by Jerry Cole
***
It seemed as though both Jan and Morgan were the only people staying late again, even though Jan had to leave to go take his brother to the airport. He had given Riley a call, but it was starting to become clear that Jan was flustered and annoyed. Morgan had noticed, more and more, that as he slowly started to sleep better, the opposite seemed to be happening to Jan. Morgan had insisted that Jan spend the night over at his place on Wednesday after they had gone out for a few drinks with Jan’s brother and Riley had found a pretty girl that wanted to take him home with her. They were closer to Morgan’s apartment than to Jan’s, so Morgan dragged a sleepy and tipsy Jan upstairs. When he closed the apartment door behind him, Jan threw his arms around Morgan and kissed him passionately on the mouth, his mouth wrestling Morgan’s own. Morgan thought that Jan tasted like tequila and lime, and while he would have been very happy to see things to their logical conclusion, he hadn’t drunk nearly as much as Jan had, and it would have felt wrong to take advantage of him. Morgan knew the easiest way to fix that would be to drink a couple of beers, which he wanted to do. He told Jan to sit down on the sofa and wait for him. By the time he had come back, Jan’s head was tilted forward, his eyes closed and his mouth open, drool falling down his chin.
“Hey,” Morgan had said, touching him lightly on the shoulder and then kissing him on the forehead when his eyes had fluttered open. “Why don’t we take this to bed, babe?”
Jan had nodded and given Morgan a toothy smile.
Morgan had laughed, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he had said. “Maybe when you sober up.”
“Okay,” Jan had replied. Morgan had extended his hand and helped him to his feet, supporting his weight as he took him to the bedroom. The moment that Jan had unceremoniously fallen on Morgan’s bed, he had closed his eyes again and passed out. He hadn’t had that much to drink, Morgan knew that, but it was obvious he was exhausted.
Morgan wondered how he could make life easier for Jan, but he didn’t think there was anything that he could do as long as Jan was stuck in the situation that he was in right then. He had done everything that he could. Riley had offered to help Jan, too, and he had even taken Morgan aside at one point during the night and asked him to talk to Jan about their mother. When Morgan had pressed him on what exactly he was supposed to talk to Jan about, though, Riley had become tight-lipped and had, instead, opted for finishing the huge beer in front of him and ignoring Morgan. Then he waved his hand in front of his face and told Morgan they didn’t have to talk about it. So, Morgan had gone back to check on Jan, who was polishing off his third margarita. Morgan had laughed and asked him why he was drinking that much on a school night and Jan had smiled at him, telling him he thought he was going to pick up the tab. It had made Morgan laugh.
Then Jan had said it was the only way he could relax with everything else that was going on in his life. Morgan had instantly felt guilty. Their relationship was fun, and Morgan thought Jan also was having a good time, but everything surrounding their relationship was stressful, and there was very little Morgan could do about it. He didn’t need to add any stress to Jan’s already hectic life, though, and asking him to meet his parents was the opposite of that.
Jan never complained, though. He didn’t even complain then, as he walked into Morgan’s office. Morgan moved the chair so he was facing Jan and Jan approached him and put his arms on his shoulders. Morgan wrapped his arms around Jan’s waist and put his head on Jan’s hard stomach.
“Riley is going to be furious at me if I don’t get going,” Jan said. “I really do have to drop him off. If we miss the train—”
“I’ll give you a ride,” Morgan said. “I wouldn’t want him to be late on my account.”
“How’s he going to be late on your account?” Jan replied, moving away from him, looking down at him and biting his lower lip. “Unless you had some ideas?”
“You’re terrible,” Morgan said, throwing his head back and laughing. “There’ll be plenty of time to do this later. We should go get your brother.”
“We should,” Jan replied, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him forward. “You’re just so tempting.”
Morgan raised his eyebrows, his mouth watering. “Later,” he said. “I promise.”
“Okay,” Jan said, releasing Morgan from his grip. “But I’m going to hold you to that.”
Morgan nodded. “Honestly, I wouldn’t expect anything else. If I did, I would probably be disappointed.”
