by Sarah Morgan
‘Is that why you gave her that beautiful bracelet? She loved it. And we had such a good time at the beach. Thank you.’
He seemed about to say something in response, but at that moment several staff appeared with lunch.
Pietro served the prince with a flourish. ‘If there is anything else, please call,’ he murmured and then retreated, leaving them alone.
Casper glanced at Holly. ‘Eat,’ he drawled, ‘Or Pietro will resign.’
Holly smiled, very conscious of his eyes on her. ‘I’d be the size of a small-tower block if I ate everything Pietro gave me.’
‘Does that explain why the palace cats are putting on weight?’
Holly picked up her fork again. ‘I am eating.’
‘I know. The doctor is very happy with your health, including your weight gain.’
Her heart fluttered. ‘You asked him?’
Their eyes clashed. ‘I care, Holly.’
She believed him. He’d demonstrated that over and over again. But it was impossible to forget the words he’d spoken in Rome. And she couldn’t stop asking herself whether caring was going to be enough. ‘The nursery is finished.’ Pushing the thought away, she gave a bright smile. ‘The designer you suggested is brilliant. It looks gorgeous.’
‘Good. I bought you a present.’ He handed her a box. ‘I hope you like it.’
Holly’s hand shook as she took it from him. ‘I don’t need anything.’
‘A present shouldn’t be something you need. It should be wantonly extravagant.’
Holly flipped open the box and gasped. ‘Well, it’s certainly that!’ Carefully she lifted the diamond bracelet from its velvet nest. ‘It matches my necklace.’
He was trying to compensate for the fact that he didn’t love her.
The thought almost choked her.
‘Now what’s wrong?’ His voice rough, he laid his fork down.
‘Nothing.’ She fastened the bracelet around her wrist and gave him a brilliant smile. ‘What could possibly be wrong?’
‘You’re holding back. For once there is plenty going on in your head that isn’t coming out of your mouth, and that makes me uneasy.’ After a moment’s hesitation, he reached across the table to take her hand. ‘You’re still not yourself, Holly. I feel as though I can never quite reach you.’
‘We’re together every night.’
‘Physically, yes. We have incredible sex and then you turn your back on me and say good night.’
Colour flaming in her cheeks, Holly studied the remains of the chicken on her plate.
She could feel the hot sunshine on the back of her neck, the whisper of a breeze playing with her hair and the blaze of heat in his eyes as he watched her.
‘I’m trying to—we’re different.’ Staring miserably at the glittering diamonds, she wondered absently whether the extravagance of the gift was inversely related to his feelings for her. The emptier his heart, the bigger the diamonds? ‘I’m very demonstrative by nature, and you’re—not. All the worst moments in our relationship have been when I’ve shown my feelings. You back off. You shut down like a nuclear reactor detecting a leak. Nothing must escape.’
Casper frowned and his grip tightened on her hand. ‘So you’re protecting me?’
‘No.’ Finally she lifted her eyes and looked at him. ‘I’m protecting myself.’
CHAPTER NINE
DETERMINED to keep busy, Holly threw herself into her public engagements and wrote as many personal replies as she could to the many letters and cards she received. She discovered that if she kept herself busy she didn’t think so much and that was a good thing because her thoughts frightened her.
She didn’t want to think what might happen if Casper didn’t love their baby.
And, since that couldn’t immediately be resolved, she pushed the thought away.
When the baby was born, she’d worry. Until then, she’d hope.
And in the meantime she fussed in the nursery, as if being born into perfect surroundings might somehow compensate for deficiencies in other areas of the baby’s life.
She was sitting in the hand-carved rocking chair, reading a book about childbirth one morning, when one of the palace staff told her she had a personal visitor.
Not expecting anyone, Holly put the book down and walked through to the beautiful living-room with the windows overlooking the sparkling Mediterranean.
Eddie stood there, looking awkward and out of place.
‘Eddie?’ Shocked to see him, Holly walked quickly across the room. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘What sort of a question is that? We were friends once.’ He gave a twisted smile. ‘Or can’t you have friends now you’re a royal?’
