“That’s great.” He gave an enthusiastic nod and scratched his Superman-like chin. “Tell me about it.”
I told him everything sans kissing Knox. I was energetic and enthusiastic and every physical reminder of what happened in New York was gone. Of course, the emotional ones remained and I’d be lying if I said the nightmares stopped. But I could feel myself getting better, albeit slowly, and that had to mean something, right?
Coming back to Port James was exactly what I needed.
Our session went quickly and I found myself chatting away the time. “Wow, I haven’t shut up for an hour, I’m sorry.”
Dr. Van Sant laughed as he packed his belongings. “Don’t be sorry, I’m more than happy to sit here and listen. Also,” he looked at me and gave a bright smile, “I want you to know that I’m proud of you.”
The following night I was getting ready for bed when my phone chimed on my nightstand.
What are you wearing?
I laughed softly and tried to ignore the way my heart beat a little faster as I typed a reply.
A skimpy little black nightie.
Flirting with Knox was a drug, and fuck was I an addict.
Forcing myself not to stare pathetically at my phone while I waited for a response I went into the bathroom and washed my face. In reality, I was wearing an oversized t-shirt and fuzzy slippers. Totally unsexy and definitely not black lingerie. When I slid underneath the cool sheets and grabbed my phone I was pleasantly surprised to see that he had responded.
Liar. You’re wearing something baggy.
The biggest t-shirt I own
My phone chimed before I even put it down.
You’re sexy either way. I used to love feeling your bare legs underneath one of my old shirts.
I bit my lip and wrote a saucy response before deleting it and writing something else. Nervously, my fingers hovered over the “send” button for a few seconds before I slammed my thumb down a little too hard.
What are we doing?
In the minutes it took for him to respond I nearly chewed off my thumbnail. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, but I didn’t want either of us to assume different things. I didn’t want it to turn into an ugly mess. In all honesty, I was just so happy that we were talking again and the thought of jeopardizing that made me ill.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the text and read his response.
I don’t know, Abbs. I just know that I’m happy I saw you that day at Simone’s. I’m happy you’re home even if it’s only for a little while.
I heaved out a sigh and thought out my response carefully. Apparently I was waiting too long, though, because he texted me again.
I know you won’t be here forever but can’t we just enjoy each other for a little while? Get to know each other again?
Of course I wanted to enjoy him and get to know him again, but I didn’t want either of us to end up empty or broken like last time. But this isn’t going to be like last time. We were both adults. We can handle seeing each other casually.
I don’t want either of us to get hurt.
Which is why we’re both going into this knowing exactly what it is. Come on, Abbs, when’s the last time you had a little fun?
In 2008 when we got drunk off my dad’s scotch and I convinced you to go streaking down Monte Carlo Ave.
That wasn’t fun, I almost got arrested.
I laughed.
That was the best part.
Knox didn’t respond for a few minutes and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. Probably, considering it was after midnight and he opened the gym at seven. He had a point, though. As long as we both knew that nothing long-term was possible we’d have less of a chance of getting hurt. We’d hang out, have some fun and maybe steal a few kisses. It would be harmless.
Let me make you dinner on Friday.
I tapped a finger against my chin before responding.
Are you asking me on a date?
The response was almost instant.
Yes.
Totally harmless, right?
“He’s going to cook for you?” Simone asked as we browsed through the denim section of a local, way overpriced shop. My inner shopaholic wanted to come out and play, but I managed to keep her at bay.
One pair of jeans, I thought to myself. One very cute pair of jeans to wear to Knox’s place tonight. Knox’s house. Just the two of us. My palms weren’t sweating about that or anything.
“Yeah,” I nodded and held up a pair of faded denim. She wrinkled her nose in distaste and I dropped them.
“Nervous?” she asked and grabbed a darker pair with rips in the knees, checked to see if they were my size and then threw them at me.
I nodded. “Too nervous. It’s just Knox, but it’s a date. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been on a date? Especially a date with him.”
“Honey, you’re going to have a great time. He actually hasn’t shut up about you. Every time I see him you’re the first thing he mentions.”
Butterflies settled in my stomach and my inner teenage girl squealed. Would it be weird, though? Was he expecting sex? Because that was something I hadn’t done in a while either.
God, I was a fucking disaster.
“Listen, I know it’s a big deal because it’s Knox and you’ve been in love with him since high school-”
“I’m not in love with him!”
“-but you’re grown ass adults now. Things have changed. If you keep trying to solve this stupid little equation you’ll both end up miserable and then I’ll end up miserable by default.”
I rolled my eyes and couldn’t help but laugh. “I think you’ll live, especially with all the attention my brother’s been giving you.”
Simone froze as her cheeks turned a deep red. Not meeting my eye she said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” and quickly disappeared towards the shoes.
