“Life is like a cup of tea. It’s all in how you make it.”
“No.”
“That one about the thing?”
“No! How many pillows did you have under your bed?”
“They weren’t all on pillows.”
“Well, the one I’m talking about was on a pillow.”
“Oh, the one that says, ‘Life isn’t about finding yourself; it’s about making yourself.’”
“Yeah, that one.”
“Okay, now I don’t know why you even brought it up.”
“Oh my God, what is wrong with you, dingleberry? You are trying to recreate the past instead of building a new future.”
“Oh, yeah, okay, that I get.”
“Go pack. We can still make it to the jet.”
“I’ll call and let them know we are on our way.”
Elsa met us in the hall. Actually, I almost bowled her over.
“We’re going home.”
“Yes, I’ve called the car and the airport. They will be ready.”
How does she always know everything? She has to be eavesdropping at the very least. I need to talk to Adeline about that. I’ve never done the rich and famous thing, maybe that is just what they do, but it more than a little bit freaks me out that Elsa — and a couple of the other staff — always magically appears and knows what the conversation was about. If Adeline has a leak, maybe she should start there.
TWELVE
ALICE, OUR FLIGHT attendant, explained that it was an immediate turnaround for them. There were employees of the company who had to be picked up in Tampa and flown to Utah.
I remember something about copper and Utah, but I can’t remember exactly what it is Adeline’s people are doing in it. Or around it. I remember that the copper mine is huge and that there’s all kinds of stuff around it, like skiing, but I don’t remember what they were talking about. Since I was only really hearing one side of the conversation, and I was actually eavesdropping at the time, I can hardly beat myself up for that one.
The flight was uneventful but didn’t have food that was as good on the return trip as in the other direction. Isn’t that how it always works? Even when you’re in a car, the outbound side of a trip always seems better.
I wonder if Liam took that into account when planning the trip to look for diamonds. The drive from Florida to Arkansas will seem long enough. The drive home will seem even longer.
When we landed, there was a car waiting. It dropped us off at my house, where we’d started all of this.
“You want a cup before you go?”
“Please.”
I know it’s stupid, I’m admitting that up front, but just hearing the click of my new stove before the flame on the burner lights makes me smile. I love my new kitchen.
It was obvious that A.J. and Suzi were not expecting me home. There were dishes in the sink and potato chip bags on the counter. There were baby bottles in a little rack to the side and a cute little spoon with pink rubber stuff on it sitting on the table.
“This must drive you crazy. I know you love Suzi, but in your world, this must be downright painful.”
“What?”
“You, the neat freak, seeing all this stuff thrown everywhere. It must just about kill you.”
“Actually, I don’t mind it.”
Teagan gave me her best theatrical gasp, complete with a hand to the chest. “I don’t believe you.”
“You want to hear something even scarier than that?”
“Sure. Try. I’m not sure you can come up with a single thing.” Teagan smiled and sipped.
“The other night, we all got up in the middle of the night and had a full breakfast.”
“Oh, scary.”
“And I went to bed without doing the dishes. Didn’t even clear the table.”
“That’s not scary. That’s terrifying.”
I smiled, actually proud of myself. I’m not sure I want to know what that means.
Teagan’s hand was literally on the doorknob when her phone buzzed, and she stopped dead in her tracks. It wasn’t a buzz like a vibration buzz. It was a buzz like a bee buzz.
The look on her face told me something was really wrong. “What? Why the look?”
“That’s the bat signal. It’s my assistant. Lindsey only texts me with that buzz when something is really, really wrong.”
“You have a special tone for texting emergencies?”
“Oh, it’s worse than that. This is a Honey emergency.”
“How do you do that?”
“It’s an app. Actually, an unofficial app. Her boyfriend wrote it. Cara, stay focused. We have a Honey emergency.”
“We?”
“Hey, I just helped you with your thing.”
“Yeah, you flew to one of the most beautiful cities in the world on a private jet. Then you were given a beautiful wardrobe by a professional stylist, had a few things to eat and drink in exceptionally beautiful surroundings, and then flew home on a private jet. It was really hard for you.”
“I didn’t know that walking in. Remember, at the time I thought I was bait. The whole hook through the brain thing. Remember?”
“What do you want me to do, Teagan?”
“I’m not sure, but you could start by fixing me something to eat real quick while I call Lindsey and find out what’s going on.”
“Something to eat?”
“Emergencies make me hungry!”
“Fine, but you know what? Last time I helped with Honey, we ended up in the damn swamp.”
“Nature area. Those were some expensive houses.”
“And you got all mad at me and told me to stay out of it.”
“I was just looking out for your well-being.”
“And I got attacked by fire ants, and I could have lost my foot.”
“Stop being so dramatic. It would have been a few toes at most.”
“Crunchy grilled cheese?”
“Please.”
