by Jerry Cole
Like, what happens if I develop feelings for my target? That one would have been particularly useful. Or, how do I stop my little brother from hating me? That one would have been great, too, he thought with a shudder as he sat up.
He was about to go into the bathroom and take another shower, his second one for the day, when he heard someone knock on his door.
He sighed, rubbing his temples. Part of him hoped it was Riley. Riley was right, he wasn’t a kid and he had grown up in New York City, so Jan knew he would be able to find his way around Danbury easily. Jan hoped he would be back before night fell, because he really was looking forward to spending more time with him, but he understood why Riley didn’t want to be around him.
If he had the option to do so, he wouldn’t have wanted to be around himself either.
He closed his eyes then stood up, walking toward the door. He didn’t even look through the peephole when he opened the door, barely looking up at his visitor when he did.
He did a double take once his gaze landed on Morgan’s face. It was Morgan, but Jan had daydreamed about this so much that part of his brain couldn’t process it. Morgan didn’t look as good as he normally did, there were dark circles under his eyes, his lips were chapped and his skin was paler than Jan ever had seen it.
He spent way too long looking at Morgan, which became obvious when Morgan tilted his head and gave him a crooked smile. “Are you going to let me in?”
“Sure,” Jan replied. “Sorry, I just can’t believe you’re here.”
Morgan nodded, licking his lips. “I thought about calling you, but I didn’t know if you were going to answer.”
Jan sighed. “Of course I would’ve answered.”
“So, are you going to let me in, or…”
“Yes,” Jan replied, getting out of the way and gesturing toward his living room. “Sorry.”
Morgan took a few steps forward, turned around and looked at him. The smile was gone from his face. “Where’s your brother?”
Jan laughed. “He’s not talking to me, I don’t think,” he replied.
“Still arguing?”
“Yeah,” Jan said. “I think maybe we don’t get along as well as I thought. It seems like all we do lately is argue, and I realized it may be all we’ve ever done, you know, when we’re not dealing with a big crisis. That seems to be the only thing we’re good at.”
Morgan nodded. “It just sounds like things are changing. Maybe you two just need a little time to adapt.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Jan replied. “Shit, sorry, I should have told you to sit down. Do you want a cup of coffee or something? I have soda if you’re in the mood for something cold.”
“No, I don’t want a drink, thank you,” Morgan replied, sitting down on the sofa. The cat immediately jumped up next to him, and Jan gave her a sideways glance. “I came here because I needed to talk to you. I really needed to talk to you about—well, about a few things.”
“Yeah,” Jan said quietly. He sat down next to the cat, who was now between him and Morgan, wondering to himself if that was a good thing. He wanted to touch Morgan, kiss him on the lips, tell him he was happy that he was there. But he wasn’t going to do any of those things. There were only two possible reasons why Morgan was there, either to tell him he wanted to continue the relationship or to tell Jan that he never wanted to see him again. Jan knew which one was more likely, and the longer Morgan sat there, saying nothing, the more it was driving him crazy. Jan knew he had to take his time, but it wasn’t making things easy for him. If he wasn’t going to say anything, Jan thought, Morgan could have just not shown up specifically to torture him.
“You got the internship?”
The moment that he spoke, Jan regretted his thoughts. Morgan talking, specifically about this, was perhaps worse than Morgan not talking at all.
“Yes,” Jan finally replied.
“Did you take it?”
Jan looked away from him. “Yes.”
Morgan looked at him for a second, his head cocked and his eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jan interrupted him.
“I considered not taking it,” he said. “I wanted, I wanted to call you and tell you I wasn’t going to take it. But I can’t, I have responsibilities and I can’t just walk away from a job like this. I need—Riley wants to move Mom, but I can’t. I want her to be okay, and this is where she’s going to be okay, and I just—”
“Hey,” Morgan said, his expression softening. “It’s okay.”
