by Jerry Cole
The bouncer was a tall scary man with a bald head. He was huge, broad-backed, light-skinned and gorgeously dressed in a three-piece suit. If Morgan hadn’t been there on a date—if Morgan didn’t have a boyfriend—he would have considered asking him out. The thought only crossed his mind for a second, because Morgan stopped in his tracks the moment his mind went there. No, he would never do anything like that to Jan. The very thought of it made a shiver run down his spine. He didn’t care if Jan had family problems, everyone had family problems. He would talk to him about that later.
For now, he would try to enjoy dinner with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s little brother.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jan didn’t realize Morgan had decided to treat them to one of the most expensive restaurants in the city. He didn’t like it, but he couldn’t exactly say that out loud. If it had been any other night, any other time, Jan would have been happy to squeeze Morgan’s arm and tell him he didn’t need to try so hard to impress them. That night was particularly bad, though, because he knew if he did that, Riley wouldn’t hesitate to call him out. Riley’s reaction wasn’t what he had been expecting. Jan thought he would be more understanding and that, at the very least, he would be on Jan’s side. But he hadn’t declared a side, all he had said was that Jan was being stupid. When they had gotten out of the car and Morgan had walked in front of them, Jan’s heart had dropped to his stomach. He had turned to chastise Riley for embarrassing him, but Riley’s eyes had narrowed and he had spoken before Jan got a chance.
“He deserves better than you,” Riley said, his voice low and accusatory.
Jan’s eyes widened and his gaze shot toward Morgan, who still was walking away.
“Yeah,” Jan replied. “Probably.”
They both were quiet for a few seconds until Jan finally spoke again. “Look,” he said. “Don’t tell him. Please. I don’t—”
Riley looked at him and cocked his head. “You thought I was going to tell him?”
“You just really didn’t seem to be on board with this plan at all,” Jan replied. “But I’m telling you, it’s what you have to do.”
Riley’s shook his head and looked up. “Listen, I know this is what you think you have to do, but it really isn’t. You need to start living for yourself. That man, the one who’s just invited us to a super expensive restaurant, he likes you a lot. And I can tell you like him, too, because if this was anyone else, you would have already told him.”
Jan bit his lower lip. “I want to tell him. I really do.”
“You can,” Riley replied. “You should. He deserves to know. If you tell him now, he might forgive you. Imagine if you tell him a couple of years in the future—”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Jan said. He tried swallowing the knot that had formed in his throat before he kept talking. “Seriously, I wouldn’t do something like that to him.”
“I don’t know,” Riley said, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, you’re doing this. Surely that’s bad enough.”
“C’mon, Riley. You know that’s not fair,” Jan replied, looking away from his brother.
Riley looked him up and down, saying nothing. Then he shook his head, turned on his heel and started to walk away, right behind Morgan.
The restaurant wasn’t as fancy as it seemed from the menu, but it was still up there in terms of how pricey it was. Before they could order anything, a waiter came out carrying a tea tray with several samples and told them he would be back with menus and drinks shortly, though they had ordered no drinks yet. The waiter was only gone for a couple of minutes. When he came back, he set out drinks that looked like water, but smelled faintly fruity.
Riley looked around, his lips a thin line. “Is that this place’s shtick?”
“I’m sure there’s more,” Morgan said, smiling at him. “One thing I’ve found about Danbury is that it tries very, very hard to be quirky.”
“Yeah, Danbury tries hard,” Jan added. “It’s not New York but, you know, it tries.”
“Maybe it’s time you consider how good a place like Danbury is,” Riley repeated. “I mean, it’s not the city, but the city is expensive and dirty.”
“And totally worth it,” Jan replied. “And where Mom lives.”
“We can talk about that later,” Riley replied. “Anyway, Morgan, where are you from?”
Morgan smiled at Riley, but there was something off with the conversation, and he wasn’t exactly sure what it was, which made him feel uneasy. Maybe Jan would want to move back to the city. That was something they would need to talk about down the line, if it was something he wanted to do, especially because his mother would obviously take priority. Morgan closed his eyes. He was thinking too far ahead again, which had been what had made him freak out in the first place, and how everything had been derailed so spectacularly. He needed to do everything to make sure things got back to normal again.
“Georgia,” Morgan finally replied. “A small town called Perryville.”
“Ah, so this must be weird for you,” Riley said. “All the noise. All the traffic.”
“Nah,” Morgan replied, smiling back at him. “It’s not too bad. Once you start driving in Atlanta, everywhere else seems really easy.”
Riley nodded. “Yeah, I went there once with my ex,” he replied. “I let her drive, but I was terrified whenever she got behind the wheel. Nothing personal, she wasn’t bad at all, but it was Atlanta. I could never really relax.”
“I hear ya,” Morgan said.
He looked at Jan, wanting to say something to include him in the conversation, but Riley spoke again before he could think of anything to say. “So, is that where you went to school?”
“No,” Morgan replied. “I went to school out of state. Iowa State, if you can believe it.”
Riley smiled. “Why? Didn’t you miss the South?”
