“May,” Bryn whispered. “That’s a good time to be born, right?”
“It’s a great time to be born,” Dr. Reynolds agreed. “Perfect month for birthday parties.”
“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Bryn asked.
“No, we can’t tell that until at least sixteen weeks. We’ll do an ultrasound at twenty weeks, and that should let us know. Assuming Baby cooperates.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well”—the doctor smiled—“sometimes a baby keeps its knees drawn up during the ultrasound. That makes it hard to tell. What we’re going to concentrate on now is just having a healthy baby, okay?”
Bryn nodded.
“I’m going to start you on some prenatal vitamins.” The doctor wrote a prescription. “I want you to eat a healthy diet, get some exercise every day, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and tobacco.”
“Okay.” Bryn nodded again.
“I see you didn’t include your husband’s information on your form.” Dr. Reynolds’s brow furrowed.
“I’m not married.”
“Ah.” She made another mark on the form. “Will the baby’s father be involved?”
“No.” Bryn shook her head firmly.
“Well then, you’re going to need a support system. Pregnancy is not something you want to do all on your own. Do you have family close by?”
Bryn shook her head again. “But I have good friends,” she said. “I’ll be fine.”
The doctor smiled sympathetically.
“All right, I’ll see you back here in a month.”
Bryn thought about that smile later, as she washed dishes in Bob’s kitchen. Clearly, the doctor thought she was going to need help. Hmph! she snorted. She doesn’t know me very well.
The doorbell rang and she set aside the dishrag and, wiping her hands on a towel, walked to the living room and opened the front door.
“Bryn!” Paul held a huge bouquet of daisies, her favorite flowers. Bryn’s knees began to shake.
“God, baby, I’ve been worried sick about you. Are you okay?”
Paul pulled her into a tight embrace. Bryn stood, her arms hanging limp at her sides, and allowed herself to be hugged.
“Hey!” Paul released her and took her face in his hands. “You are okay, aren’t you?”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Just . . . I’m fine.”
“Can I come in?”
Bryn closed the door behind her. “How about we just stay out here?”
“Oh.” Paul looked around the porch, strewn with bicycles and sports equipment. “Okay.”
He sat down on the old metal glider and patted the seat beside him. Bryn simply stood still.
“So . . . you’re sure you’re all right? You look kind of pale.”
“I’m fine,” she repeated.
“Have you been to see the doctor yet?”
She nodded.
“And . . . ?”
“And I’m pregnant.”
Paul grinned up at her. “When are you due?”
“In May.”
“Wow, that’s such a trip. May . . . wow.”
“What are you doing here, Paul?”
Paul sat a moment before responding.
“I just wanted to see you, babe. I mean, I know I didn’t react the way you wanted me to. But you hit me out of left field. It’s a lot to take in.”
“I know.” She leaned against the porch rail, her hand protective on her stomach.
“But I’ve been thinking. I mean, I’ve been thinking a lot. And . . . and I want you to come home. I want us to do this together.”
Bryn stared at him, open-mouthed.
“I mean it, baby. We can totally do this.”
“You never wanted kids,” she said.
“Neither did you,” he pointed out. “But now, well, now it’s here. And I realized I do want this kid. And I really want you.”
He smiled at her, the crooked smile that used to break her heart.
“I don’t know, Paul.” She finally sat down on the glider beside him. “We’ve tried it for so long, and it never changes. You never change.”
“I can, though. I mean, I never had a reason to before.”
“You had me.”
That stumped him for a minute.
“I know, I’ve been a real shit,” he said finally. “But I can change. I’ve already gone to the university and told them if they aren’t going to put me on the tenure track, I’m leaving.”
“You didn’t.” Bryn stared at him again.
“I did.” He smiled. “I don’t know if they’ll do it or not. Probably not. But there are other universities. I can get a better job. I’ll take care of you and the baby. I promise, Bryn. I can change.”
A small corner of her heart thawed as she sat there beside him, wanting to believe him.
“Please, baby. Just come home. Come home and you’ll see.”
“I don’t know,” she said softly.
“We’ll make the office into a nursery. Or if you want, we’ll look for another place with more room. Would you like that?”
He smiled that crooked smile again.
“Maybe,” she whispered.
“That’s my kitten!” He wrapped his arms tight around her tiny frame, pulling her closer, kissing her cheeks, her nose, her mouth.
“Hey!” Bob’s voice rang from the steps. “What’s up?”
“Oh, hey, Bob.” Paul stood and extended his hand. “I’m just telling Bryn we can find a bigger apartment if she wants.”
“You okay?” Bob ignored the offered hand and looked at Bryn, still sitting silently on the glider.
She nodded.
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m fine.”
“Okay.” Bob walked past Paul and into the house. “Let me know if you need me.”
“What’s with him?” Paul asked.
“He’s just feeling protective, I guess.” Bryn watched the door close behind Bob.
“What’s he got to protect you from? In fact, why does he think he needs to protect you at all?” Paul’s eyebrows raised.
“He’s my friend and he worries. That’s all.”
“If you say so.” Paul sat down beside her again.
“So, how about you get your things and come home?”
