Undercover Lover

by Jerry Cole

  Chapter Ten

  Jan walked into the restaurant without bothering to take off his sunglasses. He was pretty sure he was on the verge of getting a migraine. He mostly had them under control, but they happened sometimes when he was very stressed or when he didn’t get enough sleep. His migraines were terrible, and he had medication that he always carried with him, but if he didn’t catch them when they were first starting, they would become debilitating.

  Light always bothered him when a migraine was starting. Thankfully, he had managed to take his medicine before it got too bad, but he wasn’t sure if it would work. Talking to Riley usually calmed him down, but the more he thought about his little brother going to Broadway Oaks without him, crashing in some girl’s parents’ apartment in Brooklyn, the more the idea unsettled him.

  His head wasn’t in the game when it came to prepping for the FinaSoft Corporation interview. He knew he had incredible recommendations and a tailor-made resume, thanks to a very competent head of human resources and a very expensive resume writer back at State Fidelity. From what Jan had managed to piece together, the reason they had him apply for the internship and pretend to be a waiter, which Jan thought was a waste of time, was because interns didn’t have to sign NDAs. The restaurant was also the perfect hunting spot for people who may have information about what FinaSoft Corporation was doing. Not having to sign an NDA meant he would be able to testify in court, if it ever came to that. Everything else would be hearsay, but the legal team would be able to do the legwork on that.

  He didn’t want to think about the legal ramifications of what he was doing, but his supervisor at State Fidelity had told him he was legally protected, since he was working on behalf of the company. He also knew they wouldn’t hesitate to hire a lawyer to defend him if things ever came to that.

  “Hey,” Nicole said when he walked in. “God, you look like shit. You sure you don’t need to go home?”

  Jan smiled. He didn’t want to be a waiter, even if he only was a pretend waiter. He wasn’t particularly good at it, at least he didn’t think so, but had picked up the basics quickly. He had enjoyed getting to know his coworkers since he had been there, too. He had a lot more in common with the people at Elements than with the people at State Fidelity. Jan had never considered himself a laid-back person, but compared to everyone else at State Fidelity, he was basically a hippie. Here, everyone seemed to be at around the same level of stress most of the time. Despite how hectic working at the restaurant could be, the pace was easier for Jan to handle since no one looked like they were about to have a stroke if things didn’t go their way. He supposed it made sense. After all, one meal was just one meal, but a million dollars couldn’t be replaced that easily.

  “Earth to Jan,” Nicole said.

  “Sorry,” Jan replied. “I was preparing.”

  “Were you preparing by drinking tequila shots all night long?”

  Jan looked at her, frowning. “Why do you think that?”

  “Well, the sunglasses, the fact that you thought someone might need to cover your shift,” Nicole said. “And I mean, I understand needing to prepare for an interview. But it just seems like it would be something you’d do with anticipation, not just randomly. Especially because you knew this would be coming for a while.”

  “I didn’t know if they would select me,” Jan replied. That was, to some extent, true. There was no way Jan could guarantee FinaSoft Corporation would be choosing him for an internship. He just knew his resume was tailor-made. He knew his chances were way above average because if he wasn’t handpicked for at least an interview, then his bosses wouldn’t be doing their job. “I do need to prepare.”

  “I get that. I thought you still had some time before that happened?”

  “Yeah, I do,” Jan said. “I’ve just heard that the interview process is kind of intense. I want to make sure to maximize my chances.”

  “I get that, too,” Nicole replied. “I mean, I’m not going to snitch, no matter what, because as far as I’m concerned, you’re free to do whatever the fuck you want. But I just want the courtesy of knowing what you’re doing. Because if you’re going to have a tequila night, I expect you to share, at the very least.”

  “Thanks, Nic,” Jan said, smiling at her again. “It’s good to know you have my back if I’m ever inclined to be irresponsible.”

  “Of course I have your back,” she replied, winking at him. “That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?”

  Jan nodded.

  “Plus, I wouldn’t have told Sawyer even if he wanted me to,” she said. “I’m still mad at him for what happened last week.”

  Jan cocked his head. He was early and he liked hearing Nicole talk, even about things that were completely inconsequential. And it stopped him from thinking about everything that was going on with his life, the fact that his anxiety was going through the roof every time he thought about his mother, Riley and, of course, Morgan.

  He couldn’t make up his mind about Morgan. Depending on the time of day, he thought it was a good thing. He was supposed to be living his life, and it didn’t matter that the person he had decided to go out on a date with was someone working for FinaSoft Corporation. It didn’t matter that he was one of the people working on the software, the very same software that had made State Fidelity lose millions of dollars. Jan knew it was a lot bigger than him, a lot bigger than whatever part he was playing. He knew that once the case became a legal one, he would be part of a court battle that probably would take years. But he also knew that he liked Morgan, too, and that he couldn’t just escape that. But Morgan was his in. He was his target. He was the person Jan had been working hard toward getting in contact with inside FinaSoft Corporation and he couldn’t just let that go to waste; he couldn’t let himself waste that. He still had his mother to think about. He still had her to take care of.

  He tried to concentrate on the words Nicole was saying, but her voice sounded far away and muffled.

