“I…”
She saw it then, the crack in his armor. His flood of emotions said it all. That was what he had been hoping for. He had been hoping she would never remember and then he would never have to risk losing her. The rage built inside, but she didn’t try to hold it back. He’d lied to her so many times already. The rage built and burned, rolling inside of her, like a deep sea wave bursting to crash on the shore.
There was a squeak behind her, and she spun around to see Abbey and Nate in the doorway. Abbey’s face looked almost as pale as Nate’s. Karen had lied. Abbey had not sent for her. Nate seemed to understand what was coming. He pulled Abbey into the room and Evaine slammed the door, locking it. She did not want to hurt them. Slowly she turned on Luca, her breath being sucked in, in huge gulps. He had inched closer, his eyes on fire, but he was watching her like a predator. He was trying to trap her in the dead end hallway. She bared her teeth at him.
“Evaine.”
“No!”
“Evaine, let me explain.” His voice soothed. But his emotions betrayed him; he was anxious, tense, and scared.
“Tell me. Tell me, Luca. What were the errands you went on two weeks ago?’
“I had something—”
“Don’t lie to me! I can tell you’re lying again. Where did you go? Tell me!”
“There was a lead—”
“No. Nate said he didn’t send you anywhere. Where did you go? Tell me the truth.” She was so close to losing control that she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to hold back.
He stopped trying to move closer to her. Finally he closed his eyes. “I went to see him.”
“You went to him. You went to Tristan. My Tristan. What did you do to him? You stay away from him!”
“I didn’t do anything. I thought that maybe if I could make him stop looking for you then—”
It was too late; the rage overtook her. Luca flew down the hall away from her and over the couch in the family room, hitting the far wall in the kitchen. She held him there, pinned in place, as she ran up the hallway and into the study. Luca yelled her name but she didn’t stop. She ran into the cell block in time to see two men she didn’t recognize rush her. Behind her, Luca shouted at them not to harm her. They leaped forward, but she was quicker. Throwing them into the air she knocked them out cold. Running past she caught a glimpse of a red miniskirted figure standing in the shadows. Karen looked truly terrified. Evaine glared at her, and she backed away.
Evaine tore down the hall toward the exit to the upper house. She stumbled and realized her energy was being drained too quickly. She released Nate and Abbey’s door. Reaching the elevator she pushed the button. By the time it arrived, Luca was rounding the corner, yelling at her with a horrified look on his face.
“Don’t go. Stay here.”
The doors slid closed as he reached her. He stuck his arm in to keep them open. She gave him a mental shove and he fell backward. The last thing she saw was the desperate look in his eyes. The last thing she heard was his voice in her head. “Stay with me.” Luca banged on the elevator shaft with his fists and howled.
She had to see Tristan. He was her first love. He had taken care of her, looked out for her, taught her that she was worthy of love. But Luca, she needed Luca. Conflicted for a minute she wavered. Then the realization of what she had done downstairs slapped her in the face. She had told herself that if she hurt anyone again, she would leave.
She pulled open the front door to the upper house and the night air rushed in to meet her. A piercing bark snapped her into action. Bobby Lee and John Casey were on their way. She had mere seconds before both they and the dogs would be on her, and she didn’t want to hurt them. She spotted Luca’s black sports car on the drive. Dashing down the stairs she slammed the door shut as the dogs hit the side. There was no key. She didn’t have much strength left. Focusing, she pushed hard, and the ignition roared to life. She threw it in gear and hit the pedal. She sped down the long driveway and pushed the gate open with her mind. Glancing in her rearview mirror she saw the lights coming on around the grounds. Men emerged from the house. The dogs chased her down the road. Everything flew from her sight as she floored the gas pedal and made for the highway.
Chapter Eighteen
At almost eleven Evaine pulled up a block away from Tristan’s apartment and parked the car. She was exhausted. Her ability and rage had drained and only the thought of seeing Tristan had kept her awake. Putting her head on the steering wheel she held back the tears. She refused to cry. What the heck had she been thinking? Did she think she was just going to walk right into Tristan’s building and knock on his door and say, “Honey, I’m home!”
She caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. Her ice blue eyes stared back at her. There was no way to hide them. And what about her hair and her skin? She was so stupid. She looked like an alien from another world.
A couple crossed in front of her car holding hands. He had her purse slung over his shoulder. She snuggled into his side. Evaine watched them walk, remembering the times she had done the same thing with Tristan. Her gut clenched as she stared at his building. He would be up there, right now, watching television or working on a merger or marketing campaign. She met her own gaze in the rearview mirror again. Alone in the silence, surrounded by the remnants of her old life, she understood for the first time. She shouldn’t have come. She had no place here.
A shuddering breath escaped her. She turned on the car and put it into gear. She spotted Tristan walking out of the building, and he wasn’t alone. He had a leash, and on the end of the leash was her dog. Her heart wrenched.
“Kale.” She sobbed.