‘Of course I can have friends.’ Holly blushed, feeling really awkward and uncomfortable and not sure why. ‘But obviously I wasn’t expecting to see you and—how are you?’
‘OK. Doing well, actually. The job’s turning out well.’
‘Good. I’m pleased for you.’ And she was, she realised, picking over her feelings carefully. She wasn’t angry with him. If anything, she was grateful. If he hadn’t broken their engagement, she might well have married him, and that would have been the biggest mistake of her life—because she knew now that she didn’t love him and she never had.
Loving Casper had taught her what love was, and it wasn’t what she’d felt for Eddie.
‘I was owed some holiday.’ Thrusting his hands into his pockets, he walked over to the windows. ‘I’m spending a week in the Italian lakes, but I thought I’d call in here on the way. Booked myself a room at the posh hotel on the beach. Stunning view. Can’t imagine Lake Como being any prettier than this.’ He took a deep breath, rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and turned to face her. ‘I came here to apologise, actually. For going to the press. I—It was a rotten thing to do.’
‘It’s OK. You were upset.’ Touched that he’d bothered to apologise, Holly smiled. ‘People do funny things when they’re upset.’
‘I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you.’ Eddie shrugged sheepishly. ‘Well, I suppose I did. I was angry and jealous and—’ he cleared his throat ‘—I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me to be honest. But I needed to say sorry. I’ve been feeling guilty.’
‘Please don’t give it another thought.’
Eddie seemed relieved. ‘It was jolly hard getting in to see you. Layers and layers of security. It was that big fellow who fixed it for me.’
‘Emilio?’
‘That’s him. The prince’s henchman. Not that the prince needs him. From what I can gather, he can fire his own gun if the need arises. Is he treating you well?’
Holly thought about the diamonds and the long nights spent in sexual ecstasy. And she thought about the fact he didn’t love her.
‘He’s treating me well.’
‘Just thought I’d check.’ Eddie gave a lopsided smile. ‘In case you’d changed you mind and wanted to escape.’ He waved a hand around their luxurious surroundings. ‘I might not be able to offer you a palace, but—’
‘I never wanted a palace, Eddie,’ Holly said softly, resting a hand protectively over the baby. ‘Family, being loved—those are the things that are important to me.’
‘I was going to say I think I was a bit too ambitious for you, but then I realised how bloody stupid that sounds now that you’re living with a prince in a palace!’ He pulled a face. ‘We weren’t absolutely right together, were we?’
‘No, we weren’t,’ Holly said honestly. ‘And ambition has nothing to do with the reason I’m living here. Cas is my baby’s father, Eddie. That’s why I’m here.’
‘To begin with I was so angry with you. I thought you’d tried to make a fool out of me—’
Holly frowned. ‘I’m not like that.’
‘I know you’re not,’ Eddie said, a bit too hastily. ‘I hope the prince knows how lucky he is. Anyway, I ought to be going.’
‘Already? Don’t you want coffee or something?’
Holly walked across to him and held out a hand in a gesture of conciliation. ‘It was sweet of you to come and see me. I appreciate it. And sweet of you to apologise.’
He hesitated and then took her hand. ‘I just wanted to check you’re OK. If you ever need anything…’
‘She has everything she needs.’ A harsh voice came from behind them, and Holly turned to see Casper standing in the doorway, his eyes glittering like shards of ice.
Visibly nervous, Eddie gave a slight bow. ‘Your Highness. I—Well, I just wanted to see Holly—say hello—you know how it is. I was just leaving.’
Casper’s threatening gaze didn’t shift from his face. ‘I’ll show you out.’
Shocked and more than a little embarrassed by Casper’s rudeness, Holly gave Eddie a hug to make up for it. ‘Thank you for looking me up.’
Eddie hugged her back awkwardly, one eye on the prince. ‘Good to see you looking so well. Bye, Holly.’ He left the living room, and moments later Casper strode back into the room, his eyes simmering black with anger.
‘I allow you a great deal of freedom,’ he said savagely, ‘But I do not expect you to entertain your lover in our living room.’