  Chapter Eleven

  Morgan had just stepped out of the shower and was running his hand through his wet hair. He was due for a haircut soon. He never liked his hair when it got this long. He had tried keeping it long once when he had been in college because David told him he liked the way long hair looked on him, but it frustrated him. It was hard to look after, it always got in his face when he was exercising, and it didn’t seem to look good whenever he wore it up. Of course, this had been before the advent of the man bun, but even now, he didn’t think he would look particularly good with that kind of hairstyle. Not that he was inclined to try it at all.

  He was thinking about all this, looking at himself in the mirror, when his phone rang right outside the bathroom door. He had set it to charge on the dresser the night before and had completely forgotten about it. He had meant to ask Jan if he wanted to go out again, but the week had passed quickly, and after what had happened on Monday, he wasn’t sure if he did want to see him. He knew it was irrational because Jan owed him nothing. At the same time, he couldn’t help but be a little hurt that he had hidden something like that from him, and Morgan couldn’t help but wonder what else he was hiding. But he didn’t know Jan, so that made no sense. He was angry because he felt as though he had shared a lot of himself with Jan while Jan had held back, but he knew he had no right to be angry. That was why he mostly was irritated with himself. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jan, about the way he looked when he was asleep, the way he looked when he was down on his knees, the way he looked when he smiled. Morgan couldn’t get Jan out of his head. He couldn’t get their date out of his head. And he really wanted to do so.

  He walked over to the dresser, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, and picked up the phone. His finger was wet, so the touchscreen didn’t seem to react to his touch as first, which was frustrating because the person calling was Jan. He hadn’t been expecting Jan to ghost him or just phase him out of his life. He thought Nicole would have told Jan about running into him, which may or may not spell some e
mbarrassment for Jan. And if Jan was the kind of person who embarrassed easily, then he probably never would get in touch with Morgan again.

  Morgan didn’t know. He couldn’t know, because it wasn’t as if he actually knew Jan.

  So, he didn’t understand why his heart was beating so hard in his chest as he tried answering Jan’s phone call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi,” Jan said. There was a smile in his voice and Morgan kind of wanted to shout at him for it. He shook his head and walked over to his bed, where he sat down on the edge of it, not caring about the fact that his quilt was getting soaked from the towel he had wrapped around himself. “Is this a good time?”

  “Sure,” Morgan replied. “I’m not doing anything.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve been so out of touch lately,” Jan said. “I haven’t meant to do that. Something just came up… I wasn’t trying to pump it and dump it.”

  Morgan scoffed. “It’s nice to get talked about that way.”

  Jan started to laugh, but he stopped quickly. “Sorry,” he said. “Are you mad at me?”

  “I… I have no reason to be mad at you,” Morgan replied, as steadily as he could.

  “Yeah, so that kind of sounds like you’re mad at me,” Jan said.

  Morgan sighed, moving his phone away from his face as he did so. He didn’t want Jan to hear how frustrated he was. “Did you just call me to ask me if I was mad at you?”

  “I called to ask you on a date, actually,” Jan replied. “I just thought the chances of you saying yes were kind of smaller if you still were mad at me. So, I thought we would talk about that before I asked you out, you know, properly.”

  Morgan laughed. “Is this you asking me out properly?”

  “Look,” Jan said. “I know you probably have a lot of reasons not to want to see me again. Nicole told me you guys were talking. If it makes you feel any better, the reason I didn’t want to tell you about the internship was I didn’t want you to feel as though I was interested in that instead of in you. I mean, you work there, you could always recommend me, right? If your department requests an intern…”

  He stopped talking then. Morgan wasn’t sure what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He just waited for Jan to keep talking, which he only did after another moment of silence.

  “And I guess I was a little mad at you,” Jan said. “After the waiter thing. I didn’t want to prove you right. I know, I know, it was really dumb and petty. I swear I was going to tell you when we saw each other again, but then we didn’t end up seeing each other for the entire week. And, well, now I’m calling to ask you out again, so I can apologize properly.”

  Morgan smiled. “And how did you plan to do that?”

  “There’s a meteor shower tomorrow,” Jan said. “It’s a little drive out of the city, but I’ve never seen one before. The light pollution in the city is no joke. I thought it would be a cool experience, and then I thought about who I would want to have that experience with.”

  “So how far down your list am I?”

  “You’re number one. And two, and three, and four. Number five is my friend Mary. She never gets to do anything fun.”

  “Shame,” Morgan replied after licking his lips, a smile on his face. “Guess this weekend just isn’t her weekend.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really,” Morgan said. Jan not believing him, made this somehow better. “What time do you want me to pick you up?”

  “Pick me up at six,” Jan replied. “That way, we can eat something before it starts.”

  “So we’ll stop by a restaurant?”

  “Nah,” Jan said. “I’ll make us some food.”