I easily could have pursued the subject and dug for the information I wanted- I’m unapologetically nosy- but her reaction alone confirmed my thoughts; there was something going on between my best friend and my oldest brother.
I ended up buying the jeans that Simone picked out, appreciating that my ass looked good and camel toe wasn’t an issue. We stopped for frothy, delicious iced lattes where I promised to tell her everything that happened tonight and then went home to get ready for my date. A date. Huh. That sounded beyond weird.
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I walked into the house.
Can’t wait to see you tonight. I hear you’re wearing some jeans that make your ass look stellar. Then again, that’s never been a problem for you.
Laughing, I was typing out a response when Robbie came in through the back, the screen door squeaking. “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, just… Knox,” I said quietly, forcing myself to steel up before I continued. “I have a date with him tonight.”
Robbie stared at me for a minute and said nothing. I hated when he did that, he used to do that when I was younger and doing something he didn’t approve of. The weight of his gaze was heavy and I stared down at my flip flops, feeling like I was a fifteen all over again and dreading the response I was going to get.
“You think that’s a good idea?”
“I don’t think it’s a bad one.”
“Abby…” he started and then stopped, shaking his head and then laughing. “I’m not gonna be like dad and tell you what you can and can’t do. But I remember how much he hurt you last time and I remember wanting to fucking kill him. I just…” he paused and searched for the right words. “You’ve been through enough pain.”
Emotion clogged my throat. I was blessed to have Robbie and Logan when I was growing up. My friends sometimes and my protectors always, they constantly made sure I was taken care of, especially when it came to boys. To their friends, I was off limits and to guys they didn’t know I was definitely off limits. Growing up there was never a day where I felt neglected or not cared for. I was always cherished as a sibling and that made me emot
ional. I loved my brothers and would be lost without them.
Robbie walked up to me and pinched my cheek lightly. “I’m not going to tell you not to go out with him but I’m going to warn you that, as one of your two brothers, if he hurts you he’ll have a world of pain coming his way.”
I laughed and blinked back sudden tears before throwing my arms around him. “How’d I get so lucky to have a brother like you?”
“I don’t know, kid. But I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 8
I spent a decent amount of time getting ready, pulling my hair up into a strategic messy bun, strands falling here or there. A light coat of makeup and a spritz of Daisy had me feeling like a million bucks.
“Pick a shirt,” I said as I walked around my room clad in only a black thong and matching bra. I was not planning on having sex tonight, but a girl has to be prepared. Shimmying into my new jeans, I tore my closet apart before finally deciding on a sleeveless white shirt with spaghetti straps. It was light, breezy and flowed down to my hips. “Casual. Totally casual and not at all nervous.”
Robbie appeared in my doorway as I slipped on a pair of white boat shoes. “Hey, crazy, if you’re done talking to yourself, your date just pulled up.”
I felt like I was going to throw up. Why was I so nervous? Had I been this nervous when we first started dating? “God, I’m off my game.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“The voices in my head.”
Robbie raised his eyebrows and started backing up slowly with his hands in the air. I threw a pillow at him as his laughter faded down the hallway.
It was showtime.
Knox was halfway up the front steps when I walked out, one hand in his pocket and the other tugging at his hair. The blue dress shirt he had on stretched across his shoulders and I nearly jumped on him until the look on his face stopped me in my tracks. “What?”
“You look beautiful.”
Do not blush, I told myself firmly, but still I felt my cheeks heat as I brushed by him, my fingers trailing along his arm as I dragged us both to his truck. “I don’t want compliments, I want food.”
Knox laughed and reached around in front of me, opening the passenger door and offering a hand to help me up. “That I can do, but the compliments won’t stop. Besides,” he said when he went around and jumped behind the wheel. “Your ass in those jeans?” he mouthed a silent “Wow” and slid the gearshift into reverse.
“So, what’s for dinner?”
Knox’s house was cozy and I was instantly in love with it. Only one floor, the living room was spacious and flowed right into the kitchen that had gleaming black granite counters.
“I love this,” I said as I walked through the house for the third time, this time with a glass of wine in my hand. “You can see the harbor from your deck.”
“I know,” he laughed from the kitchen, his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows - a look which was universally attractive - and exposed forearms that I wanted to bite. Literally bite.
My bare feet padded across the hardwood floors as I moved up next to him. “How’d you end up here?” I asked, leaning against the counter while he boiled pasta.
“Mom and I didn’t know that dad was saving up in case God forbid something happened to him. I wanted to split it right down the middle but, uh, of course she refused just like she refused to leave that damn house,” he scratched the back of his neck and stared down at the stove. “She insisted that I use the money to get my own place. I still put some away for her even though she told me not, but this is what I got,” he waved a hand around. “It’s not much but it’s mine.”