‘That’s ridiculous.’ Holly watched him unravel with appalled disbelief. ‘He is not my lover. And I don’t understand why you’re being possessive.’
He didn’t care about her, did he?
He didn’t want her love.
‘But he was your lover!’ A thunderous expression on his face, Casper prowled across the living room, tension emanating from every bit of his powerful frame. ‘And yes, I’m possessive! When I find the father of your baby in my living room, holding your hand, I’m possessive!’
Something snapped inside Holly.
‘I never had sex with Eddie! I have never slept with anyone except you!’ Consumed by an anger she didn’t know she could feel, Holly threw the words at him. ‘All you ever say is your baby, but it’s our baby, Casper. This is your baby too. And I’m sick of tiptoeing round the issue.’
His voice strangely thickened, Casper faced her down. ‘Don’t ever, ever touch another man!’
‘Why? I like hugging, and you don’t want me hugging you!’ Flinging the words at him like bricks, Holly took a step backwards, a hand over her stomach. ‘I can’t live like this any more. I can’t live in this—this—emotional desert! I’m afraid to touch you in case you back away, and I’m afraid to speak in case I say the wrong thing. I’ve tried so hard to do everything right. I know this marriage wasn’t what you wanted, but I’ve done my best. I’ve worked and worked, and I’ve been loyal. I haven’t once talked about you to anyone, not even when you pushed me away and I was so lonely I wanted to die! But not once, in all that time, have I ever given you reason not to trust me.’
A muscle flickered in his jaw. ‘It isn’t a question of trust.’
‘Of course it is!’ Her voice was high-pitched and unlike her usual tone. ‘I forgave you for what you thought about me at the beginning of our relationship because I was honest enough to admit that I didn’t exactly behave like a virgin, even though that’s what I was. I’ve made allowances for the fact that Antonia hurt you so badly, and I’ve made allowances for the fact that your position as ruling prince meant you weren’t allowed to grieve. But when have you ever made allowances for me? Never. Not once have you given me the benefit of the doubt. Not once.’ Her heart was racing and she felt suddenly light-headed.
Casper inhaled sharply. ‘Holly—’
‘Don’t look at me as if I’ve lost it! I am not hysterical. In fact, this is probably the sanest moment I’ve had since I’ve met you. I’ve always assumed that you act the way you do because of Antonia, but I’m starting to think it has more to do with your bloody ego!’
‘I’ve never heard you swear before.’
‘Yes, well, our relationship has been full of firsts. First sex, first swearing, first slap around the face—’ Feeling the baby kick, Holly placed a hand on her bump and rubbed gently. ‘You know what I think, Cas? I don’t think this has anything to do with Antonia. I think it’s more to do with your macho, alpha, king of the world, dominant—’ she waved a hand, searching for more adjectives ‘—man thing. You couldn’t bear the thought that I’d slept with another man, and the really ridiculous, crazy thing is I haven’t!’
‘You were engaged to him.’
‘But I didn’t have sex with him! That’s the main reason he dumped me, because I was too shy to take my clothes off!’ She glared at him, silencing his next remark with a warning glance. ‘And don’t ask me what happened when I met you, because I still haven’t worked that one out. You have a way of undressing a woman that James Bond would envy.’
‘You were devastated when you broke up with him.’
‘Obviously not that devastated or I wouldn’t have been having crazy, abandoned sex on a table with you the next day.’ A hysterical laugh escaped from her throat. ‘Just because you’re incapable of indulging in a relationship that doesn’t include sex, it doesn’t mean I’m the same. Now get out, and stay away from me until you’ve learned how to be human.’
In the grip of a savage rage, Casper strode through his private rooms and slammed the door of his study.
He’d lost his temper with a pregnant woman.
What had he been thinking?
But he knew the answer to that. He hadn’t been thinking at all.
From the moment he’d walked into the living room and seen Eddie standing there holding Holly’s hand, his brain had been engulfed in a fiery fog of red-hot jealousy.
Never before had he felt the overwhelming urge to wipe another person from the face of the earth, but he had today.
