by Lily Love
The look in his mother’s eyes was poisonous. Craig’s father was a little more composed, but Craig saw his anger simmering beneath the surface.
Craig didn’t care.
His life wasn’t about his own comfort anymore. If he had to break ties with his family, so be it. Isaac would not suffer.
To Craig’s surprise, they left without much more of a fight. He saw both of them to the door, bade them a curt goodbye, then closed the door and locked it. Locking it didn’t really help because his father had a key, but it made Craig feel a little better.
He bumped up getting his locks changed to the top of his priority list.
Craig didn’t think that his parents were coming back, so he returned to the study and settled in front of the computer. The Skype call with Jack was still up, but Jack was offline.
What a botched call that had been. Craig sighed and rubbed at his eyes.
I should send Jack a text to apologize. He didn’t deserve to see all that.
Craig minimized the Skype screen, then opened up his text message history with Jack. It was strange that after a month of talking at all hours of the day that their conversation was dead.
Sorry you had to see that. It’s a really stressful time w/ my family rn. I’m safe and they’re gone.
The reply to Craig’s text came only a few seconds later.
Glad you’re safe. Sorry that you’re going through all this. If you need someone to talk to, you can call or text me at any time.
Craig smiled. Jack was compassionate and understanding in a way Craig didn’t feel like he deserved. After so long spent harboring a bitter attitude and clawing his way mercilessly to the top despite his relationship with others, it felt good to have a friend. Jack didn’t care about Craig’s money or his family ties — he cared about Craig as a person.
And Craig cared about Jack as a person, too. He cared about Jack a lot.
Probably a little more than he should.
Cecilia had called Craig out on it, after all. He’d been glued to his phone since leaving North Carolina. Jack made him happy. True friendship felt terrific in a way Craig hadn’t expected it to. It felt a lot like having a crush.
A very manly, kind-of-guilty crush.
Thank you. I’ll talk to you a little later. Gotta get some stuff ordered for Isaac.
Jack didn’t reply. Craig set the phone down on his desk and tried to disregard the prickling sorrow deep in his throat and chest. He couldn’t explain it.
He had everything to look forward to — a new start, a new son, and a clean break from his family — so why was one strained friendship taking its toll on him?
He refocused his attention on that baby supplies he needed and got back to work.
Nadine lived in a small apartment in a tougher neighborhood in Los Angeles. It was the kind of neighborhood that Craig’s parents would have forbidden him from visiting if they knew he was out and about it in.
It was the same neighborhood he’d been visiting over the last two years during his relationship with Synthia.
The apartment lobby smelled like cat piss, but the smell dissipated by the time Craig reached Nadine’s floor. Craig knocked, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
He was there to pick Isaac up.
All of the baby supplies had arrived. He’s cleared out the study and set up a little nursery. He’d made sure he had diaper bags and all the necessary diapers and wipes to fill it with. There were jars of baby food in his pantry, just in case and a shallow washing basin for Isaac for bath time. Craig had spent hours picking out onesies and other outfits in different sizes because, he was ashamed to admit, he didn’t know what size Isaac wore.
All of that would change in time. He had no idea how to be a father, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to do the best job he could at it.
Nadine answered the door not long after he’d knocked. She kept the chain latched until she had a visual on him, then slid the end out from where it was attached to the door and let Craig in. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Craig said. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah. It’d be kind of stupid if I left you standing at the door, now wouldn’t it?”
Craig had nothing to say to that. He stepped into the apartment and Nadine closed the door behind him.
“You got a car waiting outside?” Nadine asked.
“Yeah, I do,” Craig said. “I’ll be able to take whatever you want to give me. Clothes, food, furniture… I can move it all down.”
“I have some outfits, but not too much else. I guess the formula. No furniture, we’ve been making do with what I have.” As Nadine spoke, she crossed the apartment floor. The front door led into a very short hall that opened into a living room. “I’ll throw them in a bag for you.”
