I hear voices in the kitchen and turn to see who it is.
Jed is peering in the oven at the turkey and Poppy, looking pale but smiling at least, is walking over to join him. I swallow hard. Hopefully she’ll be pleased with what I’ve done in her absence …
She glances outside and sees me. Then she walks over to the window and stares right at me and my stomach plummets.
It’s clear she’s furious. Her eyes are cold and as hard as steel. My heart is pounding miserably as she yanks open the door.
‘Roxy, I just don’t believe what you did!’
‘Oh God, I’m so sorry, Poppy!’ I begin, feeling utterly wretched. ‘I know I shouldn’t have told Jed but I just did what I thought was right. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing and I’ve honestly regretted it so many times.’
‘No, I meant the amazing work you did in my absence,’ she says.
I stare at her, tears springing to my eyes.
She looks horrified. ‘Oh Roxy, what’s wrong? I was only kidding. I’m not angry at all.’ She puts her arm round my shoulders and grins. ‘At least, I was. But I’ve had a chance to think about it and you did absolutely the right thing!’
She passes me a hanky and I snuffle into it, feeling the teeniest bit pathetic. ‘You think?’
She nods. ‘I do think! Now, come in out of the cold and I’ll get a tea for myself. There’ll be no champagne for me today, sadly,’ she adds, patting her tummy and not looking the slightest bit bothered.
Jed has apparently gone out to the front to help Ryan and Jackson to shovel snow and get the cars free. And Clemmy, who’s still determined to get fit, has decided to help. So Poppy and I settle ourselves at the breakfast bar to catch up on what’s been happening.
‘So how are you? What did the doctors say?’ I ask.
She touches wood and smiles. ‘Everything seems fine now, thank goodness. Apparently, the likelihood is that I’ll go on to have a perfectly normal pregnancy.’
‘That’s great. You must be so relieved.’
‘I am, actually.’ She lays a protective hand on her small bump. ‘I … never realised how much I wanted this baby until I thought I might be losing it.’
‘And you really don’t mind that I told Jed?’ I ask anxiously.
She smiles. ‘Stop worrying about that. You did the right thing. I should have told him ages ago but my twisted logic said …’ She shrugs. ‘Well, you know what I thought – and still think, if I’m honest.’
‘But Jed’s clearly so delighted.’
She sighs. ‘Yes, but with a baby on the way, I’ll never know now whether he’s with me because I’m genuinely the woman he’d have chosen to be with, above all others. Or whether we’d have had a good time but gone on to be with other people.’ She shrugs. ‘I just find that lack of certainty quite sad.’
I nod. ‘I know what you mean. But life is full of uncertainties. None of us know what the future will bring. Even if Jed had made a commitment to you, before the baby was on the way, it doesn’t mean you would have stayed together forever.’
‘That’s true.’
‘And actually, all that really matters is that you and Jed are together right now and you make each other happy. Isn’t it? That’s all any of us can hope for.’
Thoughts of Alex swim into my head but I push them away.
Poppy smiles wistfully, but I can tell she’s still bogged down with doubts.
‘Anyway, how are you, you brilliant baker?’ She grins. ‘You saved the day by getting the order in, no doubt about that. Sylvia’s already signed me up to supply her with Christmas goodies next year!’
‘Oh, that’s fab!’ I feel my cheeks flush with delight, so glad Poppy’s pleased with my work.
‘And I’ve been thinking.’
I grin. ‘Steady.’
‘Well, I’ve had a lot of time to think being stuck with bed rest for the past few days – and, well, I’ve decided the time has come to find myself a partner.’
I stare at her stupidly. ‘You’re not going to finish with Jed. Not now?’
She laughs. ‘No, I mean a business partner!’
‘Oh.’
‘So are you up for it?’
My eyes open wide. ‘Me? You want me to be your partner in the business?’
