See Me, See Me Not

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See Me, See Me Not Page 15

by Elodie Nowodazkij


  “You don’t have to,” Tessa whispers.

  “I need to,” I reply and take another deep breath. “Anyways. Mom marked herself during one ceremony before Lila’s birth. She made us watch as she dug a diamond shape into her ankle. It was painful to watch, but what was even more painful was when she handed the hot knife to me.”

  “What? How old were you?”

  “Eleven. I remember the leaves falling to the ground. She told me, you need to become a member of the Circle so we can be saved.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I was crying. I was afraid. Lacey was telling her that she would do it, that I needed to wait longer.” I struggle to swallow. Images of that night rush back. The fire, the music, the circle of people chanting. “Mom’s husband was second in command in the group. He yelled at me to stop crying, that I was a disgrace, and he pulled Lacey to him. He brought her closer to the fire. Closer and closer. She wasn’t crying or screaming but I knew she was scared.”

  I pause, needing to compose myself. I’m close to tears. “I took the knife and did what they asked. First on my arm. That’s why I have the tattoos there, to hide the scars, but my shape wasn’t right so Mom’s husband guided my hand the second time around, right there.” He touches the spot on his stomach. “My wound got infected and I was delirious for a week. Lacey took care of me. Mom…she checked out.” I dig my fingers deeper into the ground. “Until Lila was born. And she wanted Lila to be a true part of the Circle.” I lean my head back until it connects with the trunk of the tree. “Lacey worked hard to find a way out. But she got beaten badly and then they separated her from us. She begged me to run away. She was supposed to come with us.” I rub the back of my neck. “Faye is right. I will cause you pain. I always cause pain. To Mom. My dad broke her heart. She said it was my fault. To Lacey…who stayed behind to save us.”

  “You saved Lila.” Her voice is calm. Her tone is soothing. More soothing than any one-night stand I’ve ever had. “You saved Lila. Lacey wanted you to save yourself and Lila. She seems strong.” She holds my hand and her thumb caresses mine like she’s not scared of me, as if I don’t repulse her. “Even if Faye knows anything about the Circle, she doesn’t know you.” She brings my hand to her lip and kisses it. “Do you know where Lacey and your mom are?”

  “They’re still with them. And with her husband being the new boss, it’s probably even worse. He’s not a good man.”

  I’m almost out of breath. Letting it all out makes me feel more vulnerable. Tessa’s hand touches my face and she swings back on my lap. We’re staring at each other and she’s even more beautiful now than five minutes ago.

  “You’re courageous.” Her lips graze my cheek. “And you’re strong.” Her lips touch my mouth. “And you’re sweet.” Her lips find a spot on my neck that has me tightening my hands around her waist. She scoots back a little and her fingers curl under my shirt, lifting it slightly.

  The air sucks out of my lungs. The edges of my scars are raised. She bends down until her lips touch them softly. She drops a kiss on them and then kisses my lips again. I want to get lost in her.

  “Tessa, Luke!” Officer Benji runs toward us and my blood freezes. I push myself in front of Tessa.

  “We need to go. Now.” Officer Benji stops in front of us.

  “What’s happening?” Tessa asks, not able to hide the panic in her voice.

  “Your uncle is with Tessa’s parents. Someone found an RV burning off Route Fifty. It’s the RV of that psychic…Faye. Her body’s inside.”

  Chapter Thirty-three – Tessa

  We scramble to stand up. For a while, it almost seemed like we could protect ourselves from reality. His arms around me, the silence of the lake, his lips together with mine created a pleasant bubble. Our bubble exploded with one phone call. Luke kisses my lips, quickly, but it’s almost like he’s telling me with his kiss to be courageous and that he’s there.

  He’s going to bring you pain.

  Faye was wrong. Luke is not bringing pain. He’s made of pain. His memories threaten to swallow him whole. His guilt guides his steps and he’s so worried about hurting anyone, he doesn’t realize he hurts himself the most. By not letting people close and by not believing in himself.

