“Yes, we have,” Mike answered her.
“Good. At least one of you Kowalski brothers has finally got some brains in his head when it comes to women,” she huffed.
Mike gave her a nudge with his elbow before responding. “Tell me, Esme, when were you married?”
“Don’t get smart with me, Mike. I’m an old woman. I get to look back at what I could have or should have done differently. When I was young, I had a couple of chances I let slip by. No big deal, I thought at the time. There’ll be other chances, I was certain. But that’s not how matters of the heart work, and being shut off like you are, like I was, well, that means you miss your chances.”
“Your life looks pretty good to me,” Todd said. She knew he didn’t want the older woman having regrets.
“My life is fine, of course it is. Would it have been maybe better if I’d married my college sweetheart and had kids, or the guy I met at the anti-war rallies who begged me to move to California with him? Maybe? Different anyway. I just look at you and I know you’re one of the kindest guys around. You’re not meant to be solitary.”
Marissa agreed. She and Esme knew more about what Todd did quietly for people in this town than anyone. Some stuff she knew he didn’t tell even his brother. He was always helping people or secretly paying for things. In this town, mysterious parcels arrived for those down on their luck, dentist bills and shop accounts were paid on the quiet. That was all Todd. He was a guy who loved people and had a lot to give.
“I agree with Esme, as you know,” she said quietly.
“Noted,” Todd said, standing. “Now, shall we head in and check the dinner?”
“Okay, well, I’m glad you two are sorted out now.” Esme stood, taking Mike’s hand to steady herself. “One less thing for me to worry about.”
Mike took her hand and went inside.
“You think I should create a pretend girlfriend to make her happy,” he whispered in Marissa’s ear.
“I think you should find a real woman and make yourself happy,” she said.
He placed a hand on her shoulder and stopped her. “Are you sure about Mike? You know I love him like a brother, but I can’t see you hurt again.”
“He says he’s all in. I have to believe,” she said. That was the truth.
Todd slung his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “Okay, but if you ever, ever need me to kick his butt for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”
She smiled up at him. Todd would be the best brother-in-law. And then she gave her head a little shake. She knew it was way too soon to think that way, but the truth was, she’d been thinking that way as long as she could remember.
They were back in the car after a really lovely evening with Esme. She always reminded Mike of how little he’d seen. The eccentric old woman, who was also an English professor at a small local college, had enjoyed more adventures than Mike could ever dream of.
“She kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t she?” he said wistfully as he pulled away from the curb.
“What?”
“What you’ve been doing with your life. She’s certainly had some grand adventures.”
“True,” Marissa said, picking at the seam of her skirt. “She’s not a woman who has regrets, but I kind of think from what she said to Todd that she wishes she’d also had some other things, like a husband and a family.”
“Both would be good.”
“Sure, of course.” She was quiet.
“I’m not sure I’m destined for a camel ride across the Sahara,” he said, squeezing her hand. “Maybe a cruise down the Danube, though.”
“Or a gondola in Venice,” she replied. “Balance is good.”
“So . . .”
“So?”
“Ah, do you want to come back to my place?” he asked.
“Well, I do, but I don’t have a car or . . . anything.” His heart sank. “Perhaps you could come to mine.”
And then it rose again. “Sure.”
“I guess we need to talk about that stuff, logistics and everything. It just doesn’t seem very romantic,” she said.
“Wait till we get you back to your place. I’ll show you romantic.”
“Drive fast then.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Marissa lay on her stomach, the quilt pulled up over her back, staring at Mike as he slept. One of his legs hung out of the covers, the quilt was slung around his belly, and one hand rested behind his head. He looked good, here in her bed. She watched the rise and fall of his chest. She wanted to lean over and run her hand across his chest but she didn’t want to disturb him, he looked peaceful.
He didn’t seem to be lying awake second-guessing himself. Was that because he was all in or because it wasn’t a big deal to him? She hoped it was the former. She needed to calm down and enjoy the ride but she couldn’t.
She felt like she was in that Chinese proverb, “Be careful what you wish for.” Now she had it and she was unsure.
He rolled toward her and pulled her close. “I can hear you thinking from across the bed.”
“You were asleep. You heard nothing.”
He opened his eyes and searched her face, smoothing her hair back from her forehead. “What’s wrong, honey?”
“Nothing.”
“You do know you’re an appalling liar, right?”
It was a well-known fact she couldn’t lie to save herself. “Nothing is wrong. Just, you know . . . thinking.”
“About?”
“Us.”
He gave her a soft kiss. “I kind of had that part figured out.”
“Putting those keen journalistic skills to work?” she asked, kissing him back.
“Don’t try and distract me with that pretty mouth. What’s up?”
“It’s just . . .”
She didn’t want to say it out loud. I’m neurotic and insecure and I’m not sure if I trust you. That was a mood killer.
“It’s just that you’re scared because this is a big deal,” he stated.
“Yes, I guess that is one way to put it.”