“Thanks.” Craig looked around. The apartment was small, but clean. “Where is he?”
“Isaac?” Nadine asked from the kitchen. Craig heard plastic bags crinkling. “He’s in my bedroom. It’s the one with the door open. You can go in if you don’t touch anything that’s mine.”
Craig wasn’t planning on it. He found the open door and stepped through into a darkened bedroom. The curtains were drawn and the lights were off. The light from the living room streamed in, letting him see that the bed was unmade. On it, nestled in comfortable looking blankets, slept Isaac.
Craig’s heart melted all over again.
Isaac was still too young to look much like anyone, but Craig imagined some of himself in Isaac’s face. The slope of his tiny nose. The shape of his eyes. The curve of his lips…
Craig stood at the bedside, afraid to touch him. He didn’t want to disturb Isaac’s sleep.
Nadine entered the room. She flicked on the light as she did, but Isaac didn’t stir. Craig’s initial impulse was to scold her for not thinking of Isaac’s needs before flipping on the light unannounced, but he stopped himself. Nadine had been taking care of Isaac for much longer than he had, and it looked like she knew what she was doing.
Nadine began to stuff clothes into a garbage bag. All of Isaac’s belongings were in disarray on top of her dresser. Craig stayed near the bed, keeping an eye on Isaac.
“You can pick him up, you know,” Nadine said. “That kid sleeps all the time. I’m pretty sure not even an earthquake would wake him.”
Craig hesitated. He was nervous. He’d never picked a baby up before. The last time he’d held Isaac, Nadine had placed him in Craig’s arms.
“How do I lift him?” Craig asked. “I mean… I have to be careful about his head, right?”
“You’re a grown man — I’m sure you can figure it out,” Nadine said sarcastically from the dresser. “Just be thoughtful, that’s all.”
Thoughtful? Craig looked down at his son. He slept so peacefully.
How was he going to take care of Isaac if he was afraid to pick him up?
Fearful that he was doing it wrong, Craig bent at the waist and scooped Isaac up from the blankets. He made sure to keep his head supported.
“There you go,” Nadine said. She glanced at Craig over her shoulder. “That’s it. Congratulations.”
“You’re not afraid he’s going to break?” Craig asked.
Nadine shrugged. “I’ve had experience with babies. I know they’re not going to break. Once you get used to him, you’ll know what I mean.”
Craig wasn’t sure that he would. He rocked Isaac in his arms very slowly, savoring the moment. This was the start of something new and great.
“Anyway,” Nadine said. “Here are his things. Everything’s in this trash bag. Are you good to carry it?”
Craig didn’t think it looked heavy. She held it toward him with one hand and didn’t appear to be struggling. He took it from her and nodded. “It’s fine. It’s not heavy at all.”
“Good. Then I guess you guys are cleared to go.”
It was an invitation to leave. Craig knew that Nadine didn’t particularly like him. He was fine with that. He hadn’t been a good person when he was with
her sister, snobby and thinking that he was the better person. He hoped he could prove that he’d changed.
“Thank you for everything,” Craig said. “Do you want me to call and follow up with you about Isaac?”
“Only if something drastic happens that I should know about,” Nadine said. “Right now I’m Synthia’s link to the outside world, so if she needs to know something about her son, I should know it, too.”
“Understood.” Craig nodded. With Isaac cradled to his chest and the bag full of Isaac’s belongings in hand, Craig left the bedroom and approached the front door. “I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“Oh!” Nadine said. She stopped him by the door. “Before you go, I gotta make sure… do you have a car seat?”
“I do,” Craig said. “Brand new. It’s set up in the back seat.”
“Good.” Nadine glanced at Isaac, then back at Craig. “Don’t fuck it up. You don’t know something, you call me, okay?”
“Okay,” Craig promised. Secretly he was glad for the support. “I will.”
“Good.” Nadine pointed her chin toward the door. “Now get out of here. I’ve got to get to work in like half an hour.”