  My hand finds his and he stiffens. It’s a nanosecond but it’s enough that I stop walking.

  “What?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck. I raise an eyebrow and he stops.

  “You do that a lot when you’re nervous.” I purse my lips. He shifts from one foot to the other and looks anywhere but at me. “None of this is your fault.”

  “She said…”

  “We don’t know what she knew. It might have been nothing. She looked like she had a rough life. We don’t know anything about her.”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “I’m telling you, Luke. You didn’t do anything. You survived for a long time. You fought for your sisters. You’re one of the good guys.”

  He grunts but finally looks at me. “Do you believe that?” It’s his turn to sound like his ten-year-old self. That summer he learned how to swim. The first day by the lake, he only dipped his toe in the water and his sister calmly told him he could take his time. She didn’t make fun of him for that but offered her support.

  “I do.” I nod and he pulls me to him. His lips touch the top of my head.

  “Thanks.” His voice is low and soft. He squares his shoulders like he’s ready to take on the world, but his eyes are still a bit cloudy.

  At the parking lot, we all go into our own cars. “I’ll follow you there, okay?” Luke asks carefully, like he’s afraid I might jump in my car and peel away.

  Officer Benji nods. “I’ll follow you both.”

  “Okay,” I reply.

  Everything Luke’s told me about the Circle freaks me out. My stomach clenches. His sisters and he have gone through so much. And he might be in danger. They all might be in danger.

  My mind recalls Faye…the way she looked at Luke, the way she talked about him.

  My hands grip the steering wheel.

  What if Faye’s death was related? What if she was part of the Circle too?

  At the police station, we’re ushered into a small room behind the counter where Mom, Dad, Luke’s uncle and Tyrik are already sitting. The gray walls and the fact there are no windows gives it an oppressing horror movie vibe.

  Mom and Dad both get up and rush to me for the first family hug in years. “Oh, baby girl,” Mom whispers as Dad crushes both of us in his arms.

  A mix of warmth and wariness invades my veins. I step away. “What happened?”

  “Come on in,” Luke’s uncle says with a frown that looks like he’s struggling to understand what’s going on. “I have a few questions to ask you since you both met Faye without us.”

  I pull up a chair while Luke waits besides me. “I’ve met her twice,” I rush to say, avoiding the bewildered expressions on my parents’ face. “She came to our mobile home on Saturday after I’d met her at the diner.” I close my eyes, searching my mind for each and every word. I open them again quickly. “She said something about dogs and having a son. She looked sad.” I carefully choose my words. I remember what it was like when Mellie disappeared and the police were focused on each of my syllables, hoping for a hint. Any hint.

  “The RV is completely gone but we’re hoping to get more information from her autopsy.” He sounds very matter-of-fact, while I remember Faye sounding almost desperate when she mentioned her son. “We’re interrogating witnesses at the campground she was staying at, but it seems she was a drug addict.” He pauses. “We found supplies by a small table close to where her RV was parked. We ran the prints and she’s in the system. She probably had an accident while she was high, ran off the road into the canyon.”

  “What about her son?” Mom sounds defeated and sad.

  “She does have a son who’s in foster care. He has a rare form of leukemia and she’s been trying to get him back and to find money for him, but h
er addiction was strong.”

  “Stronger than her love?” Mom’s voice breaks. “So she didn’t know where our Mellie was. She lied to us.”

  “Again, we’re investigating, but it seems she was a fraud.” He rubs his temples and Luke gently takes my hand in his. His uncle turns to him. “Luke, I need you to stay here until I’m done with some paperwork and talking to another witness.”

  “Will you keep us updated?” Dad asks.

  “Of course. Again, I’m sorry this isn’t the news you wanted to hear.” Luke’s uncle opens the door. Mom and Dad stand up and slowly exit the room.

  Mom glances my way. “Tessa? You’re coming home, right? Again, I’m so sorry.” She bites her lip.

  “I’ll see you both at home. I need to talk to Luke for a minute if it’s okay.”

