by Irvin Yalom
She glanced at her watch. “And now, it’s showtime for you guys.” She looked them over. “Handsome dudes, you two. You both look great, but, Philip, that jacket,” she shook her head, “it has got to go—uncool—corduroy is dead, twenty years passé, those elbow patches too. Next week we go shopping.” She looked at their faces. “You’re going to do great. If you get nervous, Philip, remember the chairs. Remember Julius loved you both. And I do, too.” She planted a kiss on each of their foreheads, left a twenty-dollar bill on the table, saying, “Special day, my treat,” and walked out.
An hour later seven members filed into Philip’s office for their first group meeting and warily sat down in Julius’s chairs. Philip had wept twice as an adult: once during that last meeting of Julius’s therapy group and again upon learning that Julius had bequeathed him these nine chairs.
“So,” Philip began, “welcome to our group. We’ve tried to orient you to the group procedures during our screening session with each of you. Now it’s time to begin.”
“That’s it. Just like that? No further instructions?” said Jason, a short, wiry middle-aged man wearing a tight black Nike T-shirt.
“I remember how scared I was in my first group therapy session,” said Tony, who leaned forward in his seat. He was neatly dressed in a white short-sleeved shirt, khaki trousers, and brown loafers.
“I didn’t say anything about being scared,” replied Jason. “I’m referring to the lack of guidance.”
“Well, what would help get you started?” asked Tony.
“Info. That’s what makes the world go round now. This is supposed to be a philosophical consultation group—are both of you philosophers?”
“I’m a philosopher,” said Philip, “with a doctorate from Columbia, and Tony, my coleader, is a counseling student.”
“A student? I don’t get it. How will you two operate here?” shot back Jason.
“Well,” answered Tony, “Philip will bring in helpful ideas from his knowledge of philosophy, and me, well, I’m here to learn and to pitch in any way I can—I’m more of an expert in emotional accessibility. Right, partner?”
Philip nodded.
“Emotional accessibility? Am I supposed to know what that means?” asked Jason.
“Jason,” interrupted another member, “my name is Marsha, and I want to point out that this is about the fifth challenging thing you’ve said in the first five minutes of our group.”
“And?”
“And you’re the kind of macho-exhibitionistic guy I have a lot of trouble with.”
“And you’re the kind of Miss Prissy who gives me a major pain in the ass.”
“Wait, wait, let’s freeze the action for a moment,” said Tony, “and get some feedback on our first five minutes from the other members here. First, I want to say something to you, Jason, and to you, Marsha—something that Philip and I learned from Julius, our teacher. Now, I’m sure you two feel like this is a stormy beginning but I’ve got a hunch, a very strong hunch, that by the end of this group, each of you are going to prove very valuable to the other. Right, Philip?”
“Right you are, partner.”
Notes
“Every breath we draw wards…”: Arthur Schopenhauer, The World as Will and Representation, trans. E. F. J. Payne, 2 vols. (New York: Dover Publications, 1969), vol. 1., p. 311 / § 57
“Ecstasy in the act of copulation…”: Arthur Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains in Four Volumes, ed. Arthur Hübscher, trans. E. F. J. Payne (Oxford: Berg Publishers, 1988–90), vol. 3. p. 262 / § 111
“Life is a miserable thing…”: Eduard Grisebach, ed., Schopenhauer’s Gespräche und Selbstgespräche (Berlin: E. Hofmann, 1898), p. 3
“Talent is like a marksman…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 2, p. 391 / chap. 31, “On Genius.”
“No one helped me,…”: Rüdiger Safranski, Schopenhauer and the Wild Years of Philosophy, trans. Ewald Osers (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1991), p. 11.
“A happy life is impossible…”: Arthur Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, trans. E. F. J. Payne, 2 vols. (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 2000), vol. 2, p. 322 / § 172a.
“The solid foundations of our view…”: Ibid., vol. 1, p. 478 / chap. 6, “On the Different Periods of Life.”
“Splendor, rank, and title exercise…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 14.
