Undercover Lover

by Jerry Cole

  “I don’t remember saying that,” Morgan replied, cocking his head. “I think you volunteered.”

  “Maybe, but you should still vet me, right? See if I can walk the walk, not just talk the talk?”

  “Sure, but just for the record, that is so cheesy,” Morgan said, grabbing one of the tiny sandwiches. He took a small bite out of it, trying not to eat it all at once. The avocado and the cheese together tasted incredible, he thought, as he made a noise that he hoped conveyed his level of appreciation. “Okay, that one is good. I’m sure I have to vet everything else, though. Right?”

  “Yep,” Jan said. “But you need to have a drink, too. Otherwise, you’re going to get thirsty, and eating isn’t going to be a pleasant experience.”

  Morgan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m going to have to drive us both home,” he said. “I shouldn’t get drunk.”

  “It’s one bottle of wine between two full-grown adults,” Jan countered. “How much damage can it do, really?”

  Morgan laughed again. “I feel like you’re trying to tempt me into being irresponsible.”

  “Don’t worry,” Jan said, winking at him. “I won’t let you drive if you’re drunk. We can always stay here, right? Sleep it off in the car.”

  “Yeah,” Morgan replied. “Yeah, I guess. I haven’t slept in my car in a long time.”

  “Seriously, don’t worry so much,” Jan said. “The only thing I may let you do is stumble around this field drunk. But only because it’s private, and honestly, because I really want to see that.”

  Morgan shook his head. “I don’t understand. Why stumble across the field drunk?”

  “Well, I was kind of assuming you would also be naked,” Jan said quietly.

  Morgan licked his lips. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re terrible?”

  Jan nodded. “Why do you think I’m single?”

  “Well, it definitely isn’t your looks,” Morgan replied. “Because everything is pretty awesome on that front.”

  Jan laughed, shaking his head. “What about my culinary skills?”

  “Nope, I’m almost positive it isn’t that either,” Morgan said. “This is pretty spectacular. When did you learn to cook? Did your mom teach you?”

  Jan suddenly got serious as he chewed on his own tiny sandwich. “No, I only learned to cook a few years ago, actually. I was always pretty useless.”

  “Oh,” Morgan said. “When you graduated?”

  Jan nodded. Morgan wanted to ask him what he had studied, but Jan started to talk before he could. “Yeah, when I graduated. That wasn’t the reason why, though. I mean, partly, it was that. I lived alone for a while by then and I could do simple recipes, you know, chili, scrambled eggs, burgers. That kind of thing. I thought that was all I needed to know how to do when my mom had a stroke.”

  “Wait,” Morgan said. “How does your mom having a stroke relate to this?”

  “Don’t worry, I’m getting there. And you should learn, almost everything in my life goes back to my mom having a stroke,” Jan replied, looking away from him. “So, it was a couple of weeks before graduation, and I was going to walk for my diploma. My mom was so proud of me. I was graduating at the top of my class and she hadn’t spent a penny. My dad, my biological dad, he had sent some money through the years, but he didn’t care about whether he got to see me graduate or whether he didn’t.”

  Morgan furrowed his brow. “What about your stepdad?”

  “He died,” Jan said. “Before any of this happened. Almost as soon as I started going to college. Riley was about eleven or twelve, I think.”

  “Oh,” Morgan said, trying to swallow down the knot that had formed in his throat. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

  “Thank you,” Jan said. “Yeah, it was a really weird situation. But yeah, I’ll tell you about that some other time. One tragedy is going to be enough for one night, isn’t it?”

  Morgan put his hand on the one that Jan was using to keep himself propped up as he ate. Jan’s skin was cold under his own and Morgan could tell he was sweating. He probably didn’t like telling this story, but maybe he felt like he had to because of Morgan’s own story. Morgan wanted to tell him that it was okay, that he didn’t need to return the favor, that he only had told him that story because he had felt comfortable enough to do so. At the same time, if Jan needed to get this story off his chest, then he didn’t want to stop him. He opted for the second option and kept quiet as Jan swallowed and took a deep breath before he continued talking.