  Chapter Twelve

  The first thing Jan did when he got in Morgan’s car was apologize again. Of course he had wanted to tell Morgan about the internship, but he didn’t want to give himself away, and he thought that talking about FinaSoft Corporation was an easy way to do that. Not that Morgan would suspect him of having a different motive for going out with him. Not that he could suspect the reason Jan was going out with him in the first place, when Jan wasn’t sure what the reason was himself, no matter how much he tried to make a conclusion about his motive. He wasn’t sure which one would be worse, that he was using Morgan to get into FinaSoft Corporation, or if he wasn’t. He couldn’t exactly talk to Morgan about it, so he decided it would be best if he just didn’t think about it at all. There was no way he was going to be able to tell Morgan the truth. At least not until it was long over.

  “It’s fine,” Morgan said. “I get why you did it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still a little bit—”

  “Mad?” Jan replied. “Because you have every right to be mad at that.”

  “I wouldn’t say I’m mad,” Morgan said, looking ahead. He looked so good like this. He was wearing a dark red button-up shirt, blue jeans and white gold studs in both ears. Jan hadn’t realized that both of his ears were pierced, since he normally only wore the stud in his left ear, but he thought it suited him. His face was only illuminated by the streetlights, and his features looked dramatic and striking in the dark. Jan could feel his heart beating fast again. He couldn’t believe he had ever even considered not seeing Morgan again, even if the thought only came to his head for a split second while he was doubting his motivations. Morgan was so handsome and nice. And Jan wasn’t doing anything wrong by going out on a date with him. He wasn’t.

  There was nothing wrong with going out with a guy who he liked, someone who he actually enjoyed the company of. At least that was what he was desperately trying to tell himself as his gaze kept darting between the dashboard and Morgan’s face, waiting for him to say something, anything else. But when he didn’t, Jan had to keep pushing.

  “What are you, then?”

  “I don’t know,” Morgan replied, shrugging as he did. “I guess I’m feeling a little more guarded than I was on our first date.”

  Jan twisted his lips. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

  “No, but I mean, what did you expect? You have every right to keep things from me, because it’s not like you’re my boyfriend. I mean, even if you were my boyfriend, you wouldn’t be required to tell me absolutely everything,” Morgan continued. “I just want you to know that I don’t have weird expectations. I’m not a psychopath…”

  “I didn’t say that you were,” Jan said.

  “No, I know that,” Morgan replied. “I just worry that it may come across that way when I don’t want it to. Because it’s not true, not because I’m secretly one.”

  “You’re really convincing me you’re not a psycho right now,” Jan said.

  Morgan rolled his eyes, laughing. “I guess my issue right now is I thought you were going to be honest with me, and I already feel like I have to second-guess everything you say. And I mean, we’re just starting out. This is only the second time we’ve gone out together. And I don’t know, I guess my issue is I’m not sure it’s a good way to start a relationship. I know you’re allowed to keep stuff to yourself, but this is information that it would be totally natural to share. You even admitted it wasn’t as if it had slipped your mind. You didn’t tell me on purpose. I don’t like that I already have reasons to doubt what you say, and I’m also kind of mad that I do, but not at you, at myself.”

  “Why are you mad at yourself?”

  “Because that’s not a reasonable expectation to place on you,” Morgan said, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as he merged into the right lane. “And I can’t be angry at you for it. So, I get angry at myself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to, I don’t know, share all your life with me or whatever. We barely know each other. I mean, we’ve been on one date. That’s fine. That’s normal.”

  Jan sighed. “I get it, though. I mean, you came into this with the expectation that I wouldn’t lie about myself. The fact that you’re going out with me again is a pretty big surprise in and of itself.”

  “Yeah, well,” Morgan said. “I kind of believ
e that people deserve second chances. And I don’t know you, like I said, so maybe you had the world’s greatest reason for keeping it to yourself. I mean, it wasn’t as if you were lying about something huge.”

  Jan smiled. “Like what?”

  “I don’t know,” Morgan said. “I don’t want to give you any ideas.”

  Jan looked at Morgan. It was darker now that they were leaving the city. Since it was Sunday, everyone was going back into the city, but because they were going north and heading out, there was little traffic around them. It was weird for a weekend, but neither one of them was complaining. It was nice, going out like this, leaving the city. He wished he could be honest with Morgan, but he knew he couldn’t tell him everything. That didn’t mean he couldn’t tell him anything, though.

  “You don’t know me?” Jan started. “Okay, how about this? My name is Jan. I have six siblings, five of whom I’ve never met, all younger than me. Out of them, two are brothers. I grew up in New York City, in Brooklyn. My mother was a sales assistant at Nordstrom, but then she became a personal shopper at the same store. My stepfather was the super of a fancy building on the Upper West Side. When he turned eighteen, my little brother Riley enrolled at West Point so he could study to be a doctor. He likes painting, but he feels guilty that I’m looking after Mom and that he can’t contribute as much as he would like. Which is ridiculous, because he was a kid when mom got sick. I’m terrified of spiders, I’m pretty good at basketball and I’m certified in CPR and as a lifeguard. The first guy I ever went out with is a famous rapper now. You know, one of those who has lots of women in their videos? He might be bi, but I don’t think so. I’m reasonably certain he’s gayer than me, and I didn't even think that was possible. He’s rich now. Also, I think he may have a patent on those water bottles, the square ones with the coloring that fades as you drink them?”

  “Yeah,” Morgan said. “I know those.”