‘Thanks, boss.’
Alex tugged down his mask and smiled. ‘You’re welcome, Ruby.’
* * *
‘How is he?’ Kern rose from one of the plastic chairs in Reception, his gaze taking in the exhausted woman dressed in theatre scrubs, standing beside her boss. An overwhelming urge to drag her into his arms and hug her tight gripped him.
‘He’s stable,’ Ruby answered, her voice dry and thick. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head and wiped them away. ‘I’m sorry. I guess it’s just relief.’
Alex awkwardly patted Ruby’s shoulder. ‘Time for you to go home and get some rest.’
Ruby shook her head, not wanting to be separated from her best friend. ‘I’d prefer to stay and monitor Dog.’
Alex ignored her and pushed her gently towards Kern. ‘Take her home, stick her in a bath, and then put her to bed. After she’s slept for five hours she can come back and check on her patient.’
Kern gave in to his earlier urge and hugged Ruby close. Liking the feel of her head against his chest, and not at all put off by the antiseptic scent clinging to her, he said, ‘I will.’
Ruby sighed into his chest and muttered, ‘You’re very bossy.’
Alex chuckled. ‘That’s why I’m the boss. I can get away with bossing you around—at least until my wife corrupts you the same way she has all my other staff members.’ Once again he looked at Kern. ‘Take this woman home. If you return before the five hours are up, I will fire her.’
Ruby twisted back to glare at Alex. ‘Hey, that’s not fair.’
Alex smiled. ‘Trust me to look after your dog. Now, leave.’
Kiki walked into reception carrying the baby in her carrier and a tray of food. ‘I thought we’d eat some of this here instead of carting it home.’
‘Has everyone gone?’
‘Yes. It started to rain, so everyone grabbed some food and went home. I asked Anne to save you a cheeseburger. It’s probably cold, though.’
Alex smile widened and he strolled over to his wife. ‘This is why I married her. She’s the perfect veterinary nurse.’
Kiki snorted and tilted her head. ‘I thought it was for my kisses?’
‘They’re just a bonus.’
Kern watched the couple and once again felt the loneliness that had plagued him during the last few years rise and hit him harder than ever before. Why did some people find romance easy? When for others, like him, it carried a heavy burden of duty? And wasn’t spending time with the woman in his arms now just encouraging fate to wound him all over again?
* * *
Stepping into the caravan without the usual boisterous welcome from Dog was too much for Ruby. For the first time in years a cold emptiness hung in the air, as welcoming as a stinging slap.
‘Let me help you,’ Kern offered, reaching to remove her jacket when she stood motionless in the centre of the kitchen. His fingers were tender as they slipped over the material and pushed it from her shoulders and down her arms. ‘A nice shower and then—’
She touched his chest to stop him from continuing. ‘I don’t want a shower.’
‘You’ll feel better,’ he soothed, tossing the jacket aside.
She shook her head, not wanting to feel better. Dog didn’t feel better, did he? Her best friend was alone, and probably confused, and she wanted to be with him instead of being here. Not once since she’d picked him up from the rescue centre as an overlooked puppy had they spent a night apart.
‘I just want to...’ Her words died as the ache inside her grew bigger, making her whole chest hurt. Tears hovered, then rolled down her cheeks, falling and releasing the emotions she’d held inside since the accident occurred.
‘Aw, Ruby, don’t...’ Kern groaned, pulling her to him. ‘I’m so sorry. I truly am. If I could change what happened so that Fin hit me, I would. I promise you.’
Ruby instinctively settled deeper into the circle of his hold, reluctant to move away, needing this moment with this man. No one had held her for so many years, and although she knew she should reject this closeness she didn’t want to. She wanted to grasp this moment of comfort, as selfish as that was, and hold on to it for as long as he allowed.
‘I’m sorry,’ she gulped, between aching sobs. ‘I don’t know why I’m being so silly.’
