“Xander, stop it. Your guilt is written all over your face. There’s nothing you could have done, and now we’re doing everything we can. You need to build your strength up and prepare for what's to come.” He throws me a blood-bag, the liquid inside has been warmed. I bite into it and silently thank him; blood is horrific when it's cold. I finish quickly and he throws me another.
“I can't remember the last time you fed; I knew you’d be hungry.” He shrugs when I throw him a questioning look. I hadn’t realised he paid such close attention. “Do we have a plan for when we get to the Narayama territory?” Dimitri asks.
“Not yet. I’m waiting to hear from Kaden to make sure we’re even welcome. Not that that will stop me going, but it will change the tactics of the entire mission.” There is not one thing of this earth, above or below, that will stop me getting to her.
A sharp knock at the door announces another visitor and Dimitri answers it while I change my shirt.
“No need to strip off for me, handsome. I can see all of your deliciousness even with your clothes on.”
I turn to see Michael stood in the door way looking me over like I’m his next meal. I don’t even know what to say to that.
“Don’t worry, dear boy, I don’t bite. Well, not unless you ask nicely.” He winks at me and I can't hold in the laughter that bubbles up inside. Dimitri’s laughs follow my own. This guy is outrageous. “At least I know how to inflate my ego when Addie bashes it to nothing.”
“She does have a habit of doing that, doesn't she?” He states with a sad smile on his face.
“We’ll get her back. From what I’ve seen, Kaden’s just as invested as we are in getting her back.”
“I’m not worried about that, I know we’ll get her back. I’m just worried as to what will be left of her when we finally get there.”
I walk up to him and grasp his shoulder. “Addie is one of the strongest and most stubborn people I have met in my entire existence. I’m almost more worried about her driving Cole so insane that he gives up his mission and just kills her to stop her shooting her mouth off.”
He smiles a small smile. “I said something similar not too long ago. However, Rose is fragile; I’m not sure she should come with us.”
“Believe me, my friend, I tried, but you try telling her, ‘No’.” He laughs again, this time full bodied, rather than vacant and sad. The twinkle is back in his eyes.
“Addie was a bad influence on her.” He smiles. “Speaking of which, Kaden wants us in the war room. He has got ahold of Kas.”
ADDIE
Micah is back, and I’m not sure how much longer I can stay conscious. His love for knife work is obvious through his attentions today. I’m amazed I’ve not passed out purely from blood loss… Though that could be something to do with the fact I’m part Fallen.
“Come on, sweetheart. You know what you need to do. Unleash your inner demon and you’ll be free!’ He squeals in delight as he sees the shock on my face. Demon?
“Oh that's right. Daddy dearest didn’t tell you, did he? Your mother was a demon whore, one who would do anything for her next fix. Just rotten, wretched filth!” He spits. “You’re no better, are you, sweetheart? Just a filthy little whore! You just like to play hard to get. I know you want to give it up and hand yourself over to me. I bet that inner demon whore of yours is begging to get out, too. This will all stop if you just let her out to play.”
I stay silent with my head bowed; my thoughts whirring at his latest revelation. I can’t be part demon, can I? Pain slams through me as he rips my head backwards by my hair and puts his blade against my stretched throat. It stings as he slowly slices through the thin layers of skin. The cut feels so shallow, almost like a paper cut, but it’s enough for tears to spring in my eyes. I try to blink them back. I will not let him see me cry. Not ever. Even though I know I’m starting to break, I can feel the fissures splitting my soul, I will never let him see it. I close my eyes and take deep breaths. He takes the blade away and the cold metal is replaced by his warm breaths. My eyes shoot open when I feel his tongue run along the cut he just made on my skin. The shudder that runs through me, is impossible to stop; the feeling of violation overwhelming. I buck against his touch, trying to push him away from me.
“You’re disgusting,” I spit at him. A crazy smile graces his face.