“Yeah,” Jan replied, not saying anything else. He didn’t feel like it was okay, but Morgan seemed to believe it, because he didn’t seem nearly as upset as he had been before. “Are you sure you don’t want a drink?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay,” Jan said and started to bite his thumb.
“I’ve been doing some research,” Morgan said. “And you were right. I’m sorry that I freaked out on you. I just wish you would have told me earlier so I would have had more time to process it.”
Jan sighed, his shoulders moving up and down as he did. “I wanted to tell you. I was just, I was so scared. I mean, I was conflicted from the get-go because you seemed like such a nice guy. Then I started to get to know you and I didn’t just feel a little conflicted, I felt like shit. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to scare you off. I wanted to have the best of both worlds and I know now that’s not something I really can have. I want you, but I have to look after my mother. There’s no other option.”
“I would never want you to stop caring for your mother on my account,” Morgan said, sounding alarmed.
“I didn’t say that you did,” Jan replied. “I just—”
“I know,” Morgan replied. “You’re scared. I get it. I’m sorry that I made you wait so long before I came back, but I needed to verify if it was real. So, I did.”
Jan looked at him. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“You have to understand,” Morgan continued. “What you said didn’t just sound strange, it sounded, well, a little crazy. I mean, you were telling me my boyfriend is a corporate spy and that the company I work for is doing something that isn’t just sketchy, but probably straight-up illegal. And I just, it was a lot to process for me. I started to do research.”
Jan leaned forward, looking away from Morgan. He didn’t feel like looking at him anymore. He thought he would feel better once Morgan knew the truth, but he didn’t. Mostly because he didn’t feel like it had solved anything. He still felt as though Morgan was accusing him of something of which he was guilty.
“Anyway,” Morgan finally said. “You were right.”
Jan raised his eyebrows. That wasn’t what he had expected Morgan to say at all. “Sorry?”
“I said that you were right,” Morgan replied. “I’m pretty sure that it’s intentional, too. I’ve started poking into the codes of the different versions of the software, and they’re selling different software to different companies. I don’t know who is paying what for which software because I don’t have access to that information. But if what you were saying is true about the whistleblower with the purchasing information then, yes, some companies are definitely getting stiffed.”
Jan’s gaze instantly went to Morgan’s face. “You found proof?”
“Yes,” Morgan replied. “Not proof that it’s intentional, I’m still waiting to see what happens, but proof at least that it’s there. In the system.”
“Okay,” Jan said. “This is good. This is good, right?”
“I don’t know, Jan,” Morgan replied. “This is your job. Not mine.”
“Okay,” Jan repeated, looking away from Morgan. “Well, I appreciate you telling me. That’s not the reason that I thought that you were here. I can—I mean, I probably won’t know what to look for when I’m there, but can you show me?”
“Sure,” Morgan replied. “It’s kind of technical, so it may need some explanation.”
“Yeah, that’d be, it’d be great,” Jan said. “
Thank you.”
Morgan took a deep breath. “I was speaking to Sam,” he said. “He told me not to let things become awkward when you started working in our department.”
Jan shrugged. “I don’t understand why they would be awkward,” he replied. “You can help me with my work and then—well, I’d leave you alone other than that. You wouldn’t have to worry about me.”
Morgan furrowed his brow. Jan watched his throat work as he swallowed. “Is that what you want?”
“No,” Jan replied, far too quickly. “No, not at all. I want—I know exactly what I want. But I can’t exactly make you choose between your job and me. What you tell me, I promise you I won’t ever tell anyone where I got the information.”
“I appreciate that,” Morgan replied. “But I’m not that worried about my job. I mean, this is unconscionable. It’s affecting people’s lives and I’m not okay with it, so I’m going to help you with it.”
“You are?”
“Yes,” Morgan replied. “I just told you that.”
“I know, but I’m just… I guess I’m a little confused because I don’t see how it clarifies anything, you know, about us. Which is fine, I mean, if you’re still thinking it through then I’m gonna…”
“I’m not,” Morgan said.
“You’re not?”
