Phillip had no idea how to handle Amber when she was in a mood like this one, but he couldn’t leave until they had reached some kind of understanding. She had become too important to him, and he had hurt her.
Trusting God to bring him the right words, he crossed the room and pulled a chair over beside her. He sat down and took her hand. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She tried to pull away. He held on.
The catch in her voice made him want to kick himself for upsetting her. “I’m sorry for a lot of things. For kissing you last night, not in the least.”
“If you’re expecting a repeat, you’re not getting one.”
He chuckled. “How can you be so cute even when you’re mad at me?” She opened her mouth but shut it quickly. He turned her hand over and began stroking her palm with his thumb. “Now you’re speechless?”
“I can’t very well say I’m not cute because I am. That doesn’t make me less irritated with you.”
Her tone, if not her words, showed she was somewhat mollified. It was hard to believe she hadn’t pulled her hand away and slapped him. That gave him hope.
“Let’s get things out in the open. Maybe then we won’t have to tiptoe around each other for the next few weeks.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“I think it is. From my point of view, we were both elated by the beauty of Anna’s birth. The moonlight and the scent of roses were utterly romantic. You are a beautiful woman. One thing led to another and we kissed. It wasn’t wrong. It was an expression of joy. I’d repeat the event in a heartbeat.”
The tension left her shoulders and the wary expression disappeared from her eyes. A shy smile tugged at the corner of her oh-so-kissable lips. “That wasn’t exactly an apology.”
“No, and I won’t offer one. I don’t regret that I kissed you. I do regret it’s making it difficult for us to work together. Believe it or not, I do understand boundaries.”
“You’re giving our interlude too much credit. We had trouble working together before then.”
Letting go of her hand, he sat back with a grin. “Okay, you’re right about that, but we are making progress.”
“I know I’m right. I’m right about a lot of things. Including Sophie Knepp.”
Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on his knees and clasped his hand together. “Let’s say you are right and her delivery goes off without a hitch. Is it really going to make a difference to this Amish community to have one mother deliver at a hospital just to be on the safe side? Come on, are these people so fragile or so autocratic that they can’t accept this?”
He watched the internal struggle going on behind her expressive eyes. Finally, she shook her head.
He sat back. “I’ve reviewed your charts. I have agreed with all your assessments except this one. Doesn’t that prove I think you know your stuff?”
“Maybe.”
“Not maybe. Yes or no?”
“Okay, yes, you believe I know my stuff.”
“And you will agree that I know my stuff?”
“Maybe.”
Shaking his head in exasperation, he said, “Yes or no, Amber?”
“Yes, you’re a skilled doctor who has the best interests of his patients in mind.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Reaching out, he took her hand again. “Does this mean we can kiss and make up?”
She yanked her hand away. “In your dreams, buster.”
How right she was. She’d been invading his dreams for some time now. He didn’t see it stopping anytime soon.
There was a knock at the door. Wilma looked in. “I got hold of the Knepps’ neighbor who went right over to give them your message. He just called me back on his cell phone. He was still at their house. Sophie says it was false labor. Elijah jumped the gun by calling. She says she’s sorry to have alarmed you.”
“Thank you, Wilma.”
Rising, Phillip looked at them both. “We’ve got forty minutes before our next patient. How about lunch at the Shoofly? It’s on me.”
“I’ve already had my sandwich,” Wilma replied. She left the room, but she made a point of leaving the door open.
Phillip turned to Amber. “What about you? Have you forgiven me enough to join me for lunch?”
“Only if we go Dutch.”
It was always small victories with her. Independent, stubborn and passionate about her work, he wouldn’t have her any other way. “Dutch it is.”
Leaving Wilma to hold down the fort, Phillip walked beside Amber as they traversed the few blocks to the café.
He fought the urge to hold her hand the entire way. He kept his hands inside his lab coat pockets instead.
The day was sunny and warm, but the breeze made it bearable. At the café, the interior was cool and filled with appetizing aromas that made his mouth water. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was.
Katie came forward to greet them. “Willkommen. I’m afraid we don’t have a table for you, but the wait should not be long. Our special today is pork chops with fresh peas and home-baked dinner rolls.”
“Sounds wonderful, Katie. What’s for dessert?”
Katie grinned, “We have raisin pie. I know you want a slice of that.”
“Oh, yes I do.”
Phillip nudged Amber with his elbow. “Let’s have lunch first before you go diving into dessert.”
“All right, but we don’t have time to wait for a table. It took us ten minutes to walk here.”
“We have some fried chicken ready. I can make you a quick picnic,” Katie offered.
“Is that all right?” Phillip asked Amber. He loved the outdoors and the sun on his face. He suspected Amber was the outdoorsy type but he didn’t know for certain.
To his delight, she said, “Sounds great. We can eat at the park. It’s a block from the clinic.”