Bryn sat quietly for a minute, then rose.
“Let me think about it, okay?”
His disappointment was clear.
“Oh . . . fine. Sure, you think about it. Just remember that I’m waiting, babe. Don’t take too long, okay?”
She nodded, allowed him to kiss her again, then watched him walk to his old Saab and drive away.
She walked into the house and flopped down on the couch.
“Are you going back?” Bob emerged from the kitchen with two big glasses of iced tea.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, part of me says, ‘No.’ In fact, most of me is screaming, ‘NO!’ ”
“And the other part?”
He handed her a glass of tea and sat down beside her.
“Do you want to go back?”
“It’s just that I’ve put so much time into him. And he says he can change. And . . . and it would be so much easier not to do this alone, you know? I mean, a kid needs two parents, right? You said so yourself before.”
“It depends on the parents,” Bob said. “If Paul can change, if he can be a good dad, then yeah, it would be a hell of a lot easier. But that’s a big if. I guess the bigger question is, do you still love him?” He watched her carefully.
Bryn took a long drink of tea and sighed.
“It’s weird,” she said finally. “An hour ago I would have said no. But now, I don’t know. I mean, what if he really can change? He’s not all bad, you know. He has some good qualities.”
“Yeah?” Bob smiled at her. “Like what?”
“Like, he’s funny. And he’s really smart. And he doesn’t ever judge.”
Bryn paused.
“Okay, he’s funny and smart and he doesn’t judge. But is he responsible? Is he thoughtful? Is he reliable? I’m not attacking him,” he added. “I’m just asking.”
“I don’t know.” She sighed again. “I really don’t know.”
“Well.” Bob squeezed her shoulder. “You don’t have to make up your mind right this minute. It’s your choice and you’re the only one who can make it. And you should take your time making it, okay? Give yourself a few days to think about it.”
She smiled at him, leaned forward, and kissed his cheek.
“You really are a good guy, Bob.”
“Yeah, old Saint Bob, that’s me.”
“Would you take Wendy back again?”
“No.”
The firmness of his voice surprised her.
“Really?” she said. “I guess I thought . . .”
“A few weeks ago I probably would have said yes. But now it’s a whole different ball game.”
“I’m glad.”
“Well, you’re partly responsible, you know.”
She stared at him in surprise.
“Having you here has been a good thing, Bryn. You make me see things differently.”
She laughed, her cheeks reddening.
“Seriously, you’ve been a big help with the boys. And you’ve helped me feel stronger, too. So thank you.”
“I should be the one thanking you,” she said.
“Well, let’s call it even then.” He grinned at her.
“If I move back in with Paul, it will make your life less complicated, that’s for sure.” Bryn took another drink of tea.
“Don’t worry about that,” Bob said firmly. “You can stay with me and the boys for as long as you want.”
“Thanks, Bob. You’re a real friend.”
“Back atcha,” he said. “Now, what should we make for dinner?”
26
“Hi, Aunt Corrie!”
Laurel ran into Corrie’s outstretched arms.
“Hi, pumpkin! How’s my pretty girl?”
Corrie lifted her niece and kissed her cheek.
“I’m mad,” the little girl said, grimacing. “Ian ruined my picture.”
“Did not!” Ian appeared in the kitchen doorway. “I made it better!”
“Okay, you two. That’s enough!” Sarah walked into the living room and took Laurel from Corrie, setting her on the sofa. “I don’t want to hear another word about the picture.”
She hugged Corrie lightly. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay,” Corrie said, smiling at her sister-in-law. “I’m glad to be home.”
“Do you guys want to watch cartoons?” Sarah turned on the television.
Corrie’s eyebrows arched. Usually, Sarah didn’t let the kids watch television during the day.
“Nick Junior!” Laurel shouted. Ian climbed onto the couch beside his sister.
“Okay, just for a while.” Sarah flipped the remote until a cartoon filled the screen.
“Let’s have some tea,” she said, walking into the kitchen. “I’m beat!”
“You feeling all right?” Corrie asked, following her.
“Yeah, just tired.” Sarah poured water into the teakettle and set it on the stove. “Honestly, I love them to pieces, but they’re driving me crazy today.”
Corrie put her arm around Sarah’s shoulders and squeezed.
“You’re just tired,” she said. “If you want, I can watch the kids while you take a nap.”
“That’s okay.” Sarah smiled at her. “What I really need is some honest-to-God, grown-up conversation.”
They sat at the table with their cups.
“So, how was Los Angeles?” Sarah watched Corrie raise her cup, blow on the steam, then set it back down.
“Pretty much awful,” Corrie said. “You were right. I shouldn’t have gone.”
“What happened?”
Corrie stirred her tea, not meeting Sarah’s eyes.
“Nothing, really. Daniel is still just Daniel. He still thinks he’s going to save the world. And he still knows how to push my buttons.”
Sarah said nothing for a minute, then she sighed. “Are you and Mark okay?”
“Yes!” Corrie smiled at her then. “I told him he was right, too. I shouldn’t have gone. And I’m sorry I upset him. But I think he’s forgiven me.”