“I’ve thought about it,” Morgan replied. “You were in a difficult position. You did what you thought was best. That’s fine, you should be allowed to do that.”
“I know,” Jan replied. He felt foolish when he spoke again, his voice a whine. “So you’re… what do you want, then?”
“I want you,” Morgan said. “I do.”
Jan’s eyes widened. “Even after everything that’s happened?”
“Everything that’s happened is just work stuff, Jan,” Morgan said. “I mean, sure, we need to learn to be more open with each other, but now there’s not going to be any sort of big secret holding us back, right?”
“Not unless you have one,” Jan replied. He was trying to make a joke, but his tone sounded a little heavier than he intended.
“I have secrets,” Morgan replied, winking at him. “Just not work-related ones.”
“What kind of secrets do you have?”
“You know,” Morgan replied. “Childhood trauma. And sex things.”
“Are those related?” Jan said, a smile on his face. He was starting to feel more relaxed, but he still hardly could believe Morgan was there, with him.
Morgan laughed, throwing his head back. “You’re kinky. I didn’t know that about you.”
“I’m kinky?” Jan said, his eyes widening. “I don’t think that I’m kinky. I’m just taking what you’re saying and running with it.”
“I didn’t say that,” Morgan said. “You did.”
***
Jan couldn’t resist anymore. He leaned over and kissed Morgan hungrily on the mouth, his lips soft against his own. Morgan kissed him back, his hand on Jan’s face and his tongue exploring Jan’s half-open mouth. The cat meowed in protest, but Jan swatted her away and soon they were so close to each other it seemed downright silly they both still were wearing clothes. Jan grabbed the bottom of Morgan’s shirt and peeled it off him, enjoying the way Morgan’s skin felt under his fingertips. Jan had wanted him before, but it also felt like he hadn’t understood the definition of desire until Morgan was there in front of him, his lips parted and his eyes closed. He didn’t stop Jan when he moved away from him and started to kiss his neck softly until his kisses turned into playful bites and nibbles, all the way from the crook of his neck down to his stomach, stopping only to kiss and lick his nipples.
Morgan moaned under Jan’s touch. When Jan dropped to his knees in front of Morgan, Morgan spoke softly. “Just to be clear, I didn’t expect anything like this when I came here.”
Jan looked up at him. “You should have,” he said. “Because when you come over, all I want to do is kiss you, touch you, taste you.”
With that, he started to undo the buttons on Morgan’s jeans. He made light work of it, mostly because he wanted to do it so very much, and soon he was biting his lower lip as he admired the thickness of Morgan’s erection. Morgan straightened his legs so Jan could remove his jeans. Jan took Morgan’s shoes off first, taking his gaze off Morgan’s erection as he did so, though it hurt. He could already feel how hard he was, and even just looking at Morgan was making him dizzy with desire. He threw Morgan’s shoes across the room, not caring where they landed, and then busied himself with peeling off his pants, scratching Morgan’s legs lightly as he did so. Morgan threw his head back and moaned, which made Jan’s breathing quicken even more.
Not having Morgan in his life hadn’t just felt weird, it had felt wrong. And now that he got to have him again, he was going to do everything he could to show him how much he appreciated him. He took the jeans, bunched them up and threw them somewhere near the shoes, then he kissed up the inside of Morgan’s legs, his eyes closed until his face finally found Morgan’s impressive erection. He nuzzled into Morgan’s thigh with his nose, taking in the way that Morgan smelled, the scent of his skin, like sweat and denim. He took a deep breath then turned and kissed Morgan’s already tight balls, licking the shaft of his incredibly hard cock every now and then. Soon, when Morgan was moaning and gasping for more, Jan wrapped his hand gently but firmly around Morgan’s cock and started to jerk him off. His touch was obviously sending waves of pleasure over Morgan’s body, since Morgan’s toes were curling and he had begun digging his fingertips into the sofa. Once Morgan was moaning and his breathing was very fast, Jan wrapped his mouth around the head of Morgan’s cock.