“Dammit,” I muttered and put my wine glass down before crossing my arms.
“What?”
I pressed my back harder against the counter and he moved to stand in front of me, sliding his hands up and down my arms. “I wish I’d been here. For all of this.”
Knox smiled and tilted my head up, our eyes meeting. “You’re here now. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Stop looking for reasons to blame yourself for what happened with us. We were young and dumb. Besides,” he moved in a little closer and I straightened, seeing the mischievous look in his eye. “I like having you in my space.”
I smiled and couldn’t help but slide my hands over his shoulders and loop them around his neck. “How much do you like it?”
He opened his mouth to answer when a loud hiss sounded from the stove. The water had boiled over the top and splashed against the element, causing steam and a few curse words on Knox’s end.
I grabbed my wine and moved out of the way, taking a seat at the small kitchen table and watching as he got our plates ready.
“Chicken parm!” I exclaimed as he put my plate down in front of me. “My favorite.”
He sat down across from me with a proud smile on his face, flashing straight white teeth and those laugh lines I loved so much. For a few minutes we sat in comfortable silence other than me moaning about how good the food was. The whole meal was perfection personified for a girl with an appetite like mine.
“So,” he said and placed his fork down. “Did your brothers tell you not to come out with me?”
“I’m twenty five years old. Robbie wouldn’t tell me what to do and… Logan doesn’t know.”
He burst out laughing. “Logan hates me. Man, if looks could kill…”
I knew he was just messing around, but guilt still tugged at my heartstrings a little bit. Knox may have said some nasty things back in the day, but so did I. We could have communicated more or tried to fix things, we were just too stubborn not to. Like Knox said, we were young and dumb. Our breakup wasn’t solely my fault just like it wasn’t solely his. I appreciated my brother’s protective nature but I needed Logan to back off a bit.
“It won’t take long for him to hear about this.”
“Don’t care,” he quipped.
“No?”
“No,” Knox said and met my eye from across the table. “What’s he gonna do, kick my ass? We’re grown men now and I can hold my own.”
“I’m not saying you can’t, I just don’t want to cause problems.”
He smiled and shook his head, casting his eyes down. “You were the best problem I ever had.”
I didn’t have a response so I continued to eat quietly, risking a glance his way every now and then. The last few weeks had been filled with surprises, but Knox was a pleasant one. Maybe what we were doing was crazy and maybe it would end in disaster, but it was worth a shot, wasn’t it?
Knowing I needed a little liquid courage, I drained my second glass of wine and took a deep breath. “I want to kiss you again.”
He froze with his beer bottle halfway to his mouth and then put it back down on the table. He seemed to choose his words carefully before scraping his chair back and crooking two long fingers at me. “Come kiss me then.”
I stood with wobbly knees and wiped my clammy palms against my jeans before walking around the table. He reached a hand out and tugged lightly on my wrist, pulling me down onto his lap. My breath was shallow as my fingers stroked his cheek, his neck. His lips. Slowly, I lowered my mouth to his and savored every breath and every quick beat of my heart. Knox had one arm around my lower back and the other cupped my cheek, his palm warm against the side of my face. My tongue dipped into his mouth and the growl that rumbled through his chest went right through me.
That was when it changed.
It was as though something snapped. Knox’s tongue drove into my mouth and his fingers tangled in my hair as I pushed myself impossibly closer, feeling heat radiate off of him, off of me. Us.
His strong fingers tugged until my scalp stung and I was forced to remove my mouth from his. The hazel eyes that I loved so much bored right into mine. If I ever wanted to memorize anything in my life it would be that moment, the look on Knox’s face and his swollen, just kissed mouth.
“Well, that was some kiss,” I whispered breathlessly. My
heart was pounding and I swore I could still taste him on my tongue.
Knox laughed and dragged the elastic out of my hair, letting the bobby pins fall to the floor. It fell around my shoulders in messy waves and he played with it, running his fingers through the strands and massaging my scalp. I curled up against him like a cat, reveling in the fact that we used to do this years ago.
“You still like that, huh?” he asked softly as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“It feels so good,” I sighed contentedly.
“I wonder if you still like the other things I used to do to you.”
My breath caught in my throat and I bit my lip before sitting up straight, still perched on his lap. There was a heavy, all consuming throbbing between my thighs and I knew if the conversation went any further we’d end up in an all too familiar position.
“I still like having my hair pulled but I’m guessing you already figured that out.”
Knox smirked- actually smirked- at me and gave my hair a sharp tug that made me gasp and grip his shirt tight in my hands. He smoothed my hair down after and brushed it over one shoulder so he could toy with the strap of my shirt.
Keep Me Safe: A Small Town Suspenseful Love Story (Port James Book 1) Page 6