“He gonna be okay?” It was Emma Lee.
“Unfortunately.” I walked away. “I’m going back into camp to find something we can use to carry the water.” I didn’t care if anyone came with me. I wanted to do something. Was this the way it was going to be down here in this stupid world? Make friends, lose friends. Love someone, lose someone. I didn’t know if I could handle that. Every day living like it was your last and knowing that it wasn’t. It seemed so cruel, so pointless. Why did a world like this exist? What was the purpose to my falling down here to join this little ark of dying men? I felt the tears fall down my face and had no desire to hide them. Let them fall; it was the only thing I had from the world above that proved I was human. I hurried my pace to the camp. I had to find some buckets.
I found some pots and a few big bowls. It wasn’t much but it would have to do. Marshal and Billy had managed to commandeer eight people, six women and two kids. The little girl was one of them. It made me happy to see that she was still alive. I learned they called her Kitten and I decided it suited her perfectly. We made a clumsy line from the river and started to pass the pots and bowls to each other. It seemed impossible but we had to try.
Robert finally joined us. He never said a word but I knew he had found her. He briefly looked at Marshal and then looked away with just a trace of guilt. He joined the line and started to pass the pots. It was a daunting task but I wasn’t giving up. I had started this blaze and I would stay until it was finished. There was nothing left of the camp now, the red tent that I had last seen Madge in was the last to burn. I wondered if her body was still inside. I hoped so. I didn’t want to bury a friend, not now, not ever.
We worked for what seemed an eternity. Our faces were black with ash and our clothes were torn and dirty. It was hard to distinguish one person from another. It wasn’t working, though. The flames grew and the forest was loud with the sound of crackling wood and rushing heat. I had no idea where the men of the camp went. I guess they were spread out in every direction, lost without a leader. At least I hoped they were lost. I hoped they had no idea where they were going or how they were going to survive. I wanted them all to suffer; suffer for giving in to Pig’s demands and for living their lives at the mercy of others. I had no sympathy for any of them. I had lost my capacity to forgive; to find the ‘good’ in everyone.
I ran back with another empty bowl and noticed the line had thinned. Two of the women had fled. They were scared. Our little fire brigade didn’t seem to be doing any good. The fire had just gotten bigger. We hadn’t even succeeded in putting out one of the tents. It seemed useless. I didn’t care. We would just have to work faster. I ran down the line shouting at everyone to pick up their speed. They looked back at me with hatred and anger. They blamed me for the fire. Why not? It was my fault. What I thought would help us escape had only brought destruction.
“Nicky, it’s no use,” cried Billy. “We can’t do it!”
“Yes, we can,” I shouted back. “Stop whining and pass the pot!”
“Nicky, he’s just a child,” said Emma Lee, “and he’s scared. We’re all scared.”
“Nicky, if we don’t leave now, we’ll be surrounded,” yelled Marshal.
“Then go,” I shouted back. I grabbed his bowl and ran to the river myself. If they wanted to go, let them. I’d put the fire out on my own. It would be harder but I could do it. I killed a man after all. I was tough enough. Marshal shook his head and grabbed Billy. I saw them walk off into the woods and I envied their ability to turn it on and off. I ran back with water and threw it at the orange and yellow flames. I had no idea if I had even hit anything.
“Nicky, please we must go,” Emma Lee cried and tried to pull me with her. I yanked my arm away and ran back to the river. I saw Cornelius grab the little girl called Kitten and lead Emma Lee and the rest of the women away. I had no idea what happened to the other child. Maybe they left with Marshal. I came back and threw another pot of water in the air. There was only Robert, Max and I left now.
“Nicky,” Robert grabbed my shoulders and looked in my eyes, “if you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”
“Go,” I yelled. “Just go.” He dropped his bowl and walked away. I looked over at Max who threw a bowl of water at the fire. “Do you want to go too?”
“Hell no,” he laughed and walked over to me. “I haven’t had this much fun since I sailed with Captain Kidd.”
“Captain Kidd?” I looked at him doubtfully. “Didn’t he have a thing for Peter Pan?”
“Who?”
“Never mind,” I was starting to feel tired and I didn’t want exhaustion to stop me. “You can go if you like.” I went back to the river and Max came with me. We brought our pots back and threw them pointlessly at the fire. We did this twice more before I realized it was useless. It wasn’t making a difference. The fire was still burning as if I wasn’t even there but I didn’t want to give up. I was so frustrated and angry with everything and I felt myself starting to break but I didn’t want Max to see. If I broke in front of him, my humiliation would be complete. I felt his eyes on me and wanted to cry.
“Nicky, we could stop you know,” he spoke with a tenderness in his voice I had never heard before. “There would be no shame in it.”
“Shame?” I laughed. “There’s nothing but shame down here. In the way we have to live, in the way we have to survive. It’s full of shame and, yet, no one wants to admit it. They want to ignore it and leave their souls behind. It’s like a land of zombies except our brains are still functioning. That makes it worse, doesn’t it? Logic is still there but nothing down here is logical. No wonder Marshal’s crazy; it’s the only way he can live with himself. I wonder how many horrible things he had to do to survive.”