The way that Morgan tasted, the way he felt in his mouth, that was almost enough to push Jan over the edge even though he hadn’t even touched himself at all. He started to move his head back and forth, filling his mouth up with the thickness and length of Morgan’s erection until Morgan’s hips began bucking under him and he screamed that he was going to cum. He yanked on Jan’s hair and tried to pull him back, but Jan wanted to fill his mouth with Morgan’s seed.
Morgan shouted and Jan held the bottom of his hard cock as he emptied himself into Jan’s mouth. He swallowed every drop, enjoying the way that Morgan sounded under his touch, the way that his body moved. He moved away and watched Morgan’s toes curl, his head back on the sofa and his mouth half-open.
“That was so hot,” Morgan said quietly.
“Yeah,” Jan replied. “It was really, really hot. I love it when you’re like this.”
“I love it, too,” Morgan replied. He stretched out his arm and offered his hand to Jan. Jan took it, climbing on the sofa next to him and trying to ignore his own erection. Right then, he needed to cuddle Morgan more than he needed to get off. He needed to feel Morgan’s skin next to him, he needed to feel his arms holding him. He put his head on Morgan’s shoulder. Morgan was naked and warm and wonderful. He grabbed Jan’s hand, squeezed it and kissed the top of Jan’s head.
“I can do you now,” Morgan said.
Jan laughed quietly. “You can do me whenever you want,” he said. “But I really want to cuddle you right now. And I think it may be better if we move into the bedroom, because my roommate could walk in at any time.”
Morgan cocked his head. “Wait, I’m sitting here naked and you’re just telling me that someone may walk in at any time?”
“What can I say?” Jan replied. “You’re kind of irresistible. I could have waited until we went to the bedroom, but I missed you. I think I might be addicted to you or something.”
Morgan laughed. “Can you be addicted to me with my clothes on?”
“I can,” Jan replied. “I am. I just like this version of you much better.”
“I know,” Morgan said. “I like that you like this version of me, too. But I don’t want your roommate to walk in and find me like this, or worse than that, your brother. So, can you please get my clothes for me?”
“Do your legs not work or something?”
“Nope,” Morgan replied. “You’ve made it impossible for me to move. I may as well have no legs. So, can you get my clothes for me, please?”
“I guess it’s only fair,” Jan said. “I mean, my brother may walk in. I don’t think I’d want him to see you like this. I want to keep you to myself.”
Morgan laughed. “I notice that you’re saying that but you’re still not moving.”
“I’m sorry,” Jan replied. “I know that I should but I kind of love being in your arms. I love this. Everything about this.”
Morgan laughed again. “I know,” he said, kissing the top of Jan’s head once more and smiling. “But seriously, I would really like my clothes now.”
Jan groaned. “Fine,” he said. “But just so you know, I’m really upset.”
“I wouldn’t have been in this position if it wasn’t for you, sweetheart,” Morgan replied. “So, you only have yourself to blame.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Morgan hadn’t expected Jan to start sucking him off after they were done with their conversation. If he was being honest with himself, part of him expected Jan to kick him out, even though Morgan had offered to help him. He had taken so long to make up his mind, he thought that by the time he went back to Jan he was going to be furious with him. Which Morgan kind of felt like he would have deserved. He always could have called Jan, at least to tell him he was thinking about it, and the way that he was acting, it was obvious that he had missed Morgan.
Which made sense, since Morgan had missed him, too. He had missed him so much that going to sleep by himself felt weird. He yearned to hear Jan’s voice, to hear him laughing, to text him through the day. Morgan never had been much of a texter, but seeing Jan’s name popping up on his phone’s screen made Morgan smile. He thought that maybe it wouldn’t have mattered if Jan was lying in the first place, because he knew that he needed to talk to Jan, he needed to hear him, touch him, smell him, taste him. He had wanted to be next to Jan so much. He hadn’t realized exactly how much until Jan was next to him, his head on Morgan’s shoulder, his breathing fast and shallow.