“Good.” Sarah sipped her tea. “I knew he couldn’t stay mad at you for long. He said Maya called while you were there. Did you get to see her?”
Corrie nodded. “She’s doing well. I think she has a boyfriend.”
“Good for her!” Sarah laughed. “When is she coming home?”
“I don’t think Maya will ever move back to Indiana,” Corrie said firmly. “She seems pretty happy to be far away from the family.”
“She might change her mind someday.”
Corrie shook her head. “No, I think she really feels like she’s escaped. I can’t imagine her coming back to Middlebrook.”
“Middlebrook’s not such a bad place,” Sarah said, smiling at her cheerful yellow kitchen.
“I don’t think Maya has a lot of happy memories here.”
“Well, I’m glad you came back.”
Corrie laughed. “Did you think I was going to stay in California?”
“Not really,” Sarah said. “I just . . . worried a little.”
“I’m sorry I worried you. And I’m really sorry I worried Mark.”
“So, how was it, seeing Daniel again?”
Corrie shrugged, feeling her cheeks redden. She wasn’t used to keeping things from Sarah.
“Daniel is just Daniel. And it was . . . weird.”
“Did you get a good story?”
Corrie nodded. “I think so. It really is an impressive place. I think it’s a good story.”
“Mama!” Laurel’s voice cried from the living room. “Ian pinched me!”
Sarah sighed and heaved herself from the chair. “Some days I wonder why the hell I wanted another one,” she said, patting her pregnant stomach as she waddled into the living room.
Corrie smiled, following her into the room, where Laurel was scowling furiously at her brother.
She sat down on the couch between the children, putting an arm around each.
“You go lie down for a little while,” she said, winking at Sarah. “I’ll stay with them and watch SpongeBob.”
“You’re an angel.” Sarah smiled at the three of them. “Just fifteen minutes. Is that all right?”
“Go nap. We’re good here.”
Forty-five minutes later, Sarah reappeared. “I can’t believe I slept so long!”
“You needed it,” Corrie said, smiling.
“But I’d better go now,” she said, kissing her nephew and niece and hugging Sarah. “I told Bryn I’d stop by on my way home.”
She paused in the doorway to watch Sarah pull her small daughter onto her lap, her arm around Ian. She wondered how anyone could ever get tired of those beautiful children.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Corrie stared at Bryn, aghast. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
Bryn sighed.
“I know,” she said. “It sounds crazy. But he seemed really sincere. And if there’s even a chance he can change, don’t I owe it to the baby to try and make it work?”
They sat in Bob’s living room, surrounded by trucks and Legos. Bob had taken the boys to the park, and Bryn had invited Corrie for coffee.
“But you were so adamant before,” Corrie said. “You said you were through with Paul.”
“I know. And I meant it. And maybe I still mean it. I just don’t know anymore.”
“God, Bryn, this is Paul we’re talking about. He’s had over ten years to get his act together, and he never does. Why would you think he’s any different now?”
“Because of the baby,” Bryn said. “He really wants to make it work, to be a family.”
“And you believe him?”
“I don’t know.”
Bryn sighed again and sipped her coffee. “Part of me says, ‘There’s no way he can change.’ But part of me really wants to believe he can.”
Corrie said nothing for a minute, just watching her friend. Finally, she leaned forward to stare into Bryn’s face.
“I know you’re scared,” she said softly. “I can’t even imagine how scary it is to be pregnant and on your own. But you can do this, Bryn. If anyone can do it, it’s you. You’re strong enough to be a single mom. You don’t need Paul.”
“It’s not just that,” Bryn said. “It’s the baby. What if Paul can be a good dad? Doesn’t the baby deserve a dad?”
“Well, if Paul can get himself together, then maybe he can be a father to this baby. But, Bryn, that doesn’t mean you have to go back to him. I mean, he can see the baby and help with support, but you can still live on your own.”
“I know. And maybe that’s what I’ll do. I just don’t know.”
“Well, promise me this,” Corrie said. “Promise me that you’ll wait a while before you do anything. I mean, if he’s serious then let him prove it. Let him court you.”
Bryn laughed. “Court me? God, Corrie, are we living in the Middle Ages?”
“I’m serious,” Corrie said, grinning. “He never had to court you before. You just jumped into bed with him. If he wants you back, make him work for it.”
Bryn smiled. “I kind of like that idea.”
“Good! Let him court you. Make him take you on real dates, buy you flowers, all the stuff he should have done in the beginning.”
“That sounds nice.” Bryn sighed yet again. “But where am I going to live while Paul is wooing me?”
“Right here.” Bob stood in the doorway, holding two bags of groceries. The boys ran through the living room, headed for the kitchen.
“Hey there!” Corrie smiled at him. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m good,” he said. “And I’m serious. Bryn, you stay here as long as you want.”
“I can’t just live here forever.” Bryn rose and took a grocery bag from him.
“No, probably not,” Bob agreed. “But you can live here until you decide what you want to do. And I think making Paul woo you is a very good idea.” He winked at Corrie. “Make the bastard work for it.”
“What’s a bastard?” Micah asked from the kitchen.
The Weight of Small Things Page 16