Morgan shrugged his shoulders. “It wasn’t really a consideration when I was choosing which university to go to. Honestly, I had a lot of choices. I was always a good student and I had a bunch of scholarships.”
Riley nodded. “So, what ended up influencing your decision the most?”
“I told my parents it was because it was practically Ivy League, and they could actually afford to send me to one of those. Really, it was because I was seeing this guy who also got accepted,” Morgan replied, smiling back at him.
Riley and Jan both laughed.
“Following your heart when you’re young rarely works out well,” Jan said quietly.
Morgan nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. He broke up with me about two months after we both got there. He really wanted the opportunity to explore who he was without the annoying parts of having to deal with a relationship.”
“That sucks,” Riley said.
Morgan smiled, this time a little wider. “Well, at the time, I definitely thought so,” he said. “But now, I think it’s what led me here. And I’m pretty happy with where I am right now.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
The food was excellent, but Jan made sure to eat it as slowly as he possibly could. He didn’t realize Chicken Tikka Masala could both look and taste so good. The restaurant seemed to have food from all sorts of different cuisines and all of them had ordered something different. Jan had tried both Riley’s Spanish food and Morgan’s Greek food and he had loved both of them. He made sure to talk about the food as much as possible because he knew that once dinner was done he would have some time alone with Morgan. His talk with Riley hadn’t been far from his mind at any point. He really did want to tell Morgan and he was sure Riley was right, that Morgan would be much more likely to forgive him if he told him sooner.
He couldn’t do that, though. Because if he did that, everything in his life would be jeopardized. Riley didn’t understand that he would be the one in charge of everything if Jan dropped the ball. That was a good thing. Jan didn’t want him to understand. He didn’t want Riley to have to deal with half the shit that Jan went through to look after their mother.
Nobody should have to deal with that, least of all his little brother. If he had to sacrifice a future with Morgan to make sure his family was okay, then that was what he had to do and there were no two ways about it. There was no way around it. The only thing he regretted was that he would have to lead Morgan on when he was obviously on a clock. It wasn’t Jan’s place to question Morgan’s motivations, especially not when they seemed pure, and he had to hold himself back every time Morgan spoke about family or about the future. The whole thing made him want to cry more than he ever had wanted to cry before, at least when it came to having a relationship.
When they got back to Jan’s building, Riley said he was going to go for a walk and take some photographs, maybe call some friends. He obviously wanted to give them their space and Morgan seemed to think Jan was in on it, which somehow made everything so much worse.
Jan smiled bitterly at him as soon as Riley was out of view. Morgan put his hand on Jan’s shoulder. “Are you okay? Are you cold?”
“I’m fine,” Jan said. “I’m just a little bit nervous.”
Morgan put his arm around Jan’s shoulders. “What are you nervous about? There’s nothing to be nervous about. We’re just going to formalize a few things.”
“I guess I’m nervous about that,” Jan replied quietly. “What if this is harder than we thought?”
“Then we’ll work through it,” Morgan said. “Isn’t that what we’ve done so far?”
Jan nodded, his heart beating rapidly. “Yeah, but what if there is something too big to resolve?”
“Don’t worry,” Morgan said, smiling at him. “I’ve been thinking about the future a lot, too. I really want this. I’m going to do my very best to make sure it works.”
Jan looked up at him. “Yeah,” he said. “Me too.”
Morgan sat on Jan’s sofa and looked around the living room. It was a small living room, smaller than Morgan remembered, though whenever he was at Jan’s he focused more on his boyfriend than he did on his furniture. There was a three-seater sofa that was a drab green shade with throw pillows against each arm. There was another small love seat, which didn’t match. Jan’s roommate’s cat was sitting there, watching Morgan.
He kept watching her when he spoke. “What’s her name?”
“Bear,” Jan replied, a smile playing on his lips. “Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t name her. She belongs to my roommate.”
“Your roommate is never here,” Morgan said. “I’m surprised I haven’t met him yet.”
Jan shrugged. “Yeah, he has a weird schedule,” he said. “It was something he talked about in his online ad. I moved in when he was already here.”
“You said he was an asshole,” Morgan replied. “Are you still struggling?”
“I guess,” Jan said, sitting down next to him, then taking off his coat. “I like his cat, but I don’t love that he’s decided that I can just watch her because my job is less important or less highly paid than his. He only lives in an apartment like this because he’s barely here.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s an engineer of some sort,” Jan replied. “Very helpfully and not at all condescendingly, he told me it was basically like he was an underwater construction worker.”
“Oh,” Morgan said. “He sounds like an asshole. I’ll get to meet him eventually, won’t I?”
“He is,” Jan said. “And yeah, I mean, probably. I don’t know.”
Morgan nodded. “I hope I do. Because I want to be part of your life, Jan. An important one. Before we start this, let me apologize for barging in on you yesterday. I should have called you but I… I don’t know. It seemed really important that I speak to you immediately, and I think I let how impulsive I was being get the better of me.”
Jan raised his eyebrows.
It made Morgan shake his head and smile. “It’s kind of stupid,” he said. “I promise I’ll act like an adult next time instead of like a lovesick teenager.”
Jan laughed, throwing his head back. “I like it when you act like a lovesick teenager,” he replied.