  “So, it was the week before I graduated, and Riley called me from my mom’s phone,” Jan said. “Riley is my little brother. I don’t know if I told you that yet, I don’t think I have. Anyway, I thought my mom may have forgotten to tell me something, right? It was weird, but whatever. But nope, I’d been wrong. It was him. So, I ditched my plans to walk and I flew home. She’s in the hospital and I’m next of kin. I have power of attorney, and I have to sign this slip of paper that says that I don’t want her to be kept alive artificially and that I want to honor the DNR that’s in her file. Because apparently, if you’re next of kin, you can override that, or something. I don’t know, it’s all kind of a haze. A social worker spoke to me for a long time, and I still can’t remember a word they said. All of that period kind of blends together in my mind until I saw my little brother smoking in a garage. That was when I knew, I knew I couldn’t leave him again. There was nothing they could do for my mom. That became obvious after a few days. I mean, it was a miracle they even kept her alive in the first place. That’s what they said. Sometimes I’m not sure if it was a good thing…”

  He drifted off and grabbed the bottle of wine that Morgan had placed between them.

  “That sounds really hard,” Morgan said, swallowing.

  “Yeah, it was really hard,” Jan replied. “It wasn’t just difficult, though. It was also really weird. My mom had a life insurance policy and so did Trevor…”

  “Your stepdad?”

  “Yeah,” Jan said. “But there are no crippled-for-life insurance policies. I mean, at least none that I’m aware of. I’m sure my parents would have been aware of them, if there were any. So anyway, we put all of the money that we had left into her care while my brother and I went back to this empty apartment. We smoked weed together and drank all the vodka that my mom had left behind, all while I felt terrible because he was so young. I mean, any other time I wouldn’t have let him do it, but I don’t know. I wasn’t prepared to start looking after Riley when I was, like, eighteen. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I wanted a family, just… eventually. And I thought fourteen was so grown-up when I was twelve myself, but when I saw him there sitting on our sofa terrified of what might happen to Mom and knowing that he would have no parent left in the world if she died, ugh. I don’t know. It did something to me. It made something in me snap. So, I started to make myself as useful as I could and that meant being as domestic as possible. Because I wanted to provide my brother with a sense of normalcy, I guess. Except it turns out that Pasta Primavera and Spinach Frittata weren’t exactly the kind of food that my mom was making him. Riley never complained, though. I guess it was my way of coping.”

  Morgan swallowed again. Jan was staring at the sky and he didn’t look as though he had moved at all for the last few minutes.

  “So, that’s the extremely traumatic story of how I learned to cook,” Jan finally said. “I hope you’re enjoying the byproduct of my pain.”

  Morgan laughed, throwing his head back. Jan making a joke hadn’t been exactly what he was expecting. “The byproduct of your pain turned out to be yummy. You can’t really blame me for that.”

  “Well, I’m glad,” Jan replied. “At least something good came out of it.”

  Morgan smiled as he took a swig of the wine that Jan just had handed to him. “You said your brother is studying to be a doctor?”

  “Yeah,” Jan said. “In the army. So he can finance it. And so he can pay me back, which I’ve told him about a bazillion t
imes is totally unnecessary. The thing about kids, Morgan, is that they never fucking listen to you.”

  Morgan chuckled. “He sounds great,” he said. Then he took a deep breath before he said the next thing. “Is your mom still—God, I don’t really know how to ask this.”

  “My mom is comfortable,” Jan replied. “She’s paralyzed, but she has good days and bad days. A very nice facility cares for her.”

  Morgan bit his lower lip. “Do you mind if I ask you something really personal?”

  Jan laughed quietly. “No, go for it. I mean, as if this conversation wasn’t personal enough, right?”

  “How do you—I mean how can you…”

  “Afford it?” Jan said, raising his eyebrows. “She has good insurance. I don’t have to pay anything for my brother anymore, plus the government gives orphans a lot of benefits. And well, I… I make up the rest. That’s how. It’s not magic.”

  “It sounds like you work so hard,” Morgan said. “I’m so sorry about all of that. That sounds like an awful thing to deal with when you were so young.”