It took every ounce of her restraint to stop herself from running to them. A cry stuck in her throat, and she had to shove the edge of her fist into her mouth to keep from screaming. She cut the engine off as he started toward her. Mentally she caused the street lamp closest to her to flicker and darken. In the shadows of the car, she crouched down in her seat. Tristan wore his old college sweatshirt and black sweats with his silly old flip flops that were barely even holding together anymore. His dark, wet hair looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. Her chest constricted as he passed less than five feet from her. She looked down to find her hand shaking on the door handle. She snatched it away.
He got further down the block. She needed to see him. Just to make sure he was all right. She searched the car for something to cover herself with. Luca’s trench coat and skull cap lay in the back. Pulling on the coat she tucked her hair up under the cap as best she could and got out of the car. Tristan rounded the corner. She crossed the street and stepped into the shadow of the apartment block.
The smells of the city flooded her with memories. Pressing herself into the cold stone of the building she tried to get her bearings. The stench of oil, sweat, hot dogs, and smog filled her head. Too many scents to register, but all familiar. Tristan’s cologne lingered in the air, making her heart ache. The distant sounds of horns honking, club music, and people bombarded her brain. Minutes passed and she let her senses adjust to her surroundings. She pulled out her earbuds and shoved them into her ears, glad that there weren’t too many humans around. She wasn’t sure if she could handle the hunger yet.
Finally, she peered around the corner. Tristan had crossed into the small park that they would sometimes visit to watch the sunrise. A whimper stuck in her throat as she remembered the times they’d spent together there. A small group of trees on the far end of the park provided what she needed for cover. She ran for them, making her way without being seen until she hid behind one.
Tristan let Kale off his leash to roll in the grass. From her vantage point near the tree she could see them clearly. Sadness filled her as she noticed his gaunt face and eyes, heavy with lack of sleep. She’d never seen Tristan like this before. Turning away from him, her arms ached to hold him.
He had been her rock, her knight in shining armor. Ever since their first date, he ha
d been her big brother, her best friend, and the love of her life. Logical and stable, Tristan was the constant she hadn’t had before. How could she have forgotten him?
Kale sniffed the ground, caught a scent, and started to follow it. The sight made her smile. Many a time she’d been pulled down the street by him following his nose. Kale wandered closer to the trees. Crap. She silently begged Tristan to look up, to catch the dog before he got any closer. Kale lifted his head and sniffed the air. Reflexively she held her breath. A small whine escaped his mouth and a soft woof. Again he sniffed and again he came a step closer. His whines became louder and he barked again, his tail wagging. He was almost to where she hid.
“Kale!” Tristan yelled. “No, Kale, not again. Come here!” Tristan hung up the phone with a snap and jogged to where Kale bounded back and forth, on the other side of the tree she pressed herself into.
“Come on, Kale.” Tristan snapped a chain leash onto Kale’s choke collar. “No more late night visitors for us, boy. Let’s get out of here.” Tristan pulled on Kale’s leash, but Kale stood fast, pulling against the chain and whining softly.
“Kale, I’m not doing this tonight. I’m too tired, and I have to go into the office tomorrow. If I don’t show up I’m going to lose my job. Now let’s go!” Evaine felt Kale’s breath on her hand and as she looked down. He licked her, and then he was gone. Evaine slid down the tree and sat in silence listening to Tristan struggle with Kale. She had to get out of here. Now more than ever she realized this had been a bad idea.
Evaine waited till she could no longer hear Tristan; then she crossed the street and headed toward the car. She was going to get in Luca’s car and drive away. With her hand on the door, she stopped. She was never going to see them again. Looking at the side of Tristan’s building, she ran to it before she had time to think. Peeking around the corner she spotted them talking to Zach. Kale was looking in her direction and occasionally whining and pulling on his leash. Tristan turned, and she leaned back against the wall away from them. Tears streamed down her face as she hit the sidewalk with a thump. Putting her hands over her eyes she sobbed. Her feet slid out, and she heard a clink of metal. A familiar set of keys lay by her foot. The “Studly” keychain she had bought him as a joke stared at her from the ground. She reached out with her hand to pick them up.
“Hey, those are mine. What are you doing?” Tristan had rounded the corner. Immediately, she stood up and turned her face away from him. He was so close to her that she could smell him.
“They were laying on the ground.” She pulled the skull cap down lower over her face and lifted up the long trench coat to cover as much of her as she could. Tristan stood staring at the side of her head. She kicked the keys toward him. He slowly reached down to pick them up.
“What are you people, druggies or something? You won’t find any drugs or raves or anything like that around here. This is a nice neighborhood.”
“No…I was lost, that’s all…I’m going now,” she stammered and walked away.
“Yeah, well, see that you don’t find yourself lost around here again.”
She couldn’t stand the way he was speaking to her. It was so unlike him. He had changed since she’d last seen him; it made her blood boil. This was her fault too.
“No problem.” She neared the edge of the street where she would cross to get to the car.
“If I see you around here again I’ll call the police and have you arrested. Do you understand?” He followed her, not letting it go.
“I understand,” she said softly.
“I said do you understand?” he asked again more forcefully.
“I said I understand.” She spun around to face him. She knew in an instant what she had done. His mouth fell open and he reached for her.
“Evaine,” he whispered.
She tried to compose herself. “No.” She backed away.