He liked the sound of that. Amber was being practical. He saw it as the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with her. Their brief but so-very-sweet kiss left him longing for more. He smiled at the prospect of a repeat.
A hint of wariness crept into her eyes. He wiped the grin from his face. It wasn’t like he was planning to kiss her again. He wasn’t. Absolutely not. No way.
He turned his attention to the rest of the room. From their spot by the door, he saw the place was indeed packed with a dozen or so English tourists, and numerous Amish families at the other tables.
Phillip leaned toward Amber. “I didn’t think the Amish ate out.”
“Sure they do. They come for special occasions like birthdays or simply to enjoy a break from home cooking on market day.”
At the nearest table, Phillip noticed that two of the children where dwarfs. “I’ve seen a disproportionately large number of little people since I’ve arrived.”
“The Amish, because of intermarriages, suffer from many inherited diseases such as the dwarfism that those children have.”
“For people who don’t believe in health insurance, some inherited diseases must place a huge burden on the families.”
“They don’t see it as a burden. They accept it as God’s will. They consider the children who are affected to be gifts from God.”
“As they are.”
“I’m glad you think so. I’ve noticed you are very good with the children who come to the clinic.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “I almost went into pediatrics.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I’ve wanted to be a family practice doctor since I was ten years old.” Memories of his unhappy childhood slipped out to taint the day.
“So young? Did something happen that pushed you in that direction?”
Staring into her sympathetic eyes, Phillip struggled with a difficult decision. Normally, he deflected questions about his early life. Plenty of people had looked down on him in the past. Deeply ashamed of the way he’d grown up and of his mother’s behaviors, he preferred to keep those
times bottled away.
Amber was someone who made him want to share even the ugly parts of his life. There was something about her that made him believe he could trust her—made him believe that she would understand.
Was he right? Could he take that chance?
Chapter Seventeen
Katie returned with their box lunches, giving Phillip a chance to ponder his options. Some inner part of him wanted to share everything about himself with Amber. He had guarded his past so closely for so long, he wasn’t sure he could talk about it now. It existed like a bad dream in the back of his mind.
With their lunches and ice-cold bottles of soda in hand, they left the Shoofly and started back toward the clinic. Flashing a sidelong glance at her, he half hoped she would forget about her question.
She hadn’t. After taking a sip of her cola, she went right back to the subject. “What happened that made you want to become a doctor?”
He walked in silence for several yards, unable to bring himself to talk about it.
She cast a worried glance his way. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
He opened his mouth to say it was a personal matter he didn’t care to discuss. That wasn’t what came out. “When I was ten, my mother and her current boyfriend had a birthday party for me. I can’t remember his name. She had so many men in her life that they all run together in my head.”
Looking down, he expected to see repugnance. He saw only sympathy in her beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry, Phillip. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.”
Suddenly, it was as if the floodgates of his emotions broke open. His unhappy past came pouring out. “It was so hard. A new town every few months, a new ‘Uncle’ just as often. I was always the new kid at school who didn’t fit in, who wore dirty clothes. It didn’t pay trying to make friends because I knew I’d be leaving.”
“Yet you turned out to be a responsible, caring adult. You became a physician, which is no easy task.”
“That was due in large part to my stepfather. When I was fifteen, God brought a great guy into our lives. A man who saw how sad Mom was and helped her find a better life. Michael is a devout Christian. He showed me God’s blessings in my own life. He made me realize I didn’t have to shoulder my burdens alone. I still have a ways to go in being a good Christian, but I’m trying to get there. It was Michael’s generosity that allowed me to go to medical school, although I did receive some academic scholarships.”
By this time they had reached the park. They found a picnic table in the shade of a pear tree and sat down. The park was deserted except for a few squirrels chattering as they raced from treetop to treetop. The faint breeze smelled of newly mown grass. Phillip opened his box just as Amber held out her hand and bowed her head. He grasped her hand and did the same.
She said, “We thank You, Lord, for the food that nourishes our body. Grant us Your comfort and Your grace as we work to do Your will. Amen.”
“Amen,” Phillip echoed. Slowly, he released her hand.
“What happened on your birthday?” She took a bite of her drumstick. Her gaze didn’t leave his face.
Drawing a deep breath, he said, “Mom’s boyfriend asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. She told him I was going to be a doctor like my father planned to be. It was the first I’d heard that my dad wanted to be a doctor. I cornered her later that night before she and what’s-his-name went out to party. I asked her what kind of doctor my dad wanted to be. She hemmed and hawed, but finally told me he wanted to be a family doctor.”
“Your father must have wanted to be like his own dad. I’m sure Harold would be happy to know that.”
Phillip took a drink, then said, “You once asked me how Harold and I found each other.”
“I remember. You said it was personal. I respect that.”
