by A. E. Murphy
“Oh, before I forget. I’m going to America next week.”
He pauses, breathes and then says after kissing me on the bridge of my nose, “We’ll discuss it.”
Actually, we won’t because I’m going. I have to go. My mind is made up and Rep is right.
“Now, the grand tour please,” I insist and, with his help I take a few steps, wincing and wobbling with each foot to the ground.
“I’m going to lift you. I can’t stand to see you in this much pain.” He slowly bends and then gently begins to cradle me in his arms, careful of the bruising and breaks.
“Carrying me over the threshold.” I grin playfully as he walks us carefully to a gap in the hedges and kicks open a heavy wooden gate. “So you’ve really never lived here?” I admire the white stone modern style house, gawping at the beauty of it. “It’s amazing.”
“I wanted a home for my family, not too far from the office. When I didn’t get that family, I didn’t use said home. It’s too large for just one person.”
“It’s too large for just two people,” I mutter, clinging to his neck gently and inhaling his soft yet spicy aftershave. “I grew up in a more modest house.”
“I know.” He smiles as he unlocks the front door to my new temporary home. I’m blown away. The hall we step into is spacious, with proper polished wood flooring, sparse furniture that matches and doors leading to different areas of the house. “Most people, when they get the amount of money you got straight into their bank, go crazy buying lavish things. You haven’t purchased anything beyond your basic needs.”
“Not true; I bought new underwear and a PlayStation.” But that was with his money, so it likely doesn’t count.
He rolls his eyes. “You’d live out of a backpack for the rest of your life if you had a choice.”
“I’d buy new clothes whenever my old ones get dirty and I’d roam across the world.”
“You’re the least manipulative and shallow person I’ve ever met. I’ve never met somebody to be so happy with the bare minimum.”
I frown at that. “It’s not the bare minimum; it’s everything. I’m not just settling for basic things. I enjoy it like this.”
“I know.” He kicks open another door and leads me into another hall, this one as bright as the last but narrower.
When we make it to our destination I frown, disappointed at the sight of another bed. Sure, it’s huge and comfortable and definitely clean, but I was hoping for something that isn’t a bed.
“I don’t want to be in here,” I whine. “I want to see the living room and make a nest on your sofa.”
“I have a surprise for you.” He sits me gently on the bed and I watch with a quirked brow as he fluffs up the pillows, pulls back the blankets and then presses something on a tablet screen which rests on the wooden bedside table.
I yelp when a huge TV begins to descend from the ceiling. It lowers its bottom half, gliding to the space just above the wooden footboard at the end of the bed. The floor beside it lets out a peculiar squeak and a narrow table rises from the floor. This entire room is like a mechanical jigsaw. Even the curtains are electric.
I could get so lazy in here, so fast.
“Your consoles and games of choice, milady.” He grins and suddenly I no longer want to be in the living room. “I am officially your slave for as long as you need me.”
“I could get used to this.” I smirk as he passes me the game controller.
“I didn’t bother with game disks. I just downloaded a tonne of games and added a couple of hard drives for you. Download whatever you like; it’s linked to an account that’s at your disposal.”
“See? I’m not into the bare minimum. I enjoy lavish things.” I grin but it turns into a yelp of pain when I make the mistake of trying to drag myself up the bed. “Fuck…”
“Here.” He goes to help me, looking concerned, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “Cerise…”
“I need to use the bathroom before I settle and it’s time for my bloody pain medication.” I smile up at him and tap my lips, which he kisses with little objection. “Now, please fetch my pain medication and a glass of OJ while I powder my nose.”
“Powder your nose?” He grins, kissing me again and helping me up from the bed. “The bathroom is just through that door. Please be careful.”
I’m naughty because the second he has gone, I strip off my clothes as carefully as I can and step into the walk-in shower. My god the hot water feels amazing on my skin. The nurses in hospital only ran lukewarm baths and they were so bloody shallow I may as well not have bothered.
I could drown in this so happily.
My soapy hands caress my body and my swollen bump. I can’t bend to wash properly so I use the fancy sponges and such that are probably made to reach areas of one’s back.
I haven’t felt so clean in forever. Longer than forever.
I crane my neck and gently twist so I can try to see the extent of the damage from the bullet, but my ribs just won’t allow it. Instead, I finish washing my hair and feel it with my fingers. The rigid edge where the stitches pierce my flesh tingles as I gently caress them. The skin around them feels numb.
“Okay, enough.” Lockhart’s voice startles me, making me jolt. I hide the pain that slices through me and wait for him to open the glass door. “You’ve been in there long enough.”
I look at him through the glass of the shower door, placing my hand against it and smiling at his blurry figure standing with a white towel open in his hands.
Stepping out, I let him wrap me up and smile peacefully when he brushes my hair as I stand and then braids it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“At least I know you’ll be able to do our daughter’s hair.”
He kisses the curve of my shoulder and guides me back into the bedroom slowly, then he helps me dress in a different set of pyjamas. “Rest and play your games. I’ll make food. Do you fancy anything in particular?”