Kern stroked the back of her head and soothed her. ‘It’s not silly. You love Dog and he’s been hurt. Cry all you want.’
He manoeuvred them over to the sofa and pulled Ruby down onto his lap, enveloping her once more in his wonderful warm embrace, shutting out everything as she gave in to the feelings she’d kept on hold while she and Alex had treated her beloved Wolfhound.
After a while her gaze settled on the blue-and-white blanket Dog liked to have on the sofa. He’d had it since she’d got him as a pup. Tugging it over, she sniffed at it. ‘This is his. It smells of him.’
Kern lifted a corner and smelt it. ‘Yeah, that’s pure dog. Cheesy paws and all.’
She snuggled the blanket closer and glared at him. ‘You think it stinks?’
‘It does,’ he insisted. ‘But I also know that when I lost the horses in my care I didn’t get the chance to keep anything that belonged to them.’
‘What happened?’
Kern didn’t speak for a while, but finally he said, ‘My wife was what some might call “highly strung”. She suffered terrible mood swings and bouts of depression. Had done since her teenage years. These last few years she became desperate for a child, but it never happened. Physically everything was working fine with both of us, but she just never got pregnant.’
Ruby hugged the blanket closer as she felt the man’s sadness fill the caravan. Not sure what to say, she murmured, ‘I’m sorry...’
‘When the first year goes by without a pregnancy, you start to question if it’s going to happen... Two years in, you know something is wrong. But when you seek medical help and the doctors insist there is no physical reason for the lack of a baby, it’s hard to take. Who do you talk to then? Where do you turn? IVF gets mentioned, alongside adoption. But Corinne didn’t want to deal with either. She had a phobia of doctors, thanks to her father having dragged her to several as a teenager. Knowing her mental health history, they offered counselling, but it never helped. Often she’d miss appointments, or just rip up the referral letters and throw them away. You see, because there was no medical reason, she clung to the hope of one day having a child without intervention.’
‘That’s heartbreaking...’
‘It is when you’re the one watching the person you love go through it. Living with her disappointment every month, feeling like a failure for not being able to give her the one thing she craved.’
‘She had you,’ Ruby pointed out.
Kern gave another dejected smile and continued, ‘I’m afraid I wasn’t enough to ease her persistent yearning to hold her own baby. Anyway, I’d gone to Doncaster for a race meeting. During the third race the police phoned my mobile. Apparently Corinne had taken the keys for the tractor and driven it into one of the stable blocks. She brought the roof down on the three horses inside.’
‘Oh, no!’ Ruby gasped, the blurred sensations she’d experienced while working with Enticing Evie instantly came to her mind.
‘Evie was in one of the paddocks nearby and she watched the whole thing,’ Kern said, unknowingly confirming Ruby’s suspicions. ‘She must have heard the other horses’ cries of fear. Luckily, the other eight horses not racing that day were in another paddock, away from the house. Afterwards, Corinne set the destroyed stables on fire and drove the tractor at Evie. Fortunately, the fire had attracted the neighbours, and one of the staff members I’d left behind, and they called the police.’
‘Where’s your wife now?’ Ruby asked gently.
‘She panicked when the police arrived and ended up flipping the tractor onto it
s side. She was trapped beneath it and died instantly.’
Ruby grasped his hand. ‘Oh, Kern. I’m sorry. Why did she do it?’
He shrugged, and his arms tightened around her. ‘I think the fragile pieces inside her finally broke. After all the years of depression and disappointment, she just couldn’t take any more. Everything built and built in her head until it exploded. I’d tried to get her interested in the business over the years, but she had no real love either for horses or racing. I’d encouraged her to make friends in the village where we lived, but she’d fall out with people after a few months, or grow tired of their company. I’d told myself I didn’t have time to cater to her every whim if we wanted to eat and keep our home and the business. Truth is, I ran out of ways to help her.’
‘What about her family?’ asked Ruby.
