"Shit," she muttered.
"What’s up?” Jon asked.
"I have to go into the office tomorrow," she groaned. "And I’m probably going to get fired because I can’t get this story right."
"Hey, I’m sure it’s not going to be that bad," he tried to console her, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She jerked away from him on instinct. She didn’t like being touched when she was tense, and he knew that.
"I should go and take a look at the book again," she told him. "I need to see if I can get a decent draft ready by the time that I go in tomorrow. Maybe they won’t get rid of me then."
"See you later," Jon replied, and there was a barb of anger to his voice that she decided to ignore. He was just overreacting. She was the one making money for the two of them, he should have been pleased that she was so focused on keeping her job.
She spent the rest of the evening editing the piece that had received such worrying feedback. There was nothing wrong with the actual technical writing, she knew that much – the spelling and the grammar, the structure, they all made sense. But there was something missing. A fire, a spark, something to bring the whole thing to life. Something that spoke to her lack of experience when it came to sex that went beyond the pure vanilla flavor.
She slept on the couch that night, not wanting to wake Jon up when she climbed back into bed; he was a light sleeper at the best of times, and he got pissed when he was disturbed during his rest. Or maybe she just had a decent excuse on hand for not wanting to sleep next to him that evening. Truth was, he wasn’t what was on her mind. Cameron was. A whole lot of Cameron, actually.
When she woke up the next morning, there was a flutter of nervousness in her chest. She didn’t actually believe that she was going to get fired – she just needed a little more time to finesse the draft she was working on, that was all – but she hadn’t seen Cameron face-to-face in a long time, and she was looking forward to being alone with him. Which she knew was a complete overstep of the HR guidelines for positive employee interaction, but he never had to know what was going on inside her head, right?
She dressed carefully, actually putting on make-up for the first time in a long time. Slipping out the door before her boyfriend was awake, she caught the train across the city to the offices that she only ever attended for the staff parties and bad news. When she arrived outside Cameron’s office, she inhaled deeply, gathering herself for what came next. She could do this, right? She just had to make sure that the little fantasy she’d had about him didn’t come spilling out by accident. Which wasn’t going to be hard.
She pushed open the door and found the man she hadn’t been able to get out of her head for the last few days waiting for her. He was leaning on his desk, the sleeves of his pale blue shirt rolled up, no tie on, and a blazer slung over the back of the chair at the far side of the table. He had cut his hair a little closer since the last time she had seen him, and it suited him – made his eyes look sharper than before, as though they could cut right through her. Like they had needed any help doing that.
"Stephanie, thanks for coming in today," he greeted her, and he gestured for her to take a seat. She sank into the soft leather opposite him and crossed and uncrossed her legs nervously.
"Now, I want to make it clear, we’re not thinking about getting rid of you or anything," he assured her, and she smiled and laughed.
"No, I assumed not," she agreed.
"But I wanted to speak to you about perhaps handing the project over to someone else," he suggested gently. At once, she felt a flare of annoyance. She didn’t want to do that. In fact, that was the stone-cold opposite of what she wanted to do. She had never had to give someone else her work, and she wasn’t going to start now.
"No, no, I want to get it done," she replied. "I know that I can do it. I just need a little more..."
She trailed off. She didn’t know what she needed more of. Time? Well, that wasn’t going to change the fact that she still had no experience in doing the stuff that the book dealt with. And she couldn’t just hope that things would suddenly heat up with Jon and render her able to take on what she knew she couldn’t.
"You really want to hold on to this project?” he asked, leaning forward with interest, tenting his fingers before her. She nodded. She needed the money, for one thing, but she also wanted to be the one to get this right. It was stubbornness on her part, but still.
"Yeah, I do," she replied. "I really do. I know I can get this right."
"We’re just a little concerned because it reads as though you’re writing from the point of view of someone who’s never done anything like this before, and that’s not what we’re shooting for," he explained. "The main character, she’s someone who knows this world well, and we can’t afford to have an author who, well, doesn’t."
"Right," she replied, feeling defeated.
"Of course, I don’t want to delve into your personal life or anything, but-"
"I’ve never done anything like that before," she confessed, before she could stop herself. He looked surprised, leaning back in his seat and regarding her from across the table.
"Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything-"
"Really?” he asked, his voice laced with curiosity. "Nothing?”