  “Well, it wasn’t great,” Jan replied, shaking his head. “I’m also pretty sure it would have sucked no matter how old I was.”

  “You know what I meant,” Morgan said. “Is that why you’re applying for that internship at FinaSoft? So that you can get a better paying job?”

  Jan looked at him, his eyes wide. Morgan couldn’t see him that well because there were no electric lights here and the lights of the car were dimmed. So, even though his eyes had adapted, they didn’t have the help of the headlights anymore.

  He finally saw Jan nod, slowly, slightly. If he hadn’t been paying attention, he would have missed it.

  “I can help,” Morgan said. “I mean, I’m new and I…”

  “You don’t have to do that,” Jan replied. “Seriously, you don’t.”

  Morgan shook his head. “Is that why you didn’t want to tell me? Because you thought it might influence me? I wish you had,” he said. “I would have helped you in any way possible. In any way I could.”

  “I know that,” Jan replied. “And I guess that was part of the reason. I didn’t want you to think the only reason I was going out with you was so that I could get closer to this internship.”

  Morgan sighed. “Listen,” he said. “I’m sorry. I massively overreacted. I’m an idiot. I’m not just an idiot, I’m an idiot who's pretty sure his biological clock is ticking.”

  “Is that even a thing? I mean, for men? Specifically, for men your age?”

  “I don’t know,” Morgan said. “But the point is, Jan, I want to settle down. And I know that can come across as kind of intense, but I’m not in my early twenties anymore. I just can’t wait around forever until someone decides he wants to settle for me. So, I guess that’s the reason I felt so betrayed, even though you technically didn’t do anything wrong, because I could see myself having a future with you. I didn’t want to tell you that because I didn’t want to scare you off, but I think we’re past that point now. I mean, I’m obviously not going to ask you to marry me right now, but if you don’t want to settle down, if you’re after dating and not something more serious than that, then I need you to tell me. Because honestly, I’m at a place where I need to know.”

  Jan cocked his head, his eyes wide and watery. His breathing had quickened, but he wasn’t breathing loudly. “I… I don’t know. I mean, I just thought that whatever happened would happen, but I really like you. A lot more than I’ve liked anyone I’ve been out with for the last, oh, I don’t know, ever. If I was going to settle down with someone, you’d probably be one of my top choices, if not my only choice. I don’t even know if I could call it settling. That said…”

  “I know,” Morgan replied. “I know, it’s a lot. I can’t exactly put that on you right now. We don’t know each other that well.”

  “We’re getting there,” Jan said, smiling at him.

  “We are getting there,” Morgan repeated, nodding his head and smiling along with him. “As long as we’re on the same page, I don’t really mind dating and taking it slow. If we both know where this is going.”

  “Marriage, kids, gotcha,” Jan said, winking at him. “Visiting my paralyzed mother, talking to my idiot little brother. Check, check and check.”

  “You forgot about my family,” Morgan replied, laughing. “Overprotective mother who always knits me clothes I can’t wear, check…”

  “Adorable,” Jan said, grinning.

  “Outdoorsy dad who always tell me that a real man would be catching his own food. Of course, he doesn’t mind that I’m as gay as a Christmas ornament at all,” Morgan continued. “He’s proud of his gay son. Just not of where I get my food from. He thinks supermarkets are for spoiled urbanites.”

  Jan chuckled. “Okay, your dad sounds delightful. Do you have any siblings?”

  “Yeah, a sister and a brother. My sister is awesome. She has two kids, and they’re both adorable,” he said. “They love me because I’m the cool uncle who can afford to spend as much as I want on them, and when I’m there I only want to talk to them. I mean, don’t tell anybody I told you this, but my brother-in-law is the most boring person in the world.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah,” Morgan said, nodding. “I write financial software code, and his job description puts me to sleep. Don’t ask me to tell you what it is, because even though he’s told me a million times, I can’t remember it. It took me about eleven years to remember that his name was Peter and not Paul.”

  Jan laughed. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. And your brother?”