“I want to tell you now. Sometimes, when I’m in my grandfather’s house, I try to put myself in his place. I try to imagine what it would be like to live alone in that small house for thirty-four years. I stare at the walls and wonder what made him give up a lucrative practice in Boston to come to Hope Springs. I wonder what makes him stay. Did he ever tell you what brought him here?”
“No, and I never asked. By the time I began working here he was already a fixture, like the clock in the town square. I didn’t even know he came from Boston. Perhaps it was the death of his only son that made him leave.”
He shrugged. “Mother rarely talked about my father although I pestered her for information about him from the time I could talk. I was certain if he had lived my life would have been different. I thought my mother would have been happy. That we would live in a house instead of rented trailers and abysmal run-down apartments.”
“It’s easy to understand that you wanted to know him.”
“That’s the easy part. The rest is weird.”
“How so?”
“My mother never showed me a picture of my dad. Yet she kept it all those years. Through all the moves and all the crummy boyfriends. When I found it, I didn’t know who he was. I turned it over. On the back of the picture he’d written, ‘To my wife Natalie with all my love, Brendan.’ I was shocked.”
“What did she say when you asked her about it? She had to know how much you wanted to learn things about him.”
“She gave no explanation other than to say it was a personal item and for me to put it away.”
“That is weird. Perhaps it was too painful for her to look at.”
“That was always her excuse. Once I knew my dad had been in the military, I started searching his military records for some clues about what kind of man he was. That was how I found out about Harold. He was listed along with my mother as kin. My mother told me that my dad was an orphan, that he had no family.”
“Why would she do that?”
“I don’t have a clue. She’s very good at avoiding uncomfortable situations. From the moment I learned of my grandfather’s existence, I spent every free minute and every free dime I had trying to track him down. I looked online, combed through old newspaper articles and public records. It was slow going. I finally hired a private detective in Boston to do the legwork for me.”
“And that’s how you found Harold?”
“The P.I. was a good investment. Within a week, he sent me Harold’s current address and the phone number of this clinic. I can’t begin to describe the emotions going through me at that moment.”
“To finally find your father’s father must have been wonderful.”
“My fingers were cold as icicles when I dialed the number. My heart was beating so hard I thought I might stroke out.”
Every word of that first conversation remained imprinted in Phillip’s mind. After explaining who he was and how he’d found Harold, Phillip waited for his grandfather’s reaction.
Amber said, “I imagine Harold was delighted to hear from you.”
“His reaction wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped for. Harold was hard to convince. Who could blame him? To have me pop up out of nowhere after thirty-four years must have been a shock. I told him about the military records and the P.I. I left my phone number with him, then I hung up and waited.”
“He may have sounded hesitant when you were on the phone but I saw him when he came out of his office after speaking to you. There was such joy on his face. He didn’t share his news until a few days later but I knew something big was up.”
“That’s because he hired a P.I. to check me out first.”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
“He’s a smart man. A week after our first contact Harold called me. We began a tentative long-distance relationship. After nearly a year of e-mails and phone conversations, Harold announced he was ready to meet me. We both know how that turned out. I ran him down with my car.”
Reaching out, Amber laid a hand on his arm. “You never intended to hurt him, Phillip. It was an accident. You have to stop blaming yourself.”
Her gesture of comfort was exactly what he
needed. A sense of peace settled in his bones. “You’re right. I can’t blame myself forever.”
Amber withdrew her hand. The warmth between them cooled as she concentrated on her pie. Words didn’t seem adequate but she needed to say something. “Thank you for sharing your story with me. I feel honored.”
“Thank you for listening.”
They finished their meal in silence. As they gathered their trash and disposed of it, he glanced at his watch. “Time to get back to work.”
And time to shift back into her professional mode. If only Phillip didn’t make it so hard for her to maintain that persona.
Having him share his unhappy childhood memories with her touched her deeply. Little by little he was creeping into her heart in a way she knew would lead to heartbreak. He’d be leaving in a few weeks. She simply had to get a grip on these emotions.
If only he weren’t such a wonderful person. Sure, they disagreed about a few things, important things. She could get downright angry with him but it never lasted long. He had a way of smoothing over the rough spots and making her like him all over again.
Besides being charming, he was wonderful with patients, especially the children. He attended the same church she did. He had strong Christian beliefs. He was growing to accept and care about the Amish and their ways.
Okay, he’s an almost perfect man. My mother would fall over backward with joy if I brought him home.
So why had the Lord brought such a wonderful man into her life if he wasn’t going to stay? It was a question she couldn’t answer. The ways of the Lord were not for her understanding.
Back at the office, they went through the rest of the day together without any more blowups or exchanged confidences. A little before five o’clock, they were in the lobby getting ready to close for the night.
Phillip said, “I still have to make my rounds at the hospital in Millersburg. I should get going.”
“And I need to see Mary and her baby.”
“Let me know how they’re doing.” He held up one hand. “Not because I don’t trust your professional expertise. Because I’d like to know how they’re getting along.”
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