  Dad strides to me and gives me a hug. “We’ll see you at home. We’ll talk more about everything,” he whispers and kisses my forehead. “We love you,” he tells me before leaving.

  Luke follows me into the hallway and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry.”

  “I didn’t believe her. I didn’t think she knew where Mellie was, but there’s always a tiny part of me that thinks maybe this time I could be wrong.” I snuggle closer to him, letting the sense of security and warmth wash over me. “Promise me to be careful.”

  “I promise.” He leans back to lock eyes with me. He looks serious and the tiny crease between his eyebrows tells me he’s worried. “Promise me you’ll be careful too.”

  “I promise,” I reply, and we kiss one last time.

  Chapter Thirty-four – Mellie

  The Master is the leader of the group. He should be trusted and followed.

  He should never be questioned as he will prepare the members for the end of the world.

  (The Circle’s Book of Truth – Rule Six)

  Our little cabin is our refuge, despite the hideaway that holds so many terrifying memories and the corner wall where I fell once and hit my head after Master Abram threw me across the room. Jeremiah wasn’t home then and Master Abram got mad because I didn’t know the rules of the book by heart. I never want to leave the cabin again. My stomach clenches, but not the same way it does before I have my flows. It’s even more painful. I curl up on the couch with a steaming cup of tea. Jeremiah always tells me tea helps.

  There’s a knock at the door and I jump. “I need to hide.”

  “You don’t.”

  My eyes widen. I haven’t talked to anyone but him, Master Abram and Isabel in the past years. And Master Abram never knocks.

  He slowly stands up and opens the door. A woman with dark hair, a gray dress and a scar on her face so similar to the one on his neck enters. She seems familiar—like a ghost of my past. “Jeremiah, it’s almost time.”

  She’s taller than him. “Master Abram is ready for you to come home. You’ve atoned for your sins.”

  All those words bounce in my head.

  She smiles at me and it reminds me of my mother’s smile. “Come here, child.” There’s a pressure building in my chest and I don’t know why. I’m not sure if it’s because, no matter what, I still miss Mom, or if it’s because it does feel like I’m going home.

  I slowly stand and she closes the distance between us. She wraps her arms around me. “Don’t you recognize me?”

  I shake my head, though her voice seems familiar. She takes away her sunglasses and I gasp. She’s got the same eyes as my friend from long ago. That one summer when I felt like I couldn’t grow up fast enough. “You’re Lacey’s mom.”

  She nods and caresses my hair. “That’s me. You can call me Dawn. Soon, you’re going to see Lacey again.”

  I gasp and turn to Jeremiah. “Is that true?”

  Her caress turns into pulling and she tightens her fist around my hair, forcing my head back. I wince.

  “I wouldn’t lie. You should know that the Circle never lies.” She waits a second before letting go. My scalp hurts but I don’t say a word. I dip my chin down and stare at the floor. “Are you sure she’s ready?”

  “She is. Master Abram chose her to live our lives.”

  “He’d asked me who my son was writing letters to when we arrived in the Circle…I told him about Tessa, and I think Master Abram believed Tessa could be saved too. But that day, the forces of the Circle had another idea. Melanie’s the one who crossed your path.”

  “Tessa?” I whisper.

  “Melanie was meant for our world. She was meant to be saved.” Jeremiah sounds so sure of himself and my shoulders relax. He’s going to take care of me. Always.

  Dawn purses her lips. “They both will be part of the Circle, both chosen to be saved.” She smiles again and it transforms her face. She looks happier. “They’re both lucky.” She pauses and her tone turns more serious. “You know the ritual. If Melanie is ready, I brought you the knife of offerings. She needs to put the sign of the Circle on her skin.”

  “I’ll let her choose where.”

  But I already know. Jeremiah told me once about the scar on his neck and what it symbolizes. Lacey’s mother pulls a knife from her dress. It looks golden and shiny. She lights our stove and puts the blade in the fire. After what seems like forever, she then pushes it forward. “If you’re ready to fully embrace the Circle, join us and with your own hands trace the symbol on your body.”