‘Corinne hated her father, and her sister moved to New Zealand fifteen years ago—not long after their mother died. Her mother never took her role as a parent too seriously, and when Corinne’s problems with depression started in her teens, she dropped out of her life for good. She had no one but me. I couldn’t abandon her, too. God knows where she would have ended up if I had. We were together for such a long time. She wasn’t easy, but you don’t walk away from your partner just because your marriage is hard work. I’m not a man who quits.’
‘It sounds as if your wife’s problems were something neither you nor your marriage could mend,’ Ruby said, hoping he wouldn’t be offended by her comment. ‘Not without professional help.’
Kern was silent for a long time, then he admitted, ‘I tried in the beginning—but in the end I’m guilty of just giving up. Corinne had become paranoid about me cheating—I never did. I respected her and my wedding vows too much to destroy either with cheap, easy sex. But according to her, I never spent enough time with her. She resented my work and the horses. She was rude to the owners. Forgot to give me important messages. Our marriage became a mess of resentment and anger on both sides. But although it was hard, and the last few years were a kind of hell, dealing with her mood swings, I did love Corinne once. That love died somewhere through the years, but for a long time she was my best friend and my lover. She deserved my loyalty and I know I should have helped her more—but how do you help someone who doesn’t want it and resents you even for suggesting it? How do you get someone to listen when they constantly tell you to shut up or walk away? If I’d given up the business how would we have lived? One of us had to work. It’s easy for people standing on the outside to think there are simple answers, but there aren’t. Not really.’
‘I didn’t mean to imply—’ Ruby began.
‘I know you didn’t,’ he said.
Ruby sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. His questions were similar to the ones she’d once asked herself. ‘I don’t know, Kern. How do you solve a puzzle when there is no clear, simple solution?’
Stroking a curl back from Ruby’s face, he apologised again. ‘I’m sorry. I never meant for Dog to get hurt.’
She clasped his cheek and shook her head. ‘I know you didn’t. It was a horrible accident. You were trying to do the right thing by stopping your stepfather from driving.’
‘I don’t have a great history of doing the right thing, though,’ he muttered. ‘Not where women are concerned.’
She squeezed his hand, wanting to offer even the smallest comfort. ‘You don’t have to hold me.’
He tugged her close, kissing the top of her head. ‘I want to hold you. It’s been a while since I’ve wanted to hold anyone. Just for tonight, let’s forget about common sense and comfort one another. Tomorrow we’ll go back to being each other’s bothersome neighbour.’
‘It’s been a long time since someone held me,’ she confessed, snuggling deeper into him.
‘No recent boyfriends?’ he asked.
‘None.’ She sighed, wanting to be honest. ‘I find it hard to trust people.’
‘It’s tough, isn’t it? Especially when important people have let you down. That’s why I’ve sworn off relationships for life.’
‘I doubt I’ll ever get married,’ she admitted. ‘It’s not something that’s ever interested me that much.’
‘It’s not all hearts and chocolates, I’m afraid.’
Glad he understood, she squeezed his hand again, wrapping her fingers around his cold ones. For one night she would revel in the feel of Kern and his wonderfully warm hug. Tomorrow they would pretend it had never happened. Slip back into the undemanding roles of acquaintances once more.
‘Close your eyes and go to sleep,’ he urged, his breath warm against her scalp.
‘Okay...’
Some time later, through the fog of sleep, she felt herself being laid down on the sofa. A few seconds later the throw enclosed her body.
‘Sweet dreams, Ruby,’ Kern whispered, stroking a finger along her cheek. ‘I’ll be back in a few hours.’
Ruby listened to the sound of Kern driving off, wishing with all her heart that he had stayed. But she had no right to want such a thing. The man’s soul was bruised and torn, and he deserved peace and time to heal.
Sadness and guilt had coated every word he’d uttered about his wife—a woman obviously mentally unwell, but too stubborn, perhaps too afraid, to take the help offered.
