He drops another kiss on the tip of my nose. “I did promise you a dance…and I think I can manage this type of dancing.” He pulls me back to him. There’s no awkwardness. Maybe it’s going to come, but for now I’m simply living.
Chapter Twenty-four – Luke
The barn is full of people. Instead of freaking me out, it’s reassuring. Mom and the Circle won’t make a scandal by coming here. I can stay in the moment, with Tessa, with that kiss that got me so hard I wanted to taste every inch of her skin. I wanted to lose myself with her, in her. We’re close to other couples dancing, but I don’t care about them. It’s only her in my arms, fitting perfectly. She's warm and soft. I can still taste her on my lips and I want to kiss her again.
Lacey used to joke, seven years ago, that Tessa and I would fall in love. She was teasing me and I stuck my tongue out at her like I used to. When Mom took us away and brought us to the compound, Lacey didn’t laugh when I wrote letters to Tessa. I kept them hidden in The Book of Truth.
At first, the compound seemed like summer camp: there were a lot of kids and everyone was friendly.
But we found out fast enough that it was a trick to get us to trust them, to tell them our secrets and fears and hopes. It’s easier to destroy someone when you know the shadows hiding in the corners of their hearts.
Once we figured that out, it was too late. Mom was part of them and she wanted us to adapt. Lila was born and we both tried to protect her. We pretended too for a while. Lacey always had a plan in her mind. She watched everything until she found an escape route.
But they broke her.
When I told Mom I overheard Abram saying he was only using the Circle to get richer, to get revenge on those who hurt him, she didn’t believe me. She went straight to him.
She watched as he beat me up. She watched as he beat Lacey up. She watched as he threatened to kill us. She still believed him.
Lacey got up and took care of me. She had a broken nose and bruises everywhere, but she made sure I was okay. She told me too that if we managed to escape, we needed to do more than survive.
The music changes from soft and slow to a rhythm that makes the other couples stand in lines.
I chuckle. “I have no idea what to do.”
“I can show you.” And for the next twenty minutes, she does her best to teach me how to line dance.
Erin and Dimitri stand in the near distance and when they wave our way, Tessa stops dancing. “They look like they’re ready to go.”
I nod. “They also look…”
“Sad,” she finishes for me. Dimitri has his arm around Erin and she’s leaning into him with a frown. “Do you mind if we go see them?”
“Of course not.” I lean in and quickly kiss her cheek. Her face reddens and she has a hint of a smile. A hint of a promise. I’m tempted to forget about everything else, grab her hand and take her away. But she’s focused on Dimitri and Erin. She squeezes my hand like she needs reassurance.
We make our way through the crowd.
“Are you okay?” Tessa asks.
Erin shakes her head. “I thought I could do this and come back here. Pretend for a while that nothing happened…and I did. At the beginning of the evening, I thought I could be here and not feel like someone’s punching me in the gut.” She sniffles and clears her throat. “But after a while, I stopped pretending. I keep on seeing Nadia’s face before we left. Everywhere I look, I see her and Liam. The last thing they did together was to come here.”
Dimitri’s shoulders slump and I recognize that look on his face: it’s a mix of helplessness, anger and sadness. I’ve seen that look before in my mirror. Too many times to count. “I’m sorry.”
Erin turns to him. “Don’t be. The team wanted you there and I wanted to come too.” She pauses and her hand touches Tessa’s arm. “For once you come out, and look at us…” She doesn’t even attempt to smile. “I’ll call you, okay?”
“Of course. And don’t be sorry. I know it’s not easy.”
Erin nods.
“You’re going to be okay?” Dimitri asks Tessa. He sounds serious. He’s two years older than us but he sounds like he’s at least forty. Funny how some people think you need to be old to have lived. In our little group, it’s not the years that made us older.
“I am,” Tessa answers and gives both of them a quick hug. Dimitri and I do the guy nod. The assessing nod. The you-better-not-screw-up nod. I get it.