“I try my best, sweetheart,” he says before licking me again. “It really is so much fun, especially when someone is as tasty as you.”
I scream, my frustration and desperation rising to the surface.
“That's it, princess. Let it out, let it all go.” He smirks. He's winning and he knows it. God damn it! I feel the holes in my soul grow bigger, and I feel myself slipping before the world turns dark.
ROSE
“I’m going to try and reach her again, Benny. There’s no point in trying to talk me out of it. I’m so worried about her. I just need to know she’s still alive.”
“Rose, this is a bad idea. What if you can’t reach her? What then? I don’t want to see you go further down; I hate it when you’re sad.” He draws me in close. He’s so much taller than me that I feel fully cocooned when I'm in his arms. He’s like my very own safe harbour during a dark storm threatening to destroy everything.
“I love that you want to protect me from this, Benny, I really do, but we both know if the situations were reversed, Addie would run through fire to make sure I was okay. I can’t let her down. I know I’m not equipped to help her the way the rest of you are, but this is something I can do that no one else can. I need to do my bit.”
He sighs, his resolve weakening. I know he can’t really stop me, but I hate it when he's mad at me. He leans down and kisses me gently, causing the butterflies to whir in my stomach – just like they did the first time he kissed me and every time since.
“Fine, I don’t like it, but I understand. She’s my friend, too. It kills me that I can’t help her. Just, be careful, Rose. We both know that if anything happens to you in there,” he pauses to plant a kiss my forehead, “it happens to you out here, too.”
“I’ll be careful, I promise,” I whisper, pulling him close. He lays me down on the bed beside him and I look at him, questioning his move.
He smiles. “If you think I’m leaving your side, sweetheart,” he says.
I roll my eyes and tuck myself into his side. “Fine,” I say, “Just try not to distract me,” I tease. The shocked look on his innocent face makes me laugh out loud.
“I have no idea what you could possibly mean.”
I slap his chest playfully before getting comfortable and closing my eyes. I build the scene in my head, like last time; the pretty meadow, with walls of energy that only Addie can pass through, before reaching out to her mind. I don’t know how I’m connected to her, I just am. I picture the bright white string that runs between us and slowly pull on it, bringing her to me. I try to squash the excitement rising in me; I can feel her on the other end. The relief that she's still alive floods through me.
That's when I feel her pain screaming through our connection. It rips through me as if I’m her. I feel every cut and burn, every tear and bruise. I can't help but scream out, I try to hold on to her, to let her know I’m here, but her pain overwhelms everything. The connection snaps throwing me backwards. I open my eyes to see Benny stood over me yelling my name. Each breath I take feels like fire ripping through my lungs. I try to speak but I can’t find my voice. Tears run down my face as the pain takes over. I can feel the warmth of my own blood as it trickles down my hand, out of my mouth, eyes, nose and ears, and I know that my own body has been harmed in the same way as Addie’s. There’s too much to focus on. Benny picks me up in his arms and hurries me out of the room. He’s running with me, yelling out for help. I try to keep my eyes open, but they feel so heavy. I see Kaden and Xander above me as I’m placed onto another bed. Numbness spreads over my body and I feel myself relax; the pain leaving me.
Whoever would have thought that bei
ng numb could be such bliss?
***
I hear voices. God, they’re so loud. Why can’t they just be quiet? I try to open my eyes but my eyelids feel so heavy. I manage to open them a little but soon close them; It’s so damn bright! When I try to speak, it feels like I’ve swallowed sand. Why the hell does it feel as if I’ve drank more tequila than my body weight? I ache everywhere. That’s when it hits me. Addie. Oh, Addie. I can’t help the sob rising or the tears falling. The voices quiet and hands are on me.
“Come on, Rose. Wake up, please!” Benny pleads. His hand squeezes mine, but it’s hard to reciprocate – I don’t know that I’ve ever felt this weak in my life. “That’s it baby,” he says. “Please open your eyes.”
