by Tess Harper
My face burned. I so did not want to hear this.
“You could bounce a quarter off that thing,” Donnie continued. “Hell, bounce all the money in your piggy bank.”
I took a deep breath. Don’t overreact. No one knows it was your butt. Well, no one except for Jack…
Jack looked a bit stiff. “Let’s not talk about it,” he said. “Instead, I’d like to know what you ladies were giggling about when we walked up.”
“They were wondering what prompted your new bout of celibacy,” Mike said.
“Oh really…” Jack’s voice trailed off. “I suppose I should extend a special welcome to you, Miss Vaughn. This is certainly an unexpected pleasure.”
I just barely stifled the need to throw my face into the pizza in the middle of the table and hide.
“Stop calling her Miss Vaughn,” Sarah demanded. “It’s Emily!”
He smiled, leaning back. “But Miss Vaughn asked me specifically to call her that, didn’t you Miss Vaughn?”
I couldn’t say yes, could I? I mean, what would it mean to say yes in front of all these students? If I said I wanted to keep things professional, they’d all think there was a reason for needing to keep them professional, and I mean they’d be right, but I didn’t want them to know there was that other reason and…
“You’re going to get thrown out of tutoring sessions if you keep talking to her like that,” Sarah commented. “Though I don’t exactly understand why you’re taking them in the first place. I mean, it’s not like you need to take them.”
“Yeah. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was trying to nail Emily.” Bret laughed, and the guy next to him chuckled too. “Sorry Emily.”
“No, that’s alright,” I said, hoping the relief I felt wasn’t inflected in my voice. I really didn’t want anyone to think that Jack was into me. Mostly, I didn’t want anyone to think I was into him. Which I totally wasn’t. Not even a little bit.
I scowled as I took another bite of pizza.
And then Jack went ahead and ruined the moment. “Why don’t you think I’d be into a girl like Emily?”
“Come on man,” Bret said, mouth full of pizza. I could barely hear him. I wish I couldn’t hear him at all. “She’s hot, no offense Emily, but she’s a good girl. She’d never look twice as a guy like you.”
I stared at the remains of my pizza. I just knew that if I looked up I’d give something away. That they’d see me as a girl who wasn’t nearly as good or as smart as she looked, because I’d done far more than look twice at a guy like Jack.
Luckily, Molly saved me from answering. “Why don’t you want to have fun anymore, Jack?”
“Oh, I’m having plenty of fun,” Jack answered.
“But you never want to hang out with girls anymore,” Molly whined.
Jack grinned nervously, his eyes glancing at me before removing Molly’s hand from his thigh. “Could we maybe not talk about this right now?”
Molly made another sad sound.
“Look, when you’ve gotten as much pussy as Jack, it all starts to look the same,” one of his hockey companions answered for him as he folded a pizza in half and consumed half of it in one bite.
Jack grit his jaw. “Shut up, Bret.”
“It’s true, dude. His dick needs a break. How many girls did you spend the night with on 4th of July? Four? And it was all at the same time too.”
I tasted the greasy pizza coming back up and pushed my plate in front of me. No way was I going to eat any more. Four girls? At the same time? Was that even humanly possible? Did I even want to know the answer to that question? What kind of monster was this guy?
Then my cheeks flushed, because I knew exactly what kind of monster he was. And I knew how ridiculous I was. It wasn’t any of my business. He was a…surprisingly virile young man who could do what he wanted. Four girls was excessive, but then again I’d spent the 4th watching The Notebook and eating Soph’s cookies trying desperately not to think of my ex. And besides, it was a while ago…
Wait, the 4th of July? This 4th of July? Not that it was any of my business but that was like, what, just over a month before he met me?
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not into that anymore. That was just my summer fling.” Jack’s steel blue eyes were staring right into me. Pleading, almost. And I felt like my eyes were burning. Like the back of my throat was tightening. Like I was being strangled by my own hands.
“I’m over all that,” he said to me. I wondered if everyone else at the table noticed he was talking to just me and my cheeks burned. “I liked it when I was a kid, but it wasn’t really me. I didn’t really enjoy it. I was just bored and angry and didn’t know how to express myself. I’m not proud of how I acted back then.”
“What the fuck?” Bret wiped the grease off the side of his mouth with the back of his wrist. “Did your mom just walk in, bro?”
“Yeah. I feel like I’m watching The Notebook,” Donnie said. “And no offense, but I’d only watch shit like that if I was gonna get laid.”
Molly rolled her eyes. “Donny, even holding a girl while she watched The Notebook crying in your arms would not get you laid.”
“Yeah, well…” Donny glared at her as he grabbed another slice of pizza and ripped into it, gnawing angrily. Guess he couldn’t think of what else to say.