Once they’re out of earshot, Tessa sighs. “I can’t imagine how hard it is, especially for Nadia. She saw…she saw everything.”
My hand finds the back of Tessa’s neck and I massage it slowly. She leans into me. “I think I’m ready to go too,” she whispers.
My lips touch the top of her head. “Then let’s go.”
We stroll back to the parking lot, avoiding people. Once we reach her car, we both shift on our feet and smile.
“Thanks for tonight,” she says and bites her lip. “Even with everything going on, it was…” It seems she’s struggling to find the right word.
Sometimes words aren’t needed. My hands frame her face and when we kiss, her arms wrap around my waist, bringing me closer. I wish I could be even closer, only feel her.
I lose track of time.
I lose track of everything that’s not her lips or her skin. A car honking as it peels out of the parking lot is the only reason we shift slightly apart. We’re both out of breath and I’ll need an ice-cold shower as soon as I get home.
“Tomorrow, are we going to pretend this didn’t happen?” I blurt out. I don’t sound like the Luke I usually aim to portray: don’t-give-a-flying-fuck Luke. I sound like myself. Like I care and shit.
I do care. A lot.
She narrows her eyes at me, not in a pissed-off way, but more in a what-do-you-mean way and maybe I should have kept the façade up, because what answer can I give her when so much is going on and I haven’t told her everything?
She tilts her head to the side. “What do you want?”
When I don’t answer right away, she kisses me again, this time on the cheek. “I’m not going to be begging you to hang out. Tonight can just be tonight.” She doesn’t break eye contact. “I don’t know what next week or next month or tomorrow is going to bring. And I know you’re still hiding a bunch of things from me.”
I open my mouth, ready to protest or at least to distract her somehow, but her index finger touches my lips. “Don’t tell me it’s not true. There’s this side of you, that anger…you think you’re angry at the world. I think you’re angry at yourself and I’m not sure why. I also don’t know what happened with your mom, but it bothers you.” She lifts a shoulder. “I’m not going to beg you, but I’ll tell you this…” And she kisses me again. This time deeper. She moans in my mouth as I press against her.
She gently pulls away. “You said sometimes words aren’t needed.” Her smile is the happiest and most carefree I’ve seen.
I need to see that smile again soon. “How about we meet somewhere tomorrow after work?”
Her eyes widen slightly, as if she’s somewhat surprised I’m not running away with my usual excuses.
“That sounds awesome,” she replies and then frowns. “We do have to study for that Pre-Calculus test though. I can probably manage to get out again—after the meeting with that psychic—as long as I’m home before it gets dark.”
“I forgot about that test…I thought about going mudding.” I groan and she laughs. I kiss the palm of her hand. “I need to study. I can’t mess this test up.”
“You’re still almost the best one in that class.”
“You’re better though,” I reply, kissing the tip of her nose. In chemistry, I’m slightly better than she is, but not by much. Still, I waggle an eyebrow before leaning closer to her. “I can tutor you in chemistry if you tutor me in math.”
Her laugh turns louder. “Is that a tutoring offer or a making-out offer, because I’m not sure what you’re suggesting.”
“Wha
tever works for you.”
“Both work for me.” She smiles. “You’re working tomorrow too, right?”
“I am. You’re still supposed to train me.” My lips find the spot on her neck I learned she likes.
“I have to go. And you have to stop kissing me because otherwise I’m never going to go home.” Her entire body tenses before relaxing again, and I know where her mind has gone. Sometimes words have more power than they should. Not going home made her think about her sister.
I wrap my arms around her.
We stay there until I feel her relaxing against me. “Thanks,” she whispers. I open her car door and she slides into it after one more kiss.
I stand in the same spot until I can no longer see her car.
Tomorrow, I get to kiss her again.
The warm feeling in my chest is almost new…the last time I felt this hopeful, everything came fucking crashing down with a vengeance.
But maybe not this time.
Maybe I don’t have to get stuck in the past like my uncle.