“I no more pretended ardent love…”: Ibid., p. 13
“If we look at life in its small details…”: T. Bailey Saunders, trans., Complete Essays of Schopenhauer: Seven Books in One Volume (New York: Wiley, 1942), book 5, p. 24. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 290 / § 147a.
“in the near and penetrating eye of death…”: Thomas Mann, Buddenbrooks, trans. H. T. Lowe-Porter (New York: Vintage Books, 1952), p. 509
“A master-mind could lay hold…”: Ibid., p. 510
“Have I hoped to live on…”: Ibid., p. 513
“so perfectly consistently clear…”: Thomas Mann, Essays of Three Decades, trans. H. T. Lowe-Porter (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1947), p. 373
“emotional, breath-taking, playing between violent contrasts…”: Ibid., p. 373.
“letting that dynamic, dismal genius work…”: Ronald Hayman, Nietzsche: A Critical Life (New York: Penguin, 1982), p. 72
“Religion has everything on its side…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 2, p. 166 / chap. 17, “On Man’s Need for Metaphysics.”
“Could we foresee it…”: Saunders, Complete Essays, book 5, p. 3. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 298 / § 155a.
“In endless space countless luminous spheres…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 2, p. 3 / chap. 1, “On the Fundamental View of Idealism.”
“Just because the terrible activity…”: Ibid., vol. 2, p. 394 / chap. 31, “On Genius.”
“by far the happiest part…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 26
“Remember how your father permits…”: Ibid., p. 29
“feeling of two friends meeting…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 299 / § 156
“I found myself in a country unknown to me…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 280
“The greatest wisdom is to make…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 284 / § 143.
“The kings left their crowns and scepters behind…”: Safranski, Shopenhauer, p. 44.
“put aside all these authors for a while…”: Ibid., p. 37
“In my seventeenth year…”: Ibid., p. 41
“This world is supposed to have been made…”: Ibid., 58
“When, at the end of their lives…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 285 / § 145
“A person of high, rare mental gifts…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 2, p. 388 / chap. 31, “On Genius.”
“Noble, excellent spirit to whom I owe everything…”: Safranski, Shopenhauer, p. 278.
“Dancing and riding do not make…” and other quotations from Heinrich’s letters: Ibid., pp. 52–53
“I know too well how little you had…”: Ibid., p. 81
“I continued to hold my position…”: Ibid., p. 55
“Your character…”: Arthur Schopenhauer. Johanna Schopenhauer to Arthur Schopenhauer (April 28, 1807). In Der Briefwechsel Arthur Schopenhauer Hrsg. v. Carl Gebbart Drei Bände. Erste Band (1799) München: R. Piper & Co. p.129ff. Trans. by Felix Reuter and Irvin Yalom.
“I will always choose the most exciting option…”: Der Briefwechsel Arthur Schopenhauers. Herausgegeben von Carl Gebhardt. Erster Band (1799–1849). Munich: R. Piper, 1929. Aus: Arthur Schopenhauer: Sämtliche Werke. Herausgegeben von Dr. Paul Deussen. Vierzehnter Band. Erstes und zweites Tausend. Munich: R. Piper, 1929. pp. 129ff. Nr.71. Correspondence, Gebhardt and Hübscher, eds. Letter from Johanna Schopenhauer, April 28, 1807, trans. by Felix Reuter and Irvin Yalom.
“The serious and calm tone…”: Ibid.,
That you have so quickly come to a decision…”: Safranski, Sch
openhauer, p. 84
“It is noteworthy and remarkable to see…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 1, p. 85 / § 16.
“Only the male intellect…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 619 / § 369
“Your eternal quibbles, your laments…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, pp. 92, 94.
“I know women. They regard marriage only…”: Arthur Schopenhauer: Gespräche. Hrsg. v. Arthur Hübscher, Stuttgart-Bad Cannstatt 1971, p.152. Trans. by Felix Reuter and Irvin Yalom.