My face must be an absolute picture of shock because Poppy starts laughing. ‘Don’t look so surprised, Roxy. Erin could only ever help out occasionally. I need a full-time person, especially with motherhood on the horizon.’ She pats her bump with a smile. ‘You and I get on really well – and that’s absolutely vital if we’re going to be working together every day. Plus you’ve got a flair for baking. I could see that almost immediately and you’ve learned so much in such a short space of time – largely due to the fact that you were shoved in at the deep end by yours truly and left to sink or swim!’ She shrugs. ‘Well, you certainly didn’t drown – quite the opposite – so I’d be an idiot to start looking around for a business partner when I’ve got the best candidate of all sitting right opposite me now.’
‘Wow, that’s amazing,’ I begin. ‘I never expected that. But are you sure?’
My old uncertainties kick in like clockwork. I’ve always felt at a disadvantage in the world of work because, while most of my school friends were starting their careers, I was stuck in a hospital and then in recovery during those important years. As a consequence, I suppose I’ve always felt I lagged behind everyone else.
‘Of course I’m sure. Roxy, you need to start believing in yourself. You’re brilliant and I just don’t know why you’re so negative about yourself sometimes.’
I swallow. And then I say it. ‘There’s something I haven’t told you.’
And then I tell her the story of my accident and it feels so freeing to be able to talk about it without worrying, as I always used to, that the person I’m telling will view me differently afterwards.
After I’ve finished talking about it and Poppy has nodded sympathetically and told me she understands, we go on to talk about something else altogether. And nothing bad happens, which is such a huge relief it’s quite a heady feeling.
Poppy hasn’t changed her opinion of me, just because I’m not ‘perfect’.
Because why would she?
Half way through talking Poppy through the meals Clemmy and I made in her absence, I hear Alex’s voice in the hall and my heart starts to pound. I swallow hard and try to carry on the conversation as normal, but Poppy’s too perceptive.
‘Is something wrong?’ She peers at me. ‘You seem nervous. You’re not going to say no to my offer, are you?’
I gaze at her in alarm. ‘No, of course not. I’d love to be your business partner.’
‘So what is it? Because you don’t look like a woman on the threshold of a brand new career!’
I shake my head and stare at the floor.
‘It’s Jackson, isn’t it?’ she guesses. ‘Oh God, I was sort of hoping when Jed told me about Sophie leaving that you two would get together again. But hasn’t it worked out that way?’
I shake my head again. ‘It’s not Jackson.’
‘Oh. So what …?’
I swallow hard. ‘It’s Alex. I’m in love with Alex.’
Chapter 31
‘Alex? Really?’ Poppy smiles delightedly. ‘So what’s wrong?’ Her face falls. ‘Oh, doesn’t he feel the same way about you?’
I stare at her miserably. ‘I don’t know. I think he might. But it makes no difference anyway because he’s going back to Australia.’
She sighs. ‘The course of true love never runs smooth.’
‘Smoothly.’
‘Sorry?’
I stare at her glumly. ‘It should be smooth-ly. Shouldn’t it? Grammatically speaking?’
‘I think you might be right there. See, I knew it was wise offering you a partnership. Intelligence as well as creativity!’
Smiling, I rise to my feet. ‘Right, I’ll get the vegetables on but you have to stay put and have another cuppa.’
>
‘No way,’ she says, leaping up. ‘I’m absolutely fine. Let’s get this show on the road! And Roxy?’
‘Don’t give up on Alex. If it’s meant to be …’
I smile and shake my head at her optimism.
Lunch is finally served soon after three.
It’s a lively affair with lots of cracker-pulling and reading the bad jokes aloud. To my horror, Poppy has seated Alex right opposite me, which is making me feel horribly self-conscious. Every time he cracks a joke, I hardly dare look at him or laugh in case it’s painfully obvious to everyone round the table that I’m crazy in love with him! And my appetite is non-existent, although I do at least have an excuse, considering I made the food myself.
It’s all really awkward.
‘Did you forget the champagne?’ Poppy says suddenly, looking at Jed. ‘At least, I’m not going to be having any, obviously, but—’
Jed shakes his head. ‘The wine goes better with the turkey. Why don’t we have the champagne later?’
Poppy nods. ‘And we can raise a glass to Roxy!’ She clears her throat to draw everyone’s attention. ‘Because Roxy is going to be my new business partner!’