“Have a good time on shift.”
She shot him a look that said she wouldn’t. Craig took that as his cue to bow his head and leave.
When the apartment door closed behind him, he looked down at Isaac and was struck by what had just happened. Someone had entrusted him with a baby. Someone thought he was mature and responsible enough to keep another human being alive.
Craig prayed they weren’t wrong.
“Hey, little man,” Craig said to his sleeping son. “It’s you and me now. What do you say we go home?”
Home. Their brand new start together.
Craig beamed.
No matter what, he was going to make it work.
8
Jack
Thinking of you.
The text came out of the blue late one evening long after Jack had gone to bed. In the darkness of his bedroom he stared down at the screen. His heart fluttered.
It was from Craig.
Getting over his crush was a lot harder than Jack thought it would be. Since Craig had taken Isaac home, their conversations had been few and far between, but every now and then Craig sent Jack something heartfelt.
Something that made Jack feel like there was more between them than simple friendship.
Thinking of you.
Jack read it again. He flopped back on the bed and held the phone up, looking at those three simple words. If Craig wasn’t interested in him, he was doing a great job at pretending to be.
Thinking of you, too.
Jack knew he should try to sleep, but he didn’t want to. A chance at a conversation with Craig was worth being tired the next morning. He was smitten.
What are you up to rn? Craig asked.
In bed. Should be sleeping but I can’t.
Yeah. Isaac is being fussy.
How is everything going with him?
The response took so long that Jack was ready to put his phone back down.
He’s good. We’re falling into a routine, I think. I’m still really uncertain about a lot of things.
And your parents? Jack chewed his lip. He hoped Craig’s parents were keeping out of this.
Can I call you?
Yeah.
Jack unplugged his phone from the charger and waited for Craig’s call. His pulse sped. It was like he was in high school, waiting for his crush to call so they could talk about homework. Jack knew there wasn’t anything more between him and Craig, but it didn’t stop him from fantasizing otherwise.
The phone rang. A goofy picture Jack and Craig took together at Lane and Roman’s wedding popped up on the screen. Jack smiled. He’d forgotten about it.
He answered the call and held the phone to his ear. “Hey.”
“Hey, thanks for talking,” Craig said. “I’m trying to run laundry so I’ve got you on Bluetooth. It turns out cloth diapers are a pain in the ass. I had no idea Isaac would go through so many diapers in a day.”
“Ah, diaper duty.” Jack grinned. His older sister had a young family, and Jack had played babysitter on more than one occasion. “I feel you.”
“Anyway, my parents are thankfully staying out of this. They’ve been absolute nightmares about the whole thing. I’m still mortified you had to see my father burst into my condo like that.”
“No, it’s fine. I know it’s not something you wanted to happen. It’s not like you invited him in.” Jack pulled his blankets up around his shoulders and rolled over so he cocooned himself. “I’m just worried about Isaac.”
“Yeah.” Craig sounded miserable. “Me too.”
For a moment there was silence. Jack contemplated the misery in Craig’s voice and regretted it. Craig didn’t deserve to be talked down to like he had been when his father stormed the condo.
“I got the locks changed,” Craig said. “Before I went to pick up Isaac, I made sure of it. I don’t think my parents are evil enough to break into my place in the middle of the night to try to harm him, but at the same time, I don’t want to take the chance, you know?”
“I know,” Jack said. “It sounds like you’re doing the right thing.”
“It’s bad enough that they keep calling me, asking me to reconsider. A few days ago they had a law office specializing in child custody contact me. It’s just… it’s getting old.” Craig sounded exhausted. “I want them to accept that Isaac and I are a packaged deal. Either they can take us and love us together, or they can cut us out of their lives entirely. I’m sick of this passive-aggressive bullshit.”
“I’m not sure it’s passive-aggressive if they’re contacting lawyers,” Jack said. “That sounds pretty aggressive to me.”