Teagan spent half her time moaning about the melted cheesy goodness of the sandwich I made and half the time rolling her eyes and groaning at Lindsey about whatever she was being told.
I wonder what Lindsey thought of the moaning part, but don’t want to go there.
I have to admit that my crunchy grilled cheese has always been good, but on my new stove, they are just somehow better.
Enough about my new stove.
For now.
When Teagan got off the phone, she literally hit her head on my table a few times. It’s the same table I had in the apartment. I need to do something about that.
I waited her out.
“Okay. I really am going to need your help.”
“What did Honey do?”
“Well, I’m sure you haven’t read them, but do you at least know about the Fifty Shades books?”
“I did read them. I really liked the story, but the whole room thing was a little bit much for me. Actually, pain and dominance isn’t my thing, but I liked the love story part of it. I kind of read the love parts and skipped the whole bondage and other stuff part.”
Teagan laughed and shook her head. “Well, Honey doesn’t share your aversion.”
“Oh, I don’t think I’m ready for this.”
“Me, either. Turns out Honey read the books. Studied them actually. She didn’t care for the movie.”
“How does Lindsey know this?”
“Oh, the whole office knew this part. Honey has been talking about it forever.”
“At work? Isn’t that against a law? Your policy? Something?”
“It was so over the top, everyone just thought it was funny.”
“Okay, you guys are way too informal. Go ahead. How did we get from laughing at the boss’s wife to getting the bee signal?”
“I have no idea why I didn’t see this coming.”
“Clueless?”
“We’re not talking about you, dingleberry.”
“What did Honey do? That sounds like a melon. You really need to st
art calling her by her real name.”
“Focus, Cara.”
“Talk, Teagan.”
“So, I guess while I was in New York with you, Honey decided that she was going to create her own room.”
“Oh, yuck. I really don’t need to be a part of this.”
“So she goes to some shop to buy her toys.”
“Really, Teagan, I don’t need to be a part of this.”
“And while she is at the shop, she decides that her life-coach training will come in handy for a couple of the customers.”
“Uh-oh. This doesn’t sound good.”
“She explains to them that they are young and beautiful, and if they are into swapping…”
“Please, I don’t want to know.”
“That it will ruin their partnership because there is no intimacy once you do things like that.”
“Okay, well, totally inappropriate anywhere, but probably more so in a shop that kind of was invented for people that want to do stuff a little differently.”
“Yeah, that’s what the store owner said. He basically told Honey to get out of his place.”
“Something tells me that wasn’t the end of it.”
“So, an hour later Honey is out in front of the store with a printed sign — I mean professionally printed — that says all kinds of stuff about the store owner.”
“A store like that has to have seen signs like that before. Some people believe they will get to heaven by stopping other people from going to hell. A few minutes in a porn establishment with Honey probably actually qualified as hell.”
“I guess it was huge. More of a banner than a sign, really. Cara, she even took the time to put sparkly stuff on it.”
“You have to admit, if it really only took about an hour, that is some impressive skill. Get the thing printed and sparkled in that short of a time.”
“Don’t flatter her. The print shop is right next door, and they hate the porn guy.”
“Lindsey had all this detail? Really?”
“Well, lots of people have all this detail. It got picked up on the news.”
“Oh, Lord. Why would they even care?”
“Because some guy was walking by and started talking to Honey. Honey decided to life coach him as well. He wasn’t exactly open to it. Honey really wanted to help him.”
“Oh, no.”
“You know how they say there’s always a camera on you these days. Everybody has a cell phone and knows how to pop it out and get the sound bite if nothing else.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, someone got their interaction on camera.”
“The guy walking by and Honey trying to life coach him?”
“Yep.”
“Did she bop him with her sign?”
“No, she told him all about the experience she had at the porn store, how she’d gone in there to get her toys, and that there was a young couple in there and how they were going to ruin their intimacy.”
“That’s bad, but it’s not like you can hear people when they take those phone videos.”
“Oh, that’s true. But when it all got a little heated, and Honey was gesticulating all over the place, turns out she was in a rather skimpy tank top and some daisy dukes at the time…”
“Oh, dear. Honey is not daisy-duke material.”
“Don’t even put that picture in my brain, Cara. Anyway, about the time she came flopping out of her tank top, the guy who was taking the video at a distance decides he’s got YouTube gold, and when she is done smashing her boobs back into her top, he goes across the street and starts to interview her.”
“This can’t be good.”
“Not only does she tell him the whole story, but she proudly states she’s one hundred percent backed up by her husband and all the people at their business.”
“She didn’t.”
“She did. In the news coverage, they were kind enough to include our logo and everything.”
“But wait. How did it become a news item?”
“Well, our young entrepreneur decided that if he wanted to monetize the footage, it would have to go viral. He decided the best way for it to go viral was to get it out there in as many places as possible, so he showed it to a friend at the station, and the station was having a really slow day.”