“I’m happy with anything; don’t go out of your way.” I shuffle carefully backwards up the bed until I’m at the soft cushions piled against the headboard.
Lockhart turns on the television and hands me the remote and controller. “Soup?”
I cringe and stick out my tongue.
Standing by the side of the bed he suggests, “Chicken salad?”
“Yuck.”
“Then what do you want?”
“I don’t know; surprise me.” My eyes are on my loading game. “Can I invite Kai and Dane round to see this place? They’ll be wellie jelly.”
“Wellie jelly?”
I shrug and smile in his direction, keeping my eyes on the TV. I must look psychotic but I don’t care. “It’s something I say sometimes.”
“You can invite whomever you like, whenever you like. This is your home.”
I smile again, this time looking like I’ve had a stroke, or so I imagine.
“Beef sandwich?”
“Nah.”
“Cereal?”
I shake my head.
“KFC?”
I stick out my tongue and pull a face.
Sighing he continues, “Maccies? Chinese? Indian?”
I say no to them all.
He huffs charmingly and raises a brow at me. “Cerise…”
“Beef sandwich?” I ask, finally looking at him in the eye as my game loads in the background.
His look of irritability quickly becomes a mask of frustration. “I just asked you if you wanted…” He stops mid-sentence, breathes, nods and adds, “coming right up.”
“You’re the best.”
His eyes soften. He leans on the bed and I tip my head back to accept his kiss, my eyes still on the game.
“But you need a break from me. You’ve literally been by my side for days. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you, I appreciate it all, but you’re going to start resenting me if you don’t go and be by yourself for a while.”
He licks my top lip with his tongue and smiles play
fully. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”
“Then why aren’t you in that kitchen making me that sandwich?”
Growling, he kisses me deeply, making me hum against his mouth and forget my game entirely. I play with his hair; he loves it when I do that. I just wish I could straddle him and release this ache in the pit of my stomach… mainly my groin.
“Damn it, I’m so horny!” I cry dramatically.
He lurches back, his eyes wild, and I know he feels the same. “Kitchen.” He points towards the door. “Drink?”
“Whatever you have. Nothing fizzy. She doesn’t let me have fizzy.”
He really has been bending over backwards for us, I think as he leaves the room. It’ll be our downfall if it’s forced. It doesn’t seem to be. He seems happy enough and I wonder if it’s because he’s worried I’ll leave. But he shouldn’t want me to stay if it’s not for the right reasons.
We should talk soon, once I’ve processed the information he already piled on me in the car.
Once I get past the beginning of this game.
He brings me the most delicious beef sandwich on soft bread with butter, iceberg lettuce, a thin scraping of mustard and some diced cucumber and onion.
Sitting beside me on the bed, we eat together, careful not to get crumbs on the mattress. That’d be a sin.
Once lunch is finished, he takes me on a little walk around the rest of the gorgeous house, frowning every time I grunt like a baby. He’s too concerned and I feel bad for him.
“There are so many things left to discuss,” he sighs after showing me the garden just big enough for our kid to run around a swing set in, with space left over for a hot tub. Unfortunately, he was right in saying that. We can sit and draw out our fantasies but the fact of the matter is, neither of us knows where we’ll be romantically in a few weeks.
When the sun sets as we eat Chinese food that he ordered in, in the dining room, he hardly talks to me at all and as much as I want to ask him what’s wrong, I don’t because I’m too scared of what he’ll say.
At bedtime he rests beside me until my eyes start to droop, then he kisses my temple and stands.
He doesn’t stay with me in bed to sleep.
Nor does he for the next few weeks, even when I’m ninety-nine percent better and able to do normal things again. The doctor said so herself.
In fact, he does little with me beyond small conversations here and there. He’s literally a shadow of his old self and the more time that passes, the less and less he kisses me and touches me.
Dane and Kai have visited numerous times. They’re exactly how they were before, which I’m grateful for. It’s easier to slip into normal life when those around me are normal.
Georgia gets ready to leave after a two hour visit in which she brought cake and introduced me to some light yoga. She’s one of those really naturally flexible types with excellent balance. She made it look so easy until I fell onto my face and gave myself a nosebleed and watering eyes.
To her it was hysterical; to me, however, not so much.
“I still can’t believe you’ve been asked to start as an ambassador,” she says suddenly and I know she’s referring to the interview I did almost three weeks ago in the city.
I was surprised when Shannon Kane travelled here to host her show instead of expecting me to go to America. I have a feeling that Tobias had something to do with that. He was adamant he didn’t want me travelling after all I’d been through.
“Who knew talking about rape in front of thousands of people could get you some respect,” I grumble, not wanting to think about it. “Besides, I’m the worst person for that role. I didn’t come forward. I ran like a coward.”
“Which is exactly why you’re the best person for it.”
“I have an idea of how I want to help people and it’s not by talking at conferences full of rich snobs.”
“No,” she agrees, “but it’s a start.”
“I want to establish a mental health facility for people on low income that can’t afford the kind of care I got.”
“This is exactly why you need this - to get your sponsors.”
Over the past few weeks I’ve dared look online and it’s shocking how many men and women commit suicide after going through something as horrific as a sexual assault. Something has to be done about it because there is such a grey area in the system.