“I guess. I’m trying not to think about it. No matter what they want, I’m not going to budge. Isaac is mine, and when Synthia gets out of rehab we’re going to work out an arrangement that works for both of us and that serves in Isaac’s best interest.”
“How much longer does she have before she’s released?” Jack asked.
“I don’t know. I think she’s staying until she feels like she can manage, but…” There was hesitation in Craig’s voice. “The reason I broke up with her was because of her drinking problem. She wouldn’t stop for me. Thank god she stopped for Isaac’s sake, but I’m not convinced that she’s going to stick to her treatment. I don’t think she’s ready to give it up yet.”
“What will happen then?”
“Well… if she’s a danger to Isaac because of her drinking, I’m going to fight for full custody,” Craig said. “I’m not going to let him be neglected or hurt because I wasn’t brave enough to fight for him. I want him to know that his dad is always there for him.”
It was the first time they’d spoken since the Skype call, but Jack already heard a change in Craig’s voice. He was more confident and sure of himself. He rose to the occasion and embraced fatherhood like he’d been born for it.
Heat spread across Jack’s cheeks and he curled up into a ball. A sense of responsibility like that was hot. Craig was already attractive before, but now that he was a father? That hit all the right buttons for Jack.
“You’re a good guy, Craig.”
“No.” Craig laughed dryly. “Or at least, I really didn’t used to be. All of this is so sudden for me. I used to be just like my parents, but a lot has changed since Roman came back to town, and now even more is changing now that I’m suddenly a dad.”
“It doesn’t matter who you were. All that matters is who you are.” Jack toyed with the inside of his blanket, running his hands along a hidden seam. “You’re a good man because you’re making the right choices even if they’re difficult. Who you were has no say in it.”
“I guess.” Craig didn’t sound convinced. “I’m just scared that my old life is going to come back to bite me in the ass. I’ve only ever lived in LA. Everyone I know knows the asshole I used
to be, and I don’t want Isaac to suffer because of it. He didn’t ask to be born into this life.”
Jack’s heart was heavy for Craig. His mind spun on a solution to Craig’s problems. Before Jack had time to filter what he wanted to say, he spoke. “Then why don’t you leave California for a little while?”
“What?”
“Come stay out here and stay with me for a few months until things are settled,” Jack said. “I’ve got a spare bedroom and my sister has a ton of old baby stuff in storage that she isn’t using anymore. I could truck it over and get it set up. You and Isaac would have somewhere quiet and far away from family to bond until you figure out what your next steps are.”
Jack hated himself for offering as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He wasn’t inviting Craig out of pure selflessness — he had other motives and he knew it.
“You wouldn’t mind?” Craig asked. “Your schedule is booked for two months, right? It wouldn’t throw things out of line to move all that stuff in and get me settled?
Shit.
“I’ll move things around,” Jack said smoothly. “The offer stands. I wouldn’t have extended it to you if I wasn’t ready to take you up on it.”
“Well… thanks.” Craig didn’t sound certain. “I’ll have to think about it for a little while. Everything is happening at once and I feel like I’m being pulled in a thousand different directions.”
“I totally understand. There’s no pressure. If you do decide, just let me know before you hop on a plane, okay?”
“Got it.”
Isaac wailed in the background. Jack smiled.
“That’s Isaac,” Craig said. “I’ve got to go get him settled. It was good talking to you, Jack, and… thank you.”
“It was good talking to you, too,” Jack said. A warm feeling spread through his stomach, almost mimicking the effect of a strong shot of alcohol. Jack closed his eyes and let it wash through him. “Talk later. Have a good night.”
“Goodnight.”
The call ended. Jack set the phone beside him on the mattress and imagined what it would be like if Craig came to stay.
He’d have a full house with all the chaos that came with having a newborn. He’d have a man around — someone he could talk to and spend time with. There would be lazy Sundays watching football and fantastic weekends hosting barbecues out on the back deck.