Maybe I can hope.
Chapter Twenty-five – Mellie
The Master of the Circle should be respected and revered.
He, alone, knows all the truths of the Circle.
He, alone, can be fully trusted.
He, alone, will bring the Circle through the end of the world to eternity.
(The Circle’s Book of Truth – Rule Fifteen)
“No, no, nooooo!” My heart pounds louder with each of Jeremiah’s screams. His nightmares torment him, keeping me awake. I tiptoe outside of the bed. He’s been on the floor, reading from The Circle’s Book of Truth. I gently remove the book from his grasp. He gasps and his eyes open.
“Don’t leave me,” he whispers and he pulls me into a hug. “I don’t know what I’d do if they took you away.”
His voice sounds desperate and my arms tentatively reach around his neck. It’s the first time we’ve hugged. “I’m not leaving. Together, we’re going to save Tessa and we’re going to become a real part of the Circle.”
Jeremiah scrambles to his feet. “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. Tonight’s the night. Master Abram told me where to go, what to do. We need to make sure she leaves before she talks.”
His voice has an edge I’ve never heard before, even when Isabel was doing everything she could to escape. “Abram told me we need to take care of it or he won’t protect you. They’re going to get you if we don’t do anything.”
“I don’t understand.”
His body shakes and he grabs my arms. I flinch at the violence of emotions in his eyes. Fear and anger. “That woman who saw you. Abram said she was dangerous. Evil. We need to take care of her. Otherwise Abram will make us suffer the consequences.”
I turn away from his desperate stare. I know the meaning of those words and bile gathers in my mouth. “Maybe she won’t say anything.”
Jeremiah always taught me the Circle was peaceful and loving. But Master Abram beat me and beat him. Jeremiah said Master Abram was only trying to save us. He told me how much Master Abram taught him and how he forgave him for his sins, how he helped him when Jeremiah was banned from the group, how he’s making sure we can both still be saved.
When Isabel died, Jeremiah comforted me, but his eyes were full of panic. Master Abram helped us then. He was there for us. But if he stops protecting us, what’s going to happen? Jeremiah stares at me in such a way that my hands tremble. He’s afraid Master Abram will toss me back into the world.
That I won’t be saved.
He tilts my head back to him with a strong grip. “They’ll take you away and they’ll punish you for what happened. Do you think they would understand? Master Abram said they’ll blame you for Isabel. For everything. And they won’t let me see you ever again. You’ll be alone. They’ll take Tessa away from you.”
His hand caresses my dirty hair. “You know I won’t survive without you. We’re family.”
And we are.
I nod and he lets me go.
I put on my shoes and grab a sweater that’s too big for me but dark enough not to attract any attention.
We slowly make our way outside. Silence surrounds us. In the distance, there’s loud music. Probably people at the lake. When he first brought me to this cabin, I thought I was so far away from Gavert City.
A few months later, he let me outside to help him with his flowers and basil. And my heart pounded when I recognized the ranch in the distance. All this time, I’d been so close to home, hidden in a cabin we thought was haunted when we were kids.
In one split second, I decided to run. My legs weren’t as strong.
My foot got stuck on a trap and I fell. My ankle twisted and he gently picked me up. Even though he was panicking and yelled at me for trying to run away, he was still careful in cleaning the wound on my knee. He apologized for the sting. Tears were pouring down my face.
“I want my mommy,” I said over and over again.
That’s when he told me my parents didn’t care. That’s when he promised to always take care of me.
I didn’t understand then. But as we step outside, I don’t long for a past that was full of lies, I long for the promises of the future. Jeremiah opens the car. “Hide underneath the blankets and don’t say a word until I tell you.”
“Okay.” I climb onto the floor of the backseat—it’s spotless. He hates dust and messes. I grab the heavy woolen blanket and hide underneath. The wool itches my skin but I don’t fidget.