“Mark now on what footing…”: Safranski, p. 94
“Fourfold root? No doubt this…”: Ibid., p. 169
“The door which you slammed so noisily…”: Paul Deusen, ed., Journal of the Schopenhauer Society, 1912–1944, trans. Felix Reuter, Frankfurt: n.p. 1973, p. 128.
“Most men allow themselves to be seduced…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 504 / “,” § 25. Trans. modified by Felix Reuter and Irvin Yalom.
“Great sufferings render lesser ones…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 1, p. 316 / § 57. Trans. modified by Walter Sokel and Irvin Yalom.
“Nothing can alarm or move him any more…”: Ibid., vol. 1, p. 390/ § 68.
“One must have chaos…”: Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, trans. R. J. Hollingdale (New York: Penguin, 1961), p. 46
“The flower replied:…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 649 / chap. 314 § 388.”
“The cheerfulness and buoyancy of our youth…”: Ibid., vol. 1, p. 483 / chap. 6, “On the Different Periods of Life.”
“half mad through excesses…”: Arthur Hübscher, Arthur Schopenhauer: Ein Lebensbild. Dritte Auflage, durchgesehen von Angelika Hübscher, mit einer Abbildung und zwei Handschriftproben. (Mannheim: F. A. Brockhaus, 1988), S. 12
“little though I care for stiff etiquette…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 40
“I only wish you had learned…”: Ibid., p. 40
“Next to the picture were…”: Ibid., p. 42
“I find that a panorama from a high mountain…”: Ibid., p. 51.
“Philosophy is a high mountain road…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 1, p. 14 / § 20
“We entered a room of carousing servants…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 51.
“The strident singing of the multitude…” and subsequent quotations in this paragraph: Ibid., p. 43
“I am sorry that your stay…”: Ibid., p. 45
“Every time I went out among men…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 512 / “,” § 32
“Be sure your objective judgments…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 167
“He is a happy man…”: Saunders, Complete Essays, book 2, p. 63. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 445 / chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“Sex does not hesitate to intrude…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 2, p. 533 / chap. 44, “The Metaphysics of Sexual Love.”
“Obit anus, abit onus…”: Bryan Magee, The Philosophy of Schopenhauer (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1983; revised 1997), p. 13, footnote.
“Industrious whore”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 66
“I was very fond of them…”: Ibid., p. 67
“But I didn’t want them, you see…”: Arthur Schopenhauer: Gespräche. Herausgegeben von Arthur Hübscher. Neue, stark erweiterte Ausg. Stuttgart-Bad Cannstatt, 1971, p. 58. Trans. by Felix Reuter.
“May you not totally lose the ability…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 245
“For a woman, limitation to one man…”: Ibid., p. 271
“Man at one time has too much…”: Ibid., p. 271
“All great poets were unhappily married…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 505 / “,” § 25
To marry at a late age…: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 504 / § 24.
“Next to the love of life…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 2, p. 513 / chap. 42, “Life of the Species.”
“If we consider all this…”: Ibid., vol. 2, p. 534 / chap. 44, “The Metaphysics of Sexual Love.”
“The true end of the whole love story…”: Ibid., vol. 2, p. 535 / chap. 44, “The Metaphysics of Sexual Love.”
“Therefore what here guides man…”: Ibid., vol. 2, p. 539 / chap. 44, “The Metaphysics of Sexual Love.”
“The man is taken possession of by the spirit…”: Ibid., vol. 2, pp. 554, 555 / chap. 44, “The Metaphysics of Sexual Love.”
“For he is under the influence…”: Ibid., vol. 2, p. 556 / chap. 44, “The Metaphysics of Sexual Love.”
“What is not endowed with reason…”: Ibid., vol. 2, p. 557 / chap. 44, “The Metaphysics of Sexual Love.”
“If I maintain silence about my secret…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 466 / chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“If we do not want to be a plaything…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 499 / “,” § 20
“If you have an earnest desire…”: Epictetus: Discourses and Enchiridion, trans. Thomas Wentworth Higginson (New York: Walter J. Black, 1944), p. 338.