“Nicky, you think too much, luv.” Max had come to stand by me.
“Don’t call me luv!” I yelled at him and felt a tear roll down my cheek. “I wish I could think but that’s the problem isn’t it? I haven’t thought at all, about anything. I’ve just acted.”
“You’re trying to find sense where sense does not exist,” he said and I felt a ball of tightly wound air rise up through my chest and escape my lips as a loud and heavy sob. My body shook with the effort and Max reached out and caught me before I fell.
“I killed a man,” I cried, the tears flowing now. “I put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. I didn’t think. I didn’t care. I didn’t even know him and I killed him.”
“He was a bad man, Nicky,” Max tried to reassure me. “He killed many people himself and he would have killed you as well.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I killed him! I destroyed another human being without even thinking. How could I be so cold?”
“You’re not cold. Butcher was a monster and you saw that. It wasn’t because you’re inhuman that you were able to kill him, it was because you are human. You stopped a man who would have eaten your dog, killed Marshal and raped and killed you.” He held my head up and looked into my eyes. “And now look at you, standing in the middle of this inferno. You’re trying to stop something that can’t be stopped because you care about the trees and the animals. It’s bloody stupid but you don’t care because you feel the guilt of having started it. Never mind that you saved your friends and wiped out a group of people that has terrorized these parts for years. I’ve been around a long time and seen a lot of things and you’re the most decent human I’ve ever met.”
“But it’s so screwed up down here,” I was still crying. “I wish I’d never come down here. I wish this place didn’t exist. I wish I could just go home.” I put my head on his chest and started to cry uncontrollably. He wrapped his arms around me and held me.
“Shh, it’s okay.” He stroked my hair and let me cry; let me get everything out. Butcher, Madge, Ryan everything that had built up inside raced out of me through my tears and I began to feel better. I don’t know how long we stood there but Max didn’t try to rush me. I felt soaked with my exhaustion and was finally ready to
leave. I pulled away and looked up at my former enemy.
“We should leave.” A drop of water fell on my face and then another and another. It was raining. “When did it start raining?”
“A few minutes ago,” he smiled down at me. “I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
“It feels good.” I closed my eyes and tilted my face up to the skies. It was raining hard now and I could hear the fire start to battle the heavens and I knew it would lose. “This is much better than our pots.”
“Yes, I think you’re right,” he laughed. I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me with that same intensity he had when we first met. “I’m sorry I kissed you earlier. I got caught up in the moment and it was highly inappropriate of me.”
“Yeah, well, just don’t let it happen again,” I laughed awkwardly and hid my face to cover up the fact that I was blushing. It was weird to think of Max kissing me; I was still trying to figure out if he was good or bad. He knew Cornelius, that’s for sure, but why was he in Pig’s camp. I tried not to think about the way he made my stomach flutter when he kissed me before. I couldn’t let myself be swayed by romantic feelings of any kind. I looked back up at him and saw a small spark fade from his eyes.
Was I missing a moment? Did Max want something more from me? It didn’t matter because someone was pushing my shoulder and whatever moment we might have shared was being interrupted. I pulled my eyes away from Max’ and turned to see who was being so insistent on grabbing my attention.
“Cocoa?” The huge brown horse was standing behind me. She was nuzzling my shoulder with her nose and I laughed out loud. “Oh, Cocoa, you’re okay. Thank God.” I wrapped my arms around her neck and buried my head in her main.
“You know this horse?” Max looked wounded that I had turned my attention to Cocoa.
“Yes, she used to belong to Butcher until we saved her,” I said. “I love animals, they know who they can trust and who they can’t. Hopefully Barker is not too far away. I made him run when Ryan found us in the woods.”
“The dog?” I nodded. “He’s the one that brought me back here.”
“What?” I hadn’t even heard or seen him since he ran from us.
“Your dog,” he explained. “I was just about to ride back to the valley when your dog stood in front of me and started barking like a wild dog. He wouldn’t let me pass and actually started to direct me back to camp. He’s a very intelligent animal you know.”
“I know. Where is he?” I was anxious to see my friend again.
“Don’t know,” he said. “I got here and turned to thank him and he was gone. I didn’t see him go and I didn’t have time to look. You were being dragged into camp by Rat’s men.”
“He must be around,” I tried not to worry about Barker. He was a smart dog and I would find him.
“We should go find the others,” he said to me and I knew he was right. “The rain seems to be putting out the fire now. There’s nothing more for us to do here.”
“Okay.”
“Good thing this horse is here,” he reached out his hand to me. “Come on I’ll help you up.”
“I’m not getting up there!” I stepped back. I’d never ridden a horse in my life and I wasn’t going to start now. Cocoa was nice but she was big and very far from the ground. Nope, it would not end well if I got up on her back.
“Come on, it’s not that difficult,” he laughed at me. “Have you never been on a horse before?”
“No, and I don’t think I feel sad about it,” I said. “You can ride and I’ll walk.”
“Oh no you don’t.” He came to me, picked me up and, before I knew it, had placed me on Cocoa’s back. Then he jumped up behind me and his arms were around me to grasp the long hair in the horse’s main. Before I knew it, I was nestled against Max in a warm little cocoon. I could feel his heart beat and I tried to control mine. No time for romantic feelings I reminded myself.