Once the car starts, he turns on the radio and music I’ve never heard before blasts through the speakers. The voice of the singer is beautiful and pure. It rises above the melody. I clutch the blanket, not understanding the wave of sadness washing over me. I miss singing with Tessa. But I know we’ll sing together again soon.
Jeremiah drives carefully, slowly. We must stop by a red light or a stop sign. “Mrs. Dalton’s flowers are gorgeous. I wish I knew her secret. If only she wasn’t always talking,” he mutters.
Mrs. Dalton…I remember her. She always had sweets for Tessa and me when we went to the doctor’s. She was his wife and his assistant. I wish I could see her, see the town, but I grit my teeth and stay in my spot.
He continues, and I’m not sure if he talks to me or to himself: “She thinks she knows everything. She knows nothing.”
After a few more minutes, he stops. “Stay here for a second.” The door screeches open and colder air gusts through. Breathing is difficult with the wool on my mouth but I don’t move. I wait.
“You need to be quiet,” he whispers. “Come on, let’s go. Follow my steps and don’t say a word until we’re inside.”
We’re in an RV park—one that is a bit out of town and not crowded at all. Maybe five RVs all spread out. I’ve never really been in this area before. The moon’s hidden by clouds. Step by step, we get closer to a lone RV. It’s medium-sized and dark blue. It has a bit of rust by the windows.
Jeremiah takes out a pin from his jacket and manages to open the door.
We tiptoe inside. The RV smells like chicken soup and sweat and an odor I’m not familiar with. Jeremiah’s face is concentrated and he gestures for me to keep on following him.
A bed is visible from the small kitchen, just a hole in the wall. The woman from the gas station sleeps with a soft snore. There are needles on her nightstand.
Jeremiah grabs a gun from his jacket. A gun I’ve never seen before.
My body shakes like Jeremiah’s hand. He doesn’t want to do this either.
“Maybe we should leave and go home. Master Abram will understand,” I whisper, knowing the words are a lie.
He turns to me and his tone is harsh. “He wouldn’t. I can’t lose the Circle again and I can’t lose you.”
He glances around and throws a pillow onto the bed. The woman doesn’t stir. He picks up the pillow and throws it again, this time at her face. She opens her eyes and glances at her nightstand. “It was just a one-time thing,” she slurs and then her eye
s widen. “You’re Melanie. He didn’t tell me you’d be coming. How is my Aaron?” Her body shakes and her hands reach out to me. I have no clue what she’s talking about.
“Listen.” Jeremiah’s voice booms but sweat pearls on his forehead, a clear sign he’s nervous.
The woman’s large shirt doesn’t cover much of her. He averts his eyes. “You need to put something on.” He throws her the blanket he brought with him from the car.
She tilts her head to the side as if she doesn’t understand what’s going on. “I’m doing everything I’ve been told.”
Jeremiah frowns. “You’re ruining everything. I need you to disappear. They’re getting too close to the truth. It’s too dangerous.”
“How about my son?”
Jeremiah’s hand trembles and the woman’s eyes widen. “You have to put the gun down.”
“I don’t know anything about your son. But if you do as I say, we’ll go and won’t come back.”
She nods without a word.
“You’re going to update your website with a message that you are currently dealing with family affairs and are not reachable.” His laugh may seem cruel, but it’s the same nervous laugh he had when Master Abram told him he was afraid he was getting too attached to me.
She nods again.
She’s no longer shaking, and she’s staring at a picture of a young boy close to the spoon and needle on the nightstand. He looks so young with an ice cream in his hand and a big smile.
“I’m still going to get the money, right?” She types on her cell phone and shows him a picture.
He doesn’t answer right away and she rushes to him. “Please, Aaron needs this operation. I’ve been told I would get the money.”
“I don’t know about any money.” Jeremiah steps back. The gun’s still in his hand. And she shrieks like a wounded animal.
“The other guy…he told me…” She scratches her arms and turns to me. “You must understand. He needs the money. I need the money. Your family…”
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