“Wouldn’t want that to happen,” Jan replied. “The last thing I want to do is disappoint you.”
Morgan stood up and kissed him on the mouth, letting his tongue slip into his parted lips, pressing his body up against him. “You’re a terrible influence.”
“Yeah,” Jan replied. “I can see how you would think that. We should go.”
“We should,” Morgan said, grabbing Jan’s hand. “I’m going to finish up here. It’ll take me five minutes. Then we can go, okay?”
“Okay,” Jan said. “Sounds good.”
Morgan smiled at him and Jan bit his lower lip. “Sounds great, actually.”
***
They weren’t late, which Jan was grateful for. He appreciated Morgan giving him a ride, which made going to the airport a lot easier than it would have been if they had gone the public transportation route. He liked sitting in the passenger seat of Morgan’s car, fiddling with the on-screen buttons of his phone as he decided on the music. Morgan didn’t mind, he seemed to think it was funny. It was all his music anyway. Jan hated to admit it, but he was kind of relieved his brother would be going home. He loved Riley, but Riley hadn’t let up as he had promised. Well, that wasn’t fair. Maybe he had, a little bit, but Jan still felt as though it was too much, like every time Riley gave him a sideways glance he might as well have been screaming at him to do something. He knew it was his own guilt that was speaking, but it wasn’t as though he just could escape his feelings.
When they got to security screening near Riley’s departure gate, Riley threw his arms around Jan and hugged him tightly. “Thank you for everything,” he said.
“No problem,” Jan replied, hugging him back and then stepping away from him. “It was a pleasure having you around. Seriously, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better host.”
Riley wrinkled his nose. “Lesson learned,” he said, smiling. “Next time I’m going to come visit you, I’ll let you know in advance.”
“Sounds good,” Jan replied. “Though seriously, it was great having you here.”
“If you keep saying it, I might believe it,” Riley said, raising his eyebrows and grinning. “I might start to believe it.”
“Text me when you’ve landed, okay?” Jan replied, smiling back at him.
“Same to you,” Riley said. “Try to impress them. He’s your only hope.”
Jan laughed, shaking his head. “Jerk.”
He watched as Riley took a step forward. Morgan extended his hand. Riley looked down at it, took it, and then he hugged Morgan with his free hand. Morgan smiled, hugging him back. “Have a safe flight,” Morgan said.
“You too,” Riley replied. “And please, look after him. He needs it.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Morgan said. “He’s in good hands. I won’t let you down.”
“Okay,” Riley said. “You better not.”
Jan walked up to them, grabbing Morgan’s hand and squeezing it. They watched Riley walk to the back of the security line, behind a bunch of people, until Jan leaned his head on Morgan’s shoulder.
“Thank you for the ride,” he said. “I can’t believe we got a flight for tomorrow. I mean, we’re already here.”
“I feel like you’re about to tell me you’ve never had sex in an airport before,” Morgan replied quietly.
“We can fix that tomorrow,” Jan replied, kissing him on the cheek. Morgan hadn’t shaved in the last couple of days, and his dark stubble tickled Jan’s face. “Right now, I really would like to go hom
e and get some sleep. Please.”
“Okay,” Morgan replied. “I can drive you to your—”
Jan looked at him, eyes wide. He hadn’t realized what he had said, or rather, what it had meant. “No, I didn’t,” he closed his mouth, wondering what he could say to make himself not seem like so much of an idiot. “I mean, yes. That sounds good.”
Morgan smiled at him. “You can sleep over at my place,” he said. “We should stop by yours to get some of your stuff. Though it makes sense that we start keeping stuff at each other’s places, right?”