There’s an outpouring of congratulations, which is lovely but I could really do without all the focus being on me.
I’m highly relieved when Clemmy starts talking about her own idea for a business, and the spotlight turns on her instead.
‘I just adore glamping! And I keep thinking the lakeside here would make the perfect setting.’ She beams at Ryan. ‘We went glamping in the summer and it was fabulous, wasn’t it?’
Ryan nods. ‘Yeah, it was just like staying in a hotel with all the home comforts. No traipsing across to the communal toilet block if you got caught short in the middle of the night.’
I escape into the kitchen, leaving them all talking about log burners and the romance of eating by candlelight, on the pretext of checking the Christmas pudding. Leaning back against the worktop, I run my hands through my hair with a sigh. How did I get myself into such a predicament? I must have been falling for Alex all the time without realising it – and now, it’s just agony sitting next to him, knowing that, after today, he’ll be gone from my life.
I hear footsteps along the corridor and I relax slightly, thinking it’s Poppy. I’ll be able to offload a little about her placing Alex opposite me at the table!
But when the door opens, it’s Alex.
He quickly crosses the room to where I’m standing, his eyes locked onto mine. ‘Roxy, I’m so sorry about last night,’ he murmurs urgently.
‘Oh. It’s fine,’ I say stiffly. ‘As I said, it was a big mistake.’
As if he hasn’t even heard me, he murmurs, ‘Last night was incredible, Roxy,’ his eyes burning into mine.
I sniff. ‘Yes, it was. But you’re leaving tomorrow to go back to Australia. So what’s your point, Alex?’
My heart is thudding so hard, I think it might explode out of my chest. I have to get out of here, otherwise I’ll end up flinging myself at him and never wanting to let him go.
I flee from the room before he has a chance to see the tears flowing freely down my face.
Chapter 32
I run up to my room and stand by the big picture window, staring out across the lake. Across the far side, I can see the lights and festive decorations of the hotel. A surprising number of people have taken to the ice for the final day.
Sylvia’s Christmas break will begin tomorrow, Boxing Day.
But Alex’s holiday will be coming to an end.
My throat tightens. If only I hadn’t gone to his room last night, I’d be waving him off quite happily, still ignorant of the huge chemistry between us. Then I could have moved on with my life, relishing the thought of my brand new career as Poppy’s partner in the catering business.
If only I hadn’t been so caught up with Jackson, I would have realised a lot sooner that Alex was special – that he made me laugh and feel more alive than any man ever has. It’s so ironic that all the time I’ve been at the cabin, still half-hoping for a life with Jackson, after all, I’ve been wasting time I could have spent getting to know Alex better.
Thinking about it now, there were signs that Alex liked me, too. But because of the Jackson-shaped block that was fogging up my brain, I failed to see them.
There’s a knock on the door and I quickly wipe my wet face with both hands. Pasting on a smile, I turn and, thankfully, it’s just Poppy.
She looks alarmed. ‘Oh God, are you all right?’
I shake my head, my face crumpling.
‘Is it Alex?’
Her sympathetic expression makes me want to break down completely and pour out my heart to her. But I can’t. They’re waiting for pudding. I’ve got to tidy myself up and go downstairs and put on a happy face. Make sure that Alex doesn’t see I’ve been crying …
Poppy sighs. ‘Oh, Roxy, this must be torture for you. I didn’t have time after you told me about Alex to re-jig the table plan!’
She plops down on the bed beside me and we stare at each other gloomily.
‘How are you and Jed?’ I ask.
‘We’re okay.’ But her expression is tinged with sadness and I can see that she’s not okay at all. ‘I just wish I could get it out of my head – the thought that Jed might feel trapped because of the baby. I really couldn’t bear to think I got him by foul means.’
Incredulous laughter bursts from me. ‘Now you’re being really daft! It wasn’t as if you set out to deliberately ensnare the man by getting yourself pregnant!’
She gives a wan smile. ‘I know. Obvs. I could never be that scheming. But—’ She shrugs. ‘Life, eh? It’s only ever predictable when you don’t want it to be.’
I nod. ‘There’s a pair of us!’