“Why would they even do that?”
“It wouldn’t have been all that bad. They had to blank out her boobs and half the words she used, so basically they got a crazy lady bouncing around and bleeping all over the place, but the kid that took the video, he is truly an entrepreneur.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, he knew from his friend that they were going to run a short piece. He knew from Honey that our company is where her husband worked. He figured when it all hit the fan, if he was within autofocus range, he might catch something good.”
“Did he?”
“Oh, he got Mr. Fisher’s head exploding on video.”
“How did he work that?”
“Well, maybe not the initial poof, but he got him slamming out of our offices. And as the gods would have it, Honey called him just as he was getting into his car. I guess he didn’t notice his stalker.”
“Uh-oh.”
“The things he said would not be allowed on prime-time TV. Maybe not even in that movie.”
“That’s not good.”
“But the really bad thing was that he threatened to make her alligator bait.”
“Don’t tell me she is missing.”
“Of course she is. Why would Lindsey send the bee signal if it was only my livelihood and dignity at stake?”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I guess you and I are going to find Honey and save the day.”
“What happens to the business? You guys are really conservative. Having the owner of the company give an X-rated rant to his wife, threaten her, and then have her go missing isn’t going to pull in the clients.”
“One disaster at a time, please.”
“Do the cops know that Honey is missing?”
“No. I don’t think so anyway.”
“Give me a few minutes. I have to let A.J. know what’s going on, then clean up this kitchen, and then I’ll be ready. You want me to meet you somewhere?”
“You can call A.J. while we’re in the car. Let’s go.”
“My kitchen.”
“It was a mess when you walked in. You didn’t do the dishes the other night when you went to bed.”
“Yes and yes, but I wasn’t responsible for the mess when we got here, and I didn’t leave the house when I didn’t do the dishes the other night.”
“Really?”
“Fine. But if you get me killed, and my kitchen’s a mess, I’m gonna be so mad you won’t even be able to live with me.”
She looked at me for a second, rolled her eyes, and led the way.
The good news was that there were no dead bodies at the office when Teagan and I arrived at her workplace.
The bad news is that there was no partner or his crazy wife, either.
Teagan checked in with Lindsey.
She was eating everything in the break-room fridge. “What a stupid time to pick to stop smoking.”
“You had no way of knowing that Honey was going to do something like this.”
“Yeah, but we all knew that Honey would do something.” She shook her head.
Teagan and I tromped down to her office. It really looks nice. Since the last time I was here, she’s done some decorating. I noticed the picture of Jessie. Tried to decide if I was annoyed that there was no picture of Joynessa, but really, it’s too soon for that. I’m sure the office doesn’t even know she exists.
Some really tall guy whom I’ve never met came walking in.
“Hey, Teagan, not sure what I’m supposed to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. Gord, this is my sister, Cara.”
“Hi.” He rubbed his hands together and looked for an escape.
Teagan smiled. “You don’t have to stick around. Go home. Try to explain to your pastor wife why our company name is all over the news in association with a porn store.”
“Can I sleep on a couch here at the office when she kicks me out?”
“Sure. Call if you need bail money.”
He closed the door on his way out.
“Pastor wife?”
“Yeah, they have only been here about a minute and a half. His wife is the first female pastor of their church. This isn’t going to go well for him.”
“But the company doesn’t really have anything to do with porn.”
“Perception is everything. In politics. In many people’s religion and definitely in public relations. First, we have to make sure that our only problem is Honey’s little outburst. I can blame that on an aneurism or something.”
“They’ll check to see if she had medical treatment. People are always doing that kind of stuff without ever actually fact-checking. You could probably sue the news station.”
“All they said was what the owner’s wife said. Hard to sue them for that. If I need medical records, I’ll just smack her in the back of the head. She’s so crazy they will believe it is brain damage.”
“So, what do we do now?”
“We find the Fishers.”
“Where do we look?”
“Well, damn, Cara. If I had all the answers, I wouldn’t need you.”
“Has anyone gone to their house?”
“Not to my knowledge. They aren’t answering the phone.”
“It’s probably ringing all the time. They could have gone somewhere to hide from the media. I still can’t believe this thing is becoming a media sensation.”
“You have a conservative man, his crazy wife — who flashes the nation — talking about porn and how it is proven to improve your life, whereas wife swapping is going to destroy your marriage, and then follow up with the conservative man threatening to kill the wife in a very imaginative and unpleasant way — what do you expect?”
“Wait, what? An imaginative way? I thought he was just going to kill her. What did he say?”
“Let’s just say that you would rather hear about the love part of the story. He had a rather inventive way of using a couple of those items from the room that you never really wanted to read about.”
“You’re kidding.”
“He said he didn’t know about the stuff personally, but he’d heard enough about them from her royal craziness that he was sure it would work.”
Healing Tea Page 18