His eyes scanned her face. “You don’t trust me? You’re still worried that I might change my mind?”
“Well, you could . . .” She dropped her eyes.
“Or you could.”
“But I know I won’t.” She was certain of it and so was he. She’d waited years and he knew it. He was the only man she’d ever really loved.
“And I know I won’t.” He held her face in his hands and kissed her. “And if I have to spend my life proving it to you, then so be it. I’m sorry I was so messed up and that I didn’t know that the best thing for me was right in front of me. Happiness stood smiling in front of me, looking gorgeous every day, and I chose to avert my eyes. That’s on me. It’s not on you.”
“I know, but it did kind of affect me, too.” That’s why she was here feeling insecure instead of blissfully happy.
“You’re right. I’m so sorry for that.” His mouth claimed hers. When he pulled back, he smiled at her. “I’m going to make it up to you, I promise.”
“Oh, really? How do you plan to do that?’
“I have a hundred wonderful ideas,” he replied with a cheeky smile.
“That many?”
“More probably. But here’s one way to make you very happy right now.” His head disappeared below the covers.
That wasn’t a bad place to start.
Chapter 22
Mike was about to leave the diner with his coffee when his brother came in and sat at the booth across from him.
“Morning.”
“Hey, Todd.”
“You look very happy with yourself,” Todd said, flagging down a waitress for some coffee.
“I am.”
“Did I not tell you to stay away from Marissa?”
“You did, but this is different. I mean, I’m not messing with her. I know what I want.”
“All of a sudden?”
“It’s not all of a sudden.” His brother was
skeptical, too. Great, the two people he wanted believing in him and his commitment didn’t. He couldn’t help but wonder if the whole town wasn’t thinking the same thing. And if so, wouldn’t that be feeding Marissa’s own questions about him? “Look, this is real.”
“Real as in permanent?”
“If that’s what she wants. Yes.”
“Really?”
“Sheesh, yes, really. You’re starting to annoy me.”
“Sorry.” His brother gave him a slap on the shoulder. “You’re my brother and Marissa is my closest friend, so I’m really happy for you. If it’s the real deal.”
“Good. Can I ask you a question?’
“Sure.”
“You think the whole town thinks I’m going to flake out on her and she’s going to end up heartbroken?”
“Pretty much.”
“And you think everyone is sharing that opinion with her?”
Todd took in the diner. “You’ve lived here your whole life, man, you know they are.”
Mike shook his head. “No wonder she seems so anxious.”
“Well, it’s your job to reassure her she shouldn’t be then, Mike.”
“I know. I have a plan. You want to help me with it?”
His brother’s face lit up with a wide grin. “You know I do.”
Marissa’s morning was really busy. Story time for the preschoolers took up most of the morning, and all of a sudden it was lunch time. Chloe popped her head in not long before lunch. She was looking for some juicy romance novels.
“I’m not living it so I’ll live vicariously,” she said. “Unlike some people who look very happy today.”
“Yeah, I am.” She wanted to be. She wanted to believe what Mike had told her last night was genuine and not just pillow talk.
“You guys are a cute couple. And I think it’s really sweet that you’ve finally found your way to each other.”
Now that was a nice way to look at it. “Thanks.”
“Your friend Moose stopped by today,” Chloe said.
“Did he now?” Marissa raised her eyebrows. “Interesting. He likes you.”
“No, I think he was just breaking up the trip.”
“Tell yourself that if you like, Chloe. But he could have popped in here.”
“He did say he heard people singing BINGO and decided he was too old for story time. So he did come here first,” Chloe said.
“Only to see if I’d go with him, as his beard.”
“His what?”
“I have much to teach you.” And then she started to explain the beard concept to Chloe when a phone call interrupted her.
“Hey, Vern. Really? Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, that’s fantastic, but you know . . . unexpected. Thanks, my folks will be thrilled.”
“Who was that?” Chloe asked, placing a pile of books with dreamy-looking cowboys on their covers on the desk.
“The real estate broker has had an offer on my parents’ house. Full price.”
“That’s great.”
“Sure.” She flopped down on the chair. “Of course, I’m just . . .”
“Kind of sad?” her friend suggested.
“Exactly. It was bound to happen, but it feels real. Final. I really loved that house. I know it seems childish, but whenever I see my life that house is part of it.”
Chloe patted her hand. “It’s hard to let go.”
That was it. It was hard to let go. Lots of good things were certainly happening in her life, but it was hard to let go of the old life when you weren’t entirely sure what the new one was going to look like. Maybe if she felt more secure with Mike she’d be better able to picture her future rather than seeming to cling to the past.
“Yeah, but not much I can do about it.” She pushed herself up and stood behind the desk. “Onward.”
“That’s what I tell myself every day, Marissa. Onward, Chloe. Onward.”
Mike hadn’t made a specific plan to meet up with Marissa that evening, and they hadn’t exactly established how they were going to play the relationship. He had been texting her during the day to say he missed her and she’d replied, but that was it.