“By the time I was thirty…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 513 / “,” § 33
“One cold winter’s day…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 651 / § 396.
“Yet whoever has a great deal of internal warmth…”: Ibid., vol. 2, p. 652 / § 396.
“highest class of mankind”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 498 / “,” § 20
“My intellect belonged not to me…”: Ibid., vol. 4, p. 484 / “,” § 3.
“Young Schopenhauer seems to have changed…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 120.
“Your friend, our great Goethe…”: Ibid., p. 177.
“We discussed a good many things…”: Ibid., p. 190
“But the genius lights on his age…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 2, p. 390 / chap. 31, “On Genius.”
“If in daily intercourse we are asked…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 268 / § 135
“It is better not to speak…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 512 / “,” § 32
“miserable wretches, of limited intelligence…”: Ibid., vol. 4, p. 501 / “,” § 22.
“Almost every contact with men…”: Ibid., vol. 4, p. 508 / “,” § 29.
“Do not tell a friend what your enemy…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 466 / chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“Regard all personal affairs as secrets…”: Ibid., vol. 1, p. 465 / chap. 5 “Counsels and Maxims.”
“Giving way neither to love nor to hate…”: Ibid., vol. 1, p. 466/ chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“Distrust is the mother of safety…” Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 495 / “,” § 17
“To forget at any time the bad traits…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 466/ chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“The only way to attain superiority…”: Saunders, Complete Essays, book 2, p. 72. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 451 / § 28.
“To disregard is to win regard”: Ibid., p. 72. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol.1, p. 451 / § 28
“If we really think highly…”: Ibid., p. 72. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol.1, p. 451 / § 28
“Better to let men be what they are…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 508 / “,” § 29, footnote.
“We must never show anger and hatred…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 466 / chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“By being polite and friendly…”: Ibid., p. 463
“There are few ways by which…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 459 / chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“We should set a limit to our wishes…”: Ibid., vol. 1, p. 438 / chap. 5, “Counsels and Maxims.”
“No rose without a thorn…�
��: Saunders, Complete Essays, book 5, p. 97. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 648 / § 385
Bodies are material objects…: See discussion in Magee, Philosophy of Schopenhauer, pp. 440–53
“Every place we look in life…”: Schopenhauer, World as Will, vol. 1, p. 309 / § 56.
“Work, worry, toil and trouble…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 293 / § 152
“In the first place a man never is happy…”: Saunders, Complete Essays, book 5, p. 21. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 284 / § 144.
“We are like lambs playing in the field…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 292 / § 150
“I have not written for the crowd…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 207 / “Pandectae II,” § 84
“A man finds himself…”: Saunders, Complete Essays, book 5, p. 19. See also Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 2, p. 283 / § 143.
“When, on a sea voyage…”: Epictetus, Discourses and Enchiridion, p. 334.
“Life can be compared to a piece of embroidered material…”: Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, vol. 1, p. 482 / chap. 6, “On the Different Periods of Life.”
“Even when there is no particular provocation…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 507 / “,” § 28
Schopenhauer’s daily schedule: Magee, Philosophy of Schopenhauer, p. 24
Schopenhauer’s table talk: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 284.
The gold piece for the poor: Arthur Hübscher, ed., Schopenhauer’s Anekdotenbuchlein (Frankfurt, 1981), p. 58. Trans. Felix Reuter and Irvin Yalom.
Many anecdotes of his sharp wit…: Ibid.
“Well built…invariably well dressed…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 284.
“The risk of living without work…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 503 / “,” § 24
“Two months in your room…”: Safranski, Schopenhauer, p. 288
“The monuments, the ideas left behind…”: Schopenhauer, Manuscript Remains, vol. 4, p. 487 / “,” § 7
“To the learned men and philosophers of Europe…”: Ibid., vol. 4, p. 121 / “Cholera-Buch,” § 40.
“suspiciousness, sensitiveness, vehemence, and pride…”: Ibid., vol. 4, p. 506 / “,” § 28