She gets up. ‘Right, you get yourself sorted while I go and dish up the pud. Ten minutes do you?’
I nod. ‘Thanks, Poppy. For everything.’
When I stand, she pulls me into a tight hug. ‘And thank you, Roxy. For helping me through a bad time – in more ways than one.’
‘I promise I won’t blabber any more of your secrets to Jed.’ I give her a rueful grin.
She turns at the door. ‘Oh, blabber away! You talk a lot of common sense and I have a feeling that’s going to be a big boon to our business.’
Somehow I make it through the rest of the afternoon, although, by teatime, my cheeks are aching with trying to smile all the time.
When Gloria suggests a game of charades, Jackson comes over and asks if he can talk to me. It would be good to clear the air, I decide, so I suggest we go up to my room where we’ll have some privacy. As we’re walking down the hall, Alex emerges from the kitchen. We exchange a glance and my heart leaps in my chest. He looks like I feel – full of longing and regret.
‘Coming, Roxy?’ murmurs Jackson, and Alex’s face clouds over, the connection between us broken.
I stare after Alex for a second as he heads back to the living room with his beer, suddenly weak with lust at the sight of his gorgeous bum in those dark, fitted jeans. Memories of the night before come flooding back in full technicolour. The feel of his body next to me, his mouth on mine, the way we kissed with such desperate passion, as though making up for the time we’d wasted.
‘Roxy?’ Jed is half way up the stairs.
‘Yes. Sorry.’ I walk up after him with a heavy heart.
What the hell will Alex think now?
In my room, Jackson sits down and pats the place on the bed beside him, and I sit down at a slight angle, facing him.
‘Are we okay, Roxy?’ he asks with a slightly strained smile.
I pause. Does he mean are we okay as a couple? Or was that just a general how’s-it-going sort of remark?
‘Er, I’m fine, thanks,’ I say, plumping for the latter. ‘But you’re right. We probably need to talk. There hasn’t really been much chance, what with everything that’s been going on.’
And the fact that we’ve been avoidi
ng each other …
He nods. ‘Absolutely. Why don’t you say what’s on your mind? Ladies first!’
I groan inwardly. Why does ‘ladies first’ sometimes seem like you’re being pushed ahead to suss out unfamiliar terrain?
I take a big breath. ‘Right, well, can I first of all say sorry again for embarrassing you like that on live TV, by proposing and everything?’
He waves away my apology. ‘You’d had a lot to drink, Roxy. And to be honest, after I’d recovered from the shock, I didn’t take it seriously anyway. I mean, we’d only been together five minutes, right?’
‘Right.’ I nod, thinking sadly of how differently we’d been viewing the relationship. I’d hoped it would blossom into something lasting, while for Jackson, he probably hadn’t even been thinking beyond the next date. ‘Well, anyway, I was quite surprised at how quickly you seemed to move on and I was hurt at first. But then I came here, to the Log Fire Cabin, and that’s when I began to see our relationship in a whole new light. I hope you’ll forgive me when I tell you this, Jackson,’ I say, staring down at my hands. ‘But … I think I’ve fallen properly in love for the very first time.’
I glance up at him and see the alarm spring to his face. It takes a few seconds for me to realise that I obviously haven’t made myself clear. He thinks I’m talking about him and he looks downright horrified!
I open my mouth to reassure him but before I can say a word, he grasps my hands, looks into my eyes and says earnestly, ‘But don’t you think you should see a counsellor, Roxy? Before you even think of having a relationship? Then you could talk about your – erm – disfigurement and the effect it’s had on you. I really think that would be best.’ There’s a pause, then he adds quickly, ‘For you.’
I stare back at him. ‘Maybe you’re right,’ I say slowly.
‘Oh, I’m sure I am. I mean, there are plastic surgeons who can work absolute miracles and I’m sure that one day, with all the advances in technology, they’ll be able to make your back look – well, almost brand new.’ He pats my hands and smiles, like he’s the doctor and I’m one of his patients. ‘But until that day, you’ll need help accepting your scars – and sadly, I just don’t think I’m the man to help you do that.’
Second Chances at the Log Fire Cabin Page 22