“I must say, this is a little scary to me,” I said, hoping this would explain my shaking.
“I assure you, nothing will happen if you trust the horse as much as she trusts you.” I could feel the heat of his breath on my neck as we started to move. “See? Just close your eyes and let us do the work.” I felt my butterflies turn into fear as I grasped for something to hang onto. We turned and left the camp and I felt safe for the first time since I came down here.
Chapter 17
It rained the rest of the day. By the time the sun finally peeked through the clouds, there was no more fire. All that was left were some darkened trees and black ashes where the out-of-towns’ camp used to be. We rode towards the valley and ran into the others just outside the trees. They were surprised to see us. They weren’t sure who Max was and wanted to find out why he had helped us. The others who had joined us on our fire line had gone off in search of the survivors from camp. Turns out they had their own relationships they had to get back to. The little girl, Kitten, had decided to stay with us. Like Billy, she was ten and seemed to get along with the energetic boy. She was smiling and I could finally see a happy little girl and not the sad ghost of a child I had seen before.
“Well, my good man,” said Cornelius as he reached up to shake Max’ hand. “Another battle won I dare say.” Max let go of me and slid off Cocoa’s back. I froze. What the hell was he doing leaving me up here alone? There was no need to panic, though, as he reached up and helped me down. The inside of my legs were sore and were starting to get an odd sort of burning sensation. I stretched and tried to shake it out. Max and Cornelius looked at me with raised eyebrows.
“What?” I asked, not pleased that they were both staring at me. “I never rode a horse before and it kind of hurts.”
“Of course, I should have realized. There is no need for horses in the world anymore is there?” asked Max.
“Well, we do have horses but we mostly use them for fun and amusement. You know, race them, make them jump. Farmers still use them I think, at least I see them in the fields when I drive through the country. We actually have cars now that can take us from one place to another.” Enough of the small talk, I wanted to know why Max was so friendly with Cornelius. “How do you two know each other?”
“What is a car? I’ve heard others talk about them and I’ve seen some when the world above pushes down but I don’t really know what they are,” said Cornelius.
“Oh, no,” I said and put my hands on my hips, “you two don’t get to duck my question. Who are you and how do you know each other?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” said Marshal, “Nicky has a valid question. How do you know each other?”
“Shall I?” Cornelius looked to Max who nodded his head. “Where do I begin? As I told you before, I fell over four hundred years ago. I spent over fifty years in England, wondering what to do and trying to find a place to fit in. You think its bad here; try Europe in the sixteenth century. I was desperate to find a place where I could start over and find some peace in my life.
“I’d heard about the land across the ocean. Not many people had fallen over here back then and I saw an opportunity for a fresh start. The only problem was getting here. It’s damn near impossible to sail across an ocean when the winds keep destroying any ship that could make the voyage. So, I started building a sailing vessel that was large enough to carry me yet small enough to bury before the winds could destroy it.
“It took me years to complete. I would get so far and then have to stop for the winds. Believe it or not I was not a shipbuilder in my old life.” He laughed and we all waited for him to continue. He cleared his throat and went on. “During those years, I learned how to sail and studied navigation from books that had passed through the worlds. Thank goodness we still have a sky to guide us. Finally, I was finished. I still had plenty of time to sail and reach land before the next 360 came again.
“Things didn’t go as planned, though. I ran into storms, I got lost and, surprisingly, there were others out on the water that were not too happy to see me.”
“Too ba
d we couldn’t get a plane to work down here.” I thought out loud. It hadn’t occurred to me, before now, that the rest of the world existed down here. I guess world travel was out of the question in my future. I had neither the patience nor the skill to build a boat the way Cornelius did. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“The delays and navigation problems set me back in my timetable,” Cornelius continued, “and I found myself still out on the ocean when the 360 came.”
“Oh, that must have been horrible,” said Emma Lee. Cornelius paused and smiled. He blushed at the concern in her voice before he continued.
“It wasn’t very pleasant,” he said. “But it also brought a miracle into my life.”
“A miracle, mate,” piped up Max, “I’ve never been called that before.”
“You fell in the middle of the ocean?” I asked, finding it hard to believe that could ever happen.
“That I did,” said Max. “And it was a damn good thing Cornelius, here, was such a lousy navigator or I would still be swimming for shore.”
“Yes, well, I was thankful to see you as well.” He was embarrassed to have his poor navigational skills pointed out to everyone. “You see Maxwell was sailing with a pirate named Captain Kidd when the 360 came. He fell right into the ocean, only feet from my fledgling sailboat. I pulled him from the water and he helped me get to shore before the winds came. Turns out I had not strayed too far from my maps and was only a day’s journey from dry land. That’s how we became friends and we’ve been saving each other from various scrapes ever since.”
“So, you were a pirate,” I exclaimed. “I knew those boots were fancy pirate boots.”
“There is nothing wrong with my boots!” he said, offended that I had found issue with them.
“Wait a minute,” said Robert. “We’ve known Cornelius for a few 360s now. Where have you been all this time?”
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