She shook her head, and he raised his eyebrows.
"Is that such a surprise?" she asked quietly.
"I just guess I think everyone has done...well, at least a little something when it comes to that side of things," he replied carefully. She felt a flutter in her chest. Had he lost weight recently? Or put on a little more muscle? Either way, it seemed like his shirt fit him a little better than it had before.
"You have?" she asked. She knew there was an invisible line here that she was basically dancing straight across, but she found it hard to care. She was curious, curious to know if her little fantasy about him had some basis in reality.
"Uh, I don’t know if I should be going into that in the workplace," he remarked, grinning at her, but there was a sparkle to his eyes that indicated he was interested in sharing a little more. She leaned forward, smiling.
"This is work-related, right?" she reminded him. "Nothing wrong with it at all."
He sighed, sat back from the table, and gave her a long, hard look, clearly considering whether or not this was about to land him in a whole heap of trouble. But, even if he thought it would, he seemed to decide that it was worth it anyway.
"I have some experience with this kind of stuff," he confessed. "There are some...parties that take place around the state, and sometimes it’s nice to take a break from my real life and check out what’s happening over there."
"Parties?” she replied, cocking her head with interest. "What kind of parties?”
"The kind where people with mutual interests get together to share those interests," he explained, his words coming a little faster than before, as though he was excited to share it with her. "It’s good to get out of all this sometimes, see what else is out there..."
"And what else is out there?” she asked eagerly, surprising herself with how enthusiastic she was to know more. He seemed just as taken aback and let out a chuckle at her keenness.
"I don’t know how much I can tell you without HR coming down on my ass," he replied. "If you’ll excuse the pun."
She giggled. She felt a little giddy. And she knew she was treading dangerously close to the line for someone she was meant to have a purely professional relationship with, but she was finding it hard to care. This was fun. It had been a long time since she had felt that rushing flutter of attraction to anyone, and she wanted to enjoy it while she could.
"What kind of things do you...do? Out there?” she asked, lowering her voice. He shrugged.
"Put it this way – a lot of the stuff that’s covered in the story you wrote is pretty tame compared to what we like to get up to," he replied. She raised her eyebrows.
"Oh, yeah? Like how?"
"Like, f
ull-time submission," he replied coolly, waiting to see her reaction before he gave her any more. Her jaw dropped.
"People do that...?”
"As long as they’re at those parties, they give the power over to someone else," he explained. "It sounds intense, but it can be a huge release for them."
"And what do you do? Do you give someone else the power?”
"Oh, no." He shook his head, chuckling. "I’m one of the ones who takes it."
Her stomach roiled at the thought of it. She liked that. She liked it a lot, maybe a little too much.
"Right," she replied, dropping her gaze away from him and taking a deep breath.
"Maybe I could give you a few pointers?” he suggested. "Not between us, but just to give you an idea of how these dynamics work..."
"What do you mean?” she asked, glancing up at him. Her heart was pounding. She wanted to hear what he had to say next.
"You could join me at one of these retreats, if you want," he replied, and her jaw dropped.
"Not as anything sexual," he assured her quickly. "But just as a research trip. So you could get a better grasp of how these things worked in person. Something we could take over to the book, maybe even to a full series..."
She was still staring at him, her mouth hanging open, trying to make sense of what he was saying to her.
"If it makes you uncomfortable, of course, I can just-"
"No, it doesn’t," she replied, and she took herself by surprise with the vehemence she delivered that statement with. She blinked, and found herself smiling at him. "I think that sounds pretty interesting, actually," she confessed. "I’ve never done anything like that before. I don’t know how any of it works."
"I’d be very happy to show you the ropes," he replied, a smile crossing over his face. "The next gathering starts a week from Sunday, and it takes place just outside of the city. I could find a way for both of us to get in, if that’s what you wanted."
"I think it is," she replied. And it was at that precise moment that she remembered she had a boyfriend.
"Oh, shit," she muttered, and he raised his eyebrows at her.
"And what exactly are we saying 'oh, shit' about?" he asked. She shook her head.
"I need to clear this all with my boyfriend first," she replied, and she found that she was pulling a face at the mere thought of it. She didn’t want to be bitchy, but she also didn’t want Jon, of all people, getting in the way of what could be a real adventure. Or a work trip, which was totally how she was going to sell it to him.