If I can do something to help, I’m going to.
Especially after my extremely emotional, yet kind of scripted, interview went so well. I had to talk about that night and how it had affected not just me but everyone around me. I also had to talk about the attack where I was shot, but because I don’t remember I promised to maybe blog about it one day.
People love shit like this.
It’s sadistic and wrong but they love drama.
Rep was right, though. It was the right call to make as the media frenzy has calmed down loads. I’m already getting offers of ridiculous amounts of money and other gifts to allow certain magazines to do pregnancy shoots and the first baby shoots.
Something else I have to discuss with Lockhart.
“Just remember that things like this don’t happen to everybody. Maybe there’s still some good that can come out of what happened to you?” She hugs me tight, checking my sore nose with her finger to make sure it’s definitely not broken. I go cross eyed which makes her giggle like a child. “I should go…”
She reaches for the handle right as it opens and Tobias strolls inside with his brother Drake.
“Georgia.” Tobias dips his head at her and gives me an awkward kiss on the cheek.
Drake, however, lifts me and spins me, making me laugh.
“Drake!” Tobias chastises. “Are you trying to hurt her?”
“I’m fine.” I roll my eyes at the over-protective man beast and wink at the uncle to my demon spawn. “He’s still a bit paranoid over my health.”
“And extremely distant,” Georgia mutters so only I can hear, making me nod slowly.
“Sucks to be in love, doesn’t it, brother?” Drake chuckles, messing up Tobias’ hair.
“What are we, twelve?” Tobias spits, shoving his brother away. He looks at me. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Yes, boss.” I salute him and roll my eyes back to Georgia as they walk away.
“He’s still so stiff with you. What’s wrong with him?”
“Fuck knows.” I laugh but it’s forced. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I’m not sure I want to either. I’m starting to wonder if he even likes me anymore. I am damaged goods after all and he has seen me being defiled by another man. A man he hates.
Maybe it’s all finally catching up to him and he’s starting to realise the severity of what happened. Maybe he’s only keeping me around for the kid.
“Don’t let it worry you. Just talk to him, clear the air.” Georgia smiles and finally escapes my home.
I sigh dramatically and close the door behind her when I see that she’s safely in her car. Then I set about finding Drake and Tobias. As expected I find them in the spare room where Tobias has been sleeping every night.
“Can I get you guys any tea or coffee?” I ask sweetly, leaning against the door jamb.
Tobias sits at his desk and types away on his laptop. He’s mad; I can see it in the lines around his mouth.
Drake stands at the window behind him. They both look my way but it’s Drake that speaks first. “I’ll pass this time. It’s just a flying visit to settle some accounts, seeing as this asshole won’t leave your side to work.”
I frown at that. Even though I hear the joke in his voice, I don’t want anybody thinking I’m keeping Tobias from his business. “I told him I’d be fine…”
“Have you checked your phone at all today?” Tobias asks. “Rep called me a moment ago because you haven’t been answering your phone.”
“I’ve been doing pregnancy yoga.” I grin at Drake. “Badly… but I still did it. Go me.”
He laug
hs but Tobias does not. In fact it’s safe to say he looks extremely displeased.
“He said he has found you the perfect apartment in London.”
My eyes widen. “Oh… I hadn’t… I mean… I’ll go and call him.”
“Yes, you do that,” He spits, waving me away like some kind of naughty child.
Drake whispers something to him but I don’t hear him as I’m already racing from the room to find my phone.
Well… shit.
That would explain why he seemed so frosty when I entered the room. We can’t put off talking any longer.
I wait for Drake to leave; it doesn’t take long. Then I approach Tobias’ room once more. He didn’t leave it to see his brother out. To say he can be rude sometimes is an understatement.
“Knock knock,” I say after actually knocking and getting no answer. “Tobias?”
“Not now, Cerise,” he barks, making me hesitate, but I’m resolute because this has to end.
“We need to discuss this,” I snap, placing my hands on my hips with flair because FUCK HIM and his shitty attitude.
He doesn’t reply so I knock again, and again, then repeatedly and quickly until I hear his heavy steps.
Ripping the door open, he glares at me with those gorgeous, vivid aqua eyes and yells, “NOT NOW!” His mask is one of fury but there’s a sorrow to his eyes that doesn’t let me leave.
“Don’t shout at me!” I yell back. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You are what’s wrong with me!”
Here we go.
I blow out the breath I just sharply inhaled. “You’re upset…”
“Too fucking right I’m upset.”
“I asked him to find me an apartment weeks ago. I haven’t been actively looking, Tobias.”
He rolls his eyes. “Right. Does it even matter? You’re going anyway. I know you. God forbid you should put your faith in me just once.”
“Wait… what?” Now I’m really confused. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“By choice? No.” He snarls.
I hate that he’s feeling this way so I step closer to him and grip the front of his shirt. “I’ll turn the apartment down. Just ask me to stay. We haven’t discussed it. I’m happy here. I’m happy to come home to this, to you, when I finish work or touring or whatever I have planned or you...”