“Too bright,” I manage to whisper. There’s movement and then the light dims. I try again to open my eyes but they feel as if someone has glued my eyelids together. Peeling them apart, I see Benny looking down at me. The worry is etched on his face.
“How are you feeling, doll face?” Michael asks. He’s sat at the end of my bed.
“I feel like I just did ten rounds with one of the Elite goons,” I say, making Michael giggle. Benny’s not so amused and he frowns. “Don’t look at me with that tone of voice Mr. I’ll be fine. Where are the others? Have they found Addie?” I ask.
They both answer me with their silence. I push myself into a sitting position with a groan.
“We need to find her. Technically, I’m not hurt, but she will be. I only connected with her for a minute and I feel like an elephant just sat on me.”
Michael chews on his bottom lip. He’s not got good news. “Once you passed out and we got you here, Xander and Kaden holed themselves in the war room to hash things out. So far, there’s been shouting and smashing, but I’m not sure much progress has been made.”
“Why aren’t you with them? Where is Dimitri? Those two can’t be expected to play happy families and get their shit together by themselves.”
“They asked us to leave,” Michael replies, looking more than a little unhappy.
“And you listened to them? Are you out of your bloody mind?” I ask exasperated. “This is going to get us nowhere. Take me to them.” I give them both a pointed stare. At this rate, nothing is going to get done.
“Rose, you need to rest. We don’t know how badly all this will have affected you. It’s so rare that it happens. You need to wait until a healer arrives to check you over,” Benny says matter of fact, his hand pushing my shoulder back down onto the bed.
“Benny, if you think you can keep me in this bed then you’re wrong. Now, you can either come with me, or you can find something else to do, but I am going to talk to those thick-headed brothers. Even if they do terrify me. My best friend needs me and I’ll be damned if I’m just going to lie here while she suffers. I am not asking you, I’m telling you. Take. Me. To. Her!”
I rise from the bed slowly. God, I feel awful. Michael is beside me in a second to help steady me. I smile at him in thanks and then see the flash of a scowl directed in Benny’s direction. What’s that about? I don’t have time to process that dynamic right now so I tuck it away for later when I’ll extract more info from Benny.
“Come on sweetie. I’ll take you to them now. God knows this is going to be entertaining even if nothing else!” Michael says, wrapping his arm around my waist to help me walk out of the room.
Benny stubbornly stays behind.
We walk through corridors to what Michael calls the war room. Thank God it’s on this level! I don’t think I could have managed stairs, and after all of that crazy back there, I would have hated to ask Michael to carry me. I hear the raised voices long before we reach the closed doors. He knocks sharply before entering. I’m pretty sure the mess in here is a direct result of leaving the brothers alone. They’re in opposite corners of the room, the wooden table in the middle of the room is split down the middle and books are strewn across the room with their pages torn out. Pictures that once adorned the walls are now scattered across the floor; the broken glass around them.
“For crying out loud! What the hell is going on in here? Look at this mess. What on earth have you been doing? Because it sure doesn’t look like you’ve been working towards finding Addie!” I shout. “You should both be ashamed of yourselves!”
They have the decency to look ashamed of their actions, each looking like a scolded little boy.
“He started it,” Kaden says, pouting.
“Really? That’s your response. Mature!” Xander says rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.
“Don’t you start with me, big brother; this is entirely your fault. If you had been man enough to keep her safe, loved her enough to put her first, we wouldn’t be in this bloody situation!” Kaden yells. Michael flinches beside me. I guess this is why he and Dimitri left without too much of an argument.
“Don’t you dare!” Xander roars. “You have no idea the things I have done for her. The things I have sacrificed to keep her safe. If it wasn’t for you, Cole wouldn’t have been able to get to her in the first place. Don’t even presume to think I do not love her. You have no idea.”
The tension is this room is stifling, and if Addie didn’t mean so much to me, I’d probably run out of here and let these two work through their issues in private.