"Right, right," he agreed, nodding. "Well, you take all the time you need, and we can figure it out from there."
He paused for a moment, hesitating, as though there was something else he wanted to come out with but wasn’t sure exactly how he was going to say it. She leaned forward with interest, something tingling inside her, sensing the promise of a new thrill.
"What is it?"
"I just think it’s fair to let you know now, before anything else happens," he replied, eyeing her carefully from across the desk. "That if you do decide you want to come with me on this trip, there are certain...rules in place that you’ll have to abide by."
"Rules?”
Her ears pricked up. The very thought of taking his command was exciting to her.
"Yes, there are certain rules that you would have to abide by in order to prove that you were actually...that you were really interested in getting involved in something like this. They don’t just let anyone in, you see. There are a lot of rubberneckers, people who just want to come and peer at the freaks, and nobody wants to be the focus of that kind of attention."
He spoke clearly and quickly, not taking his eyes off her the entire time, like he was testing the waters to find out her reaction. She could hardly believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, and yet, they somehow made so much sense to her.
"So I would have to...?”
"You would have to be my submissive as long as you were there," he replied. "It would be purely for show, of course, nothing serious. But in order to get you through the door, I would be required to prove that you were actually serious about this. That you weren’t just trying to stick your nose in where it didn’t belong."
"Oh my God," she breathed. It was a whole lot to take in, that was for sure, and she wasn’t sure how she was meant to react. She had the sudden image of herself, being led around on a leash by Cameron, and felt her cheeks begin to burn. Lowering her gaze to her lap, she tried to gather herself.
"So, this would be...?”
"This would just be for a few days, as long as you think you can handle it," he replied. It sounded like a challenge, and if she was anything, Stephanie was a woman up for a challenge.
"So what would I have to do?" she asked curiously. "Exactly, I mean."
"There would probably be a range of things, but we could discuss that all before we went anywhere or did anything," he answered her, comfortably. He seemed so cool, so in control, even though they were discussing something that should have been intense and a little uncomfortable for an employee and her employer.
"Of course, I wouldn’t be expecting you to engage in anything sexual with me," he continued, and the sound of the word out of his mouth sent a start down her spine – she was reminded again of the fantasy she’d nurtured about him only a few days before, of the thrill of what it had felt like to fantasize about him inside of her. She wasn’t sure she would be able to cope with him taking control of her without it sinking it into something more sexual.
"Of course," she agreed at once, hoping that the expression on her face wasn’t giving anything away. She shifted in her seat. She could already see herself taking some time with her vibrator when she got home that evening.
"But you should go discuss this with your partner before we go any further, I think," he remarked, leaning back in his seat. She got the feeling that he could feel the desire rolling off of her in waves, attuned to her already. She liked the thought of that. What a relief it would be, to be near a man who seemed willing to give her what she wanted, what she needed. Who knew what that looked like. How it made her feel...
"Yeah, I think you’re probably right," she agreed, and she quickly got to her feet. She had a boyfriend at home, and she would do a good job to remember that, no matter how badly a part of her wanted to forget it entirely.
"I’ll speak to you soon though," he replied. "Feel free to reach out to me if you have any more questions."
"I will," she promised, and she found herself lingering there a moment longer than she needed to. She wasn’t sure what it was, but there was just something about him that had her drawn in; the thought of him in that place, at that party, ruling with an iron fist...
"I will," she repeated, trying to distract herself from the flood of thoughts running through her brain. "I’ll talk to you later. Goodbye."
And with that, she took off home, the whole time thinking about the offer he had just made her. It would improve her book, for sure, but there was more drawing her in to it than that simple truth. No, there was something deeper, darker, something desirous that made her blood feel as though it was boiling in her veins. On the train, on the way home, she noticed a few people looking at her, as though they could read the lewdness going on in her mind at that moment. If they actually could have, she would have most likely been arrested on the spot.
When she got home, of course, Jon was there waiting for her. He hadn’t left the house since she had been away, and, in fact, looked as though he had just crawled out of bed when she arrived back. He was so far removed from the smooth, charming, controlled nature of the man she had just spent time with that it would have been almost funny if it wasn’t so blatantly tragic.
Dominance and Submission - Write Away, Sir Page 3