Morgan rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he said. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not! It makes me feel super sexy and desirable,” Jan replied. “I’m not making fun of you. I really, really like this.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” Jan said, grabbing his hand and kissing it. “I love this. I’ve never felt this wanted or this—I don’t know—this certain of anything in my entire life. I know that I want what you want. I also know that we’re going to have to have big, important conversations and I have a feeling this is going to be one of them.”
“Right,” Morgan said. “Well, before… before we go anywhere else, we really need to talk about what we are. I didn’t like the way we settled that. And I think the word ‘boyfriend’ is kind of for eighteen-year-olds. I prefer ‘partner’.”
Jan nodded. “Yeah, I prefer ‘partner’, too,” he said, then looked up. “Though I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone that before.”
Morgan kissed the tip of his nose, putting his hand over the back of Jan’s head. When he moved away, he made sure his arm was around Jan’s shoulders. “I hope I’m going to be a lot of firsts for you,” he said.
“Oh, you already are,” Jan said. He swallowed and opened his mouth to speak. He seemed to be nervous about something, which made Morgan decide he needed to soothe him as much as possible. He might have been afraid of commitment, or maybe he thought he wasn’t good enough for Morgan, but that didn’t matter to him. All that mattered was that Jan was there and Jan seemed to be receptive, even when Morgan wasn’t ambushing him and asking him how he really felt in front of someone else.
Morgan took both of Jan’s hands in his. “Hey,” he said. “Don’t worry about anything, okay? I spoke to Kimber again today. She said she would definitely recommend you and that she would make sure your interview happened as soon as possible. So, you should literally be hearing from FinaSoft Corporation in the next couple of weeks.”
Jan’s mouth dropped open. “You spoke to her again?”
“I told you I would take care of you,” Morgan said. “I’m always going to take care of you.”
Jan sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”
“Why?” Morgan said.
Jan didn’t look at him when he spoke. “I just wish that you hadn’t,” Jan said. “If this is going to happen, I would rather it happen on my own merits.”
Morgan smiled at him. “Don’t you think that landing a partner who can help you with your career is making things happen on your own merits?”
Jan looked horrified for a second. “I wish you hadn’t said that.”
Morgan could feel his cheeks getting red. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to be presumptuous.”
Jan shook his head. “You’re not being presumptuous,” Jan said. “I just… I don’t know.”
“I can show you,” Morgan said. “I can show you that I mean every single word I’m saying.”
Jan smiled. “Oh, yeah? What did you have in mind?”
“So many things,” Morgan said, kissing Jan’s hands again. “I’m going to lick and kiss every single part of you until you know exactly how much I like you.”
Jan moaned. Or maybe he groaned, Morgan wasn’t exactly sure. Whatever that noise was, it was sexual. “You had to make it dirty.”
Morgan smiled, exhaling sharply. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” Jan replied. “I want you to keep talking about this. Forever, if possible.”
“How about I do that when your clothes are off?”
“You want me to take my clothes off?” Jan replied. “I want you to take yours off, too.”
Morgan nodded. “That seems like it would be fair.”
“You have to earn it, though,” Jan said. “You can’t just say dirty things to me and expect me immediately to get rid of all my clothes.”
Morgan laughed, kiss
ing Jan on the mouth softly, his lips pressed up against Jan’s own. Jan’s lips were soft and warm and perfect against his own. “I want to feel you inside me so much,” he said, kissing Jan’s neck just as softly as his mouth, then breathing down his neck. It made Jan shiver.
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since we spent that night in the field together,” Morgan continued. “Can I take your shirt off?”
“Sure,” Jan replied, then he closed his eyes as he raised his arms up to give Morgan access to his shirt. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. I don’t know when Riley will be back.”
“He’s not going to walk into your closed bedroom, is he? Especially not when he knows I’m in here,” Morgan said. Now that Jan was shirtless, Morgan could see all the lines on his body, his pectoral muscles and the marked V-shape on his lower abdomen making Morgan’s mouth water. For a second, Morgan wondered when Jan found time to work out, since it was so clear he took very good care of his body.
“I don’t think so,” Jan said as Morgan brushed his hand against the erection in Jan’s pants, his fingers lightly grazing the trail of hair from Jan’s belly button to his crotch.
“We don’t want him to see this,” Morgan said. “Soon, I’m going to be on all fours and you’re going to fuck me so hard I won’t even be able to talk. Wouldn’t you love to do that?”
“Yes,” Jan replied between sharp breaths. “Yes, I really, really want to fuck you.”
“That sounds so good,” Morgan said, kissing him on the lips again, this time using his tongue when Jan parted his lips to let him in. He moved away from him, the tips of their noses still touching, then his eyes fluttered open. “If I keep talking to you, but you don’t say anything to me, I’m going to be the only one who is going to be wearing any clothes in this room.”
Jan groaned, throwing his head back, his hands gripping the fabric on Morgan’s shirt. “You’re such a fucking tease,” he said. “I’m about to cum in my jeans and you’re teasing me, telling me that you won’t even get naked. Maybe you shouldn’t, though, because the moment that I see your body I may not be able to control myself.”