“Evaine,” he said more urgently, reaching for her again.
“No, I’m not…I don’t know any Evaine.”
He closed the distance between them. “Evaine, don’t go.”
She turned to run, but he tried to grab her and got the skull cap instead. Her hair fell out of the cap and cascaded down her back. She heard his breath catch in his throat. She stopped moving and turned toward him, fresh tears welling in her eyes.
He took a step forward. She backed out of reach. “What’s happened to you?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. He moved forward as if to touch her face, but stopped when she stiffened.
“It’s OK. We can fix this, whatever it is that’s happened to you. We can fix it. Come home with me.”
She finally knew that this was why she had come. This is what she’d hoped for all along. She wanted him to take her into his arms and make it all better, to do what he always had done; she wanted Tristan to fix it. But this was not fixable.
Her chin quivered, and her mouth went dry. “I can’t. I’m not right anymore. You have to let me go now. Move on. Don’t search for me. Find a girl who’s better suited to you and live your life. Please, Tristan, if you love me, do this for me.”
“Evaine, stop.” His voice was angry and hurt.
“No, you need to stop. Take down the Web site. I’m dead now. Let me stay dead.”
“I won’t. I don’t believe you. Whatever happened to you, whoever did this to you, we can fix it. You and me together, like always.” He lifted a hand to touch her. At that moment she longed to feel his warm embrace.
She stiffened her resolve and shook her head. “No.” Her heart wrenched with every word. “It’s over. Go home.” She widened the distance between them, her heart breaking with every step. His hand grasped hers, pulling on her. “Don’t.” She turned just in time to see him stumble backward. She cried out; she hadn’t meant to push him mentally. Confusion and shock played all over his face. She wanted to go to him and comfort him. “I’m so sorry.” She raced down the street.
He called to her, his footsteps racing behind. Halfway down the next block a hand shot out of a darkened alleyway and grabbed her, pulling her into the blackness. She struggled and tried to scream, but the heavy hand covered her mouth. She felt the familiar tingle from the skin to skin contact and she looked up to see two orange eyes with pupils like slits staring down at her. Immediately she stopped struggling and threw her arms around him, burying her face into his chest. Stunned at first, he relaxed and held her as she clung to him under his coat. Pulling her close he pressed her against the cold bricks.
Footsteps stopped in front of the alleyway. Tristan called her name. She pressed against Luca tighter as a rumble escaped his chest. His whole body tensed the longer Tristan stood there. Taking Luca’s face in her hands she stared him in the eyes, trying to distract him from any ideas of hurting Tristan. Luca brushed his lips against her forehead and smelled her hair. Tristan continued to pace at the entrance, every now and then calling out her name.
After fifteen minutes she heard Tristan walk toward his building. When she could no longer hear his footsteps Luca stepped away and stared down at her. Shame over what she’d done washed over her. She looked down at the dirty pavement.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He lifted her face to meet his gaze. “Look at me.” They locked eyes for several minutes. She took in every inch of his face. His porcelain skin, his strong jawline and chin, his large fiery eyes were all perfect, as if that was how his face had always been meant to be. “Don’t. Ever. Do. That. Again.”
“I’m sorry I threw you. I just—”
“That’s not what I mean. I don’t care that you threw me across the house. Don’t ever take off like that again. You scared me almost to a second death. You have no clue what could have happened to you out here. Promise me.” He grabbed her roughly by the arms. “Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t do that again. You won’t take off.”
“I promise.” She was half relieved, half scared.
“I know you’re the most powerfu
l newborn we have ever seen. But I can’t protect you if you do that. I did wrong by not telling you right away about Tristan. I was scared. Scared that you might leave, scared that you would choose him. I’m not sure how I feel about a lot of things, but I’m sure how I feel about you. All I see is you. You’re in my head, in my thoughts, in my soul. Nothing means anything to me but you. Not the newborns, not the people doing this to us, nothing. When I think about my future, I no longer think about dying. I think about spending whatever existence I have left, with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. Not even Mya.”
“Luca. You know I have feelings for Tristan still.”
“But you yourself said that the two of you can’t be together. Even you see it. You don’t feel about him the way you feel about me. Admit it.”
She didn’t want to but… The connection between her and Luca was a thousand times stronger than the feelings she’d had for Tristan. “I can’t explain how I feel for you. I’ve never felt anything so intense in my old life or in this life. And I don’t think you can explain it either,” she said.
“I can’t, but I won’t deny it anymore, either. I haven’t let myself feel anything for a long time. I cut that part off from me ten years ago. But with you, from the first time we touched, I’ve had no choice in the matter. When I thought I’d lost you tonight, I was ready to tear up the whole world to find you. I know that part of it’s the connection we have, but part of it is much deeper. It’s something else completely. More than electricity, more than chemicals. Fighting the urges to be with you every day, to see you, touch you, taste you, is more unbearable than being with you. When you left tonight I knew where you would go. But I had to come. I had to make sure you were safe. All I kept thinking was that you were going to pass out while driving and end up in a wreck and dead. There’s nothing that could keep me from keeping you safe.”
Dead Awakenings Page 15