Sarah laughed and exchanged a glance with Molly I couldn’t quite read. “I think what Jack said was sweet.”
“Nothing Jack ever says is sweet,” Bret interjected. “Jack doesn’t ‘do’ sweet. Jack just does raw.”
All the girls made a face and screamed. “Bret you are so gross!” She hit his arm. The boys laughed. All the guys were laughing but Jack who was still looking at me.
“Just because you’re a cretin doesn’t mean he is too,” Molly pouted. “It sounds like Jack’s finally matured. He’s ready to move onto something more.” Her hand wandered back over to Jack’s thigh. “He’s looking for a good girl.”
Bret sputtered as Jack removed Molly’s hand. “If by ‘good’ you mean good in the sack,” Bret said as his flo rippled over his shoulders.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about,” Donny added.
“Just shut up Donny before you embarrass yourself even more,” Molly groaned.
Donny frowned.
“Here bro,” Jack said, handing Donny some pizza.
Donny looked confused as he took a bite as if he didn’t know if he were being insulted or receiving a gift.
“Dogs do love their treats,” Molly and Sarah shared a look. Donny’s frown deepened as he took another bite.
Bret leaned over with a lurid grin. “Hey babe. Does that mean you’re gonna give me a treat too?”
Molly pushed him playfully. “In your dreams, Bret. I’m saving all my treats for someone who appreciates good girls.”
Donny looked down at his pizza, then at Molly. Then he looked at his pizza again, looked at Molly, and started to smile.
“Don’t you dare look at me like that, Donny. I’m not the one who gave you that pizza.”
Donny grimaced as he glanced at Jack. “Gross!”
Molly chuckled. “Donny, you are so lucky you’re a hockey star.”
Donny’s eyes filled with questions as he opened his mouth.
“Just enjoy the pizza,” Sarah groaned. “Don’t worry. No one at this table wants to do you.”
Donny nodded as he looked at Jack, then frowned when he must have realized that Molly and Sarah were also part of the equation. “Hey…”
“Now, Jack,” Molly interrupted, putting her hand back on him. Seriously, did this girl ever learn? Wait, why was I getting jealous? It wasn’t like Jack was mine or anything. She was just a girl looking to have a good time. “Why don’t you let me be good to you?” She purred as Jack removed her hand once again.
“Give it up, babe. After that show you gave us earlier this year, everyone on the hockey team knows you’re not a good girl.”
“God!” Molly yelped, pushing B
ret. “I can’t believe you just said that!”
“What? Jack was there! He hasn’t forgotten. It wasn’t like any of us could forget…”
“Bret,” Sarah warned.
“What? You were there too. You were her backup dancer.”
Sarah groaned as Donny shook his shoulders to an imaginary beat and did his best to give us all a sultry gaze.
Molly decided to ignore the other two boys. “Tell me it isn’t true, Jack. You can’t be into good girls now. You can’t!”
Jack glanced at me. “I think you guys aren’t understanding something,” he said, eyes heated and never leaving mine. “Good girls make the best bad girls. They kiss you like it’s their first and last time. They touch your body like they’re memorizing it, so late one evening years later they can run their hands over their skin and relive those moments they spent with you. There’s a giddiness to their wildness, as if it surprises even them, because they’ve never allowed themselves to just feel before. And when they let go, it’s like they’re getting back at everyone who ever held them back, who placed restrictions on them—like they’re even getting back at themselves for trying to act like someone they aren’t.”
My ears started to ring.
He did not just say that.
“Fuck man that’s hot!” Bret called.
Not in front of Sarah and Emily as they tried to seduce him. Not in front of Bret who’d just started hooting, or Donny who’d started hooting moments after Bret but who’d been chewing pizza so little bits of pizza fell out of his mouth and onto the plate.
Molly screamed as one of the pizza pieces hit her arm. Bret stuck out his tongue and asked if she needed to have it cleaned up as Donny choked on his pizza from laughing so hard. The two girls got up and hugged each other, starting to yell at the boys.
“I think I should go,” I whispered, doubting anyone had heard me, and turned.
But someone had heard me. I’d only taken two or three steps when I felt his hand on my wrist. “Don’t go.”
I wanted to tell him off right then, but I couldn’t in the middle of the pizza place with so many kids around. I didn’t want to make a scene. So I tried to be reasonable. “I need to get going. I have a lot to do tonight.”
“I’ll walk you home,” Jack said.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Emily…”
Something about hearing him say my name made me snap. “Don’t you dare call me Emily,” I whispered, though he should still be able to tell how pissed I was. His eyes widened as I jerked myself out of his grip and dashed for the door. The cold air swept through my air as I darted forward. I pulled my jacket over my shoulders and he found me again.
Jack grabbed my arm. “Emily, wait.”