The thought that Eddie had been near her.
He felt physically sick, his forehead damp and his palms sweating.
He needed to apologise to Holly, but first he needed to make sure that Eddie didn’t set foot in her life again.
Not pausing to question the sense of his actions, he ordered his driver to take him to the hotel where Eddie was staying. Ignoring the amazed looks of the hotel reception-staff as they gave him the room number he wanted, Casper dismissed his security guards and then took the stairs two at a time.
Outside the room, he took a deep breath.
He was not going to kill him.
Having forced that thought into his head, he hammered on the door.
Eddie pulled it open and the colour drained from his face. ‘Your Highness—this is—’
‘Why did you break the engagement?’ Casper slammed the door shut behind him, guaranteeing their privacy.
Eddie’s mouth worked like a fish, and then he gave a slight smile and a shrug, his ego reasserting itself. ‘Man to man? Actually I met a stunning blonde. She had amazing—you know.’ He gestured with his hands and Casper gritted his teeth and forced himself to ask the question he’d come to ask.
‘Did you sleep with Holly?’ His voice was thickened, and Eddie gave a confident smile and a knowing wink.
‘God, yes—she was bloody insatiable.’
Forgetting his promise to himself, Casper punched the other man hard in the jaw and Eddie staggered backwards, clutching his face.
‘God, you’ve broken my jaw—I’ll have you for this!’
‘Go ahead.’ Casper hauled the man to his feet by the front of his shirt, ignoring the tearing sound as the fabric gave way. ‘So you had sex with Holly, and then you dumped her. Is that what you expect me to believe?’
Eddie touched his jaw gingerly. ‘Some girls you have sex with, some girls you marry, you know what I mean?’ Fear flickered in his eyes as he registered Casper’s expression. ‘Still, money changes a person. I’m sure she’s changed since she’s married you, Your Highness.’
‘Are you? I think Holly is the same girl she’s always been.’ His tone flat, Casper released the other man, shaking him off like a bug from a leaf.
Eddie spluttered with relief and backed away, his hand on his jaw, and then his chest. ‘Yo
u ripped my shirt.’
‘You’re lucky I stopped at your shirt.’
‘Do you know how much I’m going to get for this story?’ Eddie’s face was scarlet with rage and Casper shot him a contemptuous glance.
‘So it was you who sold the story to the paper the first time.’
‘Is that what Holly told you?’
‘Don’t call her Holly. To you, it’s Her Royal Highness.’ Casper flexed his long fingers and had the satisfaction of seeing Eddie take another step backwards. ‘And if you ever mention the princess’s name again, the next thing I rip will be your throat.’
‘I thought princes were supposed to be civilised,’ Eddie squeaked from his position of safety, and Casper gave a slow, dangerous smile as he strode towards the door.
‘I never did believe in fairy stories.’
‘I’ll be fine, Emilio, honestly. I just feel like some sea air, and The Dowager Cottage is so pretty, right on the sand. It reminds me of the night before my wedding.’ When she’d still been full of hope.
Holly’s face ached from the effort of smiling, and she stuffed a few items into a large canvas bag, as if a day on the beach was just what she wanted, but Emilio didn’t look convinced.
‘I will call His Highness and—’
‘No, don’t do that.’ Holly interrupted him quickly, wincing as the baby kicked her hard. ‘I just want to be on my own for a bit.’
And she didn’t want to be in the palace when Casper eventually returned from wherever it was he’d stalked off to.
She just couldn’t stand yet another confrontation.
And she had no idea what they were going to do about their marriage. Could they really limp along like this with just her love and hot sex to hold them together?
Was it enough?
Her head started to throb again and she made a conscious effort to switch off her thoughts for the baby’s sake, wondering whether the tension was the reason he was kicking so violently.
For the baby’s sake, she needed to try and relax.
Without further question, Emilio summoned her driver, and once she arrived at The Dowager Cottage Holly kicked off her shoes and made a conscious effort to unwind. ‘I’m just going to sit on the beach for a bit.’ She smiled at the man who had become a friend. ‘Thanks, Emilio.’