“Yeah,” Jan replied, his heart leaping in his chest. “Yeah, that makes perfect sense.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Morgan was more nervous than he thought he would be. That was obvious because he tossed and turned all night, even though Jan was right next to him, sleeping soundly with his forearm over his eyes. Morgan was tired, too, maybe not as tired as Jan, because, once again, Morgan had wanted to take things further. Jan barely could keep his hands off Morgan and that was enough to make Morgan hard and dizzy. But he couldn’t close his eyes for more than a few minutes before his hands started to sweat and his head started to swim. He told his parents he was going to be bringing his partner down to Georgia, and they had said they were looking forward to seeing him and to meeting Ian. That’s what they thought Jan’s name was, no matter how many times he had tried to correct them. Morgan had laughed and then decided he would have to pick his battles, and that he would simply have to correct them when he was down there.
He held Jan close, burying his head in his hair and taking a deep breath. He loved the way that Jan smelled, and he loved when Jan slept in his bed. He loved the way that his smell would linger on Morgan’s sheets, the way that his scent felt like it was imprinted on his pillow and his quilt. Morgan was a clean person, and he liked having his sheets washed religiously, but when Jan was around, he hated the idea that cleaning something would get rid of what Morgan got to keep of him when he went away. He knew it was probably stupid and childish. He also knew that he didn’t have to worry about anything when it came to Jan meeting his parents—maybe except for the name thing—but he still couldn’t help but be nervous.
He had been nervous when he had first introduced them to Dave, and they had been welcoming and open to him. So much so that he had become like part of the family, and Morgan figured they still kept in contact with him, sending him Christmas cards and calling him up on his birthday. Morgan hadn’t talked to David for a long time, and he was not inclined to do so. The end of his relationship with David had been a long time coming, and it certainly couldn’t be described as bitter or contentious. They just had different dreams, dreams that didn’t involve each other being around.
The very idea that Jan wouldn’t be in his future, it made him feel sick to his stomach. He didn’t want that. There was no one else he wanted. Jan turned to face him and his eyes fluttered open.
“Hey,” he said quietly.
Morgan smiled back at him. “Hey. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“You didn’t wake me up,” Jan replied. “Okay, you may have a little bit. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” Morgan said. “I don’t know, actually.”
Jan stroked his cheek with his fingertips and Morgan leaned into his touch. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“It’s stupid,” Morgan said. “I guess I’m just nervous about you meeting my parents.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Jan replied. “I usually impress parents.”
Morgan smiled. “It’s not really you that I’m worried about. You… you’re wonderful. My family isn’t that interested in change, though.”
“They’ll come around,” Jan replied, kissing him on the mouth. “You did.”
“Until you told me you were a corporate spy,” Morgan replied, chuckling quietly. “That kind of pushed me away a little bit.”
“But hey, you came around,” Jan said quietly. “I’m sure I can do the same thing with your parents.”
“Sure,” Morgan replied, laughing again. “Just don’t let them find out you’re a spy working for the other side. I think that’s something only someone very special could take.”
“Did you just call yourself very special?” Jan asked, playing with his hair and biting his lower lip.
“Well, you tell me all the time that I am,” Morgan replied. “I’m just starting to believe you.”
Jan kissed him on the mouth, his lips lingering over Morgan’s own, before breaking off the kiss and stroking his cheek with the back of his hand. “Go to sleep, Morgan,” he said. “Go to sleep and we’ll go meet your parents tomorrow. I want you to be well rested so your parents don’t think I’m taking advantage of you or something.”
“Why, are you going to take advantage of me?”
“Well, if you keep looking like that, then yes,” Jan replied, kissing him on the mouth again. “Now go to sleep, okay? Please. Good night, Morgan.”
“Good night, Jan,” Morgan replied, a smile on his face. He closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure when sleep happened, but when it did, Morgan fell into a deep sleep that was rudely interrupted by his alarm clock a few hours later. He would have been annoyed if it wasn’t for the fact that Jan was sitting up, his white cotton shirt clinging to his skin and Jan’s heart felt like it could burst out of his body.