“It’s Miss Vaughn, not Emily. You have no right to call me that.”
“Alright,” Jack said, voice softer.
My breath made white puffs in the cold air. I had to get away. “Let go of me.”
“Emily—”
“Don’t you dare use on my first name! And I said let go!”
I heard him sigh. “I’m sorry about what happened in there?”
“Sorry about what, exactly? Your sordid past, or me learning about it?”
He didn’t even hesitate answering. “Both.”
I wasn’t expecting him to look at me so sincerely. This was a guy who’d screwed four girls just a month before meeting me, and then was willing to promise me forever? Did he not see how this might not be a good idea? “Look, it doesn’t matter. I’m not in any position to judge you.”
“Like hell you’re not,” he said, drawing me towards him. I glanced at the windows right as I hit his chest. Did he not understand where we were? Anyone could be watching!
“You’re the only girl whose opinion about my past I care about,” he whispered near my ear.
I pushed on his chest, bringing much needed space between us. “This—whatever the hell this is—has got to stop.”
His eyes hardened for a second. “Why?”
“Jack…I’m going to be honest here. I don’t even know where to begin. We’re even less suited for each other than I’d first thought.”
“Just because of my past?”
I laughed. Was this guy for real? “It’s a lot of things, and yes, your past is one of them.”
“I told you I changed.”
“Jack, you supposedly changed a few months ago. A few months before that, you were most certainly wild.”
“People change, Emily. I don’t want that life anymore.”
His eyes looked so sincere. My stupid, stupid heart started to beat faster. God damn, why did this barely legal bastard have to be so hot? Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, he glanced down and played his trump card. “I want you.”
A part of me wanted him too. Actually every single part of me did, except that one itty bitty sane part that wouldn’t let me ignore the three problems that were definitely wrong:
1. He was way too young.
2. I was sort of maybe starting something with someone who was perfect for me.
3. We were in two different places in our lives. He needed experience, and anything between me and him might cost me my job and dream career.
So I did what any sane girl would do. I tried to rationalize this obsession. “You just want me because you think I’m a challenge.”
He cocked his head to the side. His hand slowly moved up my arm as his blue eyes focused on my lips. “I’m not going to insult you by saying that you’re not a challenge because you are. Everything I’ve ever wanted in my life has been a challenge. Everything worth fighting for is a challenge. But that’s not why I want you, it’s just why I’ll fight hard to get you.”
I shut my eyes. I couldn’t think when he looked at me like that. The intensity of his eyes stirred up feelings I didn’t want to believe could exist after such a short amount of time. Thinking hurt when my body screamed at me to just give into the desires building inside me.
“Jack, what you just said makes it sound like you just want the challenge
“No. I want you because you’re smart. I want you because you’re wild and sweet and beautiful. I want you because the days we spent together were some of the happiest, most fun days I’d ever had in my life. I want you because I’ve thought about you every single day since I saw those hot legs running up and down the beach so fast and hard I knew I’d have to do something crazy to keep up, and I knew it would be worth it to try.”
My legs? Was he really bringing that up again? I felt my knees grow weak. God, what was wrong with me? Why did that have to happen at a time like this? “All of that is superficial,” I said, trying to convince myself as much as him. “This attraction began because I wanted to experience something different, and you wanted to…” was I really going to say this out loud? “…touch my legs.”
Jack grinned in a way that made every cell in my body fill with blurry giddiness as it also made fear coil in my stomach. “Your legs were just the beginning of my obsession with many parts of you.” He raked a hot gaze over my body. “Unfortunately, the more I see of you, the more I like.” He stepped forward and I stepped back, his hands still on me, gripping my upper arms. I was breathless when he pushed me against the side of the pub.
“I think it’s the same with you. I think that’s why you’re so afraid,” he whispered against my neck.
It is not. That’s what I should have said. But I couldn’t find the words.
He ran his hands through my hair. “If it isn’t the same with you, you can tell me right now. I’ll go back inside. It won’t mean I won’t stop trying. It won’t mean I won’t stop coming to tutoring sessions or checking you out in class. But I’ll give you space because, as I think you’ve already learned tonight, I’m not the kind of guy who has to throw himself on a girl to get her attention.”
Wow. Was he really bringing up his sordid history again like it was something to be proud of? What a cocky asshole. Who
the hell did he think he was?
Yes. Leave now, the rational part of me screamed. But the other parts, the stupid, fuzzy, needy parts, the parts that liked the feel of his hard body pressing against me, the parts that wanted to let these dangerous feelings flood my body instead of pushing him away like I should, made my hands grab the front of his jacket.
He looked down at my hands. They tightened.
His eyes met mine slowly with an intensity that made me forget everything around me and even silenced the rational part of my brain.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he said.