“Hey!” I say, probably louder than necessary, but they seem to have forgotten I’m even in the room. “Do you really think this is the best time to hash out who’s better than who? Or who loves her more? Really? Surely we have more important things to focus on – like bringing her back to us. All of this is pointless if she dies,” I say. The word ‘dies’ has jolted me and it’s the same for the brothers, but I haven’t finished. There’s this new strength channelling through me.
“I felt what she’s going through, for less than a minute, and I was out cold. Do you really think it’s more important to go through all of this, when that’s what she’s going through for hours on end? We need to pull together and help her. That’s what’s important,” I say, softer this time. I let go of Michael and walk over to Xander, placing my hand on his bicep, encouraging him to look at me rather than the floor.
“I know you’re hurting right now, and I know you’re busy blaming yourself for everything, too, but do you really think she’d want to see you like this?” I say before turning my attention to Kaden. “And you – do you not think you owe it to her to get her out of that hell? I know you have an evil streak Kaden – I can account for that more than most here – but I know that’s not all you are.” Emotion flickers in his eyes it’s guilt mixed with…
I don’t want to think on what it looks like. That’s another thing to think about later.
XANDER
It took two days to finalize the details - the downside of letting most of the worlds technologies die and needing to be covert, but we’re finally on the road heading towards Narayama territory. We’re driving because it’s less noticeable than a group of Fallen flying with Fae and human passengers. I have no doubt Cole has scouts looking out for any kind of movement. I’m travelling with Dimitri, Rose and Benny. The black Range Rover screams luxury. Something I don’t feel I deserve, but this is what Kaden has so this is what we get. The fear in my chest slices through me again; the thought of life without her makes it hard to breathe. I grip the door handle, my knuckles turning white while I try to compose myself.
Dimitri is in the driver’s seat and he looks over to me – questions on the tip of his tongue, which he keeps to himself. I’m grateful for his silence. My friend has known me a long time. I daresay he is one of few who knows how badly this is affecting me. I have fought in many wars, lost friends, been injured myself, but none of this compares to the emotions tearing me up. Knowing Cole has Addie and it’s my fault is almost unbearable. If I hadn’t left, if I’d have just contacted her while I was away, I would have known sooner; she could have been spared, but I let my sense of duty to her mother, and the protection of our world come first. I
will never let anything come between us again, if only I get her back.
The car is quiet as we eat the miles on the I94 towards what used to be Toronto. It’s less than a day’s drive from Kaden’s house in Old Chicago. We drive through the night to avoid coming across anyone else who might be travelling; there are many Vampyrs and Fae with cars, nowhere near as many as the humans used to have, but enough that we could be anyone. I watch the world go by out of the window, anxious to reach our destination and finally feel like I’m doing something to bring her back to me. There is no version of my life without her. She is everything. I just regret I realised it too late, all I can do is hope that she will forgive me and give me another chance.
I look into the back of the car and see Rose and Benny are both sleeping and I should try to rest, but I haven’t slept properly in months. I don’t need as much sleep being Fallen, but I know I won’t be at my strongest if I don’t get some soon.
“Xander, she’s going to be okay,” Dimitri says quietly, not wanting to disturb the others. “She can handle this – whatever it is. I know Addie; she’ll survive if for no other reason than she won’t let him win.
I’m right there with you, but you know…” he hesitates, knowing his about to say something I’m not going to want to hear. “You really need to get over whatever is still between you and Kaden. Especially since things with Kas are probably going to be tense too. You need Kaden on your side.”
I say nothing. I know he’s right – of course he is. Addie is more important. I rest my head against the head rest and close my eyes. We’ll be there in a few hours, and I need to build myself up for whatever is coming, but I’m plagued by the fact I need my brother’s help, and after everything that has happened, I don’t know if I can trust him. It all happened so long ago that even to me, some of the details are foggy now.
Crash (The Immortal Chronicles Book 2) Page 8