***
“I’m sorry,” Morgan said as he settled himself into the window seat. He was taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down, but being in an airplane always made him nervous. Since this was a domestic flight, the plane was smaller than if it had been an international one. Even on the best of days, Morgan didn’t like flying. The idea of being trapped scared him and the fact that the container was a big one did nothing to make him feel any better about his situation. At least when he was in a closet, he would be able to slowly and steadily get himself out of there. Right then, though, he knew there was no escape. If he felt sick or if he needed some air, all that he would be able to do would be put his head between his legs and take deep breaths. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t throw up.
“It’s okay,” Jan said, sitting next to him and squeezing his hand. “I would much rather you have the window seat if it’s going to make you feel more comfortable.”
“I don’t know what’s going to make me feel more comfortable,” Morgan replied. “We could have driven.”
“For fifteen hours?” Jan said quietly. “I mean, we could have, and I would have enjoyed the road trip, but we probably wouldn’t have made it there on time.”
Morgan smiled thinly at him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I’m here for you,” Jan said, squeezing his hand. “I promise.”
Morgan turned to him and smiled. “I know that.”
“Is there anything you want me to do?”
“I just—I really hate the part where the plane takes off,” Morgan replied, his voice barely above a whisper. He didn’t like admitting that any of this made him upset. But Jan seemed to take it all in stride. He seemed to think it wasn’t a big deal at all, holding Morgan’s hand, talking to him as if they were inside his car or at the office. “Can you just talk to me while that happens? Please?”
“Sure,” Jan replied. “I’ll start talking to you as soon as the plane starts moving. Deal?”
“Deal,” Morgan said quietly. He closed his eyes and felt Jan’s head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“It’s okay,” Jan said. “You’re welcome.”
They waited about fifteen minutes, until the pilot came over the intercom and told them what the temperature would be and how high up they’d be flying. Morgan took a deep breath and tried concentrating on the sound of his foot tapping against the floor. He didn’t want to know any of this information. It only made him feel worse and more trapped than he already felt. He hadn’t even thought it was possible to feel more nervous. He gripped Jan’s hand so tightly that he was sure he was hurting him, but Jan said no
thing, holding his hand and breathing deeply. He didn’t say anything, not even as it was obvious Morgan was freaking out from how much his hands were sweating. “Okay,” Morgan replied, his voice shaking. “I… yeah, can you talk now?”
“Sure,” Jan replied. “What did you want me to talk about?”
“Anything,” Morgan said. “Anything at all. I just want to hear your voice over the way the plane sounds.”
“I don’t think I can talk that loud,” Jan replied, laughing. “And I don’t know what we have to talk about.”
“Anything,” Morgan said again. “Seriously, I just want to hear your voice.”
Jan moved away from him and closed his eyes, making a noise that indicated he was taking a moment to think. “Okay,” he said. Then he sighed heavily. “I’m so sorry, babe. My mind is going totally blank right now.”
Morgan desperately looked for a topic of conversation, any topic of conversation, and went with the first thing that popped in his head. “You’re… you never told me about your father.”
“My father is a dickhead,” Jan replied. “What do you want to know about him?”
“No,” Morgan replied, tilting his head back and almost groaning as the noise of the wheels of the plane on the tarmac became almost too much to bear. “I wasn’t talking about him.”
“Oh!” Jan said, cocking his head, his eyes widening in recognition. “Yeah, you did want me to tell you what happened to him, didn’t you? Um, that might not be a good story for a plane, though.”
“Just tell me,” Morgan said. He was sure he sounded as though he was pleading, which Jan seemed to consider, because he started talking almost before Morgan was finished.
“Okay,” Jan replied. “But seriously, you may regret this. So, I told you that Trevor was a superintendent at a fancy building back home, right?”
Morgan nodded. At least he tried to nod, which he hoped was just as good as actually nodding.
It seemed to be, because Jan kept talking. “Part of Trevor’s job was servicing the elevators,” he said quietly. “Or rather, it was making sure they were serviced. He could do some repairs but, of course, ultimately the elevator company was the one that had to do the upkeep on the elevators, make sure they were clean, that any time the mirrors got cracked or whatever they got replaced. Any time an elevator got stuck or whatever, he had to log it, and so part of his job was spending a lot of time inside elevators.”