How tragic for both of them. A horrible situation with no easy remedy. He had been right when he’d described it as something nobody truly understood unless they’d been unfortunate enough to experience the same heart-wrenching pain.
Tonight they had shared some pieces of their pasts, but it made no difference. He was just a client who’d offered her solace and support when she’d desperately required it. A battered man who would one day leave and start a new phase in his life somewhere else.
She needed to make sure she remembered that the only place Kern MacKinley could ever be for her was at arm’s length.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘THE PARADE?’
Kern stared at his aunt, certain the woman had gone potty. Why else would she be ranting on about the parade the local town held once a year? A parade she apparently wanted him to take part in.
He trained racehorses. Or he used to. He also had several more boxes to clear out of his aunt’s large shed before it got too late, and discussing a parade he certainly wasn’t going to take part in was nothing but a waste of his time.
‘Oh, stop fussing,’ Eloise complained. ‘It’s half a day—and it will do you good to have something nice to look forward to.’
Kern rested his hands gently on his aunt’s shoulders, shocked by the feel of their boniness beneath his palms. Another sign of the passing of time... ‘Eloise, I’m not a four-year-old who requires entertaining. I’m a grown man, and I can occupy my time fine.’
‘You’ll always be a little boy to me,’ Eloise insisted. ‘Besides, you’re not doing it alone. I’ve arranged for an assistant—not only to help you clean the old cart, but also to keep you company during the parade.’
Wondering which poor sucker his aunt had conned into helping, he asked, ‘Who?’
‘Your neighbour.’
His heart dropped. ‘Fin?’
‘I said your neighbour—not your squatter,’ she dismissed. ‘I’ve asked sweet little Ruby to help you out.’
Kern swallowed, not sure what to say. He’d avoided Ruby for over a week, since he’d dropped her back at the clinic after her rest. Not because he didn’t want to see her, but because whatever he felt for her was best left undiscovered and ignored. He wasn’t in a position to offer anything more than friendship to the woman. And a small part of him feared friendship with Ruby would never be enough.
Holding her in his arms, feeling her body against his own, surrounded by her warm womanly scent, did nothing but hike up his unwelcome attraction towards her. An attraction he daren’t explore.
‘And she agreed?’
he asked.
‘Of course. Unlike you, she is helpful, and she doesn’t complain all the time. You really have become quite grumpy as you’ve aged.’
Kern ignored his aunt’s comment and demanded, ‘What did you bribe her with?’
Ruby might be kind, but she also worked full time and shied away from unfamiliar company. He’d noticed her discomfort after watching her at the barbecue before her dog’s accident.
Eloise shrugged and admitted, ‘I offered to doggy-sit on Saturday afternoon.’
Intrigued, Kern asked, ‘Why?’
‘I thought she might like to do a bit of shopping or sightseeing. Since the accident she’s worked and then returned home each day with nothing else in between. I asked Anne, and apparently she spends her dinner hours going over notes or checking the animals. It’s not right for a young woman of her age to have zero social life. I’m just being neighbourly.’
‘Hmm...’ Kern murmured, not believing his relative.
Eloise clearly had plans stewing in her head, and he suspected the innocent vet would be too polite to refuse his aunt and would end up regretting the inevitable outcome.
‘And she said yes, did she?’ he asked, irritated by his own curiosity.
What the woman did and with whom was nothing to do with him. If she wanted to date all the men for a mile around, then good luck to her. Ruby was young, pretty and sweet. Any man with more than a handful of brain cells would snatch her up.
Any man who didn’t screw up every important relationship in his life...
‘Of course. Though I’ve yet to mention the parade to her. I thought I’d wait and see how you fancied it first. It will be a good chance for Ruby to get to know more people in the town.
‘The answer’s still no.’
Eloise huffed. ‘You’ve developed a hardness since you left,’ she complained. ‘It’s quite annoying.’
Awakening His Shy Vet Page 9