  “He’s a motocross world champion,” Morgan said. “We figure he’s the spare, so he can do whatever he wants.”

  Jan shook his head. “Your family sounds amazing.”

  “They aren’t bad,” Morgan said. “You’ll get to meet them one day.”

  Jan looked at him, the whites of his eyes the only thing visible in his face until he smiled and showed Morgan his teeth. “You promise?”

  “Yeah,” Morgan replied. “I promise.”

  He was about to say something else, but soon Jan’s lips were on his own and effectively stopping him from talking at all.

  ***

  Morgan hadn’t been prepared for the kiss that Jan had given him, but it didn’t matter. He loved the way Jan’s lips felt on his own all the same, the way Jan’s hands felt on his cheeks and how warm they were compared to his own skin. He loved the way Jan obviously didn’t want to move away from him, the tender kiss evolving into something more, his tongue slowly pressing his way in between Morgan’s parted lips. Jan tasted of avocado, cheese and wine, and Morgan could feel his quickened breathing on the skin of his nose, which was driving him crazy. He put his hand on the back of Jan’s head until he lost himself in their kisses again, barely aware of the fact they both were falling to the ground. Once Jan landed, softly, on the blanket, Morgan took a second to look at him.

  Out there, in the dark, surrounded by nothing other than the sky and his plush throw blanket, he looked better than Morgan ever had seen him. He noticed that happened a lot when it came to Jan. He always seemed to keep looking better and better, which Morgan hardly could believe, considering his starting point had been so good. He kissed him on the lips again, his skin tingling as Jan stroked his back over the fabric of his shirt.

  Morgan’s kisses were soft and tender at first, mostly because he knew once he started kissing Jan passionately, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He moved down from Jan’s mouth to his neck, planting soft kisses on his skin along the way, slowly making his way toward Jan’s groin with his hand. He stroked Jan’s skin over the thin fabric of his shirt, only moving it up when he finally got to his stomach, brushing his hand against the erection bulging in Jan’s jeans.

  He moved his hand up to grab the bottom of Jan’s shirt and started to take it off him. Jan lifted his arms over his head to help give Morgan access. Once Morgan had taken it off, he busied himsel
f with kissing Jan’s chest, stopping to suck on his nipples lightly as he teased him by brushing his hand against his covered cock every now and then.

  Jan groaned when Morgan moved his hand away. “Jerk.”

  “You wish,” Morgan replied.

  He kissed down the front of Jan’s body until he finally got all the way to his jeans Jan took a deep breath as Morgan went on to undo his zipper. He smiled as he saw how hard Jan was already, though Morgan felt as though he hardly had touched him.

  Jan moaned as Morgan grabbed his pants and started to slide them down his legs. While he was doing that, Jan busied himself by kicking off his shoes, and soon he was wearing nothing except for his black boxers, which still were covering his sizable cock.

  “You’re so gorgeous,” Morgan said as he looked down at Jan again.

  Jan groaned. “What are you going to do about it?”

  “Not just gorgeous, bossy too,” Morgan replied, a smile on his face.

  Jan smiled back at him. Morgan kissed him on the mouth again, this time stroking his erection over the fabric of his boxers. When Morgan moved his face away from him for a second, Jan groaned. “Tease.”

  “You love this,” Morgan said. “I can tell.”

  Jan groaned again, shutting his eyes as he did so.

  Morgan kissed down his neck, his chest, then stomach again, slowly and tenderly, until he finally got to his boxers. He took them off, taking his time, and then he let in a sharp breath when he saw how hard and big Jan’s uncut cock was. He kissed around his cock at first, stroking his tight balls with his hand as he started licking Jan’s hardened dick. He licked the least sensitive parts first, the ones closest to his body, moving slowly until he was licking the head of Jan’s cock briefly, only enough to make Jan’s breathing quicken even more. Morgan took him entirely in his mouth then, moving his head back and forth as he took Jan’s cock inside his mouth.

  Jan was moaning under him, moving his hips and digging his fingers into the blanket. “I’m so close,” he whimpered.

  Morgan took him out of his mouth and looked up at him. “We can’t have that, can we?”