Do you want to come over for dinner? He sent as he was winding up the afternoon.
To be honest, I’m kind of tired . . . maybe I should take a rain check.
She was brushing him off. Of course they didn’t have to spend every waking moment together, but he wanted to see her.
I could bring you dinner. Anything you want.
Anything?
Well, anything I can reasonably get my hands on. He wasn’t sure he could find dim sum or paella in Ranger’s Market for example.
He picked up the phone and called.
“What would you like?”
“I don’t know. I’m kind of tired and a bit bummed out. My parents’ place sold today.”
“Oh. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes and no. It feels final all of a sudden.”
“That makes sense. I’ll bring comfort food then.”
“Sure, that sounds great. I’ll see you later at my place.”
Mike rang the diner and ordered fried chicken and mashed potatoes to go and apple pie. You couldn’t get much more comforting than that. He hoped that would help pep Marissa up. He wanted her to be happy. Still, he understood why she was sad.
His own family home had never been like that. His mother had sold their home when she married her latest husband and moved to Florida. Mike and Todd had been off at college and that meant they effectively had no home to go to when they were done. It had never been much of a home with a series of stepfathers coming through, imposing their will and moving on, but still, both boys had felt the loss in different ways.
Losing your childhood home, especially one full of as many happy memories as Marissa’s, was tough. He knew the last few years when she’d cared for her parents hadn’t been fun, but he understood why she’d been happy to do it. She loved her parents and they’d always supported her and her siblings. She remembered them showing up for her at every school event, every parade, and every holiday. She wanted to give back to them the kind of love she’d been given.
Mike pulled up outside her apartment block. He knew she loved the new apartment and being in town, but it was a stark contrast to living on the farm. From the street, he could see the large windows and high ceilings. Despite this being rural New Hampshire, it had an urban feel, nothing like the old farmhouse. It was even clearer to him now why she needed to believe in their relationship. She felt like she had lost all the things she’d loved in quick succession, and she couldn’t risk losing one more.
His car smelled like a family kitchen as he leaned over and lifted up the bag of food.
She wasn’t going to lose him, and he was going to show her just how committed he was.
Marissa flung the door open and was met by Mike’s handsome face and the smell of a home-cooked dinner.
“Yum.”
“Me or the food?”
“Both,” she said, leaning in to kiss him. “That smells wonderful. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. For the record, I can cook, I just tend not to.”
“Cooking for one is no fun, so I’ve been finding out these last few weeks,” she said, leading him into the kitchen where she had plates set out and waiting on the island. “Beer?”
He placed the bags down, and when she handed him the drink, he pulled her in for a hug. “I missed you today.”
She rested her head against his chest. He felt warm and solid. Until this moment, she hadn’t realized quite how badly she needed a hug. “It’s been a weird day. It started off so well with us here together and I was doing fine until I got the call from my realtor, and then I called my folks and I could almost hear my mother tap-dancing at the other end. She was so happy and I felt . . . so sad.”
“End of an era.”
“Exactly. I hate endings.”
“Maybe it’s a beginning,” he suggested, tilting he
r head back to look at him.
“For the new owners, sure . . . for me, not really. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my folks but I don’t really miss the day-to-day care of them. I’m glad they’re happy . . .”
“I know.” He kissed her forehead before letting her go. “Shall we eat?”
“Definitely.”
Half an hour later, they were on the sofa, splitting a plate of pie. And Marissa had to admit she did feel better. It was nice to have someone to sit here with. It did make the sadness feel less acute.
“Thanks for coming over.”
“You’re welcome.” He forked a piece of pie. “How are you settling in here?”
“I like it. Probably more than I expected to. I’m looking forward to being able to walk or ride everywhere when the weather warms up.”
A steady snow was falling outside; it was certainly not walking weather.
“That is the nice thing about being in town. And this place is cozy, even with the big windows.”
“I know. The old house was a bit drafty. It never used to be. I’m sure the new owners will fix that up quick-smart.”
He just gave her a nod.
“What are you doing Saturday?”
“What did you have in mind?” she asked, nudging him with her foot.
“Well, that . . .” His smile was cheeky. “But we don’t need to wait for Saturday for that. I have a surprise for you.”
“Really?” She loved surprises.
“Yes, really, so keep it free.”
“Oh, how will I wait that long?”
“I can think of a few ways to keep you busy,” Mike said as he put the pie plate down and leaned in to kiss her. He tasted of cinnamon and apples and vanilla and love.
Chapter 23
Mike was ridiculously nervous. He was sure Marissa was going to like the surprise he’d spent all week sneaking around to pull off, but what if she didn’t?
In truth, he was not a guy who was used to putting himself out there and the idea was nerve-wracking. He felt a bit sick with anticipation. And now he understood why his friends who’d been here had been such wrecks. The truth was, even though he thought he was in love with Ebony back in the day, it was nothing like this. He could see that now. Back then he’d risked everything but his heart, this time that was what was on the line.
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