if my tiny five foot three frame was anything for them to be afraid of, but I didn't care.

  “Leave,” I demanded.

  Mickey took a swig of his beer, while the leggy blonde seemed to ignore me.

  He looked at me with a question in his eyes, like what was I going to do if she didn't get up?

  I couldn't stand it a moment longer. I spoke up making sure my voice was heard. “I said, leave. Now.”

  She removed her mouth from Mickey’s jaw. “Mickey, who is she?” She whined, the shrill of her voice made me want to go ballistic.

  His name shouldn’t be leaving her lips. “Mickey, if she doesn't get off of you right now, I will make her boney ass move. Do you hear me?”

  “I hear ye lass, bout time ye finally spoke up.” He took his eyes from me. I hated him looking at her.

  “Fifi.” Just her name on his lips made me want to rip “Fifi” in two. I felt my heart rate increase. “This is the one.”

  Her eyes widened in surprise, and I watched as she peeled herself away from him. When she stood, her legs looked even longer in her black leather mini skirt. “Mickey’s one of the good ones,” she said as a warning before she moved into the crowd of people.

  I stared at Mickey. My chest rose and fell with every breath of air I took. I felt savage. My jealousy consumed me.

  “Breathe,” he whispered, or maybe it wasn't a whisper, but in the loud room, his voice felt barely audible. I watched, without a handle on my emotions as Mickey stood, then grabbed my hand not letting me stew in my hostility another moment. “Come wit me.”

  “Jack, I’m taking her.” I watched Jack give Mickey an annoyed look then a subtle tilt of his chin. Jack wouldn’t argue with Mickey.

  “I need this job. I can’t leave,” I said as I followed Mickey outside. I shouldn’t have been out there. I should’ve been inside finishing my shift. I should’ve done something, but my fury was about to blow.

  He led me to his SUV; there was a light rain that made for lousy riding conditions. “Get in. Jack will deal, don’t worry about him. He’ll charge yer purse to my account tonight, and tomorrow you’ll make good.” He practically ordered me in his car, and had I been paying attention, I would’ve noticed the matching rise and fall of his chest.

  I liste
ned, and did it without any argument. We needed to have words. I didn't even remember getting into his car. The ride went fast, and before I knew it, we were pulling up in front of Mickey’s cottage.

  He parked.

  I followed.

  His boots hit the gravel drive, fast and hard, with my hand in his practically dragging me behind him. Once inside, Mickey turned on me and fast, pinning me against the wall. It didn't feel like the way Drake would pin me. I could move, but he was in my space.

  “What is it, Marie? What made ye want to go postal on her, huh? Tell me!”

  Yeah, well, I had some demands too. “You know why. Why would you let her put her hands on you?”

  “No, I don’t know why. Need ye to spell it out for me.” He was close, so close I could feel his breath on my skin. “Why?” he demanded again.

  “Because the thought of seeing you with anyone else makes me insane.”

  “Why?” his voice was stronger, almost angry daring me to answer.

  I didn’t answer, too afraid of my own words.

  “Why?” he stared at me.

  “Why?” he asked even more aggressively.

  And then, I snapped. “Fine, because you’re the kindest, most gentle biker I’ve met.”

  “I’ve killed, Marie,” he interrupted me making sure I knew exactly who he was.

  “Yes, but you’d never hurt a woman.”

  “No, I wouldn’t. Why else?”

  “Because.”

  “That’s not enough.”

  I snapped. “You want it? You want all of it? Here it is. Practically since the day I was born, I was being taught what men could be like. Then, I married a man that confirmed everything I ever thought. He solidified everything bad that I’d been through as a kid and I married him anyway. Had his baby. But you? You come in and give me patience; never taking. You, with your sexy as hell Irish accent. The way you talk about your daughter. The way women look to you like you’re this savior. From the moment I met you, you’ve been teaching me that there’s another way. That you’re not the same. I’ve been fighting this thing with you. Been holding myself close. Hell, I've been holding myself close for as long as I can remember, but when you’re around, you make it okay to breathe, make it okay to be free and let go, and God knows I’m sick of holding back when I’m with you.

 

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