  My fingers touch the hot blade. Jeremiah slides next to me. “I’m right here. Always here. This will ensure your saving. This will ensure Tessa’s saving.”

  I grip the handle of the knife. His hand finds mine and his reassuring squeeze calms my nerves. I turn the blade to my neck.

  “Not too deep,” he warns me. “Not too deep.” His voice is hypnotizing. He and Lacey’s mom start singing words I don’t understand. The blade digs into my skin, breaking it. Blood drops on my shirt. Pain radiates through my body and the cabin sways. I close my eyes, slowly finishing the diamond shape.

  I’m part of the Circle.

  Chapter Thirty-five – Tessa

  There’s a weird smell. It reminds of the hospital smell that one time I broke my arm after falling from a tree—or rather after jumping off a tree.

  The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my mouth dries. There’s a shuffle in the backseat. Unless Buster escaped and found my car, there’s something in my car.

  Something or….someone.

  And then in my rearview mirror, there’s a man. His blond hair reaches his neck. His gaze grabs a hold of mine. His brown eyes narrow. I scream but he puts a finger to his lips. My heart beats louder and faster. “What do you want?”

  “You need to learn to be quiet.” His voice is low and angry. “Your sister learned to be quiet.”

  “Mellie,” I whisper. My eyes dart everywhere. If I put my car in a ditch, will I have time to run away? Or will we crash and die?

  As if he’s following my trains of thoughts, his lips turn into a half smile. “You’re going to continue driving until you reach your old home, then you’re making a left into the small path.”

  He looks to be in his early forties and he doesn’t look very strong.

  “If you don’t do as I say, Mellie will die. Luke will die. And his sisters will die.” He pretends to pull a trigger.

  He’s got Mellie. How can he have Luke? It makes no sense. No sense at all. He’s at the police station. My phone rings. I should be home. Mom probably calculated the minutes. “It’s my mom. If I don’t pick up she’s going to worry.”

  “I needed you to call her anyways. Answer and tell her you’re staying with Luke a bit longer at the station. Tell her you’ll be home in an hour and a half.” He kicks the back of my seat. I feel his gun on my neck. “One wrong word and you’re dead too.”

  My Bluetooth system is spotty at best, but I still pick up. “Hey Mom.” My voice sounds foreign to my ears. Can she notice my tone?

  “Honey. You said you were going to stay a few minutes, and it’s been almost twenty and you’re still not home.”
<
br />   “I…” The barrel of his gun is ice cold against my skin. “I was going to call you. I’m going to stay with Luke a bit longer.”

  “Is that because you’re still upset?”

  The road in front of me is blurry. I wipe my eyes and force myself not to sniffle. If she knows I’m crying, she’ll come back and Mellie might die. “I just want to spend time with Luke. I’ll see you at home by nine thirty. In an hour and a half. I love you, Mommy,” I tell her because I’m not quite sure when I’ll be able to tell her those words again.

  “I love you too, honey. Stay safe.”

  I hang up before screaming.

  The man leans forward and his breath tickles my neck, raising the hair on my arm. “Turn left now and stop the car.” We’re in the middle of nowhere. Yet still so close to town.

  “What…?” My question dies on my lips as he pushes a compress to my mouth and nose. Everything turns and turns and turns. And then the world disappears.

  Chapter Thirty-six – Luke

  After thirty minutes, Uncle John pops his head into the small room I’m sitting in. This room also serves as interrogation room, and the gray walls were starting to close in on me. And my reception wasn’t good enough to call Tessa. I’d have gone to The Flying Pig but all officers are busy.

  “Let’s go,” Uncle John says with the same frown he’s had since we’ve arrived.

  “Have you found out anything else?”

  “Not yet. She received some money in her account recently but the name is fake. We’re tracing it but won’t hear anything until tomorrow morning. The autopsy results should be there in a few hours.” I follow him to his car and once he’s on the road to his ranch, I clear my throat and gather my courage.

 

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